Dominants Using Titles

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Stephann -> Dominants Using Titles (12/7/2007 2:21:38 PM)
Growing up, my mom made it very clear to me that I should use Mister, Misses, or Miss for adults. As an adult, I do my best to make use of titles, respectfully, when they are due. I've had several interviews where an important person was introduced to me as "John" or "Mike" or "Dave" yet I persisted on using Mr Smith/Jones/Daniels, simply because I didn't feel there was a casual enough of a relationship to warrent a first name basis. Yet, in the BDSM world (especially in an online format) I have a difficult time using titles of any sort, unless I absolutely feel they're warrented. People who post as Master/Mistress, for me, I feel it's fine that they use that title for themselves. But in speaking directly to them, I'm completely uncomfortable addressing them as Master John or Mistress Jane. I feel while their title may have been earned in their circle, and they very well may be worthy of the title, I feel the implication is that I'm expected to defer to their status in some fashion. Am I out of my gourd? I'm certainly not above giving respect to those who have earned it. I'm also completely comfortable with folks referring to me as Sir in correspondence (or even Master, from the odd slave who identifies as a kajira), should they feel it's warrented. I expect both my slave and submissive to refer to me as Master and Sir, respectively, and I require my slave to refer to others in the lifestyle as Sir, Ma'am, or Miss unless otherwise instructed by the dominant in question. Here's the real question; those who identify as dominants, and affix 'Master/Mistress/Miss" to your names, do you feel slighted when another dominant chooses not to address you as such? For the s-types, do you feel compelled to use a stated titled? Stephan

juliaoceania -> RE: Dominants Using Titles (12/7/2007 2:25:15 PM)
I have it so very easy, I take my cue from Daddy as to what to call people in the lifestyle and I do not have to weigh out whether they deserve it or not. If left up to me, no one would deserve it but the person I am submitting to... In vanilla settings, I use people's first names most of the time, but in California we are rather casual about such things. Even most of my professors hated being called "Dr." or "professor"

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Dominants Using Titles (12/7/2007 2:26:09 PM)
Go with what makes you comfortable. That's what you do in your vanilla setting, so do it here, too. If their feathers get ruffled by it, that's about THEIR stuff, not yours. Master Fire

Stephann -> RE: Dominants Using Titles (12/7/2007 2:28:29 PM)
M Fire, Thank you for your input. To be honest, it's your title that made me think on it. I remember when you first started posting, and people seemed to be a little surprised by a woman using the title Master. I've had nothing but the utmost respect for your opinions, but calling someone else Master or Mistress online just squicks the hell out of me. I've never had to do it in person, so I suppose that's part of the reason. Warm regards, Stephan

ctrlaltdelete -> RE: Dominants Using Titles (12/7/2007 2:30:14 PM)
I realize this was not addressed to me as the intended audience - yet I can very much identify with your out-of-gourd experience. To me, it is very reminiscent of the military. If you affix Sir/Lord/Master/Mistress to your name, it is like seeing an epaulette with the insignia attached. While those insignia indicate a certain rank to me, they do not immediately tell me that the authority and respect that are attached to that rank have actually been earned. But if you omit the rank in addressing said individual, feelers get hurt (and usually asses get chewed, too). I whole-heartedly second that question - how do you feel if 1) someone of "lower rank" and 2) someone of "equal or higher rank" fails to address you by your title?

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Dominants Using Titles (12/7/2007 2:31:09 PM)
I introduce myself as "Francine", and I neither use nor expect titles from anyone. I do use "Mistress" or some such online to indicate my gender and orientation, but beyond that, if I am not in a personal relationship with that person, they are certainly not obligated to use a title. I offer them the same courtesy. :)

laurell3 -> RE: Dominants Using Titles (12/7/2007 2:32:41 PM)
I don't even like it in vanilla life when someone refers to me by a title. I don't use titles with people I don't know and find people that insist on it with those that are not submissive to them ridiculous. For me it has nothing to do with merit, but with the fact that using a title, to me denotes something significant about that person for me. However, when I first got involved in the lifestyle, online those that were s types were rebuffed for not using titles with D types, now the opposite seems to be true. I do think it's common for people that grew up in certain regions to us general titles even in vanilla life and changing to not doing that in the nonvanilla areas of their lives may be difficult.

