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Would you wait on a sub while... - 1/10/2008 2:57:38 PM

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Would you wait on a sub while he or she was getting over the loss of a pet or loved one? This subject came up in a conversation with a friend just yesterday. I commented to them that I felt really closed off to others while getting over having just lost my dog; that right now might not be the best time for me to start a new relationship as I didn't feel I could be as fully open to someone as I normally would be.

So my question is, if you met a sub that you felt met your criteria, shared your interests, etc., but needed some time to mourn the loss of someone or a pet they loved, would you be willing to give them that time and wait a bit in order to start a relationship with them or would you move on?

- pixel

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RE: Would you wait on a sub while... - 1/10/2008 3:01:51 PM

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No, I'd beat them up for not being ready for worlds best me and then leave them there.

Ok, Seriously, if I saw something in them I would wait for someone to grieve a bit and be more stable and ready for someone to come intot heir life.

Edited to add Daddy waited on me. I was speaking to him while I was dating someone vanilla, as just friends, and when the x and I broke up I knew I wanted to be in a relationship with James, I did however need some time to cry and feel down and grieve the end of a friendship and partnership of four years even though I was the one who ended it, it still hurt, especially since it ended bitterly due to his actions and the situation . Daddy tried to make me feel better let me just sit online with him in ims didn't force me to talk, didn't force me to try to be cheery, let me cry to him .

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

Would you wait on a sub while he or she was getting over the loss of a pet or loved one?

So my question is, if you met a sub that you felt met your criteria, shared your interests, etc., but needed some time to mourn the loss of someone or a pet they loved, would you be willing to give them that time and wait a bit in order to start a relationship with them or would you move on?

- pixel

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 1/10/2008 3:13:54 PM >

(in reply to pixelslave)

RE: Would you wait on a sub while... - 1/10/2008 3:02:32 PM

MissA

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I would think in this kind of situation the power dynamic would not play as big a role as human compassion. We all need time to grieve, it's a healing process, I would never hold it against someone.

My pets are like family, when I've lost one in the past I have needed time to process that like any other loss. I would think this would apply in reverse if a Dominant lost a pet - they may not want to run out and scene someone or take on a new submissive.

Miss A

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RE: Would you wait on a sub while... - 1/10/2008 3:03:01 PM

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Of course I would wait ... and would be supportive in any way I could meantime. First and foremost that submissive is a person and has feelings and needs ... If I cant recognize that and be supportive when Im interested in them .. I probably wouldnt support them if I owned them ..and that to me would just be WRONG.

To me a submissive is a treasured possession and is treated as such. Yes they serve me but they are cared for also.

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RE: Would you wait on a sub while... - 1/10/2008 3:05:02 PM

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We would definitely wait - our pets are our kids ... to not mourn them would be unthinkable.

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RE: Would you wait on a sub while... - 1/10/2008 3:06:36 PM

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I guess it depends on what you mean by "wait on". If you mean placing life on hold for them, then no.

But if you mean keeping possibilities open with them for when or if they're ready, then yes. If I've an interest in them as a sub or as a friend or both, then I'd certainly not blow them off because they weren't immediately available for some real reason. Life happens and keeps happening.

If I like someone I like them. Rather than ending contact I'd be offering condolences if there was a tragedy and continuing our relationship as is appropriate for us.

I'm not someone to have only one sort of sub, especially now being a pro-domme, and I also enjoy casual play with friends as both the dom/top and as a bottom. So all that would continue on, but I'd be open to them if/when they were ready.

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 1/10/2008 3:08:53 PM >

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(in reply to pixelslave)

RE: Would you wait on a sub while... - 1/10/2008 4:42:31 PM

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If a person matched what I wanted and needed, I would wait for them no matter what the problem might be. It does no good to start a relationship when the other isn't ready.

Lady Jag

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RE: Would you wait on a sub while... - 1/10/2008 4:46:58 PM

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I'm not sure why I would be meeting them if they needed time to mourn privately.

