RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they have declared they are?

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they have declared they are?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they have declared they are?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they h... - 8/9/2005 6:18:08 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

Sirrand, for me, this topic have always been dificult. i think i understand a little more of what you mean whit your last, long post, and some part of me agree. i have Aspergers syndrom, as sutch it is hard for me to understand the unspoken, unwirtten rules of a sosiety, and this have often made me an outcast. It had been mutch more easy if this sosiety had an agreement to what was a polite way to adress a Dominant and submissives and slaves. Had i known i should adress somtone as Sir or whatever it would ahve made my life more easy. But as there is no agreement, i have desided to do what seam to ofend the fewest pepole, and refer to pepole by their names unthil told otherwise.

i grew up in an home where etiquette and always being polite was werry inportant issues, and often i feel disress at this forum, witch, exept for a few chat rooms is the only contact i have whit the BDSM comunity, becouse it seam no matter how hard i try, no matter how polite i try to be, it seam i insult pepole form time to time, and that is werry stressful for me, for a grew up being teatched that is somthing one simply do not do.

So what i mean whit my rant is that while i might agree that i dont see anything wrong whit adressing somone as girl, sub or little one, i know many do, the same as i know some Dominants would prefer to be refered to as Sir or even Master from strange submissives and slaves, but most would be insulted. i dont think you basicaly did somthing wrong in the way you adressed the submissives you wrote to, but it seam you stepped into the etiquette salad and did a polka.

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they h... - 8/10/2005 1:27:33 AM

Posts: 42
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

Sir Rand

You know, nella I am not very well versed on Aspergers syndrome but if there is a way I could help to change that for you, I would be willing to try. Some good work is being done by well renowned hypnotists on DNA. Myself I work with the vibratory rate of the cells. Both have some relief for your particular syndrome.

And when I say I prefer sir when addressed, it was more about politeness then my nick. Like yes sir or no sir. I don't have any particular great need to call anybody sub or slave so to me it is ok to call them what ever they so wish until they are under my care or contract. After that, definition does maintain the illusion and control that is required during training. It just seemed odd to me that once stepping into ‘the life’. that one would want to revel in every aspect of it from going nude all the time to being called sub or slave. I suppose I misjudged the level of commitment of quite a few of the purported sub/slaves. So as a protocol for me I intend to use the nick at the top on my missives from now on. but if that is breaking the 3d wall then so be it the sub/slaves have spoken.

A friend to the weak and Master to the strong.
Sir Rand

P. S. I got a kick out of “i dont think you basicaly did somthing wrong in the way you adressed the submissives you wrote to, but it seam you stepped into the etiquette salad and did a polka.” Me I prefer the Tango.

(in reply to nella)

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they h... - 8/10/2005 5:29:46 AM

Posts: 142
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Isolde

Does she know you're sharing her emails here? You may want to ask if that's allowed, I'm not sure if it's all right to do that.

I still say it's presumptuous. See, according to your reasoning, you are assuming that a simple "yes" to your asking if she's a submissive or slave is a declaration of intent. Assumption is bad. If someone were to ask me that question, of course I would say yes but it wouldn't be my secret way of telling them I have the hots for them when in fact I am happily taken. But "yes" is the correct answer to your question because I am submissive and I prefer honesty, even with strangers. So let me repeat: I am a submissive. I am not your submissive, and you should never ever assume anything about the people you contact. Ask "May I refer to you as sub so'n'so?" instead and maybe you have an argument.

i think Isolde has hit the nail on the head here! You are asking one question - are you a sub or slave - when really you are wanting to know if you CAN CALL THEM sub or slave - its a difference, its subtle and comes across as manipulative. To ask someone a question when you intend another but do not ask the other, and then berate them for answering what was asked in words and not intended in though. My god!! i can imagine being your sub!! You ask me to go buy the paper and when i bring it back you punish me for not buying the bread because that was what you secretly meant!

Get a grip man! i am a slave. i am proud to be Master's slave and if anyone asked me my ORIENTATION in this scene i would happiily answer them. if they then called me slave, they would get the not so nice reply of F*ck off or my hand across their face. You see, as has been said here already, i am a slave, not YOUR slave.

(in reply to Isolde)

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they h... - 8/10/2005 5:40:57 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

Sir Rand

You are a hypnotist then. i am an occultist and belive strongly in mind over matter. The problem is that one do not realy know what aspergers syndrome is, or where it some from. It is werry nice of you to offer, but even if possible, i do not think i would remove it, aspergers give me a few disatvantages, but it is part of my peronality. i often like to quote the circus artist Dolly Dimple, a woman that went from 250 kr to 60 to win a bet, and still she hold the world record for dieting i think, once she had won the bet she was started to gain weight again. And pepole asked her, why do you do that Dolly, why not stay slim, you have showd you can, and Dolly answerd. Why be slender when i can be myself.

Sir Rand tango indeed, while i belive a polka would do more damage in a smal salad bowl.

