AAkasha
Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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The sizzling the noob got over in the "just a question" thread got me thinking about the power dymanics that exist (prior to hooking up) in the femdom world (and perhaps in the maledom world, I'm not sure) in that the opinion of most femdoms is that a single sub looking for no-strings experimentation is in a laughable position unless he has something to exchange. Granted, his approach might not have been too slick, but it still makes me wonder if a submissive male, out of the gate, is automatically a lower form to femdoms, and therefore, any chances he has of being with one will begin with what he is willing to give up.
But what about submissive men who are incredibly charimastic? Do they just not exist?
Have femdoms ever spied a man from across a room, or known him in social circles, and distinctly felt "out of his league" with regards to his level of attraction, his popularity among women, his charisma? It seems as though, no, this is not the case, that femdoms can basically enjoy the position of being queen of the castle based on rank - knowing that a submissive man, certainly, will want her time and favor, and beyond that, if one does not, well, he must be a loser, and it does not matter because there are 15 more lined up right behind him.
My main beef with male subs is that they adopt and embrace this "lesser than" mentality and posture submissive out of the gate. Green subs like the noob guy in the other thread come along with some naive comments about how maybe he can experiment with kink (because, he all but admits, it gets his rocks off) without a relationship without paying a pro, and he's slapped around in a sense to accept that no, of course not, femdoms' time is too valuable and he's nobody, so he either has to pay, or give something in return.
Surely there are some men out there who are charming, who make you laugh, who have a cute butt, who give you butterflies in your stomach when they look at you. There are men that possess that certain "something" that makes you want to dominate them (I am speaking for myself here). Submissive or not, it's just there. I would much rather have submissive men nuturing and building their self confidence, charm, social skills and self esteem so that when they walk into a room full of kinky people, femdoms DO a double take and think, "That guy is hot," vs. them adopting the lowly worm status, walking around with his head down, feeling like a loser, knowing his only chance with a dominant women is if he accepts he's the lowest on the food chain and his only hope is someone will take pity on him.
When I was going through one of my single periods of time, I was always drawn to the guy I thought I couldn't have. I loved to "chase" men that I thought were out of my league or maybe just a little too "hot." I liked men who were sociable, chatty, charming, self confident, and who lit up a room when they walked in. Submissive or not. It seems like sub guys are being programmed to think there's no point in working on their skills with women, and instead, have to rely on competitive asskissing to hope to meet a femdom, or, pay. Meanwhile, a whole new breed of subs is adopting this contrarian attitude that swings too far back the other way, but I won't even go into that. I'm missing the men who just act like men, and have some self confidence.
Can a guy "get" a femdom to play with him, no strings attached? Sure, I go back to what I said in the other thread. Yes, he can. If he's HOT. And hot isn't necessarily about what he looks like or his body, it's the way he carries himself, it's charisma, and presence. A femdom will want to peel the onion and see what's inside. This is much more attractive than a man who is defeated out of the gate and sits in the corner of a room hoping someone will take notice.
But femdoms, we're also part of the problem. The frustration and impatience leads many of us to slap around noobs like this guy for asking an innocent question, and to think too much in the mindset that "femdoms are in demand, are rare, are better than submissive men, so there for, any submissive man is of lower rank and quality and he must fight for my attention." The problem with this is that any *quality* guy is going to walk in, sense that vibe, and walk right back out and instead date frisky, open minded vanilla women because they don't have a chip on their shoulder in his eyes. Any guy with good, healthy self esteem is going to look around and say - "I'm kinky, but I'm not a lower life form, so I'll go back to dating women who are wild in bed and take my chances once will be into it for life -- I don't need these women telling me I'm not worth shit unless I pay or paint their house."
I think we need to work more on getting subs to put their best foot forward instead of assuming they're all useless until they offer something in return. Of course, we still should ignore those who are totally in a fantasy world, but in the case of the noob, I think he was just green.
Akasha
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