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Ever feel used - 11/17/2007 9:05:25 PM

downndirty20

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/10/2007
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What do you do if your master (in my case only online right now) doesnt want to speak to you unless your having a session. am I being used or is it just how it is? Im totally new to the scene please forgive me if this sounds really dumb.

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RE: Ever feel used - 11/17/2007 9:43:23 PM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
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Based on what you've said, it sounds like he's just looking for cyber play. If you want more and he doesn't, move on. If you are looking for a relationship with a D/s or M/s dynamic and/or s/m play, there's still the work of building the relationship just like non bdsm/kink.

Another thing since you state you are new to it, is that just because you identify as a sub or slave does not mean you have to submit or be submissive to any who identify as a dominant. You are still a person and it's about finding what fits you.

Spend some time reading threads in the forums, Greenery Press has lots of bdsm books that can help you learn so much about different aspects of bdsm like The Loving Dominant, Screw the Roses Send Me the Thorns, The Bottoming Book, SM101, and there is so much out there to experience and learn. Getting involved in local groups, going to munches and demos and parties is another good way to learn, experience and grow.

I wish you the best.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to downndirty20)

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RE: Ever feel used - 11/17/2007 9:45:24 PM

losttreasure

Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
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What do you do?

You ask yourself if that is what you want in a relationship. If it isn't, you then need to decide if you are willing to accept it or keep on looking to find what it is that you do want.

There are no set rules for D/s or M/s relationships. People decide what it is that they want in a relationship, then they (hopefully) find a partner who shares their desires.

(in reply to downndirty20)

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RE: Ever feel used - 11/17/2007 9:57:32 PM

downndirty20

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/10/2007
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I know that I want a realationship, and I m pretty sure that im submissive im confused on the switch and slave and daughter terms, I think that I just have to keep looking

(in reply to losttreasure)

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RE: Ever feel used - 11/17/2007 10:02:09 PM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: downndirty20

I know that I want a realationship, and I m pretty sure that im submissive im confused on the switch and slave and daughter terms, I think that I just have to keep looking

submissive/slave are very similar.

daughter...not everyone uses. i have a Daddy/lil girl relationship. i am NOT daughter to him. he calls me his lil girl, his lil slave, his most precious treasure. he is my Daddy, my Sir, my Master.

you can be a submissive but not a slave, you can have a dominant who is a top but not a master, you can do ageplay or not...

there are all different ways to make your relationship work

(in reply to downndirty20)

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RE: Ever feel used - 11/17/2007 11:56:00 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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Welcome dnd20!

Take your time to become acquainted with yourself in this aspect.
Be patient wth yourself and research the things that interest you.
Ask questions.

Take your time to assess what you want from an on-line or any relationship.

Is sounds like the lack of communication doesn't feel good to you...so you may want to 'be' with someone who is willing to give you more than that.

I am learning that if you know what you want it is much easier to ask for it.

best wishes,
jenn

(in reply to downndirty20)

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RE: Ever feel used - 11/18/2007 12:17:10 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Well you broke my rule number one- wait six months before making a commitment to anyone. I know you might think the rules are all different and want so much to "be in a relationship" rather than actually choosing a solid person to be in a relationship with- but seriously, use good sense and stay true to yourself and you'll be fine.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Ever feel used - 11/18/2007 12:47:09 AM

ayasha

Posts: 149
Joined: 12/10/2005
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Take your time and get to know more about the lifestyle and what you want your role to be in it.

Remember, you can chat with others, even play with others, and can remain independent until you find a person that seems right for you. There are a lot of people out there that want to prey on new people such as yourself - you do not owe them anything. The right person will have patience, and want to teach you and watch you grow - not just use you for His/Her own pleasure and leave you hanging the rest of the time.

Best wishes,
~ ayasha ~

(in reply to downndirty20)

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RE: Ever feel used - 11/18/2007 1:03:29 AM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
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down/dirty> You say your new ,you also say your unsure of your role .You also say "i think i have to keep looking ".My questions for you to look inside yourself would be ,>NEW-how do i gain experiance and knowlage ?Where can i go besides OL to gain this ?ROLE> you can not even be sure of your role as u stated your new lack background and lets say you have now gained more knowlage read some media and joined a local community bdsm wise , What are you now looking for ? after the above two actions have been taken ,time has past ,experiance gained , I have a feeling the answer will flow right out VS right now .
Nothing wrong with being new and a desire to join and partake in what your seeing here although this is not a race.Taking your time is a good thing .Instead of doing the cyber thing ,develop you and take your bdsm journey. btw how can you feel a cyber spank ?BEST WISHES ..

(in reply to ayasha)

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RE: Ever feel used - 11/18/2007 1:09:54 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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to be used by Master is this slave's primary function. she looks forward to it!!!

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RE: Ever feel used - 11/18/2007 1:29:10 AM

twistedkytten

Posts: 240
Joined: 9/8/2006
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There are times when I feel simply used, which as His slave it is my purpose to be available in whatever aspect He wants me for at that moment. Once when I spoke of wishing to understand.. He said.. "Master is simply using girl in the manner that is/was pleasing to Him". period..
I never really did the online thing, so I cannot offer much in that. I would be concerned, given that you are new.. just learning.. that you might have unknowingly commited yourself to cyberplay.

