I've got a girlfriend, she isn't interested in BDSM. That's fine, I thought I can live without it. But she cannot stand more than +/- 45 min. of "preliminaires", then she "forces" me to conclude (she closed all the doors except one ;-)), she looks happy, I'm not. I thought maybe I don't do things correctly but she looks happy.I tried to talk to her, She kept saying that everything is alright, she says that she reaches her limit (too excited) and she needs it.
Sometimes I take a pause in the middle of the relation, you know, drinking a glass of water, talking, laughing she doesn't like it.
As a woman who gets easily over-sensitized, and over-excited, I can understand her situation. I've found that women who have similar reactions are also easy to orgasm, and have many orgasms, even very "hard" orgasms that are sometimes painful--but to a masochist, that's no problem at all! But with these women, once you've "started," with the preliminaries, the foreplay, and if desired the penetrative intercourse, stopping can literally be painful. And not in the way of making a happy masochist.
Usually (that's what I've read at least), it should be me going too fast and her feeling frustrated.
I suspect it comes from my BDSM experience where you can take your time.
From my experience with men and vanilla sex, I can tell you that a) You are not the only one with this problem (I have a mostly-vanilla lover right now for whom sex is a 4-hour event, and goes back and forth between penetration and foreplay. I like my foreplay as FOREPLAY, the penetration is an end to things, and I'm done at 15 minutes--an hour, tops, including the foreplay). And, b) it has nothing to do with BDSM, except that you have learned through your experiences with BDSM that you like to take your time. You could have easily learned that through hours of oral sex, which is now generally considered a vanilla activity.