Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge - 11/21/2007 12:41:53 AM   
kittyinpink


Posts: 83
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		Is there anything you guys wish you knew before getting involved in the Bdsm lifestyle, or before getting involved with a Dom/Master?

_____________________________

He knew he should leave
That this could only turn cold
She was a bad bad girl
So he told her so

http://youralice.livejournal.com/
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge - 11/21/2007 1:21:23 AM   
briska


Posts: 126
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline 		That it'd be the little things in life i'd end up with most trouble with? i.e., respecting Sir while having a bad day, keeping up with instructions, etc. 

_____________________________

Mmm... briska!

(in reply to kittyinpink)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge - 11/21/2007 2:23:48 AM   
shootingstar67


Posts: 195
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline 		How to listen to my gut.  I didn't trust it and ended up in a really abusive LTR

_____________________________

I am a Female Submissive exploring these boards.

(in reply to briska)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge - 11/21/2007 4:35:48 AM   
topIrishsubm


Posts: 25
Joined: 7/18/2006
Status: offline 		I wish i had knew how happy and fullfilled it would make me. So instead of procrastinating and being terrified for over three months about meeting my Domme, i could have have spent it with Her

(in reply to kittyinpink)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge - 11/21/2007 4:50:00 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kittyinpink

Is there anything you guys wish you knew before getting involved in the Bdsm lifestyle, or before getting involved with a Dom/Master?

Nope. It's much more fun to learn on the fly

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to kittyinpink)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge - 11/21/2007 5:34:27 AM   
dragonnette


Posts: 43
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		I wish we had more clearly discussed our ideas about what a D/s relationship meant.  Mismatched expectations are just no fun.

_____________________________

~~
"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."-

pet of Ookami

(in reply to kittyinpink)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge - 11/21/2007 6:28:22 AM   
shellzbythesea


Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline 		i wish i wouldn't have been in such a hurry (this time around, having "come back" to the lifestyle).  So, i guess i wish i knew how to be more patient.  i sifted through many an email and thought i was making a good choice (in comparison to the other options) but despite many red flags, proceeded forward into something i had an inkling would not work. 

(in reply to dragonnette)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge - 11/21/2007 6:31:43 AM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kittyinpink

Is there anything you guys wish you knew before getting involved in the Bdsm lifestyle, or before getting involved with a Dom/Master?



That there are no rules. The relationship and power disparity needs to be defined by the people in the dyanmic. It is OK if it looks like nothing like what you see online or offline. Rituals and protocols are not required and will evolve naturally between the couple over time. You can be a wife and be owned, you can have the whole fairytale if that is what you want. Some dominant men are really into control and management, some are not at all...know which one you need. Just a couple thoughts off the top of my head.

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to kittyinpink)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge - 11/21/2007 7:11:01 AM   
youngsubgeoff


Posts: 900
Joined: 9/25/2007
From: The Asylum
Status: offline 		one thing I wish I had done was gotten to know my last domme better before I even considred meeting her, much less submiting to her. got burned, but at least I know better now.

(in reply to BeingChewsie)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge - 11/21/2007 7:25:03 AM   
angelic


Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline 		Pay more attention to the red flags flying all around.

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci


(in reply to kittyinpink)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge - 11/21/2007 7:54:53 AM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I wish I was at an erlier age to come out into the world of BDSM, as opposed to being in my mid 40's.


_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to kittyinpink)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge - 11/21/2007 8:27:52 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		How important it is to be able to create healthy nurturing relationships.

(in reply to beargonewild)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge - 11/21/2007 8:45:12 AM   
lilsubl


Posts: 4595
Joined: 2/6/2006
Status: offline 		i wish that i would have spent more time getting to know myself.......

