Is it a crime to be a switch?

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Is it a crime to be a switch? - 1/10/2008 4:33:43 AM

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Guilty as charged!

Ok, so I have not been on this site for very long (since 7/07). I have gotten many emails from people saying they are switches, but their profile will say sub of dom. Now, a third of those will have two proflies one sub one dom.

I understand that it is normal for a switch to have a preference between the two, but it is honest to have two profiles? Wouldn't it be much easier just to say what you are and say, "I'm a switch, but I am naturally more dominant"? What are your thoughts?

Forgive me if this is an over posted topic.

RE: Is it a crime to be a switch? - 1/10/2008 8:19:06 AM

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Joined: 5/20/2006
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I believe that many especially males are not as comfortable to admit being a switch, basically because some will pass judgement that how can you be "Dom" enough if you like to be submissive also..

The best way I can describe what makes me tick is, I use my top attitude to keep those wannabees at arms length. One has to understand and accept the desires of another before trying to mold them. Sometimes those desires dont fall within the usual definitions of what a sub, top, Dom, bottom, switch are.

Two profiles sooner or later catches up with you... and then you may be made to feel a bit of a fool instead of just being honest. When a person is first discovering who they are, the doors are kept open until they finally accept what they are.

There is no hard and fast rule you have to be this or that.. live life... and if another judges you... then they arent your peer...

msch

(in reply to Maynard)

RE: Is it a crime to be a switch? - 1/10/2008 9:19:41 AM

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maynard

Guilty as charged!

Ok, so I have not been on this site for very long (since 7/07). I have gotten many emails from people saying they are switches, but their profile will say sub of dom. Now, a third of those will have two proflies one sub one dom.

I understand that it is normal for a switch to have a preference between the two, but it is honest to have two profiles? Wouldn't it be much easier just to say what you are and say, "I'm a switch, but I am naturally more dominant"? What are your thoughts?

Forgive me if this is an over posted topic.

I think if they're honest about their other profile, there's nothing unsavory here. It's a site that allows filters; a submissive woman who searches for "Male Doms" only, isn't going to display any switches. If I'm 85% dominant, and like to bottom once every two or three months, does that really qualify me as a switch? Yet on the rare occasion I get a hair up my ass and want to be tied up, why shouldn't I have a profile for that express purpose? (This is hypothetically, mind you, so no solicitations for people to tie me up please.)

I think getting to know a person and their interests would quickly show out their actual status. People want what they want, and have a right to have whatever profile(s) they feel expresses themselves. I think it's no different than a poly couple, who each have one profile, and they both have a couple's profile, for their own reasons.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to Maynard)

RE: Is it a crime to be a switch? - 1/10/2008 10:03:07 AM

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yes it is definatly a crime to be a switch, [ in my case anyway ] i tried to live my sub fantasies through my slaves, and all i really achived was to lie to myself for years, thus putting back my growth as a sub by years.

(in reply to Maynard)

RE: Is it a crime to be a switch? - 1/10/2008 11:10:29 AM

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for a long while on this site, I had 2 profiles: Lynae78 and Trampler. (switch and Dominant, respectively.) To those who I talked to, I would mention my other profile, both to be honest and so they learn more about me and my interests.

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Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to midnorthSA)

RE: Is it a crime to be a switch? - 1/10/2008 11:15:43 AM

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There are many subs who will not talk to a switch. They precieve them to be weak Dom/Dommes.

(in reply to LadyLynx)

RE: Is it a crime to be a switch? - 1/10/2008 2:11:46 PM

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Never mind the plethora of comments regarding "You are confused" "you don't know who you are" "switches don't really exist" (We are apparantly a rare breed, like the unicorn - oft spoken of, but rarely seen) et cetra. Monosexuals of either gender frequently do not take kindly to having their dichotomies challenged - a fact which is the number one subject of threads on this specific discussion board. Add to that the filtering argument mentioned before, and there is plenty of reason for why a person might have legitimate reasons for wanting to keep multiple profiles. Come to think of it, several switches of my real-life acquaintance prefer to keep those halves of their life separate for the most part (not to the point of being hush-hush about one or the other, but you know, dressing and acting one way to signal their domliness, dressing and acting a different way to show their submisification, some times going so far as to answer to different names for each of their sub and dom personae. That sort of thing)

::Sigh:: And people wonder why I think it all looks like cosplay to me. Does this stuff happen in other parts of the globe, or did I just fall in with a bunch of closet gamers too chicken to pick up dice?

