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Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/8/2008 11:25:16 PM

Hatari

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/15/2006
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A sub I am mentoring was given herpes by her adulterous ex. She is struggling as to how she should deal with it in the lifestyle. She attempted to start what was looking like a very promising relationship but did not know how to deal with the herpes. Result she has closed her profiles and decided that no one wants her and she will have to be celibate for the rest of her life.

As I understand it herpes is only infectious when she has an attack, and she rarely get an outbreak. The drugs she is taking apparently hold the herpes in check.

Suggestions please as to how she lets any prospective Doms know, does she put it in her profile or what?

Any up to date information on herpes, so that I can better help and support her.

Many thanks

Hatari

< Message edited by Hatari -- 1/8/2008 11:26:41 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/8/2008 11:49:11 PM

Phin

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Joined: 2/26/2007
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Herpes are transferable even when there is not a physical outbreak but there are things that can be done to prevent it from happening. I do not know what those things are, I dont have, nor is anyone I know is open about having herpes. There are personal sites geared towards those with incurable STDs. quick searches on Yahoo or Google should pull those up.

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RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/9/2008 12:08:13 AM

sapphirepleasure

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From: Land of Enchantment
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There's also a dating/informational site for people with herpes www.mpwh.net (Meeting People with Herpes is what it stands for.)

< Message edited by sapphirepleasure -- 1/9/2008 1:04:56 AM >

(in reply to Phin)

Post #: 3

RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/9/2008 2:11:01 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
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Nope as someone else said herpes is transmitable period. not only just when you have sores.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hatari

As I understand it herpes is only infectious when she has an attack, and she rarely get an outbreak. The drugs she is taking apparently hold the herpes in check.

Hatari

(in reply to Hatari)

Post #: 4

RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/9/2008 4:36:03 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

Nope as someone else said herpes is transmitable period. not only just when you have sores.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hatari

As I understand it herpes is only infectious when she has an attack, and she rarely get an outbreak. The drugs she is taking apparently hold the herpes in check.

Hatari

If your only source of this information is the fact that you have heard a commercial that says"One study implies that 70% got herpes from a partner without symptoms". I would tend to be skeptical. First, show me the study. How long did the study take place, what kind of study was it and how many people over how long of a period of time participated. Was there a control group? How big of a demographic? second statistics are easily skewed. Third, I have a hard time with drug commercials. They are selling you something, your doctor is not in the mix, so its best if they freak you out so you buy their product.

I think drug commercial have been the worse thing for patients. they need to talk to qualified doctors.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 5

RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/9/2008 4:53:28 AM

sublibrarian

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Joined: 12/23/2007
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While herpes can be transmitted during asymptomatic viral shedding, someone who gets few herpes outbreaks isn't contagious the majority of the time. But the thing is they can be contagious without symptoms, so you can never really know when they're contagious. When they have an outbreak they are definitely contagious and shouldn't be having sex with anyone. Otherwise, it's a crapshoot but most of the time they're not contagious. (Unless they get frequent outbreaks and have more viral shedding than others - but then taking an antiviral helps suppress this.)

Transmission rates between couples where one has it, one doesn't, having unprotected sex for a year are around 4-10% for the entire year. You stand a better chance of getting pregnant. There's anecdotal evidence of many couples living for years or decades with one having it and one not catching it. Using condoms helps lower the risk athough it does not eliminate it.

To sum up, there's definitely a risk, but it's not constant.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 6

RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/9/2008 6:32:52 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sublibrarian

While herpes can be transmitted during asymptomatic viral shedding, someone who gets few herpes outbreaks isn't contagious the majority of the time. But the thing is they can be contagious without symptoms, so you can never really know when they're contagious. When they have an outbreak they are definitely contagious and shouldn't be having sex with anyone. Otherwise, it's a crapshoot but most of the time they're not contagious. (Unless they get frequent outbreaks and have more viral shedding than others - but then taking an antiviral helps suppress this.)

Transmission rates between couples where one has it, one doesn't, having unprotected sex for a year are around 4-10% for the entire year. You stand a better chance of getting pregnant. There's anecdotal evidence of many couples living for years or decades with one having it and one not catching it. Using condoms helps lower the risk athough it does not eliminate it.

To sum up, there's definitely a risk, but it's not constant.

Thank you. unflamed real information. Even my 13 year old nephew has herpes. Its called a cold sore. I wouldnt rank it up there with HIV or hepatitis B.

I believe it is 4% female to male tranmission and 10% male to female tranmission since women have more mucous membranous structures.

