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RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/28/2007 8:08:19 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Please re-read what I said. I made no mention of you or your Daddy making you lay your head on His chest


I will compare both posts side by side

quote:

One of the most beautiful experiences I had with my Daddy was allowing myself to break through my need to be independent and just be clingy.. as in literally laying on his chest and sobbing because I did not want to leave. I do not want to experience that feeling every day, but there is great value in showing another person just how much I count on him... it is something i had not allowed myself to show since I was a child...




quote:

I must not be hyper-evolved.

I know if somebody laid on my chest balling and squalling because they didn't want to say goodbye ( not a permanent goodbye ), I would seriously doubt their sanity. But that is my take on it and I am but a simple man.



Keep on keeping on.. you are digging a hole there dude..you may not want to take responsibility for mocking me, but hey... whatever.. please let it go. I am moving on from this entire thing, just logging it, and will respond in the future to you accordingly.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to OldBastardly1)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/28/2007 8:11:18 AM   
kitttty


Posts: 494
Joined: 10/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:


You're the one who consistently portrays him in that bad light. If you don't like the picture you painted, then paint a new one. Don't blame the mirror you look into.


I'm not sure how I portrayed Master as one who prefers my incompetence or has a need to see himself as my better.

This is the Master that is punishing me for a 167 LSAT, right?

The range of reaction to me and my threads is odd to me.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/28/2007 8:13:53 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne

i havent gone crazy from being alone...well no more crazy than i was before

i have actually found contentment alone.  now i have an awesome son, a  great network of friends, and i get out and dance and have fun every chance i get.  i am also blessed to have a job i adore and look forward to going to every day.

but i am content, more content than i have ever been in my life.  and before i will let someone in my life in a D/s/romantic way again, i will have to be sure it can be better than the contentment i feel alone. 

i adore not having my mood set by someone elses mood....if im happy when i walk in the door at the end of the day, i stay that way.....if im in a pissy mood i can let it flow and get over it.  i can do what i want to, when i want to, and it is awesome to me.

this could change in the future.  i have only been single for 5 years, after having spent my entire adult life married, but as for now, it is simply heaven to me.


Have you ever been completely alone for long periods of time... no shopping, no contact with the outside world? That is being a "hermit", not spending time alone.

I spend a lot of time alone by choice, I have not lived with a man since my son was 8 months old by my own choice, but I would be lying if I said I never felt extremely lonely and unhappy at times. I consider family and friends to be a source of companionship

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/28/2007 8:13:56 AM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		Maybe I didn't express myself well earlier. I tend to do that, lol.

I will survive with or without a specific person. I prefer to share my life with another. While I might , based on research, need to have a partner to flourish, I can be quite content being by myself. I prefer to have a partner that feels the same. In my life/perspective, I think it is all about choices. I prefer for my sub to exercise free will, everyday making the *choice* to submit to me. I do not want to be needed on any level. I prefer 2 whole people, emotionally and otherwise, to come together, both *wanting* to be with the other

Again, I have been known to not express myself well. I hope I have not offended anyone.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/28/2007 8:15:23 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Perhaps a big part of the distaste for clingy and needy people is that we are conditioned to see them as immature and childish?

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/28/2007 8:15:24 AM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

Please re-read what I said. I made no mention of you or your Daddy making you lay your head on His chest


I will compare both posts side by side

quote:

One of the most beautiful experiences I had with my Daddy was allowing myself to break through my need to be independent and just be clingy.. as in literally laying on his chest and sobbing because I did not want to leave. I do not want to experience that feeling every day, but there is great value in showing another person just how much I count on him... it is something i had not allowed myself to show since I was a child...




quote:

I must not be hyper-evolved.

I know if somebody laid on my chest balling and squalling because they didn't want to say goodbye ( not a permanent goodbye ), I would seriously doubt their sanity. But that is my take on it and I am but a simple man.



Keep on keeping on.. you are digging a hole there dude..you may not want to take responsibility for mocking me, but hey... whatever.. please let it go. I am moving on from this entire thing, just logging it, and will respond in the future to you accordingly.


i happen to enjoy both of your posts.....and against my better judgement i am going to stick my nose in this.

he states that is his take on this.......to me, this says nothing more than you and he would never be a good match.  not a personal attack, just a statement of what would and would not work for him.

so we know you and he will never be a match, as you have different needs and expectations from a relationship.

i will now crawl back into my oh so content and alone cave.  i hope this is taken in the peace making spirit it is offered in.