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

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RE: Is it a crime to be a switch? - 1/10/2008 5:12:12 PM

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I used to have a separate profile that was Dominant, and looking specifically for other females. But only men replied to it. I forget what the handle was, actually.

I used my regular, switchy profile to look for a submissive of either gender and plenty of men found me anyway.

This is why I will work my whole life for the cause of liberating female sexuality.

(in reply to Suleiman)

RE: Is it a crime to be a switch? - 1/11/2008 2:53:05 AM

MistressDefiant

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Joined: 4/16/2007
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Reading this just confirms how stereotypical people are. Switches are not subs....and in many cases are not Doms either, they enjoy the best of both worlds! Ive spent a long time trying to classify myself, and I have used the term switch....but I also began to realise that many people misinterpreted any 'bottom' behaviour as submissive. Its not neccessarily the case. I will never speak for any others, but in my own case, receiving pain has nothing to do with submission. Its about power, about seeing how far I can push myself, and it helps me understand myself better. Call me a masochist....whatever, but personally switches are the most intune people you will come across!

(in reply to spicybrains)

RE: Is it a crime to be a switch? - 1/11/2008 5:41:50 AM

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intune? i like that.

(in reply to MistressDefiant)

RE: Is it a crime to be a switch? - 1/11/2008 6:25:20 AM

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some days
i like to wear the boots
and
some days kiss them.

i am dominant by nature and it is an extremely rare find to have a Man get me to my knees and maintain me in this position

(in reply to Maynard)

RE: Is it a crime to be a switch? - 1/11/2008 7:52:28 PM

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From: The Desert
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I dont identify as a switch because Ive never been top'ed (sp?) though I do occasionally wonder/fantasise about it. do I think tht makes me a switch? No idea, do I care? not a bit Guess im just funny that way

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(in reply to GingerLou)

RE: Is it a crime to be a switch? - 1/12/2008 9:11:34 PM

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I was suspicious of people have two profile originally, but I see a more logical reason for it now. It makes listing bdsm interests much easier, so people don't have to guess if that's a kink you enjoy indulged on the receiving end or giving end. You just go by their orientation.

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Every act of creation is first an act of destruction. – Pablo Picasso

(in reply to Asherdelampyr)

RE: Is it a crime to be a switch? - 1/12/2008 9:22:34 PM

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Joined: 12/19/2007
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I feel that many are strong on there preference and would never consider switching and therefore a switch.
I originally listed myself as a switch but changed to dom which is where all my experience is and natural feel. However i have fantasized about being sub and would like to explore that side but I feel its easier to communicate from one side of the other. I only have 1 profile. Thats enought to keep up with

(in reply to NimirRa)

RE: Is it a crime to be a switch? - 1/12/2008 10:33:22 PM

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Be who you are and don't worry about what these other people think. Who are they to tell you how to live your life? It seems to me that switches feel different energy from different people and you should play which ever end of the whip thats suits with that person.
Have fun and be happy.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Maynard)

RE: Is it a crime to be a switch? - 1/14/2008 11:17:41 PM

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Joined: 5/16/2005
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At a play party last night (in a community where switching is actually not uncommon), I was watching a woman who identifies primarily as a sub scratching, punching and biting the fuck out of a guy (whom I've not seen play before). I quietly commented to a friend (who identifies only as dominant, and takes himself none-to-seriously, and graciously offers his well-equipped basement dungeon for parties) that I never realized she 'was such an evil bitch.' (A comment which we both understood not to be derogatory in the least, more like a compliment of sorts.) He agreed and replied to me that 'switchy subs are the meanest sons-of-bitches' (he's a southerner, in the frozen hinterlands). This struck me a bit I realized I've been called mean and evil on the rare occasions I top, and I identify as something of a 'switchy sub.' I certainly can't be the dominant in a relationship (I've tried, we were both subs, it didn't work), and I don't want to. However, that doesn't mean I don't enjoy inflicting a little evilness on occasion.