Raechard -> RE: Dominants Using Titles (12/7/2007 2:32:47 PM)
I’ve been called Sir and I don’t know why they do it. I think some like to call me Sir because it makes them feel submissive to me but I honestly can’t stand it because I’m a person and it feels so impersonal. Unless the person is a lot older than me, then it is a bit kinky and funny at the same time so I love it. I don’t like to call people by their own names either even those I have known for years. I prefer Mr, Mrs, in real life but online is another matter. I’m not sure why that is but it’s a bit stuffy if you are calling people by titles all the time I suppose. Teachers these days liked to be called by their first names. I find that concept strange I think it has to do with teachers controlling passively by engendering some kind of friendship with the student. I’m not sure who would really fall for any of that because the only teachers I ever respected were the ones that opened my eyes to a subject. edit: full = fall

toservez -> RE: Dominants Using Titles (12/7/2007 2:35:07 PM)
I have a similar background. Parents of friends always trying to get me to call them by their first names and when I first started out in my career I got talked to by higher ups about trying to fit in more by not being so formal. I have completely the opposite reaction when I was involved in local communities. I simply refused or tried not to smirk when a person who was not my own owners wanted to be called words of that nature. Respect and humility are huge things in my life/culture and found for me personally it was a bad mixture of both those philosophies I tangibly have lived in my life and to put is simply got totally bastardized by how some in local communities wanted to use them. I did not blame them but I could not play along.

Sabella -> RE: Dominants Using Titles (12/7/2007 2:38:04 PM)
<---s-type here :) I feel no compulsion to use any title that someone has given themselves. It's a problem sometimes (as I've posted before) when I get a PM from LordGodMaster because then I have nothing to call them other than "hey you!" Also I'm aware of the "I may be a Master, but I'm not YOUR master" and I respect that to the utmost degree, and likewise am aware of their unspoken respect as well by not introducing themselves as such. Ironically the folks who tend to follow that train of thought are NOT the folks who have Lord/God/Master/Dom in their user names. I admit tho there are a number of people here I would be hard pressed not to involuntarily address as "Master" should we ever meet, because of the respect I have for them. So far it hasn't been a problem ;) EDIT: I am a southern girl so I frequently use Ma'am and Sir with folks older than me, It's impossible to do otherwise eyes grandmother

DarkDaddyZ -> RE: Dominants Using Titles (12/7/2007 2:40:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann Growing up, my mom made it very clear to me that I should use Mister, Misses, or Miss for adults. As an adult, I do my best to make use of titles, respectfully, when they are due. I've had several interviews where an important person was introduced to me as "John" or "Mike" or "Dave" yet I persisted on using Mr Smith/Jones/Daniels, simply because I didn't feel there was a casual enough of a relationship to warrent a first name basis. Yet, in the BDSM world (especially in an online format) I have a difficult time using titles of any sort, unless I absolutely feel they're warrented. People who post as Master/Mistress, for me, I feel it's fine that they use that title for themselves. But in speaking directly to them, I'm completely uncomfortable addressing them as Master John or Mistress Jane. I feel while their title may have been earned in their circle, and they very well may be worthy of the title, I feel the implication is that I'm expected to defer to their status in some fashion. Am I out of my gourd? I'm certainly not above giving respect to those who have earned it. I'm also completely comfortable with folks referring to me as Sir in correspondence (or even Master, from the odd slave who identifies as a kajira), should they feel it's warrented. I expect both my slave and submissive to refer to me as Master and Sir, respectively, and I require my slave to refer to others in the lifestyle as Sir, Ma'am, or Miss unless otherwise instructed by the dominant in question. Here's the real question; those who identify as dominants, and affix 'Master/Mistress/Miss" to your names, do you feel slighted when another dominant chooses not to address you as such? For the s-types, do you feel compelled to use a stated titled? Stephan I don't require anyone to use a title to me except those that I am in a power exchange relationship. When I respect someone, I do use their title when addressing them. Z-

Jeffff -> RE: Dominants Using Titles (12/7/2007 2:40:26 PM)
This doesn't really apply to me. Out side of a close personal relationship I am Jeff. Even in the relationship I prefer Jeff most of the time. I have a hard time calling someone Master or Mistress or Lord. TO me that is a title to be used by their sub/slave. Jeff