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 1/9/2008 6:57:38 AM >

(in reply to sublibrarian)

Post #: 7

RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/9/2008 7:06:34 AM

domahpet

Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline

please please please do not ever mess around with herpes unless you are very well protected.
herpes is a HUGE issue and not to be taken lightly!
as a 6 week old baby, my 13yr old was kissed by someone with the virus. it traveled to her brain,
causing seizures and massive swelling to her cortex and brainstem. she had to be put into a
chemically induced coma to stop the seisures, for a week i was unable to nurse her and she was fed thru a
catheter in her head. her mri shows a giant dark shadow in the center of her brain, theres nothing there.
the end result was diagnosed as cebral palsy, they couldnt come up with anything better. she has many many issues, she cannot walk or talk like other kids, she knows she was born healthy and has major
anger issues bacause of it. most recently, because she cannot walk or move her body properly,
she developed ulcerated colonitis, and almost died of internal bleeding before she was diagnosed and treated. many many more issues effect her and her quality of life is no where neer what we consider 'normal'... all from one little kiss on a babys cheek.
this virus is nothing to be taken lightly, its not curable and is very highly contaigious,
get all the facts and do not take you subs issue lightly, lives could be ruined

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 8

RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/9/2008 8:38:05 AM

Lucylastic

Posts: 40310
Status: offline

This link from the CDC gives the basics and links to other herpes related sites
http://www.cdc.gov/std/Herpes/STDFact-Herpes.htm
Another site with lots of info
http://0-www.nlm.nih.gov.catalog.llu.edu/medlineplus/herpessimplex.html
A dating site for people living with herpes or HPV
http://www.mpwh.net/

There are lots of dating sites for std sufferers, and Im sure kinky people with them are there. Personally I wouldnt use medical "treatement sites" as a reliable resource, while I have no issues with homeopathic rememdies, there are lots of people using the fears to sell basically snake oil.
Reliable(?) resources usually have the most up to date info on treatments available, which at the moment seem to be a variety of anti virals.
I wish her the best of luck finding someone to share her life with, but she shouldnt give up on love bcause she has a std. No one should.
To be educated and aware about her virus is the best thing she can do for herself and her potential partners.

All the best
Lucy

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(in reply to domahpet)

Post #: 9

RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/9/2008 10:13:24 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Nobody inflamed information in previous statements either. And i didn't get my info from tv comercials for the drugs either. Everything I was ever taugh strait from sex ed and health classes to my regular dr to even statements on health sites about how you get herpees says it's transmitable EVEN when you're NOT showing sores. and then again in another part of the website it states It is important to know that even if a person does not have any symptoms he or she can still infect sex partners.

quote:

HSV-1 and HSV-2 can be found in and released from the sores that the viruses cause, but they also are released between outbreaks from skin that does not appear to have a sore. It is important to know that even if a person does not have any symptoms he or she can still infect sex partners.http://www.cdc.gov/std/Herpes/STDFact-Herpes.htm

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

If your only source of this information is the fact that you have heard a commercial

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 1/9/2008 10:16:12 AM >

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 10

RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/9/2008 11:24:32 AM

Hatari

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/15/2006
Status: offline

Many thanks all for the information. I will now start trawling all the website you have suggested and trying to work out how I can support her.

Hatari

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 11

RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/9/2008 11:53:56 AM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

I have herpes. I have studied molecular biology and biochemistry and I have been writing and intend to finish this year a book about the herpes virusses. It is my conclusion that the herpes virusses are not the innocuous pests that they are perceived as, but are among the most vicious and deadly virusses that are out there.

There is indeed such a thing as non-symptomatic viral shedding and in one article that I read it was estimated that most infections are due to non-symptomatic viral shedding.

(in reply to Hatari)

Post #: 12

RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/9/2008 11:57:35 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Jus do the things you already do, be a friend, listen to her when she needs someone who'll listen, rejoyce with her when there's reason to rejoyce

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hatari

and trying to work out how I can support her.

Hatari

(in reply to Hatari)

Post #: 13

RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/9/2008 3:08:15 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domahpet
as a 6 week old baby, my 13yr old was kissed by someone with the virus. it traveled to her brain,
causing seizures and massive swelling to her cortex and brainstem. she had to be put into a
chemically induced coma to stop the seisures, for a week i was unable to nurse her and she was fed thru a
catheter in her head. her mri shows a giant dark shadow in the center of her brain, theres nothing there.
the end result was diagnosed as cebral palsy, they couldnt come up with anything better. she has many many issues, she cannot walk or talk like other kids, she knows she was born healthy and has major
anger issues bacause of it. most recently, because she cannot walk or move her body properly,
she developed ulcerated colonitis, and almost died of internal bleeding before she was diagnosed and treated. many many more issues effect her and her quality of life is no where neer what we consider 'normal'... all from one little kiss on a babys cheek.

