RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for but...."

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RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/16/2007 3:40:25 PM

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Stephann, I make exceptions for things like height all the time, that is hardly what is at issue here. I can deal with someone being short. I cannot deal with their lack of kink compatibility. A young man on another site wrote to me repeatedly (and yes, he is blocked) insisting he could make me come like crazy, and I am so beautiful I should call him. Yeah, so?

Also, regarding the blocking parameter...for reasons unknown, many emails wind up in my bulk mail folder in spite of the fact that I am only blocking foreign countries and under-21's. Software...not always what we would wish.

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RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/16/2007 4:01:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Why get so irritated with men trying to find some common ground with you?

Any guy with intestinal fortitude will try to overcome a woman's initial objections. As long as they are tactful, I think their efforts are laudable.

Next, how much effort does it take for you to say "no thank you."

I don't get why you feel so put out and put off.

Damn, someone beat me to it.

I'm currently involved with a woman, whom my first words to her were exactly this "I enjoyed reading your profile, and seeing the world a little through your eyes. I would have written earlier, but I tend not to write when clear 'You must be this high to ride' signs are posted."

Her profile explicitely stated that she was only attracted to men over 6'2" (I'm 5'10".) If I had been deterred by that one and only one line, I wouldn't have the fantastic relationship with her that I do today.

The advice I give to people who are frustrated that they are not getting the mail they desire or feel they deserve, is that they should be more aggressive with their mail filtering controls, remove their photos or most of their information, or simply deactivate their profiles; you can still write people, and they can write you back.

Beyond that, I know I write people whom I clearly have no interest in either having a relationship, or meeting. Usually it's because I liked something they had to say and wanted to compliment them on it, or because I enjoyed an exchange with them on the message boards. You'd be surprised at how many emails I have with blue names on it.

Stephan

I am amazed that the abudance of free time people seem to have. I wonder if some of the people that complain about kinky people not taking the time to respond to "just be friends" have extra hours each day to sit at their computer and type to someone who wants to be a penpal? It takes me long enough just to read the email here - so I just don't have time to entertain exchanges with people who are outside of the parameters I am seeking, or those that expect me to carry the weight of the conversation and initiate the questioning.

What really is frustrating, though, are the subs that seem engaging, intelligent, etc. and insist they respect that there's no opportunity for a kinky exchange, play, or anything - they just want to share some good conversation - and by the third email are saying things like, "So I totally respect that there's no chance you will ever dominate me. But I am just curious, if I were your slave, how would you dominate me?" After all, that's just *conversation* right?

Akasha

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(in reply to Stephann)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/16/2007 5:59:38 PM

UntappdPotential

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Optimistic. Very, very optimistic.

(in reply to MisPandora)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/16/2007 8:47:47 PM

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I have had subs contact me. Why? I always say "2 subs dont make a right."
I get mail from those who live WAY across the pond. Whats the point? I agree with you. I am not looking for a penpal and I am not looking to Cam.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/16/2007 10:58:53 PM

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I just got a message from a sub! I am amused as I was just talking about it. he complimented me on my appearance. If he tries for more I will have to set him straight. Not by sending him to a link that calls him an idiot. That was hilarious. But still, I try to be polite. Dont burn bridges and networking potential.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/17/2007 8:32:58 AM

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From: Philadelphia, PA
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Akasha, something you said just tripped the trigger for me. It wasn't anything specific I can quote, so allow me to rant off of your well-said reply:

We proport this lifestyle to be about respecting one another. So how is it that this person who clearly can't respect that I have reasonable standards (be unmarried, be a certain age, be substance free and be in the country; I'm not talking about being a specific height, weight or kink.) is going to actually respect me and desire to actually take interest in what *I* want as a dominant when he could give a rat's ass less about what I want as a woman. That's what I'm really talking about here.

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Ms World Leather 2004
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"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/17/2007 8:44:15 AM

InnocentYoungSub

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Sometimes guys believe if a woman gets to know them she'll see he is a good guy or whatever, and will want to be with him.

