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Kana -> RE: What Makes a Limit 'Hard' in Your Eyes? (11/23/2007 12:33:14 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: daddyncherry
i came into my relationship with 4 hard limits. (other than the obvious ones of course)...i thought that these things were set in stone as hard and so thought i wouldn't ever have to do them. my Daddy made it clear that he thought that i was just being over cautious and that the things i had on my list were things he had done with others with no problems. i still thought i wouldn't have to do them, ever.
Then after a few months of being collared i was told that the limits that i had were being ALLOWED by him until he decided that he wanted to go past them, and until he thought i could handle going past them.
By a little more than a year after being collared, 3 had been past by and two of them are now pretty common place.
Now, of course there are a bunch of things that i've never tried, and things that make me nervous and the like. These things aren't hard limits because i don't have enough understanding of them to say one way or the other and only time will tell...if they are even ever brought up at all. All i can do for those things is try them and see.
There is another limit that is allowed, and just as a matter of safety due to breast implants that are large and over the muscle, and that is no breast bondage. It's a good thing that my Daddy isn't into that anyway, but i know that as long as i have these implants, then that would not be something that is forced on me even if he was into it.
This fits my experience almost to a T. I have somethings I won't do, generally because they involve health, safety, welfare and legality. These involve things like blood play, severe breath play, scat, UM's, things of that nature. I used to have other things that I would have labeled under the category hard limits and most of the people I have interacted with over the years go into a relationship with some dealbreakers as well.
What I have found is that some of those things can work in some relationships and not in others. Conversly there are things I really like in some contexts that give me zero pleasure in another relationship. Degredation, humiliation and objectification are good examples of this. I know people who I have loved doing these things too, it was sexy, erotic, and incredible, sometimes even for both of us*chuckles.* Then there have been others I have known that I could never have enjoyed doing these things to, even if they liked it.
What I do is walk into a relationship with an open mind and begin it with some hard limits. But over the course of time, generally every two or three months I will sit down with her and we will re-examine things because sometimes these things change. Its always something I can push if I choose, to, thats my option, I am the owner after all. But unless I have a reason too, which can be as simple as I want to or that I am an evil provacatuer intent on eliciting a response, I tend to stay within parameters until I think the conditions are right for the pushing of some serious limits.
The last girl I played with was terrified of knives at the outset,by the end she adored the feeling of razor blades across the surface of her skin, the inclusion of large knives in edge play and the occasional katana involved in a scene as well. Its always worth keeping an open mind about most things. Generally can't just means won't.
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