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RE: oral sex - 1/3/2008 3:09:39 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

Do You consider oral sex a submissive act? If so why? I asked my master to and he said no because it is a submissive act. When I asked him why he thought that he got mad and stopped talking to me. I want to understand why he thinks that, but he wont discuss it with me. Please enlighten me.
Thank you.


Hey sweetie

I went years without oral sex. So when I saw a really attractive Dom on the other alternative site and he lived close by, I was VERY excited. But his checklist said yes to recieveing oral, but No Way! to giving. I questioned and asked why pleasuring a sub would be bad and does he think women are dirty and have hang ups? he said the same thing. It wasnt dominant. I said most are doing it and its not submissive to tie up a women, perform oral, and not let her cum til you say. i could honestly see how one(dom) might not want a sub sitting on their face. Anyway, I said I could never be in a relationship like that, so I passed.

These are things one needs to find out BEFORE they give their heart away and then have to live with their frustrations.

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: oral sex - 1/3/2008 3:23:36 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

I think I just found a hard limit... denial of receiving oral sex is a hard limit.

I just couldn't be with someone who refused, or just tolerated it.  I want enthusiasm!!  And talent!!  Oral sex is too essential to, well, I was going to say "my sex life", but it's so much MORE than that.

Cali



I'm with you this one Cali. I love to recieve and love a Dom that is very oral. I love to give and love a Dom that loves to recieve!
I'm very lucky now. he(mine) a Master and gifted Cunning linguist.
He thinks I am the best and suck like a porn star. Those www.sexandsubmission vid's taught me ALOT!

As mentioned, I have said no to those who werent into it.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 1/3/2008 3:24:23 PM >

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: oral sex - 1/3/2008 3:38:59 PM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline 		I don't believe oral sex is a submissive act.  As many have stated already, it's the intent behind the act that will determine if it is or isn't.  I mean really, if one thinks about it, if a sub/slave is tied down, spread eagle, and her/his Dom/Domme is performing oral sex on them.... is that an act of submission?  I don't think so

What puzzles me is why your master got angry when you asked why he thought it was an act of submission.  Just a guess here, but he may not like it. 

girly

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: oral sex - 1/3/2008 3:54:21 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		i agree with the majority...but may i add some food for thought?  How many times have you been giving the best bj some guy ever had in his life and felt a little twinge of power?  For some Doms i know, a woman performing oral is a bit of a dominant act when it's amazing, (or perhaps i'm telling too much of my biz)  that's why they invented face fucking etc...to retain power in "oral situations" so i've been told.

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: oral sex - 1/3/2008 4:08:06 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak
Do You consider oral sex a submissive act?


I don't feel that way. I love it - so I do it... sometimes to the point where she begs me to stop. Just like everyhting else.

Having said that it is worth noting that your master thinks it is submissive in nature. And that's that. I would no sooner try to dictate to him what is and is not submissive in nature than I would let him do the same about what I do. He doesn't want to do it. He feels it's beneath him on a D/s level and he is in the dominant role here.

I don't know how to say it any more clearly.

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: oral sex - 1/3/2008 4:42:23 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

i agree with the majority...but may i add some food for thought?  How many times have you been giving the best bj some guy ever had in his life and felt a little twinge of power?  For some Doms i know, a woman performing oral is a bit of a dominant act when it's amazing, (or perhaps i'm telling too much of my biz)  that's why they invented face fucking etc...to retain power in "oral situations" so i've been told.


yes, I have felt some guilt about that. But isnt that where a submissives power comes from? A job well done?

(in reply to lronitulstahp)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: oral sex - 1/3/2008 5:25:12 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		hmm...now i know where you got the name....

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: oral sex - 1/3/2008 5:38:31 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

hmm...now i know where you got the name....


yes! But self proclaimed. well I could probably get testemonials...both ways!

(in reply to lronitulstahp)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: oral sex - 1/3/2008 6:42:52 PM   
Maestro66babycak


Posts: 396
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

It's not the physical act that is or isn't submissive so much as taking the time to set the right headspace for your submissive.  Intercourse doggy-style is mostly a very dominant way of taking a female but I'm sure there's many a Domme who enjoys sex this way, too!  It just needs a little tinkering with the sub's mind....
 
Now for me, I don't actually get a lot out of oral sex as a sexual act per se'; in fact, I can do without.  But as an act of exerting domination over the girl, I can think of no stronger expression of power over another.  In a physical sense, that generally means anytime my cock is in the girl's mouth, either her hands are tied behind or she's expressly forbidden to touch.  I once had a sub whine that she needed to also use her hands in order to give me "the best possible blow job" etc, so she got some education on how contradictory that is to me - that it's about *power*, NOT sexual release.
 
To the OP's specific problem - it's that your Dom is unable or unwilling to get his mind or yours where it needs to be.  "Eating pussy" is "undominant" to him - end of story!  In wanting to discuss it further with him, you're challenging both his manhood and "domhood" (lol) - hence he naturally gets angry. 
 
Sorry, but such an insecurity it gonna be tough to get around if he won't even discuss it....  Perhaps showing him this thread?
 
