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Safety when visiting in real life - 1/9/2008 8:36:49 AM

dochalladay32

Posts: 12
Status: offline

Hope this is a good section for this question. I spoke with a domme recently and I am planning on meeting her this weekend for a session. I've messaged her several times back and forth and talked to her on the phone and she seems professional and nice. She was able to work with me on time and with tribute because I am a college student and am low on money. I trust her and what not, but would like some tips on how to be safe when meeting someone for the first time, most likely at her home, and things I should do. I also worry and think worst-case scenario and would like to be assured and given some tips is all. She has been on the site for over 2 years so I am quite sure she is authentic and what not. Like I said, though, I always tend to think worst thing possible and would just like some helpful tips and things to do to ensure my safety, both personal and of my things. I have never met someone in real life but have talked about it before and I always think of worst case of being robbed or something, especially in a BDSM type session where bondage is involved. Seeing as how it is at her house most likely, I am probably overreacting.

Post #: 1

RE: Safety when visiting in real life - 1/9/2008 10:02:24 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

Make sure someone knows EXACTLY where you are (street address) and who you'll be with--and what time you will be leaving there.

My personal recommendation is to do the first meeting in a public place. It is safer for both parties.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dochalladay32

Hope this is a good section for this question. I spoke with a domme recently and I am planning on meeting her this weekend for a session. I've messaged her several times back and forth and talked to her on the phone and she seems professional and nice. She was able to work with me on time and with tribute because I am a college student and am low on money. I trust her and what not, but would like some tips on how to be safe when meeting someone for the first time, most likely at her home, and things I should do. I also worry and think worst-case scenario and would like to be assured and given some tips is all. She has been on the site for over 2 years so I am quite sure she is authentic and what not. Like I said, though, I always tend to think worst thing possible and would just like some helpful tips and things to do to ensure my safety, both personal and of my things. I have never met someone in real life but have talked about it before and I always think of worst case of being robbed or something, especially in a BDSM type session where bondage is involved. Seeing as how it is at her house most likely, I am probably overreacting.

_____________________________

(in reply to dochalladay32)

Post #: 2

RE: Safety when visiting in real life - 1/9/2008 10:20:24 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

First of all don't think that just because someone's been on some online site for 2 plus years they must be nice and authentic. that's the falsest sense of security.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dochalladay32

She has been on the site for over 2 years so I am quite sure she is authentic and what not.

(in reply to dochalladay32)

Post #: 3

RE: Safety when visiting in real life - 1/9/2008 10:26:47 AM

dochalladay32

Posts: 12
Status: offline

I never said she was, I said I was quite sure. Most people aren't active for 2 years, never meet one person, and then if they do and something goes wrong, they aren't reported about it. I'm trying to be smart about this, but am also interested in trying a real session at the same time.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 4

RE: Safety when visiting in real life - 1/9/2008 2:39:19 PM

Siona

Posts: 242
Joined: 10/5/2006
Status: offline

Make sure at least two ppl know your where abouts...address..this person's name..phone number...about how long you'll be with this person (ball park figure).
Call them to let them know you're ok when you get where you're going.
Call them as you're leaving.

Don't bring anything of value..ie: credit cards..check book...jewelry etc.
Make sure you bring nothing that has your ss info on it.

(in reply to dochalladay32)

Post #: 5

RE: Safety when visiting in real life - 1/9/2008 3:04:22 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Since it is purely a professional meeting. Does she have a website? The names of happy clients she can give you?

Check her out. Then check her out some more. Do you have anyone you can take with that day?
If not at the very least let everyone know where you are going. Since it is professional if you have no one local you can tell. Tell a few people here...not on the boards. That would be a TOS violation but nothing stops you from contacting someone on the other side. Give them her name and address...when, where and all the specifics. That way if something happens and you do not get back in contact with them at least they can notify the authorities for you. Where to find the body, etc.
Find out everything you can about her. Remember you are the dominant in this situation because you are paying her to top you. It's your way or the highway.
All limits..etc should be respected.

(in reply to dochalladay32)

Post #: 6

RE: Safety when visiting in real life - 1/9/2008 3:08:13 PM

d1ll1gaf

Posts: 33
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline

Set up a safe call, basically somebody who is expecting your call by a pre-specified time and if they do not recieve it will automatically act (i.e. by calling 911 and giving your last known location).

Where I live there is a volunteer organization that will do this for you (http://albertasafecall.ca/) you may have something similar where you live.

(in reply to Siona)

Post #: 7

RE: Safety when visiting in real life - 1/9/2008 3:31:08 PM

dochalladay32

Posts: 12
Status: offline

She's not a pro domme, but she seemed professional about how she discussed things. She said that we would talk about what I was looking for earlier in the day or when I meet her. All she asked for was a gift for her time. I looked at professional services, but paying $200-$300 for one hour, although worth it, is a lot for something you've never done before. She was willing to work with me on a fee for her service since I am a college student and she seems interested in a longer session.

