RE: All play and no substance

RE: All play and no substance (Full Version)

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A159753 -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 1:41:16 PM)
Don't do casual...in relationship only, the "magic" needs to be there, otherwise it just seems..."mechanical"

MadRabbit -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 1:50:58 PM)
I will play outside of a power based relationship with people I have taken the time to get to know and have developed some kind of connection with, but the "Hey let's meet in a hotel for a beat and fuck" is kind of hollow to me. I never really enjoyed the few experiences I have had with play that was that casual. On top of that, my kink and desires are woven into the fabric of a power based relationship, so play without that aspect is a distant second.

Xmen1 -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 2:07:22 PM)
Personally I find it is difficult for me to be involved with someone casually, there just isnt that spark there when you dont have a involved relationship. More than just the acts, I need to have the connection there... without that magic, that chemistry... I just cant have fun.

charlotte12 -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 2:07:53 PM)
I have found that the more my need for an intimate and intense power-exhange is being fulfilled the more interest i have in "casual" play. When it seemed that that might be all there was to the lifestyle i found it very hollow and upsetting. I now know that i can have the kind of connection with a person that i want to and satisify the more mental/intimate side of all this and i experience it on a daily basis. Because of that the other things that felt somewhat hollow now seem like they could be fun since i am not trying to fill some void that can't be filled with a casual spanky spank with someone i don't know very well. They're like the icing on the cake. Kind of sickening if eaten by itself but if paired with a nice warm peice of chocolate cake it's quite delicious. [:D]

agoodgirl4Daddy -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 3:59:00 PM)
i want it all! unfortunately, i find myself an orphan girl just waiting for a Daddy to "adopt" me. however, occasional play with good friends gives me a bit of the fix i need, though it does lack much of the intimacy that a Daddy/girl relationship could provide.

Evility -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 4:13:40 PM)
I've dabbled in a bit of casual play. It wasn't bad, per se... just not as enjoyable as it is with a very significant other. I couldn't see playing casually with someone at the level that my submissive and I play at now. I think that's one thing that separates casual play from more involved activity - the intensity. I enjoy too wide of a variety of things in life to do D/s all the time.

AquaticSub -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 4:14:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dogobedience How many of you here need more than just casual sometime, parttime play? I desire relationships in addition to casual play. quote: Nobody is right or wrong with their level of need and desires about the lifestyle. I just need it all the time and so does my kali. To go to a party or do something sometimes, makes us feel hollow. All play and no substance. I play casually just about whenever possible. I enjoy it greatly and am fortunate enough to have an owner willing to indulge me. For me, sex or play has never really brought any sort of great intimacy by the act itself. It's the aftercare and the staying in the same bed together afterwards, talking about nothing that actually bonds me to a person. Probably why I prefer having Valyraen around when I play with others - I'd much rather get my aftercare from him. quote: How many of you NEVER stop thinking about the lifestyle! You need it always, be you top or bottom. It can be a fantasy or you really live it out with your partner(s). But the need never stops. It is a part of you. No, I don't think about BDSM all the time. This is only a part of my life, not all of it. I've still got school, family matters, friends, chores, other hobbies and dreams to think about too. It's a large part of my life, but only a part. quote: Yes, perhaps I am extreem. I am also very happy!! Actually I don't think anything you've written comes off as extreme. quote: Are you getting all you need from the BDSM world? Am I getting what I need from the BDSM world? Depends on how you define need. I suspect Val and I would have an undefined dom/sub relationship regardless of our knowledge of BDSM. Knowing certainly adds to our lives and we've met wonderful people along the way.

sweetwenchie -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 4:19:05 PM)
When i am unattached, i do not mind a bit of "casual play" at play parties or local dungeons with trusted friends. While it does not satisfy the mental or emotional cravings, needs, wants, desires, what have you, it does help me keep what little bit of sanity i have left. Granted these are friends, not strangers. People i know, and trust with my body. People i have seen play, and drooled in jealousy... lol Strangers, well, that i am not so sure about, i am not into casual no strings sex, so the thought of casual who knows who are you playing has no appeal either. i might be a masochist, but i'm not crazy... yet!

slavetaboo -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 4:22:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rover quote: ORIGINAL: dogobedience How many of you here need more than just casual sometime, parttime play? Count me amongst those for whom casual play isn't very appealing. Casual play feels "inauthentic" to me because I don't feel a legitimate power exchange. My thing is the control inherent to a loving power exchange relationships. And while I enjoy play within the context of those relationships, it becomes an extension of the control inherent to the relationship that makes it enjoyable for me. quote: How many of you NEVER stop thinking about the lifestyle! I have too many interests and pursuits to be thinking about BDSM all the time. Frankly, I wouldn't want to do so even if I could. No portion of my life is so completely fulfilling on its own that I would care to be completely consumed by it. quote: Are you getting all you need from the BDSM world? It's a two way street. I get what I give. Generally speaking, I'm quite pleased with what I give and get. John Well said.

