The unfairness of switching

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The unfairness of switching - 1/8/2008 6:13:25 PM

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Fellow switches, how many of us are "fair"?

By that I mean, do we dish out more than we can take? I, myself, am extremely guilty of this. I LOVE to inflict pain, and inflict far more than I could take myself. No, no, no, when I bottom I prefer a sensual experience, none of that unpleasant pain business!

'Fess up... you know you want to...

RE: The unfairness of switching - 1/8/2008 6:32:56 PM

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Of course. This is true of all relationships.

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(in reply to spicybrains)

RE: The unfairness of switching - 1/8/2008 6:55:48 PM

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Well, I don't consider it "unfair" -- however, the very little bit of me that is switchy (I identify primary as submissive) isn't really all that sadistic per se. I only get off on giving pain if the person I'm with is masochistic.

My dominant (who I have topped for once, and might again, might not depending on if he asks me to - it isn't something I need to be satisfied so it would be something he would have to want) can take and enjoys a lot more pain than I do. I do perceive being a submissive as being "unfair" and almost "selfish" in some ways though because in my perception I am being pampered and cared for exactly as I need it, especially when any of his caretaking instincts come forward.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: The unfairness of switching - 1/8/2008 7:13:03 PM

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Fair would be a relationship with another switch.

Fair is giving.

Fair is taking.

Sounds like a John Lennon song.

Respectfully, LTP

(in reply to lilacs)

RE: The unfairness of switching - 1/9/2008 1:28:16 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: spicybrains

Fellow switches, how many of us are "fair"?

By that I mean, do we dish out more than we can take?

I consider myself a heavy masochist and a moderate sadist, so, no, I don't dish out more than I can take.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to spicybrains)

RE: The unfairness of switching - 1/9/2008 2:37:11 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: spicybrains
Fellow switches, how many of us are "fair"?
'Fess up... you know you want to...

Nice question

will read the answers.

have a good one

GoddezzT`

(grumblz at the font which not always wants to work with Me)

< Message edited by GoddessTeaze -- 1/9/2008 2:38:55 AM >

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RE: The unfairness of switching - 1/9/2008 2:59:05 AM

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I do I do!

It depends on the relationship and such though. I wouldn't dish out so much if he couldn't take it. and maybe when I meet the right Dom I will enjoy pain more than I already do. But I think I'm mostly attracted to the ritual type stuff. The predictability or my submissive duties.

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

RE: The unfairness of switching - 1/9/2008 6:38:49 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: spicybrains

Fellow switches, how many of us are "fair"?

By that I mean, do we dish out more than we can take?

I consider myself a heavy masochist and a moderate sadist, so, no, I don't dish out more than I can take.

Celeste

Ditto for me. Even when it is the other way around it has nothing to do with not being "fair" it's just a different approach or desire in the other role.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

RE: The unfairness of switching - 1/9/2008 7:42:28 AM

SubtleCuriosity6

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As a sub I can take more than most. When I decided to try the other side I first thought everyone was exactly like me...could take as much....wanted the same things. I've since learned that no two subbies are the same and any good Dom/Domme stays aware of the individual limits of the one they're responsible for.

(in reply to laurell3)

RE: The unfairness of switching - 1/9/2008 2:01:14 PM

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From: Uk West Midlands
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I just think I'm a different submissive to my Dominance. In other words.. I wouldn't want to submit to me... and likewise I wouldn't want me for a submissive.

(in reply to SubtleCuriosity6)

RE: The unfairness of switching - 1/9/2008 5:35:52 PM

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I'm only "unfair" in that I only bottom to flogging - yes, I'm extremely and "unfairly" selective. But as fair as the actual pain, I always say to the flogger, let `er rip! I'm an absolute flog slut!

But as a Top, I like giving a wide variety of pains and sensations.

I think that's fair.

MNN

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aka Ms Petal - Check Me out on the Web.

