RE: Safe Word (Full Version)

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Bound2One -> RE: Safe Word (1/17/2008 4:58:07 PM)

Hmm... interesting responses thus far.  I know a lot of the posters are in long-term relationships for quite awhile and mention that they don't use safe words, don't need them, etc.  I am in a new relationship, and Master has given me a safeword.  We're learning one another, and I'm learning a lot about my limits, both physical and mental.  I used the word once and he stopped what he was doing and made sure I was okay, and then we continued play.  It wasn't a 'call this whole thing off'' kinda thing - it was more that I was communicating a fear and he responded appropriately.  I can't tell you how much my trust in him grew at that moment - not that it wasn't there to begin with, of course.

I can see how safe words wouldn't even be needed when partners really know one another, unless perhaps something new and more daring than usual was being started. 

So... in answer to the OP's question [:)]  ...  I know that safe word is there.  I'm learning my limits and would use it if need be, but there have been several times recently where when I thought I could have used it, mentally focused myself and got through the moment.  Master also is aware when I am having difficulty with a certain point and helps me regain my equilibrium.  I would probably use the red ball in the same way Tricia did - I find my hands working to hold onto something at moments when I'm being tested. 




MamaDomme1 -> RE: Safe Word (1/17/2008 4:59:37 PM)

~~FR~~

I don't usually use a safe word with regular partners-- I try to be very observent and not go beyond my partners limitations.  However, I have used them in the past and I immediately stop any and all play and find out what is wrong, if the word is uttered.



parttimehotty -> RE: Safe Word (1/17/2008 5:00:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

pth- My suggestion is stop with the whole 'what you are supposed to do'.  You are getting to worked into the system and it's not a healthy place to be.  You do what you are comfortable with and work out what works for you, before you do anything.  Your looking down the barrel of the 'onetrueway' gun - and it's gonna blow your head of big time.
 
the.dark.

 
i did try to do what's "comfortable" and was accused of reverting back to my "vanilla cunt" ways.  i've been told/trained to take whatever your Master gives you...pain/pleasure because that is what makes Him happy.  He got off on both the extreme verbal/physical pain that he caused me especially when i just surrendered/accepted what he was giving me.  It was rough, really rough at times and i was just wondering if i did have a safe word, would i have used it/when?
i started doubting my ability to pursue this need to serve if it meant having to accept this treatment when/if a Dom decides he wants to administer the pain/humiliation but then i started reading the posts on these forums and realized it's not all about pain. Some of you will take a look at my age and say..."WTF"???  Believe me, in a vanilla world, i'd knock the m-f**ker off my back/stomp on his face, but in this new life i've decided to pursue, i'm still trying to figure out "proper etiquette"and today's thought for the day was, "Who really uses/listens to a safe word"
  (Did i stray far enough from the original post)?? <weak laugh>



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Safe Word (1/17/2008 5:00:57 PM)

No, I never use safewords, whether I've known them five minutes or five years.

They are not a symbol of trust, and they don't suddenly stop being necessary- wrongs and mistakes can (and do) happen at year five just like they do at day five.

It's people using them as if they ARE gifts or treasures or symbols of trust which render them even more useless than they are to start with.



Bound2One -> RE: Safe Word (1/17/2008 5:01:06 PM)

quote:

But I don't call attention that "somethings wrong" unless something is wrong. Being in a hell of a lot of pain doesn't mean anything is wrong and I can't imagine why a bottom would call attention to it.


I'm a little confused by this statement, LA.  There are degrees of pain, and if it becomes intolerable for the bottom, why wouldn't he/she call attention to it? 



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Safe Word (1/17/2008 5:03:33 PM)

Intolerable meaning what?  I'm still alive and taking it- so I'm tolerating it.

Now I'll beg for it to stop pretty quickly, I don't like it and it sucks and I'm not a masochist.  But that doesn't mean anything is wrong or that my body will suffer pain or harm that's not intended.



TMaster2 -> RE: Safe Word (1/17/2008 5:03:57 PM)

With me, the flogger comes down.  There have been times when I have hit a spot or in a way that did more than I realized, so even if it seems liked she's "taken more" in the past, there was some other reason.  There have been a couple of occassions when I didn't hear the safe word and continued on for a bit.  Since then, if we are doing something we feel might need it, I use a ping-pong or tennis ball for her to hold.  When she drops it, that's the safe word being used, and I halt and tend to whatever is hurting.



Bound2One -> RE: Safe Word (1/17/2008 5:06:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Intolerable meaning what?  I'm still alive and taking it- so I'm tolerating it.

Now I'll beg for it to stop pretty quickly, I don't like it and it sucks and I'm not a masochist.  But that doesn't mean anything is wrong or that my body will suffer pain or harm that's not intended.


OK... thanks for answering.