In trying to understand here. Someone kissed a herpes infested shedding penis or vagina then kissed your child? Thereby giving your child herpes? Now we're not talking run of the mill herpes here but genital herpes?
Not even on the babies lips or genitals but her/his cheek?

Please let me know if I'm understanding.

(in reply to domahpet)

Post #: 14

RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/9/2008 4:26:43 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

It does not really matter whether it is herpes simplex 1 or 2. Both types of virus can infect any part of body. Someone with herpes simplex labialis may kiss someones little toe and infect the skin of the toe with the virus. From the toe the virus may be transferred to any other part of the skin and in a number of years spread exponentially, conquering ever more territory of the body. It will travel along the nerves to the spinal column and from there infect the innervated organs and the brain. Eventually it will get into the mouth or gut and infect the digestive tract. It will get into the blood stream and infect any organ supplied with blood.

The bottom line is this: all herpes virusses are unsuspected murderers.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 15

RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/9/2008 8:02:45 PM

sublibrarian

Posts: 96
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

The bottom line is this: all herpes virusses are unsuspected murderers.

You have GOT to be kidding me.

Yes herpes is very risky for babies. Fact is about 90% of the population has type 1 "oral" herpes and dying from complications from it is extremely, EXTREMELY rare. (No known deaths from type 2 "genital" herpes have been reported.) However the infection and complication risks are significantly higher for babies as an earlier poster has experience with. But as far as people shunning those who have herpes, keep in mind that an estimated 4 out of 5 people who have it (type 2) have absolutely no idea they have it. You can test negative to it, not ever have an outbreak and still have it and pass it along. I hate it when people get all high and mighty over people with stds. They're just the ones who know they have it. I figure it's a risk of having sex, and it's a risk I'm willing to take along with some risk reduction behaviors such as consistently using condoms. Just because someone has "tested negative for everything" doesn't mean they're not carrying something. If you want to avoid getting herpes (particularly type 1) you need to never be kissed by anyone your entire life. Most of us catch type 1 getting kisses from our parents as babies or children.

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Post #: 16

RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/9/2008 9:19:25 PM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

It does not really matter whether it is herpes simplex 1 or 2. Both types of virus can infect any part of body.

Almost everyone has herpes. Approximately 90% of the population has HSV-1. They say that only 25% have herpes on their genitals. I have a hard time believing that such a small portion of the population engages in oral sex. Even if you have never had a cold sore on your mouth, you could still have herpes. Ever had the chicken pox? The medical term for that is herpes zoster. Anyone who doesn't have herpes is in the minority. People need to quit freaking out about it

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Post #: 17

RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/10/2008 2:14:30 AM

Hatari

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/15/2006
Status: offline

My thanks to you all for your input. It is interesting how wide and varied the knowledge is.

Basically, if I have understood correctly, a high percentage of the population has some form of the virus, it is controllable to an extent. Like everything enjoyable in this life, sexual contact has some risks, it does not kill. The main thing that seems to have come out is that because it is rated as an std, it frightens a lot of people, whether that is justified or not I have yet to decide. In fact I need to keep an open mind to be able to support this sub.

Again many thanks all for your inputs.

Hatari

< Message edited by Hatari -- 1/10/2008 2:20:31 AM >

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 18

RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/10/2008 2:28:37 AM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublibrarian
You have GOT to be kidding me.

No, I am not kidding you.

(in reply to sublibrarian)

Post #: 19

RE: Given herpes by her adulterous ex - 1/10/2008 3:11:05 AM

lalbobbilynn

Posts: 483
Joined: 6/11/2006
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i am not a doctor nor do i play one on tv (but i have stayed at a Holiday Inn ....... hehe!!), nevertheless, is my understanding that indeed herpes is far more common than most know. As has been previously stated, there are many forms of said disease. Chicken pox (varicella zoster virus) is also a form of herpes, yet when it subsides that form of herpes lays dormet in Your dorsal root ganglia (a cluster of nerves located at Your coccyx .... ummm tailbone). In the event of some outside stresser much later in life (lack of sleep, compromised immune system due to cold, etc; lack of proper nutrition) said herpes can result in yet another form of herpes known as shingles (herpes zoster). The aforementioned form of herpes is caused by varicellazoster(VZV). In truth there are five related herpes viruses ......... Herpes simplex 1 and 2, varicellazoster virus, Epstein-Barr, and cytomegalovirus.
i do hope this has assisted Your friend in some manner.
Most respectfully,
b.~

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 20

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