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vavavoom -> RE: oral sex (1/4/2008 4:09:23 PM)
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Dear Babycake,
when I have a serious question, I usually brood over it, then blurt it out without any structure. To overcome this, my Master has instructed me in a way to deal with my questions/issues (steming from a endlessly curious monkey mind) in two ways.
Firstly, should it be urgent (for me that is) I must approach him, and start off the sentance with "I have a very important question that I wish to ask" (as I once blurted out that I WAS going to do something! which ofcourse was received with a frown and punishment, as I am NEVER to tell him what I will or willnot do that will affect his life..) this allows him to take with a large pinch of patience the next words that would be badly arranged, and possibly offensive in their lack of servitude.
The second way of communication, (as I am in awe of him, and despite being a very chatty person with my girlfriends, tend to not say much when around a dominant) is to write on my blog. He TELLS me to go and blog when he sees that my mind is working overtime (and thus distracting me from focusing on his daily needs,as I become self-absorbed). Once I have blogged,I feel much better, and as I tend to suffer from breath retention when nervous, it allows me to also relax once "it's out".
He then can read my blog, and will, in his own time, bring up the issue, either with his answer, or specific questions so that he can better understand how I work. ( my blog is anonymous, but yet for me a very strong way of bringing out confused thoughts, and the typing of them does help, almost what they call "automatic writing")
This form of communication works for both of us, for you to find what works for you.
Concerning oral sex, the only person who REALLY knows why he does not wish too, is him, and like an onion, there are many layers and thus reasons overlaid that might explain his reaction...
As to the d/s dynamics, I have learnt, as a newbie here, that there seems to be a sliding scale between 24/7 and just occasional playtime or scenes. What is your relationship on this scale?
I am in a 24/7, and luckily for me, I receive and give alot of pleasure to my Dom, but every time I discover (with him, as each coupling is unique, and what worked with a previous partner does not necessarily with another, weither due to anatomy or personal style!) anyway, each time I discover a new pleasure, I tell my Master, to that he knows I enjoy it, and from then on he decides when and where. This relieves me of 1. satisfying my own insatiable urges. 2.using him for such satisfaction.3.not forgetting that I am there to serve, even if it is to be sexually aroused...
He always says before "because you have been so good...." this is to remind me that ALL pleasure is earned, and it is a WONDERFUL motor, besides adoring him and wishing his comfort, to strive to make his hedonistic needs met.
This is ofcourse our d/s protocol, and it works uniquely because of who we are.
Some people do not have much in the way of communication skills, but does not mean they do not feel something strongly.
I wish you all the best in finding a way of communication that will bring both of you to a point of re-conciliation, and if not, to, as wisely suggested, deeply question (yourself, as he has quit the discussion) what it is you wish from this d/s dynamics?
all the best
vava
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