If I had recently met them and nothing was solid -- no contract or plans in other words -- then I'd treat them like any other potential friends: Give them space but I certainly wouldn't wait around and cut myself off from other people.

If things were solid I'd expect them to include me in their mourning process even if it was only to cry on my shoulder one evening or show me some pictures of their pet and talk about them. Even a training dynamic is still intimate relationship and if someone has to be cut off completely that suggests to me that we aren't a good match. I need people when I'm in pain and I work best with people of a similar bent.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 1/10/2008 4:48:19 PM >

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(in reply to pixelslave)

RE: Would you wait on a sub while... - 1/10/2008 5:02:40 PM

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Well Yeah! If I truely thought this person was worth it, I'd do it in a heartbeat. My sub has delt with me in the past few months through different problems. One was the death of my dog, gone way before her time. He was compassionate, thoughful, loving, a shoulder to cry on, and the best person I could have ever wished for. If he ever had to go through a rough time I would wait for him, and help him anyway I could until he's better. Its a little different since we're in a relationship already, but the "lifestyle" would be put on hold till he would be ready again. Thats just my two cents.

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RE: Would you wait on a sub while... - 1/10/2008 5:06:05 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissA

I would think in this kind of situation the power dynamic would not play as big a role as human compassion. We all need time to grieve, it's a healing process, I would never hold it against someone.

My pets are like family, when I've lost one in the past I have needed time to process that like any other loss. I would think this would apply in reverse if a Dominant lost a pet - they may not want to run out and scene someone or take on a new submissive.

Miss A

Agrees completely... and btw, if you find someone who would not be compassionate to you, would you really want to submit to that person anyway?

peace

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RE: Would you wait on a sub while... - 1/10/2008 5:12:10 PM

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Well, some people don't get four-legged pets. Perhaps you should stick to "...needed some time to mourn the loss of someone" and perhaps leave the "or a pet they loved..." outta the dynamic?

It doesn't matter the reason or the whys or the wherefors... you need some time pixel. If they don't get you wanna go VERY slow... fuck'em (well....or don't).

Beverly

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RE: Would you wait on a sub while... - 1/10/2008 7:22:05 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
If things were solid I'd expect them to include me in their mourning process even if it was only to cry on my shoulder one evening or show me some pictures of their pet and talk about them. Even a training dynamic is still intimate relationship and if someone has to be cut off completely that suggests to me that we aren't a good match. I need people when I'm in pain and I work best with people of a similar bent.

I agree. If we'd already started talking, yes, I'd give them space. If I knew them better and we'd met a few times before, I'd like to be included in that way. A slave I know is going through a divorce right now...it is a loss of a relationship for him, and he's going to go through a greiving process for it. I'm being patient.

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RE: Would you wait on a sub while... - 1/10/2008 7:29:52 PM

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I'm with Rumpus. I'm not putting my own life on hold because a relative stranger has a loss. I will use whatever tools I have available to me and offer support to the potential supplicant as a friend (recall that by working in transplant, I deal with the grieving donor families, so I have some experience with this sort of thing.) However, I do not believe that relationships can or should be born out of chaos. That's one of those times in your life that people need to respect you and not be up your crack about their needs.

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(in reply to pixelslave)

RE: Would you wait on a sub while... - 1/10/2008 7:50:49 PM

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I'm going to take this from the perspective that it would be someone that I had already been talking with, because that seems more like the type of situation where I would determine someone was a 'match'. I'm sure there are one or two folks out there who realize how difficult the criteria is for Me to conclude they fit into that very small pool.

In that instance, yes, I would wait, but I wouldn't especially sit on the sidelines either. When I'm connected with someone, I truly feel that connection. That means I stick it out through good times and bad. After all, it's a life.... not a hayride. These things can, and do happen, and it's important in any relationship or dynamic for each person to know that they aren't just abandoned when things get tough. I might not be that person's Dominant, but if I'm focusing energy on them, I think they need to know that I'm there. Whether that be talking with Me about what's wrong, or maybe bringing a smile to their face by talking about something completely different. While I would certainly give them time, I also want them to know that I'm there, should they need Me.