(in reply to chainedgirl)

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they h... - 8/10/2005 5:43:45 AM

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I had never had that problem on here most people call me by my nickname littleone 35. My late Master called me by ,mmy given name until i accepted his collar. Then he called me Mine, girl, pet and the such. Just my take on this.

littleone

(in reply to sirrand)

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they h... - 8/10/2005 5:44:50 AM

Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

It just seemed odd to me that once stepping into ‘the life’. that one would want to revel in every aspect of it from going nude all the time to being called sub or slave. I suppose I misjudged the level of commitment of quite a few of the purported sub/slaves.

Ahhh, it appears we have another member of the "One True Way" Club. Welcome...welcome...lol.

best regards,
fate

_____________________________

Vision? What do you know about MY vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions and the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you! Now ask yourself, are you really ready to see that vision? [/size

(in reply to sirrand)

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they h... - 8/10/2005 5:49:20 AM

Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirrand

You know, nella I am not very well versed on Aspergers syndrome but if there is a way I could help to change that for you, I would be willing to try. Some good work is being done by well renowned hypnotists on DNA. Myself I work with the vibratory rate of the cells. Both have some relief for your particular syndrome.

This is a whole other topic, but I'd be interested to see any literature/references you might have to back up this statement.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirrand

It just seemed odd to me that once stepping into ‘the life’. that one would want to revel in every aspect of it from going nude all the time to being called sub or slave. I suppose I misjudged the level of commitment of quite a few of the purported sub/slaves.

Would you care to explain how not being prepared to be called 'slave' or 'sub' by anyone who wants to use that word, shows a lack of commitment to M/s relationships? I believe I can see where you're coming from, but until you explain your point of view, you are just going to get people explaining over and over that they are not 'A SLAVE' to society, but a slave or sub to ONE individual (or a sub to no-one as yet). And that individual is not you.

The thread is going to die a death with you knowing probably less than you came in with, unless you explain your problem with this a little more clearly...

~ Elektra

(in reply to sirrand)

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they h... - 8/10/2005 5:51:12 AM

Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nella

It is werry nice of you to offer, but even if possible, i do not think i would remove it, aspergers give me a few disatvantages, but it is part of my peronality.

I too have AS, and I wouldn't want anyone changing who I am either.

~ Elektra

(in reply to nella)

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they h... - 8/10/2005 7:50:27 AM

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline

Out of curiosity, when you say, "Only true sub/slaves are proud of being called those names" and, "..under the definition of a true sub/slave they have no rights except that which the Dom/Master gives them," where are you getting this notion of truth? Is it a personal definition? Do you have it written down somewhere?

My brief experience has been that little good comes of the terms "true dominant" or "true sub"; you're taking a private opinion and giving it the status of an objective and universal reality. People negotiate and define dominance and submission differently in different relationships; if it works for them, then it's real enough for all good purposes.

I'm certain that the right submissive for /you/ will think and behave as you say, but it's a little silly to put down everyone else on such a partial basis.

(in reply to sirrand)

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they h... - 8/10/2005 7:59:23 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

Elektra Hi, nice to meet other whip aspergers syndrome. Like i said, it do have some disatvantages, but some benefits as well. P.S. i love your picture.

(in reply to Aecius)

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they h... - 8/10/2005 8:05:51 AM

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirrand

I suppose I misjudged the level of commitment of quite a few of the purported sub/slaves.

So, rather than accepting the things that we've said, you choose to attack our commitment to the lifestyle? People that you don't even know? People you have never seen interact in real time? Have you met me? Have you met my Master? Have you ever seen how we react to each other? No.

By all means blame the subs/slaves rather than accept that you put your foot in it, if that makes you feel better.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to sirrand)

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they h... - 8/10/2005 9:03:27 AM

Posts: 213
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: Hamilton, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

I suppose I misjudged the level of commitment of quite a few of the purported sub/slaves.

Simply because we're not willing to grovel before you and accept your superiority?

And what of all of the dominants who responded in this thread, those who disagreed with you? Are you questioning their commitment as well?

How do you feel about this: A "master" who has to put those around him down in order to lift himself up isn't worthy of the title.

That's about on par with your own statements, but somehow it rings with a lot more truth, at least to my ears.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they h... - 8/10/2005 10:52:56 AM

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

emeraldslaves answer really hits the crux of it. .. it is about a relationship they seek or are in. to call another sub or slave is to imply you have a closer relationship with a person that you truly have. I do not know what Doms/Tops you speak to ... but I definately don't look at them as a lower rank. I do however, have expectations of appropriate behaviour for anyone. Dom/Top/sub/slave or whatever.

one also must remember... there more than a few individauls that claim themselves to be Dom/Top and have the behaviors of a Boar.. well they don't have a monopoly of the situation either.... more than a few sub/slave have very inapprorpriate behaviours as well that go well with the Boar.

Poorly behaved is Poorly Recieved! not matter who one claims to be.

KoM

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

It's not a matter of not being proud, it's a matter of social propriety. You don't call married women "wife" you call them Ms. Jones on first meeting and Betty after becoming friends or politely asking them.