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RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/17/2007 9:54:23 AM

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From: SW London (UK)
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I can only echo what has been written here and I'm still getting every so often a wide variety of different responses right across the spectrum - male submissives, male Doms, and Dommes even.... the only people I never hear from are female submissives and switches.

I spent five days on the original wording of this profile making it very clear - older Domme, experienced, bi or lesbian, wanting eventually 24/7 TPE M/s real time anywhere in the world. But then I knew I was asking for trouble.

All of a sudden I'm popular in Africa, particularly among Dommes in ..erm.. Nigeria. All younger, all offering to book me a flight and arrange the necessary papers in return for the required sum.

A Domme in the United Arab Emirates wanting a slave.. I can just see how my gender reassignment is going to go just fine in this country, assuming of course I make it from the airport.

But it was the part time TV in England offering to 'completely feminize' me and enslave me which caused me to rewrite my profile and come up with a suitably obscure profile. But then again I get a Domme wanting cyber, younger Dommes, and even a Domme who added herself to my IM and then asks me for 'age sex location'.

I have a love-hate relationship with the Internet, I really do. Being a TS female it makes my life so much easier and simpler, also as I write as my vocation and do all sort of other stuff. But it causes me so many problems, can often bring the wrong people into my life for the wrong reasons, and can be a major drain on my time and energy. However I prefer it as - despite having one - I don't like cellphones. Now having an exploratory conversation or dialogue to explore some possibility is one thing, but having my time wasted through a meaningless conversation or with someone who is wide off the mark and refuses stubbornly to accept this tends to piss me off.

There's certain things I don't understand and probably will never understand. I don't understand how George W. Bush got to be US President twice. I don't understand Arabic, Chinese, Urdu or most of the other world languages. I don't understand how a large island covered in snow got to be called Greenland.

I don't understand the people who tell me it's hard to make contact with me despite the fact that I have a landline telephone, a cellphone, three e-mail addresses, Yahoo! Messenger, MSN Messenger, Skype, three websites, a Yahoo! 360 page, Gadu-Gadu (a Polish IM program), and a home address.

And I just cannot for the life of me see how anyone can ever expect to find who or what they are looking for by approaching the wrong person at the wrong time for the wrong reason. This strikes me as being about as logical as trying to buy a loaf of bread from a dentist.

Sometimes I log onto this website and I'm fairly convinced that there's thirty different versions of the English language and none of them are compatible. My alternative theory is that there's a completely separate version of Collarme English, the words are the same, they're in the same order according to the same grammatical rules and sentence structure, only the context and the meaning are beyond my comprehension.

If I could I would translate my profile into Hungarian just to see if it made any difference to the messages I receive.

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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/17/2007 1:17:29 PM

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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quote:

ORIGINAL: InnocentYoungSub

Sometimes guys believe if a woman gets to know them she'll see he is a good guy or whatever, and will want to be with him.

That kind of thing just sends a signal of desperation and bad judgement. It's a universe of nice people. That doesn't mean that everyone is going to click with everyone else.

We post profiles to help attract who we want and winnow out who we don't. Folks who are looking for friends pretty much come out and say so, I see that quite often.

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[page 23 girl]

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RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/17/2007 2:26:53 PM

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The young male sub who wrote me twice earlier today said he would worship me. If I wanted to be worshipped, wouldnt I be a Domme instead of a submissive? So he wrote me because he thought I was gorgeous. But did he honestly think I would somehow transform for him?

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/17/2007 5:43:07 PM

InnocentYoungSub

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Joined: 8/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

That kind of thing just sends a signal of desperation and bad judgement.

Not necessarily. It could also mean the guy liked the Woman's profile so much he thinks it is worth it to take a chance and e-mail her. Even though he may not exactly fit what shes looking for. I'm sympathetic with that sentiment. You can't order a sub/lover/S.O./husband like you're ordering lunch or something.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
It's a universe of nice people.

I don't think I agree with this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
That doesn't mean that everyone is going to click with everyone else.

Well, you never know who you might click with. Then again I do have a spontaneous romantic streak in me.

