RE: No Name Dom?

RE: No Name Dom? (Full Version)

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AMasterPiece2009 -> RE: No Name Dom? (12/7/2007 9:14:52 PM)
Thanks so much to all who have answered. I am new to real time, and I have to admit, the anonymity makes me very uneasy.

lauren0221 -> RE: No Name Dom? (12/7/2007 10:34:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AMasterPiece2009 Thanks so much to all who have answered. I am new to real time, and I have to admit, the anonymity makes me very uneasy. As it should. You have gotten some excellent advice here. This is real life, not fantasy. Take care of yourself.

Phin -> RE: No Name Dom? (12/7/2007 10:44:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AMasterPiece2009 the anonymity makes me very uneasy. I think that that is the answer you are looking for. someone (I dont remember who) has in their signature line "Dont make someone mandatory in your life when you are optional in theirs." or something very close. sounds to me that you are optional to this "dom"

laurell3 -> RE: No Name Dom? (12/8/2007 12:17:52 AM)
Just out of curiousity did this thread actually start out in health and safety?

SubinHeels4U -> RE: No Name Dom? (12/8/2007 5:35:18 AM)
Be safe, not sorry.

IamJustMe2C -> RE: No Name Dom? (12/8/2007 5:44:02 AM)
Why must you have sex to have a play session with him. BDSM is not based on sex and so many people forget about that yet they bring up public play or public places where sex is not allowed. Theres proof that sex does not have to happen. Sure its nice and its fun but its not a must. The only must is to be safe. Bring a friend or tell someone where your going and let him know this in advance. Im letting my friend so and so know we are going to be here at this time and so and so will be calling to check on me and I will be calling them at this time to check in with them. If he knows this and is fine with this that lets you know something about him and yet you still have a safety net. Small as it might be its still there. And who are we to pass judgement on you if you do have sex with him? Its your body do with it as you see fit.

mnottertail -> RE: No Name Dom? (12/8/2007 5:49:18 AM)
quote: Why must you have sex to have a play session with him. BDSM is not quote: ORIGINAL: IamJustMe2C Why must you have sex to have a play session with him. BDSM is not based on sex and so many people forget about that yet they bring up public play or public places where sex is not allowed. Theres proof that sex does not have to happen. Sure its nice and its fun but its not a must. The only must is to be safe. Bring a friend or tell someone where your going and let him know this in advance. Im letting my friend so and so know we are going to be here at this time and so and so will be calling to check on me and I will be calling them at this time to check in with them. If he knows this and is fine with this that lets you know something about him and yet you still have a safety net. Small as it might be its still there. And who are we to pass judgement on you if you do have sex with him? Its your body do with it as you see fit. Not about sex....well whatever------just know that if I am passing out all this shit for the enlightenment of the masses, I ain't the fuckin' red cross out here, and I am going to get my dick sucked at the very least. Nobody works for free. Ron

DesFIP -> RE: No Name Dom? (12/8/2007 7:01:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IamJustMe2C Why must you have sex to have a play session with him. BDSM is not based on sex For you, BDSM play is not sexual. For me it is. The play and sex are intermingled for me and I wouldn't want the spankings, bondage etc if it was asexual. It would be like being showed photos of great meals when I was hungry and then being told I should now be full. I wouldn't be.

undinerising -> RE: No Name Dom? (12/8/2007 8:51:13 AM)
He wants to scene with you, but he's afraid you'll tell his wife? That sounds like some bad math to me. I don't care how good he is, he can't be worth it.

MadameDahlia -> RE: No Name Dom? (12/8/2007 5:26:34 PM)
He says he doesn't give out personal info because he fears that a relationship might sour and someone might squeal to his wife. Perhaps that's true. But if it isn't... perhaps there's something a bit more foul behind his reluctance. Could be he's a wanted felon. Could be that he likes having sex with beasts. Could be he's had sex with UMs and can easily be found on a list of known sexual offenders. Could be that he carries a disease and wants to be able to fuck and flee. Unless you know particulars it isn't safe.

agoodgirl4Daddy -> RE: No Name Dom? (12/8/2007 6:07:23 PM)
Something smells rotten in Denmark...or..wherever it is you live. I was in a vanilla relationship and spoke with my partner about my desire to become involved in BDSM. My partner tried to be kinky but was not wired that way. I was allowed to scene as long as my partner was there with me and had approved the person with whom i was playing. Heck, my partner even participated by co-Topping on occasion. This relationship did end (about a year ago), but I am thankful to have had a partner with whom i could explore my submissive/bottom/girl side to an extent, even if it was outside our relationship. Who knows, OP, maybe your spouse would agree to something like this, and you could stop sneaking around..unless the sneaking around is part of what gets you off! The guy that you (the OP) are getting involved with....... my 2 cents worth.... he isn't worthy of popping your SM cherry! :o) Hold out for someone better....He will come along!

