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RE: How do you feel as Punishment time approaches? - 12/8/2007 9:00:34 PM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
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I won't get into the debate about the rightness or wrongness of punishment. The way to steel yourself is to tell yourself that this wipes the slate clean, you are atoning for your wrongdoing, and this is something you agree to do in order to bring back the normalcy of the dynamic. It won't make you less nervous but it's something to put your mind on instead of the fear. Pain is temporary.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 21

RE: How do you feel as Punishment time approaches? - 12/8/2007 9:08:27 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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I don't postpone punishment- first off, the longer the time between the cause of the punishment and the actual punishment, the weaker the behavior reinforcement will be. Since the entire purpose behind punishment for me is to reinforce a particular behavior, postponing the punishment will only be counter productive.

For people who choose to postpone "punishment" because they actually want catharsis or atonement of some sort, then I'm guessing the feeling like crap adds to the experience...though perhaps not to the security of the relationship or the actual source of the problem.

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(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 22

RE: How do you feel as Punishment time approaches? - 12/9/2007 1:01:31 AM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
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To the OP..try to simply view it as closure to a painful portion for you both...and then start with that clean slate...Tempting

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 23

RE: How do you feel as Punishment time approaches? - 12/9/2007 7:39:55 AM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Problem is i dont know when punishment will occur, makes it ten times worse for me.

Oh, how very true. It is said that anticipation of death is worse than death itself. For a sub, there is nothing worse than disappointing your dom/me. It is a sickening feeling. If I ever disappoint or upset Mistress, I get so quiet that I turn mute. I get really ashamed of myself. In fact, I beat myself up worse than She does. I take disappointing Her really badly. Luckily, I rarely disappoint Her. I try to think before I say or act.

< Message edited by rubberpet -- 12/9/2007 7:43:47 AM >

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(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 24

RE: How do you feel as Punishment time approaches? - 12/9/2007 10:28:10 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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No help because we don't do punishment. But he would never blame me and say I has to be punished for miscommunication or for his mistakes.

So if he was also at fault, how does he propose to be punished?

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(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 25

RE: How do you feel as Punishment time approaches? - 12/10/2007 2:49:40 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greetings

i have a slave who is impossible to get the right answer from him. he is funny and so smart but when i comes time for his punishment he will hide and lol not answer the phone and then when he think i have forgotten it he will make up things as his mother is sick or someone is sick i tire of this way and i am just looking for someone again. no more bull i had it and he know this now. but he will cry and beg but this time i am moving on. why does he do this i understand the fear but it made me leave him. now i am on the hunt and i am picky i want smart slave . lol the ass i can see it now me giving him what he wants

thank for any help

mons

(in reply to lovingdomwanted)

Post #: 26

RE: How do you feel as Punishment time approaches? - 12/10/2007 5:55:52 AM

Ryu

Posts: 15
Joined: 7/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Yes and this Dom got me over my fear of the cane......My punishement is going to be 6 of quite alot of things.....Some of which I hate

Allow me to get this strait he and you had and argument. You chose to leave and go home, refused his assistance to get home. You and he after being separate for four months come back together. He plans to punish you for an argument that’s four months old. Based on what you are saying if there are new rules in place for your relationship there should not be a punishment of such a degree. Do not get me wrong there should be a punishment, I also think that the punishment should be based on the fact you endangered yourself not on the fact that you argued with him. It sounds to me that if the punishment is going to be as severe as you list that that is not punishment. If you and he are starting with a clean slate, how is it when your relationship is starting back with a punishment? A clean slate implies that there is no punishment ALL mistakes are forgiven and with new rules in place. A punishment implies that it is NOT a clean slate. If in fact new rules are to be in place, have you not learned your lesson in the four months being separate?

(in reply to lovingdomwanted)

Post #: 27

RE: How do you feel as Punishment time approaches? - 12/10/2007 6:05:45 AM

parttimehotty

Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
Status: offline

Exactly, Sky! It's not the actual punishment, though that does frighten me too, but the fact that i disappointed/failed my Master, that tears me up more than the punishment. Now, to prepare, i present exactly as He desires--nothing new there--then when i hear Him open the door, the sweat starts, the body starts to tremble and my senses are so much more in tune to everything going on around me at times. At other times, it's like listening to a seashell, nothing but the roaring of my blood in these ears. It's a scary, yet exciting moment for me and i'm always glad when it's done so it's not hanging over my head anymore. While it is very scary, it's also exciting because i know it's an opportunity to make it all better by letting go and embracing the punishment. The fact that i trust Him completely helps too ;)

Take care and let us know how it went!