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RE: Would you wait on a sub while... - 1/10/2008 8:35:37 PM

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Well pix, I guess the only thing left here to offer you is,

my condolences on the loss of your Dear Tabitha.

chia* (the pet)

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RE: Would you wait on a sub while... - 1/10/2008 8:46:13 PM

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This may be a little surprising as I think I'm a sympathetic and empathetic person, but no. Things happen. If it's not the right time to start a relationship with somebody, it just isn't, and I would not put my life on hold that it may someday be the right time. By the same token, I have told others that I don't want them to put their life on hold waiting for me, either. We can see where we both are when or if circumstances change.

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RE: Would you wait on a sub while... - 1/10/2008 9:44:32 PM

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Dear pixelslave, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Absolutely!

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

[Note: The shortest response I've ever made on CM]

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RE: Would you wait on a sub while... - 1/11/2008 7:12:31 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsBearlee

Well, some people don't get four-legged pets. Perhaps you should stick to "...needed some time to mourn the loss of someone" and perhaps leave the "or a pet they loved..." outta the dynamic?

It doesn't matter the reason or the whys or the wherefors... you need some time pixel. If they don't get you wanna go VERY slow... fuck'em (well....or don't).

Beverly

Thanks BEVERLY,

Actually this post wasn't intended to be about me, but was to be a thought starter for general discussion based on something that's happening in my life right now. As to those who "don't get" four-legged pets, they wouldn't make a good Domme for me anyway.

And yes, you're absolutely correct, I do need some time and plan to take however much I need. At the same time, I'm also getting out to lifestyle events in my community to help surround myself with people that may have similar interests and to make new friends to do other things with as well. As you noted, "VERY slow" would have to be the way things would need to go for me right now as I leave Tabitha behind and mourn her passing.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

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RE: Would you wait on a sub while... - 1/11/2008 7:29:15 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

I guess it depends on what you mean by "wait on". If you mean placing life on hold for them, then no.

No Ma'am, that's not at all what I meant! More a case of "Hey, that's the one I think I want! I may just need to give him some time while he gets his stuff back together and is ready for someone new to be a big part of his life."

quote:

But if you mean keeping possibilities open with them for when or if they're ready, then yes. If I've an interest in them as a sub or as a friend or both, then I'd certainly not blow them off because they weren't immediately available for some real reason. Life happens and keeps happening.

If I like someone I like them. Rather than ending contact I'd be offering condolences if there was a tragedy and continuing our relationship as is appropriate for us.

Yes, this is more like what I was talking about; keeping the possibilities open and doing things with them as friends if the situation were such that it was appropriate; to help keep the doors open and the communication going between the two of you. In doing so, you'd be slowly building the friendship on which to base a relationship later on.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to RumpusParable)

RE: Would you wait on a sub while... - 1/11/2008 8:21:54 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

Well pix, I guess the only thing left here to offer you is,

my condolences on the loss of your Dear Tabitha.

chia* (the pet)

Thanks chia. That wasn't what I was looking for in starting this thread, but I appreciate the condolences just the same. Her loss was very sudden and totally unexpected. I didn't learn she was terminally ill until the Sunday before Christmas. Her illness progressed very rapidly, with me having to put her down 2 weeks later when it was clear that it was time for her to go, despite my desire for her to stay.

I held her as she crossed over to find the peace and comfort she greatly deserved. I know that one day, she'll come running to greet me when she sees me arrive at "The Rainbow Bridge" to take her with me and journey further.

To avoid hijaaking my own thread, I'd like to thank everyone for the many kinds thoughts and well wishes which have been sent in my direction. It was never my intent for this thread to become about my losing Tabitha. Just the same, she was a wonderful companion who was always there for me and will always be with me in my heart.

- pixel

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Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to chiaThePet)

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