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Dom/me and/or Top space - Reprise - 8/28/2005 5:38:03 PM

LadyAngelika

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An exchange with Vancouver_cinful on another thread got me talking about a subject that I brought to the boards over a year ago. A the time, it got little attention but I’d like to bring it back now to see what kind of views it would gather with this new crowd.

As I mentioned in my reply to cin, "I remember the first few times I topped, I found it so mentally draining that I had to sleep for about 12 hours straight. Now I still find it draining to certain point, but a good draining like after playing intense sports or something. However now it takes a pretty intense scene to knock me out for 12 hours."

I've often referred to feeling on top of my game and completely in tune with my partner's emotions and reactions. It is very much euphoric for me.

But enough about what I think it is ;-)

Does any one else experience this, or something similar to this, or something else entirely?

- LA

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RE: Dom/me and/or Top space - Reprise - 8/28/2005 6:01:00 PM

NakedOnMyChain

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After I participate in a scene, especially if it's intensive emotionally, I am always ready to crash afterwards. I top on occasion, and it seems that I feel this more with topping than with subbing, though I feel it then, too. It's the same for me as completing a very personal painting, or a short story. It's more the emotion that drains me than the physical effort, though it is that as well. I think it's fairly common to have this type of reaction. The more you do it, it would seem, the more intense the scene must be before it wipes you out. Being much more a sub than a domme, I get wiped out fairly easily if I top, but it takes something very intense to wipe me out if I bottom.

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RE: Dom/me and/or Top space - Reprise - 8/28/2005 6:11:00 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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I first hit top space a few months ago and it was WILD. I felt so in key, and totally "in the zone" and left feeling like I had the first time I had ever bottomed "this is right, this is where I belong."

However, I know some top spaces can be overwhelming, and can lead to the top being swept away in the scene versus in control of it. In those cases it would be wise for the top to either set a "spotter" for the scene or simply just not go into that space.

But it was pretty great for me.

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RE: Dom/me and/or Top space - Reprise - 8/28/2005 8:13:48 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

However, I know some top spaces can be overwhelming, and can lead to the top being swept away in the scene versus in control of it. In those cases it would be wise for the top to either set a "spotter" for the scene or simply just not go into that space.

Fortunately, I've never felt out of control during a scene. I usually feel so very much *in control*, a very natural feeling.

I'm curious as to what you mean by a "spotter". I don't believe I've heard that term before.

- LA

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RE: Dom/me and/or Top space - Reprise - 8/28/2005 10:34:38 PM

kc692

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Ok, I wasn't here a year ago, so here goes....I believe Emerald is talking about public scening. Like LA, I have never really gotten into public scening, However, a few months ago was attending a "vanilla" swingers meet and greet of an internet group that I moderate, and, this time was a private party in a closed bar, unlike others that usually had the public in them also. I had a drag queen for entertainment, and she was a dom/me(I'm not sure which is correct in her case, lol). It happened to be someone's birthday, so the round of spankings started, she and I alternating administering them with a cane she happened to have at the bar. At one point, with only one in the line, a woman I know, thingts kind of got really intense, to the point of I had no problem zoning out the 40+ people in the room and niether did she. Afterwards, everyone was coming up to me, because they thought I was unnaturally quiet. Usually I am making sure the parties are running smoothly. I really wished that I could be by myself. It tends to eb that way in private also. After i have spent time on aftercare for my sub, even if we are still laying together, cuddling etc. I prefer no talking, and just quietness. I don't crash, per se, but require that tranquil silence to get all emotional levels back to where they should be. It's more of a reflection period, although I don't usually think about anything in particular. If I am alone at some point and haven't finished with "quiet time" I do not crash or lay down, but "putter", doing mundane things while I come down. I have never lost control in a scene either, because I feed off the subs energy, and if one experienced true distress, I would go no further, as I am feeding off their levels also.

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RE: Dom/me and/or Top space - Reprise - 8/29/2005 5:06:42 AM

Oumae

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I sometimes feel drained after a session but likewise I'd agree that it is a good drained....almost like clearing out and after a rest or sleep I often find I feel rejuvenated.

Spotting is a term used here for when someone else keeps a close check on a sub during play.

Oumae

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RE: Dom/me and/or Top space - Reprise - 8/29/2005 5:19:07 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

Spotting is a term used here for when someone else keeps a close check on a sub during play.

Can I train my cat to do that? ;-)

In all seriousness, I am a private player. I only scened in public once and thought it was fun, I don't think I'll be doing it anytime soon. I felt if anything, the other energy in the room stopped me from being completely in tune with the person I was topping.

- LA

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RE: Dom/me and/or Top space - Reprise - 8/29/2005 5:24:56 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

Spotting is a term used here for when someone else keeps a close check on a sub during play.

Can I train my cat to do that? ;-)

In all seriousness, I am a private player. I only scened in public once and thought it was fun, I don't think I'll be doing it anytime soon. I felt if anything, the other energy in the room stopped me from being completely in tune with the person I was topping.

- LA

A spotter, like in gymnastics, is there to watch the other person and catch them if they fall so they don't do serious injury. Most often I see a spotter used in fireplay.

It doesn't have to be public as in a crowd of people at a club, it could just be one other person there to watch out and be an objective perspective.

And obviously if you don't go into that sort of headspace then you don't have to worry about it. The Owner's topspace is actually a hyperfocused headspace.

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RE: Dom/me and/or Top space - Reprise - 8/29/2005 5:30:04 AM

Oumae

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

Spotting is a term used here for when someone else keeps a close check on a sub during play.

Can I train my cat to do that? ;-)

In all seriousness, I am a private player. I only scened in public once and thought it was fun, I don't think I'll be doing it anytime soon. I felt if anything, the other energy in the room stopped me from being completely in tune with the person I was topping.

- LA

I am sure you you have no problems in training.

I can enjoy both public and private play. Private being more intimate is usually more intense for me. It can be fun to get to use some of the equipment found at public venues tho' and it can open up other aspects to play, such as humiliation or exhibitionism. I'm not much of an exhibitionist myself but it can be fun to explore it in a sub.

Oumae

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RE: Dom/me and/or Top space - Reprise - 8/29/2005 7:16:27 AM

NEOkDOM

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As a member of a Dungeon Society I do play in public frequently. I prefer to play at home where there are few distractions, but the play in public has a different feel to it. Sometimes the energy in a public room adds to the intensity of a scene and sometimes it draws away from it. When everything is going well in a public dungeon then my girl and I both draw energy from the people watching. We do have Dungeon Monitors at all times to keep the noise and distractions down and that helps.

If find that when a scene is going well that I seem to get "tunnel vision" and everything goes to the background except the music and the partner in front of me. The intensity level goes up and I can focus more on my partner and what we are doing. Her skin seems to stand out and the marks get brighter and the energy exchange between us gets more and more intense.

Hope this makes sense as it's just coming off the top of my head.

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RE: Dom/me and/or Top space - Reprise - 8/30/2005 5:17:09 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

If find that when a scene is going well that I seem to get "tunnel vision" and everything goes to the background except the music and the partner in front of me. The intensity level goes up and I can focus more on my partner and what we are doing. Her skin seems to stand out and the marks get brighter and the energy exchange between us gets more and more intense.

Hope this makes sense as it's just coming off the top of my head.

It does make sense. I guess after playing in public spaces for a while, one develops a stronger sense of focus and is able to block out more. I can do that with meditation...

That said, I prefer to be alone with my partner. I guess I feel both powerful and vulnerable in that state.

- LA

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