I already planned not to bring a credit card or anything like that. Like I said, I always seem to have worst case scenario in mind so car keys, that type of thing is what was on my mind. I probably am worrying a little more than I should, but am still nervous.

I found a safe call service online, and I don't really know anyone in Cleveland where she is. I have a friend in Louisville who I can set up a safe call with. But locally, that I feel comfortable telling what I'm doing, not so sure. I do have another friend in Columbus, but I don't know if she'd be available on Saturday or not. For now, though I only know her name and her phone number. As far as I know she wants to meet at her place, and worst case, I could just meet her on Saturday and see how things are and then session on Sunday, worst case.

(in reply to d1ll1gaf)

Post #: 8

RE: Safety when visiting in real life - 1/9/2008 7:21:31 PM

RoughFN

Posts: 197
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline

A friend in Louisville is better than no friend at all.

I'd recommend arranging for them to call you, if you trust them to be able to remember to do it. Otherwise there's always the risk that you could just get lost in the moment and forget to call. If you're calling, have them call you first before calling the cops. Again, you might have just forgotten. It's fairly easy to do.

It'd also be good to set up some sort of innocuous code word or phrase to say if something's gone wrong. Say "I'm having a great time" and have it be code for "OHMYGOD CALL THE COPS NOW." Just in case she has a pair of scissors on your balls when you're making your call and can't blurt out that things are going poorly.

Further, I'd say that it's good to inform her that you have a safe call set up (either to make one or receive one) and when it'll be so she can plan ahead for it. When I'd meet a new girl for the first time it's always one of the first questions I ask. That way we can structure the time around it and ensure that she's not otherwise occupied when the time comes. It's never been a problem. To me, at least, it also shows that the sub is taking responsibility for her safety, so it's nice to see. Most of the time when I've met someone I ask if they have a safecall and they reply, "No. Do I need one?" I explain that they don't with me, but they didn't know that for sure and it's always good to have one.

Finally, I'll also say that meeting in a public place first would be better. Go out to a coffee shop or for lunch or something so you two can sit and chat and feel each other out. If she seems reasonable and honest, then head back to her place. Inevitably, you're going to be sitting down and talking with her about things when you meet face to face anyway, so you're just moving that part of the day into a different location. When you get back to her place (assuming you do), you can segue into play more quickly. It really shouldn't be a problem to meet up in public first (score points by offering to pay, as long as it's reasonably priced, of course), and honestly if she balked at that for a first sit down, I'd be concerned about her.

And remember - we're not trying to freak you out or anything. It all should work out fine and you'll have a good time. I don't want to say "probably" since I have no idea what the odds are or the ratio of genuine people to scary ones are. You just want to be prepared if "she" actually turns out to be 3 very fat men all named "Murray".

(in reply to dochalladay32)

Post #: 9

RE: Safety when visiting in real life - 1/9/2008 8:55:58 PM

gcarlos

Posts: 98
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

You just want to be prepared if "she" actually turns out to be 3 very fat men all named "Murray".

ROTFL!!! I was all serious reading this thread and then just about fell off the couch laughing when i read that!!

Their {girl}

(in reply to RoughFN)

Post #: 10

RE: Safety when visiting in real life - 1/10/2008 6:48:07 AM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

Not much to add to what has already been said. Set up safety-call and make sure the person you set up safe call with has the information regarding your whereabouts, such as persons name, addy, and phone number. They don't need to know you are going for something BDSM, you can just say you are meeting someone you met on-line. I would suggest, however, that you be the one to make the call at a designated time. And, if you miss your call time for some strange reason (hopefully, your having too much fun and forgot), then they are to call you within 15 mins of that time. If you don't answer, try again in 10 mins. If you don't answer again, they are to call the authorities and provide the information of your whereabouts. It isn't the end of the world if the cops come to the door even if all is well. You just say you were having fun and forgot to check in, or accidentally turned off your phone. It has happened. They have heard of stranger things.
Like others suggested, meet in coffee shop or somewhere public, first. If you feel comfortable and decide to continue, inform her that you have set up a safety call(s) and what time it is to be. Also, sometimes it is best to set up 2 safety calls, or 3. When you get there, in the middle of play, and when you have just left. In this way, no one can say to themselves, "ok, he has called, now I can terrorize him," Make sure she is aware of all times you are to call.
You can lock all your personal stuff in trunk, such as wallet, watch, so forth. Or, better yet, leave them at home. Take only what is necessary to enjoy yourself such as paying for lunch...ie....and gas home.
If you do those things, I'm sure you will be just fine. And if you visit a 2nd time, do the safety calls again. And the 3rd time.
After that, if you can't get a feeling of trust, then you should probably move on.
Don't stress about it too much. Just take the precautions and listen to your guts. ALWAYS listen to your guts.
Have a great time and let us know how it goes!!!!