Maya2001 -> RE: No Name Dom? (12/8/2007 9:16:10 PM)
When you met him last time did he arrive in a car??? if so ask to have another public meet then get the licence plate number and check it out to find out the name and once you have the name check the sex offenders registry, though an awful way to have to go about getting the info you need personally even if married he should be willing to provide some info at least his name and cell phone number though omitting home number I can understand, but now if pressured he may just give out a false name instead to protect his identity, BDSM is supposed to be built on trust Another option which does not guarantee your safety but will provide help as soon as possible should something go wrong is using a Safe Call info in the link below and can be used by police to help track the person down even without name and phone number if you provide as much info as possible for example email headers, IM ids, website name where you met and his ID http://vikinghouse.tripod.com/id6.html

laurell3 -> RE: No Name Dom? (12/9/2007 2:06:03 AM)
Playing CSI may give you some information but I highly doubt when it comes time to be restrained and trust him with your life it will give you much solace.

domahpet -> RE: No Name Dom? (12/9/2007 10:20:34 AM)
I once met with a DOM (who turned out to be a good friend instead of Dom to me) and he had us trade ID cards. Try offering yours up at the table next time you meet with him and see what he's willing to do. Everything about you both, right there on the table. On the other side (his), i can see his POV. When i started dating the man im with now, he gave me a different name. Three weeks later he came clean, was i freaked? HELL YES! But he explained the same scenerio happening to him that you mentioned in your post. Its understandable, and after i got over me rage, i asked him for his ID and he willingly let me see it. There has to be some trust of course, sometimes people have a harder time trusting because of past experiences, but its YOUR decision to decide if youre willing to work with that or not. A funny side not, three nights ago i was with him and accidently called him David (the fake name he gave me)- you should have seen his face! Priceless!!![image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m28.gif[/image]

SirJohnMandevill -> RE: No Name Dom? (12/9/2007 2:01:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AMasterPiece2009 Thanks so much to all who have answered. I am new to real time, and I have to admit, the anonymity makes me very uneasy. You're both married, but you're the one who seems to be taking all the chances, MasterPiece. If he's not willing to take the same chances, you should think about looking elsewhere, despite the chemistry. Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

nyrisa -> RE: No Name Dom? (12/9/2007 3:26:03 PM)
Before I ever met anyone in private, I required to see their driver's license. Of course, my husband was with me, so he would see the license, too. To me, that is the initial step in proving he is on the level. If he has too much to lose, to risk letting his sexual partner know his name, then he has too much to risk to be playing this game. And, consider how much you have to lose. Your health, your life............

MistressHolly71 -> RE: No Name Dom? (12/10/2007 9:00:27 PM)
quote: that there is no way to trace who he is if he is not safe You said it yourself. A lot women thought Ted Bundy was a nice guy until he murdered them.

BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: No Name Dom? (12/10/2007 9:04:33 PM)
Sounds like a cheater out to get a little on the side...My advice, walk away......bounty

marieToo -> RE: No Name Dom? (12/10/2007 9:14:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AMasterPiece2009 My concern is that, although my gut tells me he is safe, that there is no way to trace who he is if he is not safe. Does anyone have any suggestions on a compromise or how I should handle this? Please, no judgements on the cheating issue .. no need to feel any more guilty! Knowing his name isn't going to change whether or not he is 'safe'. You said yourself your gut tells you he is safe. So maybe it's not really a question of whether or not he's safe, but whether or not he's ever going to trust you. Maybe that's what's bothering you? I don't know. Just food for thought.

sexyred1 -> RE: No Name Dom? (12/10/2007 10:24:39 PM)
What adult carries on like that? If someone is going to engage in anything remotely intimate like play or an affair, then trust is vital, as is knowing their NAME. I cannot believe anyone would even question something like this.

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