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NaughtyCorsetGrl -> 1st Time Mistress (8/13/2005 2:13:31 PM)

Can anyone tell me if there are books, websites etc, that will aide a new Lesbian Mistress?
Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.



nella -> RE: 1st Time Mistress (8/13/2005 3:28:42 PM)

Why dont do a google chek or take a trip by amazon.com

Just one coment and pleese do not take this as an insult, but i seam to me, that for a first timer, the kind of D/s relationship you seak might be a bit overwealming. i would not have let a Dom i did not know, that were completly new at it, brand or pirce me after only a little time of talk.



AAkasha -> RE: 1st Time Mistress (8/13/2005 4:05:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: nella

Why dont do a google chek or take a trip by amazon.com

Just one coment and pleese do not take this as an insult, but i seam to me, that for a first timer, the kind of D/s relationship you seak might be a bit overwealming. i would not have let a Dom i did not know, that were completly new at it, brand or pirce me after only a little time of talk.


I'm unsure how that even works -- how does someone be "new" and seeking any information, but their goal is a rather immediately lifestyle change, or at least a situation that seems relatively high on the relationship complexity scale?

Has anyone ever experienced their learning curve that way, and how did it work out? How did it come to be that you decided not only you wanted kinkiness, but you wanted it at that end of the spectrum?

It seems to me (correct me if I am wrong, I'd love to hear of other scenarios) that people engage in BDSM activities and during their learning curve what brings them to lifestyle situations is their desire to expand their play and dynamic. But if you've never even really dabbled in it, in relationships or casually, how can you know what you are seeking is so encompassing?


PS to the OP: Your profile says you are bi and your post says you are a lesbian. The way it is written, you may get quite a few people thinking you are a man actually just looking for erotic emails.



AAkasha -> RE: 1st Time Mistress (8/13/2005 4:11:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NaughtyCorsetGrl

Can anyone tell me if there are books, websites etc, that will aide a new Lesbian Mistress?
Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.



I hope I am wrong, but there are some things in your profile that just scream "guy pretending to be female looking for horny email." I point these out so if you are for real, you might want to change your approach.

1. Your nick "naughtycorsetgrl" sounds more like what a guy with a hardon would choose for a name than what a real woman would. Horny net geeks typically pick nicks that sound "sexy" (to them) or describe their fetish.

2. You ask for details of past experiences/photos prior up front. If I were a woman, I wouldn't give you that without a phone call to confirm gender. Sounds like a guy asking for jerkoff material.

3. You state in your profile you are bi and married, but in your post here Lesbian. Married bi lesbian? A careless mistake to make if you are a guy just wanting horny email material, but one a real lesbian wouldn't make casually.

4. For a "new" femdom, your desires you list in your profile read like a man's wet dream after reading some porn on the net. The fantasy lifestyle you describe is visual, horny, and just comes across distinctly MALE.

I look forward to hearing your response. If you are indeed a real female, you will no doubt fully understand how your profile can come across, and after receiving some emails here I'm sure you will want to make some adjustment to portray your true self.

Akasha



saret -> RE: 1st Time Mistress (8/13/2005 4:37:05 PM)



quote:

ORIGINAL: nella

i would not have let a Dom i did not know, that were completly new at it, brand or pirce me after only a little time of talk.


Aye! Here here! (hear hear?) Very very very wise of you.

Moderation is the key to making things that work, and to making things last.
Owning a 24/7 slave, IMHO, isn't just having a combination live-in housecleaner and someone to beat up on - its a lot like having a child. You are responsible 24/7 for their medical care, food, shelter, daily schedules, etc etc.

Its a metric fuckton of work.
A thousand times more for someone with little experience as a dominant, with no experience of handling the weird BDSM-specific relationship problems.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
But if you've never even really dabbled in it, in relationships or casually, how can you know what you are seeking is so encompassing?
...

The way it is written, you may get quite a few people thinking you are a man actually just looking for erotic emails.


Actually, thats what I thought when I saw the huge discrepancy between the post and the profile.

Or maybe she found herself a slave and is going "CRAP!!! What do I do NOW??!!?"

-S-



TiNeedsHouseboy -> RE: 1st Time Mistress (8/13/2005 4:46:37 PM)

Akasha just beat me to the punch. I was about to pose a very similar series of questions.

Two added observations:

1) After reading your profile, I'm having a deja vu experience. Either I've read "your" profile elsewhere, or someone else's profile seems to have merged into yours -- verbatim.

2) It's of great concern to me that there's not one word in your profile that you're a newbie. It's deceptive to leave that out. Deception is not a ploy that facilitates the D/s dynamic.

You don't simply pick up a book and declare yourself an instant dominant. How do you know you'll be any good at it? How do you know you'll even like it? There's a world of difference between assuming responsibility for someone during a transient scene vs. thinking you've got what it takes -- from out of the blue, no less -- to assume 24/7/365 power and responsibility for another person.

Though skeptical about your gender and the validity of your profile, I'm willing to give you enough rope to not hang yourself. Let's ASS-U-ME your desires might be for real and you're simply too green and wet behind the ears to create an appropriate profile. There's sufficient reading material in the following thread to keep you busy for many months to come:




batty24546 -> RE: 1st Time Mistress (8/13/2005 5:51:21 PM)

First of all I don't know if your a guy looking for action or a girl, who just found her slef lost in a very diffrent world...but either way I don't quite under stand the point in all the lists of errors in message and profile?

I don't mean to critize or anything, I thought the same thing my self! Although my personal opinion, if for what ever reason this was a man looking for some action, why tell him what he's doing wrong. To me that is like telling a cheater how to imporve his game. I dosn't make sence to me.