(in reply to spicybrains)

RE: The unfairness of switching - 1/9/2008 5:42:29 PM

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If anything, I tend to hold back, and won't dish out anywhere near as much as I know I can take. I prefer to follow the philosophy of not doing enough, rather than going too far, and most of my partners these last few years have been one-shots whom I didn't feel I knew well enough to gauge their appetites. The main exception, of course, is my wife, whom I know for a fact to be a lightweight. She can take maybe twenty percent of the punishment that I consider to be a serious scene. Alas, that's also about what she dishes out.

I would tend to dispute the concept of this being "unfair". It is unfair to push someone past their comfort level. It is unfair to expect yourself to perform at a level that you are uncomfortable with. It is not about how much you are willing to take. It's about how much they are willing to take. As long as your partner is satisfied, why worry?

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(in reply to spicybrains)

RE: The unfairness of switching - 1/9/2008 7:21:30 PM

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Being that i am mainly a sub , i would have to say i get more than i give . ....thats a good thing in my opinion . Not getting it enough however is a bad thing .

(in reply to Suleiman)

RE: The unfairness of switching - 1/9/2008 8:30:43 PM

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i'm not sure if it's a matter of being fair or not...i just go through phases. right now i like a lot of pain from the dom my primary domme allows me to interact with and a lot of touching and scratching and emotional interaction from her. but i've scared people when i switch (not deliberately though it just happens). it's just how i am.

(in reply to tied2it)

RE: The unfairness of switching - 1/10/2008 8:21:48 AM

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This is nice to read other switches thoughts about things... Glad I stumbled into this realm of forums on collarme...

thanks everyone

msch

(in reply to fluffyswitch)

RE: The unfairness of switching - 1/10/2008 4:56:15 PM

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Darlings,

Of course, I meant "unfair" in an entirely tongue-in-cheek sense. And of COURSE there's nothing wrong with liking different play styles.

I just thought it would be a fun topic. It has come up in some cases when I've played with other switches, and my descriptions of my wants (Inflict pain, YES, receive pain, not so much) leads them to jokingly cry, that's unfair! : p

To which I say, the fair is not in town! But I am, and I have toys...

(in reply to mscheveous)

RE: The unfairness of switching - 1/12/2008 8:55:25 PM

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Nothing better than a pretty girl with toys!

Respectfully, LTP

(in reply to spicybrains)

RE: The unfairness of switching - 1/12/2008 9:05:35 PM

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I see nothing wrong with dishing out more than you can personally take if the other person can take it and in fact enjoy it.

< Message edited by NimirRa -- 1/12/2008 9:06:20 PM >

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RE: The unfairness of switching - 1/13/2008 12:48:20 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: spicybrains

Darlings,

Of course, I meant "unfair" in an entirely tongue-in-cheek sense. And of COURSE there's nothing wrong with liking different play styles.

I just thought it would be a fun topic. It has come up in some cases when I've played with other switches, and my descriptions of my wants (Inflict pain, YES, receive pain, not so much) leads them to jokingly cry, that's unfair! : p

To which I say, the fair is not in town! But I am, and I have toys...

LOL that's a great line, can I steal it?

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to spicybrains)

RE: The unfairness of switching - 1/13/2008 5:41:58 AM

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Joined: 1/1/2008
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As a sub I've got a relatively high tolerance for pain. a reasonnable for humiliation. Almost zero for day to day obedience. I'm no slave and I learnt it quite early. But I enjoy sub position. It forces me to enter into a world that isn't mine. Discovering fantaisies of somebody else (except these bisexual things...I tried, I know I can't.), accepting it and trying to get your pleasure from it. It is more like a journey even as a submissive there is a great deal of control. You must control yourself.

As a dominant, there is a double game. she must please me, I do whatever I like. (sure you need limits, play safe and all, but please not a legal system). Have you ever noticed how beautiful is a body when properly tied up? I find it so beautiful. I think I could spend hours on it, trying new bondage, looking quietly. If she is OK I take picture of my work, I avoid her face if she prefers, she can control pictures after.
In some ways seeing her having orgasm under my control really turns me on. Trying to find her "thing", this very deep thing that you can't really describe because that's too personal.

I really don't care about fairness. I'm both sadist and masochist.

(in reply to laurell3)

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