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Training for another - 1/3/2008 9:05:36 PM

Posts: 16
Joined: 1/21/2006
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I'd like to ask my fellow Doms is this. A friend of mine, has asked me to "train" his girlfriend. She seems perfectly willing, and it's not sexual at all. He wants her to be the kind of mentally and emotionally submissive girl in public that he has seen me with.

Should I do this for him? Should I just try to teach him what I do when I am bringing up or training a sub for myself, or should I just leave the entire thing alone. I don't want to potentially damage their relationship. I know she "seems" willing but I've run into a lot of girls who have seemed like that but really weren't ready or willing at all.

He's been hounding me for a while and I thought this would be a good question to ask here.

RE: Training for another - 1/3/2008 9:09:33 PM

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The best thing you can do for him, as a friend, is to get him to "train" his own girl.

quote:

ORIGINAL: zimmeron

Should I do this for him?

(in reply to zimmeron)

RE: Training for another - 1/3/2008 9:14:18 PM

Posts: 1505
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From: Santa Rosa
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maybe you could mentor him instead?

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: Training for another - 1/3/2008 9:22:17 PM

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From: Charleston, WV
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He wants to be the Dom...he needs to do the foundational work that builds the relationship. If you train her, she'll be trained to be what you want...and he may find that what you want isn't as close to what he wants as he currently thinks it is (or something equally as confusing).

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to zimmeron)

RE: Training for another - 1/3/2008 9:24:33 PM

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Basically just show him what I've done in the past to bring up a sub and let him go from there.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: Training for another - 1/3/2008 9:28:02 PM

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This seems like a bad idea. Her behavior almost certainly will not transfer like that. My advice is point him to some resources, maybe even offer to let him ask you for advice/suggestions. I would not offer to even teach him, as who will take the blame if it blows up in his face? Is your friendship with him worth that risk? If he doesn't have the ability to get the behavior he wants from her, what makes you think that he will be able to maintain any behavior you get her to express? Bottom line is that it is his relationship, not yours. He should be the one handling it.

Honsoku

(in reply to zimmeron)

RE: Training for another - 1/3/2008 9:28:40 PM

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From: Sailin the stormy sea
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Your friend sounds like he is not up to the task. I cannot think of a better way to ruin a friendship than to train his girl.

BadOne

(in reply to zimmeron)

RE: Training for another - 1/3/2008 9:36:21 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zimmeron
He wants her to be the kind of mentally and emotionally submissive girl in public that he has seen me with.

And has he done any work at all to suggest that he feels those girls are fairly identical in their mental and emotional processing and would take to your training the way that they did?

quote:

He's been hounding me for a while and I thought this would be a good question to ask here.

Solid people generally don't seriously "hound."

The problem isn't having you train someone for him- it's what he wants trained and why he wants it. He's not really looking at the whole picture and just trying to use a friend as a contractor to end up with a finish product.

Do you offer warranty?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to zimmeron)

RE: Training for another - 1/3/2008 9:47:08 PM

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Well when I say "hounding" I don't mean in an unbalanced way. Also she has asked too. That's really the only reason why I even considered it.

I get what you're saying though.

And I'm not sure if the "warranty" thing was a joke or not :), but the only girls I've ever dealt with in the past are the ones who were with me.

I guess, thinking on my own history, and how I started. The girl I was dating at the time had very submissive tendencies that brought out my dominant nature and together we explored and formed a Dom/sub relationship that worked for us. But we didn't have much in the way of people to ask or places to do research we just sort of felt it out for ourselves and picked up pointers when we could.

So now my friend seems to be in a similar situation, with a girl who (seems) to have very submissive tendencies that she wants to be exploited by him, so they both have come to me. I agree though that training her myself isn't the way to go. I would like to help him in some way though.

< Message edited by zimmeron -- 1/3/2008 9:48:56 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Training for another - 1/3/2008 10:00:18 PM

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He dips:
Take all the other good advice here. Point him to literature. Do a search on BDSM literaturebooks here and introduce them to munches and clubs to understand more of BDSM. Allow a reality (away from cyber fantasy) for them to gain a solid foundation. Find yourselves mentors this way.