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(in reply to Sky42)

Post #: 28

RE: How do you feel as Punishment time approaches? - 12/10/2007 8:12:37 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I don't postpone punishment- first off, the longer the time between the cause of the punishment and the actual punishment, the weaker the behavior reinforcement will be. Since the entire purpose behind punishment for me is to reinforce a particular behavior, postponing the punishment will only be counter productive.

For people who choose to postpone "punishment" because they actually want catharsis or atonement of some sort, then I'm guessing the feeling like crap adds to the experience...though perhaps not to the security of the relationship or the actual source of the problem.

I am not into punishing relationships as you well know.. but I do disagree with this, and the basis for the disagreement is from my own childhood.

I can count how many times I was spanked as a child. I never doubted how loved I was by my parents. They never caused me a moment's insecurity in that way, but if I got a spanking it was either because I was endangering myself and an automatic response to get me to never do that again, or it was something that I had to go to my room and wait for.

The waiting for the spanking was a time for reflection of what I did wrong, a time to anticipate the punishment, and it was much more effective than hauling off and smacking me. Most of the time when I was sent away to think, I never got the spanking, but the times I did I was given plenty of time to contemplate where I had pushed my parents... because it was indeed a rarity that they would ever strike me.

If I was with a dominant that used punishment, it would not be as effective if they did it quickly and without giving me much time to consider my wrong doing. There is something to be said for the Pavlovian response I guess... and that is very effective in my view for training someone to behave in certain ways, but I am not a dog... and if I am going to know in my heart I have done a wrong, it means I have to have time to process it...

With us, he tells me to think of what he found displeasing... it is not often he does this, and if he does it that has the same impact as when my parents sent me away to explore my "sins".

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 12/10/2007 8:13:12 AM >

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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 29

RE: How do you feel as Punishment time approaches? - 12/10/2007 12:47:14 PM

beltainefaerie

Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline

Punishment is rare. I get nervous, feel horrible at having "failed" and am often anxious to get it over with, so we can move on positively. While I am a masochist, Master knows the things I hate and uses those. Also, as someone else mentioned, sometimes the difference between loving a sensation and hating it is knowing that the intentoin has shifted.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 30

RE: How do you feel as Punishment time approaches? - 12/10/2007 1:21:41 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

I was punished twice. Once with a hairbrush and once by writing my wrongs and having to explain them.
Both times were horrible because of the disappointment I was to my Sir. Those punishments happened in our first month living together and I haven't given him a reason to punish me since.

_____________________________

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(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 31

RE: How do you feel as Punishment time approaches? - 12/10/2007 2:02:00 PM

Sabella

Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

Physical punishment is rare here too. CONSEQUENCES on the other hand, while also rare (well, sometimes) do occur following "you'll do/won't do XYZ or else" And then the consequence of my doing/not doing what he said may be immediate but it's usually hours or the next day.

I know, same diff - but I have a negative view of "punishment". I can accept the consequences of my actions tho. I'm almost always a mixed bag of feeling bad because I pushed the issue, yet happy that he stood his ground, with a healthy dose of "oh my poor ass" LOL

OP I don't know the dynamics going on but for me walking in after a 4 month separation to be met with a punishment wouldn't put me in a happy spanky kind of mind. I'd more than likely be resentful and learn nothing from it, even if it was accepted.

< Message edited by Sabella -- 12/10/2007 2:05:59 PM >

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(in reply to Littlepita)

Post #: 32

RE: How do you feel as Punishment time approaches? - 12/11/2007 4:01:53 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I feel nervous I had been punished 2 times in 22 months and that was early on. If i have a displine coming (which right now i don't). I get anxious brcause he hangs it over my head so when i do get the displine i feel like finally not that i wanted it just wanted to get it over with.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Sabella)

Post #: 33

RE: How do you feel as Punishment time approaches? - 12/11/2007 4:35:34 PM

Sweet1Maybe4U

Posts: 144
Joined: 8/1/2006
Status: offline

I havent been punished. Sir tells me that He knows it wont work on me. (I havent told Him but my mother used to say the same thing.)
And well, I was with a Dom in the past that said awful things to me and then would totally withdraw from me for days. I just couldnt deal with that. To me, I felt like He didnt even care for me. I felt so totally alone so I thought well....why not just be alone? and well...I left. I have a curved spine and at these times He would call me a deformity of nature. "Why am I with a deformity?" "What possible good could come from a deformity?" I can still hear Him in my mind. He would say awful things~worse things and I never said anything back. I think that was wrong on my part. I should have stood up for myself. I cant help it that my spine is curved.