_____________________________

Linea, collarded pet of the evil Sir Max & his lovely & equally evil wife


it's no fun unless you're scared

if you can't be brave, be determined & you'll get to the same place

wannabe member of the subbi mafia

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge - 11/21/2007 9:00:32 AM   
gorgeous1


Posts: 367
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline 		I'm glad I had been too afraid to take the plunge before I did. Growing up in the Bay Area, I had plenty of exposure to the lifestyle. I can't count how many times I went to a night club and there were exhibitions like play piercing and flogging, etc., but they were side shows to the band that was playing, or part of a theme for the evening. I knew I wanted to do that stuff, but I was too shy to ask.

When I was younger I made lots of bad decisions when it came to relationships with guys, and I think if I had plunged into the lifestyle before I did, I would have ended up in a bad D/s situation, because I would have been one of those girls who went forward even though there were red flags. I'm glad I got myself sorted out (my house in order) before I met my husband, and that we were able to start out as total newbies together. I like that our adventure started out at the same point, because we have been able to start out slow, and after 10 years, we haven't even scratched the surface of our fantasies, and I like that we have all the time in the world. No need to rush to the end- in this lifestyle, I think it really is best to stop and smell the flowers along the way - it really is enjoying the journey, not trying to get to the destination.

_____________________________

Wife/property of CapnSpankins...and loving every minute of it! Visit my juicy blog http://www.kinkycrafts.info/gorgeous-blog/gblog.php for updates on my slave training!

(in reply to lilsubl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge - 11/21/2007 9:07:26 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Wasn't so much a "plunge" for me since I was led into this relationship with my eyes wide open, but I know that's just a matter of speech. 

I wish I had had more faith in myself.  I would have saved us both a lot of hassle.  If I trusted I could be cared about, I would have believed him earlier and avoided a lot of problems as a result.

(in reply to kittyinpink)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge - 11/21/2007 9:09:43 AM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
I wish i had known quality people to introduce me safely. I was too afraid to join a club. The first Dom who introduced me...he did it in a responsible way but he did not stick around to assist me or be my Master. It was like being abandoned in front of the door at a haunted castle. There were some scary people I almost let myself become involved in. Luckily, no axe muderers. You do have to be careful. There are alot of good people involved in the lifestyle but there are also crazies and abusiers that masqurade as Masters when what they are is abusers and psycopaths.

(in reply to gorgeous1)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge - 11/21/2007 9:25:19 AM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline 		I also wish I’d discovered BDSM sooner…I’d probably had more fun!  LOL
 
Another thing I’d like to have figured out sooner is that this is mostly a number’s game; so many come here with a long list of fantasies, most of which are not realistic.  It is amazing how many men ask if I have a basement where I’ve ever kept prisoners for my entertainment.  For awhile I used to wonder what I was doing wrong to receive some of the ridiculous requests (and demands) that men have sent to me; I wish I’d discovered they just do it for shock value.
 
B

_____________________________

A must read for submissives! (click here)

This one, as well!

(in reply to kittyinpink)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge - 11/21/2007 12:24:57 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kittyinpink

Is there anything you guys wish you knew before getting involved in the Bdsm lifestyle, or before getting involved with a Dom/Master?


Yep, i wish i had known that Hubby would understand my desires before i went outside my marriage.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to kittyinpink)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge - 11/21/2007 8:08:26 PM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah! I trusted to easily all those years ago. I paid for it dearly, unfortunately he died in jail instead of spending the rest of his rotten life in it.

Do your research, find out what BD/SM is. Take your time to get involved in your local community if you are able. Never allow anyone to tie you up that you have just met. I know that sounds like a " WELL DUH " moment....but you would be surprised how many do....including me back then.

Ask questions.......then ask them again until you get the answer you want. It has been way over 20+ years now, I still ask.


~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to kittyinpink)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge - 11/21/2007 8:18:27 PM   
lockmeupplease


Posts: 202
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea

i wish i wouldn't have been in such a hurry (this time around, having "come back" to the lifestyle).  So, i guess i wish i knew how to be more patient.  i sifted through many an email and thought i was making a good choice (in comparison to the other options) but despite many red flags, proceeded forward into something i had an inkling would not work. 


AMEN!!!

(in reply to shellzbythesea)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> What do you wish you knew before you took the plunge Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078