LadyPact -> RE: Dominants Using Titles (12/7/2007 3:04:31 PM)
Stephann, in My view, you're right on the mark. I have very similar opinions on the subject. When online, the best I have to go by is a screen name. I have no problem with addressing someone as they have addressed themselves by their chosen moniker. That applies whether there is a title included in it or not. If I talk to someone specifically, I'll call them whatever they chose to call themselves. I tend not to add or detract from that. Just like I say "Stephann" when addressing you, I have no issue with, for example, saying "MasterFireMa'am" when talking to her. What I won't do, however, is change that to a different status. While I have no doubt of either being who they are, I wouldn't, for example, go back and call you "Sir". This has nothing to do with you personally. I happen to have quite a bit of respect for the things you say and the way you present yourself. Same with MasterFireMaam. I neither call her Master, or Maam, because she is neither to Me. Meatlife, to Me, is a bit different. There are certain folks r/t who have struck such a place with Me that I will give them the honorary "Sir" or "Ma'am" once in a while. I have no problem in using these terms for vanilla folks, but lifestyle folks are different.

ItalianSMistress -> RE: Dominants Using Titles (12/7/2007 3:38:27 PM)
There was a question about Domme vs Mistress the other day, and I think I have pretty much the same answer I gave there. Only My collared slaves are permitted to call Me Mistress, and once they do, they are not to call anyone else that (or Master, of course). A slave that I am only training but have not collared, or one that I am screening will call Me mostly Ma'am,,,,sometimes Governess. I am not their Mistress unless they belong to Me, so I only like that title in such cases. I never have a slave call Me by My name, in fact, most that I speak to, dont even know it. I have had collared slaves for years that have never said My name, ever. I make it very clear in My profile that I will not even respond to someone that calls Me Mistress in their message. As far as other Dom/mes go, I dont expect them to address Me as Ma'am, however some will call Me Governess, but as long as they show a common respect, as I would for them, I dont care what they call Me.

TreasureKY -> RE: Dominants Using Titles (12/7/2007 3:43:55 PM)
I don't feel the least bit compelled to refer to any dominant types with a title. I've mentioned before that I even have difficulty casually referring to FirmhandKY as "sir", though it isn't because he has not earned that respect... it's because I equate that title to emotional distance. I have absolutely no problem using "Sir" or "Ma'am" with strangers or with superiors in my work environment, though admittedly it's typically only in a "can I help you, Sir?" fashion or "yes, Ma'am" in answer to a question. But in those cases, it isn't really respect or deference that I'm showing... it's just... politeness or exaggerated obsequiousness. My own personal idiosyncrasies aside, your being uncomfortable is certainly understandable. quote: ORIGINAL: toservez ... when I first started out in my career I got talked to by higher ups about trying to fit in more by not being so formal. I had a similar experience... in the first job after I left the military, it took my boss six months to break me of calling her "Mrs. Wilson".

littlehumbledone -> RE: Dominants Using Titles (12/7/2007 3:46:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann Here's the real question; those who identify as dominants, and affix 'Master/Mistress/Miss" to your names, do you feel slighted when another dominant chooses not to address you as such? For the s-types, do you feel compelled to use a stated titled? Stephan Usually no, while I am polite, the only person who gets called Sir or Master will be my actual Sir or Master, anyone else, dom/domme gets called by whatever name comes after the Sir/Master/Mistress bit. But then again, I am often accused of not being a 'real' (whatever that is) sub.

pinksugarsub -> RE: Dominants Using Titles (12/7/2007 3:49:12 PM)
Much ado about nothing. Frankly, telling me to call You "Sir" or some such thing is out of line. pinksugarsub

chiaThePet -> RE: Dominants Using Titles (12/7/2007 3:56:39 PM)
Hell, I'd be happy just to call you. Yada Yada. chia* (the pet) And no, pet isn't necessary, chia* is just fine.

laurell3 -> RE: Dominants Using Titles (12/7/2007 4:03:00 PM)
it's Mr. pet/plant thing chia then?

ravennfyre -> RE: Dominants Using Titles (12/7/2007 4:03:35 PM)
i was raised much the same way. even though i'm 41, i will still call the neighbor from my childhood "Mr So and So". In daily living, men are Sir, women are Ma'am. Always. If i know them on a more personal, casual level, the older gentlemen would be called something like "Young Man" and the women "Missy" or "LadyJane" Never said disrespectfully, and only after i've gotten to know them better...get a sense of their humor level...

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