It appears that your asking here on C/M shows your lack of knowledge to address this. (Respectfully) The fact that you ask shows admirable strength but it is also your answer.

Warm regards Driver

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

(in reply to zimmeron)

RE: Training for another - 1/3/2008 10:31:52 PM

Phin

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I would not train her. Depending on the people, I might mentor them together.

I would say help your friend if you can, but he also needs to take the responcibilities for his girl.

_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to Driver1961)

RE: Training for another - 1/3/2008 11:05:03 PM

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Joined: 1/21/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Driver1961

He dips:
Take all the other good advice here. Point him to literature. Do a search on BDSM literaturebooks here and introduce them to munches and clubs to understand more of BDSM. Allow a reality (away from cyber fantasy) for them to gain a solid foundation. Find yourselves mentors this way.

It appears that your asking here on C/M shows your lack of knowledge to address this. (Respectfully) The fact that you ask shows admirable strength but it is also your answer.

Warm regards Driver

That's a good point. I'm comfortable answring a question or two on topics I've become familiar with but not with hand holding step by step. Besides, there way may not be my way. So I definitely think that resolves my conflict. I do want to help him but the best way to do that is to send them both in a direction that will provide them both with nuetral and more experienced guides.

(in reply to Driver1961)

RE: Training for another - 1/4/2008 5:47:13 AM

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Maybe he wants to be dominated by you by proxy? I've read about this kind of fantasy before - he may be living vicariously through his sub in this way.

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(in reply to zimmeron)

RE: Training for another - 1/4/2008 6:32:56 AM

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From: Pennsylvania
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I think you should:

1) train her
2) do her
3) have her do you

report to him that training is complete

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- Albert Einstein

(in reply to zimmeron)

RE: Training for another - 1/4/2008 6:36:53 AM

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I can't imagine why someone would want another Dom to train their sub *looks bewildered* unless it's just impatience or laziness on their part? But no matter the reason, if I'm reading it right he's wanting the little out in public behaviors trained. Like maybe where to walk, how to walk, whether to wait to have the door opened for them/open the door for you, recognition of subtle hand signals, how to behave at dinner - this sort of thing? So he's wanting to send his puppy off for training, same diff. With good training afterwards then the BOTH of them should be trained to work together.

I hope you're charging him :)

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to TotalState)

RE: Training for another - 1/4/2008 6:43:32 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I think you should:

1) train her
2) do her
3) have her do you

report to him that training is complete

LOL, that's what was going through my mind reading this thread. :)

It might not be nice or ethical, but it would drive the point home, wouldn't it? :)

"I'm going to do you a favor... and then you can train the next one yourself!" LOL

_____________________________

Thou art fertile ground and I will plant a garden in thee.

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: Training for another - 1/4/2008 7:07:24 AM

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Joined: 6/20/2005
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I don't think He wants you to train her, and I doubt she'll want it very much either. What I'd suggest is you train him to be a better Dominant, guide him on how to express His Dominant side more or better-once He has a clearer understanding of what this feels like internally, and what it looks like externally, He'll be able to carry it off better and hopefully his girl will respond to it.

(in reply to zimmeron)

RE: Training for another - 1/4/2008 8:27:07 AM

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Joined: 11/4/2007
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Assist him in training her.
"Training" however is more "getting them to know your preferences" then re-educating and you may find that you are in the middle and the friendship you have may be lost.

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(in reply to zimmeron)

RE: Training for another - 1/4/2008 8:47:10 AM

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Joined: 7/7/2007
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Do you live near me?...He's not my freind...I could train her and do her and let you know and then you could tell him all is well...:)

Jeff

(in reply to zimmeron)

RE: Training for another - 1/4/2008 8:52:34 AM

Phin

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Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I think you should:

1) train her
2) do her
3) have her do you

report to him that training is complete

Wow... that is such a man comment...

I like her... Can we keep her?

_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to KatyLied)

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