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RE: Ever feel used - 11/18/2007 1:45:02 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5173
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From: Montana
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If i had an online Master who only spent time with me when we had a session, i'd drop him....fast. If you don't mind the way he treats you, if that's what you want and need from an online relationship, then what you have might be okay for you. It just wouldn't be okay for me.

I'm speaking from the perspective of someone who was in an online relationship that lasted more than 2 years. Most of our time (95%) we spent together was in just being together. We'd play yahoo games. We'd go shopping and even picked out his new car via online shopping. We'd talk about how our days at work had gone. We were friends as well as being Dom/sub.

(in reply to downndirty20)

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RE: Ever feel used - 11/18/2007 3:52:56 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
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If it feels good do it.
If it doesn't don't.
Some women who identify as submissive in the lifestyle are actually dominant women and completely in charge of their relationships.
Sits back and waits for the flames.

(in reply to peppermint)

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RE: Ever feel used - 11/18/2007 4:11:47 AM

wolfsprincess

Posts: 57
Joined: 9/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: downndirty20

What do you do if your master (in my case only online right now) doesnt want to speak to you unless your having a session. am I being used or is it just how it is? Im totally new to the scene please forgive me if this sounds really dumb.

There's a WHOLE lot more to a relationship than "cyber-sessions". And there's many, many websites - and even many right here on CM - that one can learn from. From "my" slavish perspective, if the only time anyone had for me was during "sessions", i'd feel as if i fell for the one of the oldest "cyber-tricks" in the book - thinking someone cared.

BTW - the only dumb question is the one that goes unasked.

princess
"...slave isn't just a word - it's who and what i am ... walking forever in His light and seeking shelter in His shadow"
http://absoluteslavery.com
http://polypersonalsonline.com

(in reply to downndirty20)

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RE: Ever feel used - 11/18/2007 5:35:36 AM

lockmeupplease

Posts: 202
Joined: 8/9/2006
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downanddirty---If you were satisfied with the arrangement, then I assume you wouldn't have started the thread.

I have an online relationship, but I would say that "play time" constitutes less than 20% of it. The time where my Miss and I swap stories, chat about vanilla life or playfully surf "toy" stores together is priceless and makes it all that more powerful when she decides she wants to play. Not knowing what she will be in the mood for makes it soooo much more interesting when we start chatting.

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RE: Ever feel used - 11/18/2007 6:42:31 AM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: downndirty20

I know that I want a realationship, and I m pretty sure that im submissive im confused on the switch and slave and daughter terms, I think that I just have to keep looking

Forgive me for saying so, but I'd suggest you not look at all right now. I think you'd be doing yourself a huge disservice if you did, and setting yourself up for a lot of heartache.

From what you wrote above, it appears that you not only don't know yourself well enough, you don't know what you want in a relationship... only that you want "a" relationship.

Take some time to explore... read the forums, talk to people, ask questions and really examine your own interests. Once you know who you are and what you want in a relationship, it's much easier to find.

Best wishes,

Treasure

(in reply to downndirty20)

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RE: Ever feel used - 11/18/2007 4:00:35 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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Like everything else, it's up to you. If all you want is play and not to be bothered by him otherwise, then this would be a good set up for you. However if you need to be friends and/or lovers, then this doesn't work for you.

Next time state your expectations first. And if you want friendship before play, refuse to play with people with whom you haven't built up a sufficient level of friendship. Sufficient being something only you can define.

(in reply to TreasureKY)

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RE: Ever feel used - 11/18/2007 4:05:12 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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quote:

ORIGINAL: downndirty20

What do you do if your master (in my case only online right now) doesnt want to speak to you unless your having a session. am I being used or is it just how it is? Im totally new to the scene please forgive me if this sounds really dumb.

If Sir doesn't wish to speak to me i fill my time with other things. For me it is just how it is. For me being used is delicious but i don't think you mean used in the good kind of way.
If you feel that he is using you just for the sessions and it is not what you want then i would suggest you speak to him. Failing that i'd walk away.

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Ever feel used - 11/18/2007 8:48:06 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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Joined: 10/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

quote:

ORIGINAL: downndirty20

I know that I want a realationship, and I m pretty sure that im submissive im confused on the switch and slave and daughter terms, I think that I just have to keep looking

Forgive me for saying so, but I'd suggest you not look at all right now. I think you'd be doing yourself a huge disservice if you did, and setting yourself up for a lot of heartache.

From what you wrote above, it appears that you not only don't know yourself well enough, you don't know what you want in a relationship... only that you want "a" relationship.

Take some time to explore... read the forums, talk to people, ask questions and really examine your own interests. Once you know who you are and what you want in a relationship, it's much easier to find.

Best wishes,

Treasure

This advice nneded to be highlighted and said again!!!!...Learn first yourself, your wants, needs, desires..read books,ask questions by all means,pick and choose what answers you prefer and that pertain to you,..You have much to learn, step away from the cyber world of relationships..do not submit to what is referred to as "sub frenzy"..where you have to be owned NOW..become more savvy,,for if you do not then you will simply become raw meat to the pool of sharks that circle the new, the young ,and the uninformed...Tempting

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You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to TreasureKY)

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RE: Ever feel used - 11/18/2007 8:55:22 PM

swtnsparkling