RE: Why "desperate" is bad

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RE: Why "desperate" is bad - 12/8/2007 3:36:19 PM

adoracat

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i'll be the first to admit that i'm insecure. AND that i need something to hang on to. but i was not desperate when i was looking....i knew what i wanted/needed and didnt run with the first person i talked with. i may not always be able to pinpoint what it is i want, but i had a really good idea of what i did NOT want, and that's a good place to start.

i'm desperate for someone who understands me, or at least makes an effort to. the same thing with touch, i need that desperately. but i'm ok enough within myself (and my security blanket) that i was able to wait and talk to probably a dozen dominants before i found Daddy (or he found me, more accurately) and make sure that this was the right choice for me.

kitten, thoughtfully

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RE: Why "desperate" is bad - 12/8/2007 3:55:49 PM

Owner4SexSlave

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Why don't desperate people understand, they don't have time to waste with chit chat and idle bullshit. They should just get straight to the point and ask "Do you wanna fuck", and keep moving on until they hook up with somebody just as desparate as they are.

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RE: Why "desperate" is bad - 12/8/2007 4:08:43 PM

petdave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave

Why don't desperate people understand, they don't have time to waste with chit chat and idle bullshit. They should just get straight to the point and ask "Do you wanna fuck", and keep moving on until they hook up with somebody just as desparate as they are.

'Cuz they're mostly straight guys, which means they will most likely grow old and die before finding somebody

But really, this is classic restroom-wall wisdom: "Women are like banks- they won't give you nothin' unless you can make them believe you don't need it!"

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RE: Why "desperate" is bad - 12/8/2007 4:29:59 PM

MissAnthropic

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Joined: 7/31/2007
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I dont think desperate is so terribly bad, just kind of sad and pathetic really. I'd like to think there are Dom's and Domme's out there with the compassion to help somone who is obviously having some mental health issues feel like they are normal worthwhile members of society who make a contribution.Lets face it we all have low periods in our lives and a few friends along the way couldn't hurt. While it may be ridiculous to start a relationship with someone who has issues, but helping them identifying thier own good points and to assist them in focusing on them, and helping them move on while probably a pain in the arse, isnt asking for very much.

cheers

jess

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RE: Why "desperate" is bad - 12/8/2007 4:53:10 PM

tivadar

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quote:

Is desperate necessarily all that bad? What is 'desperate' anyway, if not just plain, simple insecurity? And how many of us here, if we are prepared to be completely honest with ourselves, have never ever been insecure in our lives?

I'm a firm believer that you need to be confident and sure of yourself to even consider submission. Essentially, when you submit, you pass off control to someone else. You can't pass off something you don't have... I've always been very self-confident, and would never submit if I wasn't. And when I do take up the other end, you had better be sure my subs better be the same way. I don't see how one can be desparate and self confident...

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RE: Why "desperate" is bad - 12/8/2007 4:56:51 PM

OldBastardly1

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If you feed a stray dog, you can't make it leave you alone. Not that desperate people are dogs, but they are both rather needy. Desperation squicks me out. Even though I can really be a prick, I don't like hurting people's feelings, unless I think they deserve it. Being desperate alone does not make them deserving of being hurt.

Yes, I *am* an ass.

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RE: Why "desperate" is bad - 12/8/2007 5:50:59 PM

cloudboy

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Mystery, the pickup artist from VH1, suggests actually feigning some disinterest while projecting oneself as interesting, busy, & "having a life."

The question I wonder about is how a guy reacts when he finds out that you are married with an extra-marital "romance" hard limit. Will he feel more or less desperate knowing he can't have a real relationship with you? Can he effectively reduce his project to fantasy play and fulfillment? (Most guys can, to a point....)

Also, will a guy feel he has more to prove with you given your ProDom interests? Will he be overly preoccupied in how to row his boat into the non pay-for-play pool?

Lastly, will he be conflicted about the disjointed polyamory angles (the husband, the clients, and others?)

Hence, when analyzing desperation, its good to be well aware of how we ourselves make others feel.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 12/8/2007 6:29:45 PM >

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RE: Why "desperate" is bad - 12/8/2007 5:53:31 PM

OldBastardly1

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edited to add : I must have missed something.

< Message edited by OldBastardly1 -- 12/8/2007 5:54:12 PM >

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RE: Why "desperate" is bad - 12/8/2007 6:00:16 PM

stella41b

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Exactly cloudboy... Whatever happened to giving someone a chance?

I'm pretty good with nervous, tense, insecure people, I have a calming, warm, soothing presence. However that can quickly turn to ice and aloofness if I come up against someone who's stuck up and taking themselves too seriously.

Quite a few of my previous Dommes were really vulnerable, needy women who were given a bum deal by twue subs who only gave them the time of day because they couldn't find the Cruella types or the living fantasy but then who ditched them when someone better came along. Some had chronic illnesses, two had disabilities, but you know what? They were all wonderful women and I benefitted as a result of knowing them.

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