Presuming social closeness right off is terribly rude. Use the name you are introduced with (if it's slave, or cunt, or hole, great) until you have reached a social level of closeness or been given specific permission.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they h... - 8/10/2005 12:35:09 PM

Posts: 114
Joined: 2/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Isolde

Simple answer: I'm a submissive, not your submissive. I only respond to that title when it's used by my dominant. Any other dominant addressing me as such appears presumptuous and disrespectful, as if they're assuming they can demand submission from me when I haven't given it. Any dominant other than my own should refer to me as a person, not a submissive, and therefore use my name.

You took the words right out of my mouth! Thank you

i think its disrepectful in general to refer to me as "slave" "sub" or "girl" unless you are my Owner.Just because i am a submissive doesnt mean that I'm everyones submissive
Just my opinion

_____________________________

dechala

"As soon we find a motel i'm gonna put my little honeybunny bride on the bed and tie her up.."
Natural Born Killers

(in reply to Isolde)

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they h... - 8/10/2005 2:19:24 PM

Posts: 42
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

This is a whole other topic, but I'd be interested to see any literature/references you might have to back up this statement.

Which part the vibratory aspects of cells? “Rhythms Of Vision” by Lawrence Blair
or the DNA work of Milton Erickson.

Mercy ladies I consided when I said

"So as a protocol for me I intend to use the nick at the top on my missives from now on. but if that is breaking the 3d wall then so be it the sub/slaves have spoken."

In my original question I only wanted to know why the vehemence to one who is trying to connect with a sub/slave by stating there obvious desire at the top of his letter. I’m not sure I got an answer as to why but it was enough to change my way of doing things. Being a southern gentlemen offense was not what I intended.

I'm still not sure about the third wall or veil as some call it but what can I say but my sincerest appoligeze for misjudgement. Oviously, with few exceptions the other Doms did not want to join me in the salad. We could have tangoed around the bowel together.

To all of you who have responded take heart we have started on a mode of behavior that should make this community stronger. Thank you for taking part.

Sir Rand

(in reply to ElektraUkM)

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they h... - 8/10/2005 2:30:39 PM

Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline

Sir Rand:

Your willingness to change is commendable. A hearty "thumbs up" to you!

Sorry, I was definitely not interested in tangoing in that salad bowl with you since I was not sympathetic to your position. Still, a healthy and fruitful discussion, right? A good example of why the forum is such a valuable tool for us all.

Cheers,

Bob

(in reply to sirrand)

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they h... - 8/10/2005 3:46:16 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

I suppose I misjudged the level of commitment of quite a few of the purported sub/slaves.

Owch.

Answer me this one though. Say one is under dirrect orders from one's owner -not- to use a title for anyone but the owner. Do you still read it as the same "lack of commitment"?

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to Isolde)

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they h... - 8/10/2005 4:07:38 PM

Posts: 34
Joined: 7/3/2005
Status: offline

As a Dom who has only been practising the lifestyle a couple of months i would never call a sub or slave sub or slave.

I would call them by their name or a name they liked to be called by,and thats not because of lifestyle etiquete(cant spell the word) its just down to good manners.

If you meet someone and say their name is Mr Smith then thats what you call them unless they say call me John for example,having manners doesnt make you weak,quite the opposite,i beleive a Dom should have manners and if he doesnt have them,should go and learn them.

I am not here to have a go at anyone,this is my honest opinion,so please no moaning lol.

(in reply to perverseangelic)

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they h... - 8/10/2005 6:49:38 PM

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangeli

quote:

I suppose I misjudged the level of commitment of quite a few of the purported sub/slaves.

Owch.

Answer me this one though. Say one is under dirrect orders from one's owner -not- to use a title for anyone but the owner. Do you still read it as the same "lack of commitment"?

I echo you and Isolde in this.

I think Rands problem is that he has formed these odd associations-

Somehow a person is not proud of being a sub unless they are happy being called "sub" by anyone and everyone

Somehow nudity is a sign of level of commitment

Somehow being a dominant negates being a gentleman

Somehow not being happy being called sub by anyone and everyone and not being nude is a sign that a person lacks commitment.

Why he feels these things are all truths I have no idea, but they seem to be the root of the problem.

(in reply to perverseangelic)

RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they h... - 8/10/2005 7:54:10 PM

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I would like to ask a question. If a girl states she is a sub or a slave and then is offended by being called that what is she really? Wouldn't a true sub or slave be proud of who or what they are? I have noticed some subs act like brats and get offended if they are called, what they have declared them selves to be… are they using that as a test to see if a Dom/Master will verbally abuse them for their rudeness?

Because of time I am not reading all of the posts here. However, I did read the first..and the second. I agree with Isolde, because we are not your submissives. If you were to call us a sub or a slave you would be cheapening our relationship with our dominants.

I take it you haven't been in the scene a long time yet? In order to get respect you must also give respect...it is simple.

(in reply to sirrand)

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Why do sub/slaves not want to be called what they have declared they are?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.789