dogobedience -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 4:53:57 PM)
As always, a great view of the BDSM world, from those who have really experienced it . I myself find play without someone that I know or care about as very hollow afterwards. Yes during any activity I am totally engaged and enjoy it. It is afterwards that I feel the let down that it was just play with no meaning other than a good time. A thrill ride and nothing more. Without the emotional bond from all parties involved, it is just another play date. No substance. I need more. Do you?

SirJohnMandevill -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 5:30:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dogobedience How many of you here need more than just casual sometime, parttime play? No question: I need the full up, 24/7 D/s relationship. As a submissive whom I'm very fond of told me, my domination and her submission would be the heart of our relationship. The BDSM play is just a benefit of such a relationship. Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

AquaticSub -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 5:42:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dogobedience Without the emotional bond from all parties involved, it is just another play date. No substance. I need more. Do you? Need more out of life or need more out of the play? I'd disagree with you that there is no substance. It just doesn't have that emotional connection that some people crave. There was a time in my life when I couldn't be bothered with commitment. I wanted a relationship in the abstract but didn't actually want to be tied down so all my relationships broke up. For me, I don't want that emotional connection in my casusal play - at least not when I'm playing with men. It complicates things, complicates friendships and makes me have to give the dreaded "Let's just be friends" speech. Which is not to say that I don't play with friends, I do. Just friends who also have stable relationships and have no interest in forming a deeper relationship with me.

sammiebabygirl -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 6:18:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dogobedience How many of you here need more than just casual sometime, parttime play? I need more. I need a full D/s relationship WITH lots of play. Are you getting all you need from the BDSM world? Nope. I am alone. jen

PsyVamp -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 6:22:50 PM)
I'm not really comfortable with casual play. I need the power exchange from a committed relationship, even if it is only committed on a D/s level. I can, however, play with friends with whom I am really comfortable.

MzMia -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 6:33:30 PM)
I am so glad to see so many that are not into casual play. I am totally NOT into casual play. The activities I MOST enjoy, I could NEVER do with a "casual" partner. I used to think I was in the minority around here. Thank you all for speaking up. [:D]

dogobedience -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 7:54:51 PM)
Whipping, binding, having sex, dominating a girl(s) that I do not care about offers little more than a thrill ride for the monent, be it all day, a weekend or even a livein. Simply hearing my property kali say YES SIR, brings all the aspects of this lifestyle that I crave! It is the mental interaction that I need, the rest is just desert.

Padriag -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 8:22:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dogobedience How many of you here need more than just casual sometime, parttime play? I think I make it fairly clear in my profile that I require more than casual play, I'm looking for a full time relationship dynamic. quote: How many of you NEVER stop thinking about the lifestyle! You need it always, be you top or bottom. It can be a fantasy or you really live it out with your partner(s). But the need never stops. It is a part of you. My life is far too complex, busy and full to think about this lifestyle all the time. I do not need it always, its something I desire, it is part of a greater whole. I may want a particular submissive or slave, I don't need them. So while yes, my dominant nature is part of me, I don't need this lifestyle to express it. There are some things I desire, things I would enjoy, things which might put a smile on my face... but I will continue to exist just fine without them when they are unavailable. quote: Are you getting all you need from the BDSM world? I get virtually nothing from the "BDSM world"... then again, that's precisely what I need from it, virtually nothing... so I suppose you could say I'm getting what I need from it.

TIGERproperty -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 8:26:15 PM)
Yes Sir, Thank You Sir.

NaiveTempest -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 9:00:54 PM)
I could not feel comfortable submitting to some random Dom; I need the connection of a relationship to truly trust and give of myself. Even in a vanilla context, I can't do casual sex and one-night stands. Tried the casual things before and it left me feeling disgusted.

DrkJourney -> RE: All play and no substance (1/7/2008 9:12:10 PM)
Personally, I need the relationship. I just can't get into it if I am not emotionally attached. To me it's the whole "life" in lifestyle. I need this person in all aspects of my life, not just bdsm. Even considering having two...I would need some form of relationship with both of them. That is why I stress to these little darlings that email me...I'm not looking for someone just to train, I want more. That's just me.

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