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/28/2007 8:17:48 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

i will now crawl back into my oh so content and alone cave.  i hope this is taken in the peace making spirit it is offered in


I am glad you are content... that is really what it is all about

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/28/2007 8:19:06 AM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		Thank you.

And it was public, so you have every right to comment on it.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/28/2007 8:19:10 AM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


Have you ever been completely alone for long periods of time... no shopping, no contact with the outside world? That is being a "hermit", not spending time alone.

I spend a lot of time alone by choice, I have not lived with a man since my son was 8 months old by my own choice, but I would be lying if I said I never felt extremely lonely and unhappy at times. I consider family and friends to be a source of companionship


oh yeah, i have been there.  i was completely homebound with panic attacks for almost 2 years when my son, who is now 19, was a baby.  i have fought that demon and learned to keep it under control, at first using drugs, then using the skills i was taught by a most awesome support group.

and at that time i was married and had a husband with me daily.  i felt alone and lonely then.  now i do not feel that way. i feel content.

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/28/2007 8:24:36 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		But you still had a baby to love.... when I speak of people going nuts from no human contact, I mean no human contact. Solitary confinement for extended periods of time with no human interaction can cause people to go nuts.

I was alone a lot when my UM was wee and when I was pregnant. It made me very lonely and unhappy, although I did not go nuts. I felt alone and lonely when I was married too, which is why I am not married anymore. In fact it was such a negative experience for me that I went the opposite direction for many years... wanting to rely on, trust in, depend on, no one... because raising my UM by myself, I felt I had to be "strong" and not "need" anyone. Well he is an adult now, so I guess it is my turn after all these years to not just survive, but to thrive

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/28/2007 8:24:44 AM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		Seeksonlyone- Why were you completely homebound for the first two years?

OB1- (i'll be ducking in a second)-That post you made was a bit f'd up.  You couldn't see that what Julia was describing was extremely cathartic?  It wasn't a regular occurance.. Would you not be moved by being able to bring that out in your girl?

< Message edited by BossyShoeBitch -- 12/28/2007 8:28:33 AM >

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/28/2007 8:24:49 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Perhaps a big part of the distaste for clingy and needy people is that we are conditioned to see them as immature and childish?


Yep.  I think we see them as co-dependent.  Or possibly personality-disordered in the borderline personality style, needing a lot of reassurance and fearful of being abandoned.




_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/28/2007 8:29:09 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Perhaps a big part of the distaste for clingy and needy people is that we are conditioned to see them as immature and childish?


Yep.  I think we see them as co-dependent.  Or possibly personality-disordered in the borderline personality style, needing a lot of reassurance and fearful of being abandoned.





And very few sane people want to be subjected to a 'fatal attraction" scenario.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/28/2007 8:32:43 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		As a Dominant woman, I want someone who "needs" me.
I don't mind a little clingy behavior now and then, but that's me.
 
As long as they don't turn into a ClingOn, the RIGHT submissive
can get a little clingy with me.
 
Big hint----THE RIGHT SUBMISSIVE ONLY!
I want to be needed by the right person.

I think a little co-dependency works well for many people.
I was teasing a submissive last night, that just had a fatal attraction type of woman after him.
I asked him if he had any wabbits.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 12/28/2007 8:36:39 AM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/28/2007 8:35:46 AM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

Why were you completely homebound for the first two years?


i was able to go to the store when i had to......it involved white knuckles and a feeling of terror from the time i walked out the door til the time i came back in.  i could go to my moms house, only after discovering she had fought panic in her younger days, as this gave me the comfort level to know if i lost it she would understand.

but there were days, even weeks, i could not walk out the door.  i was terrified.  not even to the mailbox.....

when i called 911 at 3 am on july 4th, 1990, and was taken by ambulance to the hospital, convinced i was dying finally, the dr looked at me after a few questions and said you are having a panic attack.  i told him he was nuts....he gave me a shot in the ass to calm me and the name of a support group that was local.  he also told me to go to my regular dr and get on some meds.