Focus.

Thank you for posting this Sir. You have given me a definite insight as to his thought processes! What you described here is like you were describing my Master. It never occured to me that he thought I was challenging him ( i really was not, I was merely curious.). I will appologize to him for the challenge he thought was there. I really didnt know Masters thought of oral as a 'power' thing and not a sexual release, I bet that is what he thinks as well.
I can live without oral- no problem! It was the brick wall I slammed into when I asked why that was getting me! Thank you!
 Everyone else that answered and tried to help, I do very much appreciate every one of your answers... please continue...
babycakes

_____________________________

I live between the Rock and the Hard Place.

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: oral sex - 1/3/2008 6:56:46 PM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		I just checked my copy of Kinsey, and it seems an amazing 12%+ of males had never given oral sex to their female partners! One can only surmise that this percentage is somehow put off by female genitalia. (The percentages for women refusing fellatio are only slightly lower, it should be noted.) Some people just aren't into it, sad as that is.

Obviously, your master has an issue, and is using his "dominance" as an excuse for not having to pleasure you as you want/need.

Good luck with that.

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: oral sex - 1/3/2008 7:50:57 PM   
ligar59


Posts: 55
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline 		It could be many things...
An act of enjoyment
An act of control
And act of submission
And act of love
And act of lust

More importantly, How do you see it?

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: oral sex - 1/3/2008 9:06:58 PM   
SubmissiveAK


Posts: 94
Joined: 3/5/2007
Status: offline 		I couldnt say why, but I see oral sex as a very submissive act. I wouldnt want it preformed on me... unless my Master / Mistress wished to do so for thier own pleasure

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: oral sex - 1/3/2008 9:08:48 PM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline 		This is an interesting topic.  I have never felt dominant with my Sir, not even when I have His cock in my mouth.  There are times when I have the feeling of ummm... I don't know if I would call it control, it's more like an extreme high, because I know, what I'm doing for Him is bringing Him such pleasure.  I hope that makes sense.

girly



(in reply to ligar59)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: oral sex - 1/3/2008 9:23:49 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

I've seen people post about various things being "dominant acts" or "submissive acts". I've come to the conclusion that I really don't think such a thing exists, there is only the intention behind the action. Personally, I wouldn't be with someone who defined things as dominant or submissive regardless of the intention behind them nor I would be with someone who refused to explain his reasoning.

PS. Is this the same one you were sticking with even though he was looking for other girls without talking to you about it?

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/3/2008 9:24:02 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to girlygurl)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: oral sex - 1/3/2008 10:18:30 PM   
Maestro66babycak


Posts: 396
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ligar59

It could be many things...
An act of enjoyment
An act of control
And act of submission
And act of love
And act of lust

More importantly, How do you see it?

 I see it simply as a sexual act. Same as i see a blow job.
So for asking that question I have been punished. He has refused to see me until monday!! So I am bloooooodyyyy angry about that at the moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_____________________________

I live between the Rock and the Hard Place.

(in reply to ligar59)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: oral sex - 1/3/2008 10:21:50 PM   
Maestro66babycak


Posts: 396
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub


PS. Is this the same one you were sticking with even though he was looking for other girls without talking to you about it?

Yes it is the same Master. He has released his "trainee" and told me that he would not look for anyone else without telling me . Yes I believe him, mostly.

_____________________________

I live between the Rock and the Hard Place.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: oral sex - 1/3/2008 10:25:13 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

He has refused to see me until monday!! So I am bloooooodyyyy angry about that at the moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Be happy!  You have three days to start your search for someone who is not such a crybaby.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: oral sex - 1/4/2008 12:17:47 AM   
Maestro66babycak


Posts: 396
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

He has refused to see me until monday!! So I am bloooooodyyyy angry about that at the moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Be happy!  You have three days to start your search for someone who is not such a crybaby.

Cali


That is what I told him ( that i should look for a master that actually wants to spend time with me)... but I couldnt do that , I made a commitment to him and  I wont stray.

_____________________________

I live between the Rock and the Hard Place.

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: oral sex - 1/4/2008 12:41:54 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

That is what I told him ( that i should look for a master that actually wants to spend time with me)... but I couldnt do that , I made a commitment to him and  I wont stray.


One could argue he already broke the commitment to you when he lied way back when. I mean, if you wanna stay with him go for it, but I really don't think this guy is going to magically start treating you any better nor do I think making a commitment to a dominant means staying no matter what until released.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: oral sex - 1/4/2008 1:09:47 AM   
Maynard


Posts: 66
Joined: 7/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

I personally wouldn't respect any one who got angry over me asking a question about why they feel something to be the way they did. Providing I asked respectfully, it's immature and juvinal to get mad at questions.


Just the word 'why' itself can easily make a lot of people defensive.  In counseling classes they try to teach students not to use the word when forming a question to a client.  why puts the focus on the person instead of the area where you want info.... "why do you think cunillingus is submissive?" VS "What is submissive about cunillingus?".  Takes the person you are "drilling" out of the equation :-p   

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 60
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