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RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/17/2007 6:15:55 PM

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Ok, innocent ... allow me to put forth a few scenarios for you - and for the purposes of the thread, I am focussing on F/m, but you can substitute either gender for either side of this ...

Situation A - man comes across profile that specifies that the Domme in question is looking for a long-term relationship, so people who are already involved (be it married or just seriously dating) need not apply. Said man is married and not planning to divorce ... just wants something on the side ... but he likes the profile, so maybe she'll make an exception for him.

Situation B - man comes across a profile where the Domme specifies a certain age range (and specifies why the age range is in place - for compatablility reasons), and even though he's 15 years outside of that age range, he likes the profile so maybe she'll make an exception for him.

Situation C - man comes across profile where the Domme specifies that she only likes long-haired redheads. Man has a buzz cut and his hair is brown instead of red. He likes the rest of her profile, so maybe she'll make an exception for him.

Situation D - man comes across profile specifying an age range that he doesn't meet, that the Domme doesn't want anyone who is already married and he is, that the Domme isn't interested in X, Y, or Z kink and he has a reference to it in his screen name, or, as some have pointed out, it's a submissive profile and he's supposedly looking for a Domme ... but he likes the profile (or picture) so maybe she'll make an exception even though it's perfectly obvious that 2 or 3 major things (not minor ... major) disqualify him.

Of the four situations, only situation C would be appropriate for the guy to message hoping that she'll like him anyway - and most of the ones that have been complained about have been guys who have done situation D.

In my opinion, it's a case of desparation and/or disrespect - they can't be bothered to realize that while person A might be the person of their dreams, they are the exact opposite of person A's dream partner ... because what they want is and will always be more important than what person A wants.

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(in reply to InnocentYoungSub)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/17/2007 6:27:29 PM

InnocentYoungSub

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I see what you're saying and I can see why you might think that. But I still don't think its always that way. Just because a guy thinks a Woman might make an exception for him doesn't mean he thinks she should because what he wants is more important than what she wants. Perhaps they feel that people can't really know for sure who the right person for them will actually be. As I said, I'm a spontaneous romantic so I can definitely understand that feeling.

This feeling of annoyance, or apprehension or whatever it is that many Woman have toward these guys who approach them is something I don't think I'll ever understand. Most guys aren't blessed with that kind of attention. Oh well as they say, grass is always greener...

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RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/17/2007 7:18:36 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: InnocentYoungSub

I see what you're saying and I can see why you might think that. But I still don't think its always that way. Just because a guy thinks a Woman might make an exception for him doesn't mean he thinks she should because what he wants is more important than what she wants. Perhaps they feel that people can't really know for sure who the right person for them will actually be. As I said, I'm a spontaneous romantic so I can definitely understand that feeling.

This feeling of annoyance, or apprehension or whatever it is that many Woman have toward these guys who approach them is something I don't think I'll ever understand. Most guys aren't blessed with that kind of attention. Oh well as they say, grass is always greener...

Would you enjoy receiving 30 emails a day from men who were gay and wanted you to turn gay to get kinky with them, and only saw you as a piece of meat? Would you take time to politely answer all of them, even though you state you are straight and not interested in gay men?
Akasha

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(in reply to InnocentYoungSub)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/17/2007 7:36:45 PM

SirJohnMandevill

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Having read all the posts in this thread, I don't think anyone's mentioned the obvious: What do people do in vanilla relationships? Some women would be turned off because I'm hair-impaired; they aren't going to move on me. I don't particularly care for smokers, so I'd be unlikely to put the moves on a chain smoker. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Maybe most people on CM are more fortunate than I, but I have enough trouble finding a sub whose interests approximately match my own and who can carry on an intelligent conversation. Why would I try to snare someone who clearly isn't right to begin with???

Am I confident about my abilities to charm a sub? Absolutely. Do I believe I can talk a sub into something they don't want to begin with? Not even worth the long shot!

My .02 zlotys. Your milage may vary.