Either way no matter who has the question...why nota awnser with a little bit of help...there are probaly alot of curious folks looking for some good resorces, and some hints as to how to get more informed and be more safe. Many other people read the theards looking for awnsers aposed to posting questions them selves.

Now to the orginal question...
Try searching the areas you're interested in. Find out what you like and don't like, what you want to learn how to do, join a group near you, find a mentor, go to your local libarry and read a few books. If you are interested in it you'd must put effort into learning. No one a write you a how to book for dumbies. Although sometimes it maybe nice, but life dosen't work that way...

Its no diffrent then discovering you are a lesbian, trial and error are envolved. Learn the safety risks before anything, be practices before trying anything one anyone. Serious harm can be done, when things are not done properly or with lack of care, so be careful.

Batty



saret -> RE: 1st Time Mistress (8/13/2005 7:49:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: batty24546

I don't mean to critize or anything, I thought the same thing my self! Although my personal opinion, if for what ever reason this was a man looking for some action, why tell him what he's doing wrong. To me that is like telling a cheater how to imporve his game. I dosn't make sence to me.



Well, simply because its bloody annoying. If it were a man looking for erotic exchanges (Im not saying it is), they should just put that in the profile. That way, he can find people to write steamy emails to their heart's content, and not frustrate the people looking for something else.

As Ti says, dishonesty only harms the D/s dynamic.

-S-



saret -> RE: 1st Time Mistress (8/13/2005 8:00:49 PM)

This is an older post that details a LOT of books and reference material about BDSM and being a female dominant. It is a good place to start.

Some of it is general info about BDSM, some hetero F/m interactions, most of it is gender-neutral - there's not many books specifically on F/f, but you can take any of the info and apply it to your relationship.

Also consider deeply what AAkasha says -- why you are doing it, and why are you looking for such a serious life change when you describe yourself as a novice.

Perhaps you should contact and involve yourself in local kinky groups, talk to people who have had long-term experience with serious BDSM relations. They are an excellent source of info. Maybe you might also want to think about a part-time slave instead - just on weekends, to see what its like, to gain experience with the lifestyle.

Merely suggestions.

-S-




nella -> RE: 1st Time Mistress (8/14/2005 2:42:44 AM)

i would be more concerned if it is real. it worried me the i want a relationship NOW, no getting to know one another period, no easing into it, just, ok I like you, come over here and let me whip you.

my Dom and i are werry green, and are trying to establish a D/s relationship, but whit one another and we have been together for seven years and been engaged to be married alot of that time, and we takes things step by step.



TiNeedsHouseboy -> RE: 1st Time Mistress (8/14/2005 5:40:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: nella
it worried me the i want a relationship NOW, no getting to know one another period, no easing into it, just, ok I like you, come over here and let me whip you.

From what I've seen, there are two types of people who create profiles like that:
  • People with no experience, except for what they have seen in a BDSM porn movie.
  • Guys with fake profiles.

There's a New Yorker magazine cartoon that has a clock without numbers. Instead, everywhere a number should exist, it has the word "NOW." This clock suits the profile we're discussing! LOL.

~ Ti ~



tarnishedhalo777 -> RE: 1st Time Mistress (8/14/2005 5:48:38 AM)

I started out thinking I was a a wee bit kinky in sex,then I thought i was a sub ,then I became a switch and it wasn't until my past relationship that I realized I had Domme potential.
I am continually reading,learning daily,speaking to other like-mided people and I shall continue it is something I hope to never get right for once I cease to learn,I cease to grow.



TiNeedsHouseboy -> RE: 1st Time Mistress (8/14/2005 5:57:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: batty24546
...why nota awnser with a little bit of help...there are probaly alot of curious folks looking for some good resorces, and some hints as to how to get more informed and be more safe. Many other people read the theards looking for awnsers aposed to posting questions them selves.

Apparently, you didn't notice my post (time stamped 8/13/2005 6:46:37 PM CT), directly above yours, ended with a hyperlink to "Looking for Lit." (Whenever you see tan text on these boards, that means it's a hyperlink.) That's a detailed list of reference materials, cobbled together after a newbie requested a reading list.

quote:

ORIGINAL: saret
This is an older post that details a LOT of books and reference material about BDSM and being a female dominant. It is a good place to start.

That's two votes for the identical thread about reference materials!

~ Ti ~



saret -> RE: 1st Time Mistress (8/14/2005 6:27:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tarnishedhalo777

I started out thinking I was a a wee bit kinky in sex,then I thought i was a sub ,then I became a switch and it wasn't until my past relationship that I realized I had Domme potential.
I am continually reading,learning daily,speaking to other like-mided people and I shall continue it is something I hope to never get right for once I cease to learn,I cease to grow.


Heh, you sound like me!
I started as a sub too (when you're young, insecure, indecisive and curious about kink, subbing seems much easier than domming. at least to me it did), and was for a long time until I got honest with myself and got some confidence.

Yay fer larnin'!!

Glad you decided to stick around.

-S-




Nuke718 -> RE: 1st Time Mistress (8/14/2005 2:10:44 PM)

Ladies, as a person who has trouble tighting a strong profile (too pushy, not enougth detail, too long, I am never satisfied with it). I suspect that the OP could be for real, just a little over anxious to get what they want. Al ot of newcomers have richfantasies that don't mesh with the day-to-dat reality of the lifestyle.

Now if they had picture of a model thin blonde in several thousand dollars worth of fetish gear and her breasts exposed alongside this profile. I would definatly agree that there is something rotten afoot.

Nuke }:-



nella -> RE: 1st Time Mistress (8/14/2005 10:24:54 PM)

She may be for real, and that is even more worrysome, a fake is an anoyance, an inexperienced Dom that gape over to mutch is a danger.



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