And when things sometimes go wrong with my now Sir I have that same feeling come over me that I had in the past and I shut down completely.
With my Hunny Bunny He says I try His patience at times almost to the point of anger. I never mean to do that. So, He stops right when Im doing something wrong and verbally tells me WHY Im doing things wrong. It almost kills me when I know He's disappointed. At times I want to cry but cant because of the past. He just keeps talking but He doesnt really look at me when He's explaining things. He just waves His hands alot.

I was never spanked as a child. I dont have any bad expectations for things like spanking. But, WORDS hurt me terribly...or lack of affection. If Sir Ted stopped touching me I dont know what Id do..I guess just the thought is enough for me to do things well. I cant imagine leaving Him. He's so good to me. It almost scares me.

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(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 34

RE: How do you feel as Punishment time approaches? - 12/27/2007 8:26:25 PM

trueshadow

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sky42

If/when I need to be punished, it's horrible. Not the punishment itself, but the fact that I failed my owner. It's absolutely horrible. I'd rather get it over with as quick as possible, so that I know that the failure has been delt with so that she (and I) can focus on other things.

True punishment, for a lot of us, consists of being ignored or deprived of our owners/Dom's touch (after all, pulling out the whip isn't effective on someone who likes being whipped). For me, that's like a double punishment. Not only do I not recieve her touch, but because of me she does not get the pleasure of touching/playing with me.

Exactly so. I'm upset at myself if I make a mistake or disappoint her. As punishment time comes, of course, I feel nervous. I can think of nothing else.

(in reply to Sky42)

Post #: 35

RE: How do you feel as Punishment time approaches? - 12/27/2007 11:19:26 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

I feel nervous as hell. I never get the belt unless it's for correction purposes. My Master doesn't like to wait an extended period of time to get things out of the way, he prefers to deal with the situation immediately (or as soon as possible to correct the wrong) and be done with it. This doesn't happen often because I do not set out to intentionally disappoint or disobey him. But when it does, I am not happy about the fact that I've done something wrong or that I have to "take my lumps" as it were. However, consequences are to be expected, whether they are good or bad. The good thing is that once it's dealt with, it's never brought up again, and I have learned something along the way.

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(in reply to trueshadow)

Post #: 36

RE: How do you feel as Punishment time approaches? - 12/28/2007 8:00:27 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If it was undeserved in my opinion, I would safeword. I wouldn't accept punishment for something he admitted was partly his fault. Or for something I couldn't have been expected to know, such as who would be on a train. And most of all, after the relationship had broken off, the slate was wiped clean and him deciding to punish for what happened before would be something that would have me running for cover, again.

In this situation, you already know from how it's now starting that it isn't going to be any better. Me, I'd walk before getting back into it with someone when none of the issues have been, or can be, dealt with.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 37

RE: How do you feel as Punishment time approaches? - 12/28/2007 11:31:07 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

I usually don't have time to think about it. Most of the things that get on his nerves are knee jerk reactions that are better handled quickly. If he doesn't like me playing with his nipples, he smacks me every time I touch them. If he doesn't want me to say the word 'fuck', he smacks me every time I say it. To me this is kind of like 'punishment.'

I don't have experience in your situation, but I would imagine that the time you took to think about the situation is probably more valuable than the 'punishment' you are facing.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
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(in reply to batshalom)

Post #: 38

RE: How do you feel as Punishment time approaches? - 12/29/2007 8:00:09 AM

sublibrarian

Posts: 96
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

I haven't dealt with much punishment, but I know that I feel far worse about having disappointed Sir than I do about being punished. While I get nervous over the idea of being punished, I feel fairly calm about it as it's almost comforting to have him put me in my place. I acted up a week ago and unfortunately he didn't feel up to punishing me right then, as I've spent the past week feeling like I need to be punished to set right my actions. I feel horribly ashamed for complaining and acting up while I had my collar on.

(in reply to junecleaver)

Post #: 39

RE: How do you feel as Punishment time approaches? - 1/5/2008 2:58:54 AM

whipingherfeet

Posts: 202
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

just obey obey your master at all times.and you wont have to be punish

(in reply to lovingdomwanted)

Post #: 40

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