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to dochalladay32)

Post #: 11

RE: Safety when visiting in real life - 1/10/2008 2:33:16 PM

dochalladay32

Posts: 12
Status: offline

I moved it to Sunday afternoon. Felt a little safer going during the day. I'll look into the meeting in a public place thing, but I feel fine going to her house. It is when the other stuff starts that I'm more likely to be nervous and meeting in public won't stop that. She said we were going to talk over things first so if I don't feel comfortable then, I would know to leave. She is aware I'm nervous and said that she would try to make me comfortable so we'll see.

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 12

RE: Safety when visiting in real life - 1/10/2008 4:54:26 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Just make sure you have your safe calls set up. A tribute still makes her a pro...and you a paying customer.

(in reply to dochalladay32)

Post #: 13

RE: Safety when visiting in real life - 1/11/2008 6:12:10 AM

vtviceversa

Posts: 41
Joined: 1/13/2004
Status: offline

I think a public place meeting is always the best way to start. I can't think of any time I have made an exception to this rule.

And even with the tribute, even with the phone call, the reality is you do not know for certain.

Definitely set up the safe call. Try to make it a public place meeting (you can buy the coffee!).

You will be able to get a clear sense of her motive (assuming it is a "her", 3 fat men notwithstanding!) if, after an hour chat, you say "I have to be at another appointment" and there is a problem leaving.

Be careful. That "S" in SSC is there for a reason.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 14

RE: Safety when visiting in real life - 1/11/2008 7:37:47 AM

dochalladay32

Posts: 12
Status: offline

Ok, I know she is a female. I've talked to her on the phone several times. I'll look into a public meeting, but like I said. I'm comfortable with meeting her and just talking. That isn't my problem. That is all I may end up doing the first time. See what she is interested in doing and what not, and then I can come back another day. That is my new plan. If things seem to be going well, then fine. If not, yea, I know what to do.

(in reply to vtviceversa)

Post #: 15

RE: Safety when visiting in real life - 1/11/2008 11:10:42 AM

Siona

Posts: 242
Joined: 10/5/2006
Status: offline

Good!
I'm thinking you feel better with the new plan..yes?
I know I do!
Please keep us posted!

(in reply to dochalladay32)

Post #: 16

RE: Safety when visiting in real life - 1/11/2008 12:36:53 PM

vtviceversa

Posts: 41
Joined: 1/13/2004
Status: offline

Your new plan makes a lot more sense! Now, go and have fun :)

And call us when you're back safe :) :)

And no funny business! Don't make us come down there!

(in reply to dochalladay32)

Post #: 17

RE: Safety when visiting in real life - 1/11/2008 1:27:28 PM

dochalladay32

Posts: 12
Status: offline

Here is what's happening to so far.
I'm going to call and talk to her tomorrow, find out what she's into, looking into doing, etc...
Sunday, I may or may not meet in public, but either way, I'm going to meet her in person and go over things again. If I feel up to it, might go forward, otherwise, just use it as an introduction and see what she has. Good to know who and what you're working with. I have a friend who I have a safe call planned with so I'm going to have everything covered.

(in reply to vtviceversa)

Post #: 18

RE: Safety when visiting in real life - 1/11/2008 3:42:44 PM

MissKatya

Posts: 341
Joined: 12/21/2007
From: NYC
Status: offline

Something that has always worked for me when taking on another submissive is meeting with them beforehand.

You may have to pay a fee for the consultation (not sure-you mentioned she is working with you on tribute) but if she refuses to meet, fee or no fee required-you may want to back off and re-evaluate her before jumping in.

I understand you may be eager but it is better to be safe then sorry. It will help you in the long run.

I suggest meeting before in a semi-public place (a diner, coffee shop, etc) to discuss any questions you may have for your safety and health.

Good luck!

(in reply to dochalladay32)

Post #: 19

RE: Safety when visiting in real life - 1/13/2008 4:31:08 PM

moonvine

Posts: 780
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dochalladay32

She's not a pro domme, but she seemed professional about how she discussed things. She said that we would talk about what I was looking for earlier in the day or when I meet her. All she asked for was a gift for her time. I looked at professional services, but paying $200-$300 for one hour, although worth it, is a lot for something you've never done before. She was willing to work with me on a fee for her service since I am a college student and she seems interested in a longer session.

I think I am a little lost. If she is charging a fee for her services, doesn't that by default make her a pro domme?

_____________________________

http://www.rescuties.org

(in reply to dochalladay32)

Post #: 20

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