it took me 3 trips to my dr, the first 2 times i left because i could not sit there one moment more.  i begged his secretary to give me the first appt in the am so i could walk right in, and after fighting with her, she finally allowed me to talk to him and he made sure to get me right back to see him on the 3rd visit.

it took me 3 trips to the place the support group was held, to find the strength to get out of the car.  it was so awesome to get in there and see people, realtors, attorneys, housewives, rock band drummers, all types, who all looked so normal.  and each of them described the same things i had been feeling for 2 years.

i went to that group for 2 years.......ill never forget how hard it was...making me go to the mailbox....the grocery store, the movie theatre.....challenging this demon.

and i feel confident to say now i will never have another full blown panic attack.  of course, i will never be without xanax close by, just in case either-lol.

edited to change 2000 to 1990-damn time flies when youre having fun

edited again to add i have no idea, to this day, why all this happened......

< Message edited by SeeksOnlyOne -- 12/28/2007 9:04:55 AM >

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/28/2007 8:38:14 AM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		Good for you for beating this monster back...
Xanax...my old friend..lol

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/28/2007 8:42:33 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I think that everyone has been over generalizing what clingy means, and like all semantics, it is subjective.

The bottom line is this: being dependent or clingy is a relative term; it all depends on the dynamic of the two people in a relationship. What often starts off as mutually dependent, both parties being in constant contact, etc. often devolves into one party becoming less so for various reasons. Thus, the other party is declared "clingy".

Sometimes it is a matter of not being into that person so much anymore, or the relationship has taken a turn for the bad in communication.

If being clingy is borne out of insecurity that is an internal problem. If being considered clingy is when you need more communication from your witholding partner, then it is an external issue.

I also believe that people truly need each other and I take issue with those who think that if you "want" someone, you should not "need" them. That is silly. The very idea of wanting someone who you end up in a relationship with, normally leads to you needing them, and vice versa. To all those who cry, just want me, don't need me, I say that you are wanting only half a relationship, not the responsibility part where someone might need you.

I have seen this time and time again...girl meets boy. boy calls girl ten times a day. girl loves it. girl and boy get in relationship. things are cool for a while. then girl starts calling boy too often and he backs away...oh no! she has become clingy. It was fine when he called 10 times, but she is not allowed to.

Often when a person has had a bad experience with an abusive person or a non-communicative one or even been accused of being "clingy", they go the opposite way and overdo the independent thing, where they become almost impossible to get to know, for fear of letting their guard down. Those people usually are the ones who say they are fine alone. I do not believe for a moment that anyone who is alone actually wants to be so, it is a defense mechanism.

In the pursuit of ideal human relationships, the one constant is there is no ideal, you need to work at finding a balance and one person's clingy is another's perfect behavior.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 12/28/2007 8:50:27 AM >

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/28/2007 8:54:28 AM   
SeeksOnlyOne


Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

Good for you for beating this monster back...
Xanax...my old friend..lol


ahhhhh yes xanax.....how do i love thee.....let me count the ways.....just knowing it is in my purse is comfort to me and keeps me from going over the edge -lol.

if thats nuts, then so be it.....if loving xanax is wrong, i dont wanna be right.

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/28/2007 8:55:52 AM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

Seeksonlyone- Why were you completely homebound for the first two years?

OB1- (i'll be ducking in a second)-That post you made was a bit f'd up.  You couldn't see that what Julia was describing was extremely cathartic?  It wasn't a regular occurance.. Would you not be moved by being able to bring that out in your girl?



No need to duck, lol. But, no, I didn't see it as being extremely cathartic. Perhaps I should have been more sensitive, but then, this is a public forum  and I didn't realize it was such a tender spot for her. I was expressing what seemed to be logical for me. While I do enjoy tears flowing at certain times, that particular scenario would have squicked me a bit.

As I have said before, I am a simple man and do not express myself as well as some. But if you want to talk Nascar......LOL.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: On Clingy Submissives - 12/28/2007 8:58:16 AM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

Good for you for beating this monster back...
Xanax...my old friend..lol


ahhhhh yes xanax.....how do i love thee.....let me count the ways.....just knowing it is in my purse is comfort to me and keeps me from going over the edge -lol.

if thats nuts, then so be it.....if loving xanax is wrong, i dont wanna be right.


LMAO.  I like that.

Seriously, I applaude you for beating that demon. And you are stronger now, right?

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)
Profile   Post #: 100
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