I think the point(s) I'm getting at is that, first of all, lots of bullshit goes on online, while, in the in-the-flesh community, people tend to be more open and accepting. The second is that I've encountered a few select profiles that awaken those dominant urges of mine, and I suspect a message coming from a profile of a submissive seeking an intimate, female-led relationship would be treated quite differently than one from a dominant interested in primarily a friendship, but with the distinct possibility of some evilness.

PS. Lashra, I've loved the quote in your signature since the first time I saw it. I view the 'Church' as responsible for eons of oppression.

(in reply to Lashra)

RE: Is it a crime to be a switch? - 1/15/2008 7:29:00 AM

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There are many people that have more than one profile, because they want to emphasize a certain aspect of their kinks. That may be a switch with both a dom and a sub profile, or it might be someone with a broader profile and someone with a profile that emphasizes their affinity for ass worship, or whatnot. I think that people do it to have a better chance of finding a match. However, if they are not ever mentioning the other profile and looking for more than a casual play partner, I could see potenial for hurting or misleading someone. While I don't really get it, there are those who see switches as not truly dominant or not trly submissive and do not want a parter that switches. For these folk, not knowing about the other aspects of a person's nature and finding out later would likely be upsetting.

(in reply to Boondoggle)

RE: Is it a crime to be a switch? - 1/15/2008 8:52:32 AM

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Joined: 7/26/2006
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CM's filtering is a bit annoying. I'd like to punch in (in a single search) to look for subs, slaves, and switches (since I could be interested in any of them), looking for either dominant men or male dom couples (since I could do something individually or as a couple), but I'm not allowed.

So I end up leaving orientation blank (figuring there are relatively few dommes looking for other doms so they're easier to weed out) and just occasionally flip flop on what they're looking for. It's kinda annoying. The filtering is almost great, but falls just short.

As for the topic, it's basically like being bisexual. People are always going to assume that you're really straight or really gay depending upon what partner you're with. It's a stepping stone for gay people to come out of the closet. They're wishy washy and indecisive. They're actually straight but think it's fun to claim they're bi. All sorts of baloney stereotypes. A good friend of mine is bi but just tells people he's gay because it's so much simpler for him.

Switches get slammed with the same shit because people like their world to be black and white. Everybody's one or the other. Two profiles seem fine to me if it makes their lives easier. It doesn't factor into anything with me - I wouldn't have any problems whatsoever playing with a switch, I'd just be clear up front that she wouldn't be topping me at all. That'd either be fine or we're not compatible. No biggee.

(in reply to beltainefaerie)

RE: Is it a crime to be a switch? - 1/15/2008 9:19:52 AM

KaylinSilverfurr

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Joined: 1/15/2008
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Greetings to everyone who's posted some great insight so far.
I'm a newbie to the forums and this thread caught my eye because I am a switch with literally a 50/50 sway to either side, and I'd like to add my two cents for the sake of conversation.

It does seem like in this day and age, giving oneself the label of "Switch" is almost an open door for certian subs to not be or act respectful, and some Doms/ Dommes take it as an "Open for Buisness" sign that means they can basically try and 'convert'. The munches I've been to, sadly, when I identify as a Switch, I usually get one of two things:
1. I get asked the question "Do you have a prefrence to either side?" and,
2. The person I'm talking to says "Oh, that's nice." and wanders off to go find their Dom(me)/ sub flavour du jour.

Just because we're switches doesn't mean that we can't do the same things as say a fully identified Dom(me) or submissive might do. True, switch subs might be a tad guilty of 'topping from the bottom', but that could be said from the view-point of any sub/ slave with the right personality. I'm sure there could be some Dom(me)s that could technically 'bottom from the top' if you think about it. It definately adds an interesting element.

~Kaylin

(in reply to RoughFN)

RE: Is it a crime to be a switch? - 1/15/2008 11:00:30 AM

Siona

Posts: 242
Joined: 10/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Be who you are and don't worry about what these other people think. Who are they to tell you how to live your life? It seems to me that switches feel different energy from different people and you should play which ever end of the whip thats suits with that person.
Have fun and be happy.

~Lashra

Could agree more.
We are what we are.

(in reply to Lashra)

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