Les (Illegitimate son of Prince Charming and the Queen of Sheba)

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/18/2007 7:54:09 AM

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From: Philadelphia, PA
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Stella,

Thanks for a great response. I'm sorry you've had that experience. I found myself shaking my head at many of the same origins (africa, middle east, etc.)!!! Your words surely speak the truth concerning "the language" we use on the net and within our own lifestyle. It does seem that we speak in tongues, and maybe it's just that my requirements aren't truly being heard. Who knows!?!

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Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to stella41b)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/18/2007 7:56:18 AM

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From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: InnocentYoungSub

This feeling of annoyance, or apprehension or whatever it is that many Woman have toward these guys who approach them is something I don't think I'll ever understand. Most guys aren't blessed with that kind of attention. Oh well as they say, grass is always greener...

Would you enjoy receiving 30 emails a day from men who were gay and wanted you to turn gay to get kinky with them, and only saw you as a piece of meat? Would you take time to politely answer all of them, even though you state you are straight and not interested in gay men?
Akasha

BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/18/2007 5:03:57 PM

Posts: 2479
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Would you enjoy receiving 30 emails a day from men who were gay and wanted you to turn gay to get kinky with them, and only saw you as a piece of meat? Would you take time to politely answer all of them, even though you state you are straight and not interested in gay men?
Akasha

Hell, compared to never being of interest to anyone, i'd be okay with that. i could be a cool little heartbreaker

i don't think there's any obligation to respond when somebody is trying to sell you something you don't want, although it seems to me, if one has time to complain, one has time to be courteous... guess it's all about time management!

And short version- everyone wants to believe that they are a special, special snowflake, and worth making exceptions for. You don't ask, you don't get!

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/18/2007 6:15:24 PM

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There are exceptions, and then there are the "exceptions" that guys seem to expect us to make.

Like the 48 year old who contacted us because our profile says that exceptions might be made if someone is close to our age range ... sorry, but our age range is from about 25-37 and 11 years is NOT close. When the profile specifically states that we are looking for someone in that age range for compatability reasons and the long term relationship potential, there is no reason for someone almost old enough to be my father to contact us - even if we were perfectly matched, I'm not interested in someone who is likely to die a good long while before I do. He got all pissy when I responded that he didn't read the profile closely enough, and I proceeded to quote the section of the profile in question ... he apparently missed the "close" part ...

Or how about the ones who skip over the fact that we are looking to eventually marry our boys? I am so freakin tired of the guys who message us about "serving" us while they are in Indianapolis on business or whatever, or the ones in the area who have to be discrete because of their wife/girlfriend. If they are already married, where does that leave us? Not to mention the fact that I've already been "the other woman" for a short while (found out about 3 weeks into the relationship ... at least I found out early - that relationship was ended quickly) and the fact that we've been cheated on. I will NEVER knowningly do that to someone else.

I wouldn't get so upset about it, if they didn't get so freakin pissy about it when I tell them "no" - but no matter if I reply to them or not (and I do reply to most), well over 1/2 of them get pissy about the fact that we have standards and aren't going to lower them for some random guy who can't be bothered to read a profile and respect our desires.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to petdave)

RE: "I know I don't match what you're looking for ... - 11/19/2007 1:02:52 AM

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From: UK
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quote:

AAkasha wrote: Would you enjoy receiving 30 emails a day from men who were gay and wanted you to turn gay to get kinky with them, and only saw you as a piece of meat? Would you take time to politely answer all of them, even though you state you are straight and not interested in gay men?
petdave wrote: Hell, compared to never being of interest to anyone, i'd be okay with that.

But they're not interested in you! That's the whole point! They just want something to fuck and they're mailing you because you have the right orifices. Likewise, the masses of guys who bombard the Dommes with mail aren't interested in the woman they're contacting. They just want a pussy, a pair of tits and a collection of inanimate objects -- take your pick from whips, strap-ons, chastity devices, boots, whatever. Do you see the difference between that and being interested in somebody?

< Message edited by beeble -- 11/19/2007 1:03:34 AM >

(in reply to petdave)

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