RCdc -> RE: Safe Word (1/17/2008 5:08:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty

i did try to do what's "comfortable" and was accused of reverting back to my "vanilla cunt" ways.  i've been told/trained to take whatever your Master gives you...pain/pleasure because that is what makes Him happy.  He got off on both the extreme verbal/physical pain that he caused me especially when i just surrendered/accepted what he was giving me.  It was rough, really rough at times and i was just wondering if i did have a safe word, would i have used it/when?
i started doubting my ability to pursue this need to serve if it meant having to accept this treatment when/if a Dom decides he wants to administer the pain/humiliation but then i started reading the posts on these forums and realized it's not all about pain. Some of you will take a look at my age and say..."WTF"???  Believe me, in a vanilla world, i'd knock the m-f**ker off my back/stomp on his face, but in this new life i've decided to pursue, i'm still trying to figure out "proper etiquette"and today's thought for the day was, "Who really uses/listens to a safe word"
  (Did i stray far enough from the original post)?? <weak laugh>


PTH
Seriously, really - when you post I just go... oh gosh.  Not in a frustrated way, just a way that is - almost like I would with my daughter(not that age has anything to do with it - I just feel a deep concern)
The question you should be asking is not would you use a safeword if you had one, its' if I had a safeword, would it be respected and if I failed to use it, would I still be safe with that dominant.
Please,please,please try and listen to what people have said to you before and don't get into another relationship yet.  You have far too much stuff to work through.  Forget ettiquette.  Concentrate on what you are willing to submit to, not what people might want.
 
the.dark.



camille65 -> RE: Safe Word (1/17/2008 5:12:51 PM)

Ah pth I can't help but be concerned. There are things within your words, tones and implications showing that you are not happy. It feels like you are forcing yourself into what you think a submissive or slave ought to be instead of just being yourself. I really hope that I'm wrong, I hope that you are happy and feeling safe in your relationship.



Bound2One -> RE: Safe Word (1/17/2008 5:14:53 PM)

quote:

i've been told/trained to take whatever your Master gives you...pain/pleasure because that is what makes Him happy. He got off on both the extreme verbal/physical pain that he caused me especially when i just surrendered/accepted what he was giving me. It was rough, really rough at times and i was just wondering if i did have a safe word, would i have used it/when?


Perhaps what you need to think about is what *you* want as a submissive.  What experiences do you wish to have?  What do you wish to give?  What are your limits?  It's not all about pain and humiliation.  When I was just starting my reading on D/s I was under that impression - and wasn't sure that I could handle pain and humiliation, and what the benefit would be for me.  In doing a lot of reading, thinking, talking with people, and soul searching ... I've kinda figured out what I want, and that is a caring, loving, cherishing long-term relationship with a Master.  When I first started out, I didn't realize that these sorts of Masters do exist... but they do.  If you want to talk, PM me anytime.  I know very well how it feels to be starting out in this world and to feel a bit like I'm floundering and trying to figure myself out. 



parttimehotty -> RE: Safe Word (1/17/2008 5:16:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty

i did try to do what's "comfortable" and was accused of reverting back to my "vanilla cunt" ways.  i've been told/trained to take whatever your Master gives you...pain/pleasure because that is what makes Him happy.  He got off on both the extreme verbal/physical pain that he caused me especially when i just surrendered/accepted what he was giving me.  It was rough, really rough at times and i was just wondering if i did have a safe word, would i have used it/when?
i started doubting my ability to pursue this need to serve if it meant having to accept this treatment when/if a Dom decides he wants to administer the pain/humiliation but then i started reading the posts on these forums and realized it's not all about pain. Some of you will take a look at my age and say..."WTF"???  Believe me, in a vanilla world, i'd knock the m-f**ker off my back/stomp on his face, but in this new life i've decided to pursue, i'm still trying to figure out "proper etiquette"and today's thought for the day was, "Who really uses/listens to a safe word"
  (Did i stray far enough from the original post)?? <weak laugh>


PTH
Seriously, really - when you post I just go... oh gosh.  Not in a frustrated way, just a way that is - almost like I would with my daughter(not that age has anything to do with it - I just feel a deep concern)
The question you should be asking is not would you use a safeword if you had one, its' if I had a safeword, would it be respected and if I failed to use it, would I still be safe with that dominant.
Please,please,please try and listen to what people have said to you before and don't get into another relationship yet.  You have far too much stuff to work through.  Forget ettiquette.  Concentrate on what you are willing to submit to, not what people might want.
 
the.dark.

 

"Things that make you go....hmmmm."  Well, i guess i'm not too surprised that someone admitted my posts either concern them or infuriate them ;)  i appreciate your concern DandD and no worries, i'm not going to jump into anything at this time until i figure out exactly what you said, what I"M willing to submit to and not what others want.  i just like to post on the board when i have something that's been on my mind for a bit because i know i'll get constructive criticism, honesty/or biting comments and i appreciate all of the above and much more from everyone that takes the time to respond to my questions/or comments.



whiteslavebitch -> RE: Safe Word (1/17/2008 5:16:13 PM)

Master and I haven't discussed safewords for a long time. In the past 2 1/2 years that I've known him, I haven't used a safeword once. I know if I needed to use it, he would respect it. He always stops the "scene" before I know I'm ready for it to stop, usually at just the right time.



snowandsub -> RE: Safe Word (1/17/2008 5:17:19 PM)

we have a RED one currently becuase I am pregnant and what didnt hurt yesterday could hurt today and the bondage yesterday might cause me to faint today. we have a yellow safeword for things like cramp which seem to happen faster while pregnant.

i think its relative to the trust and learning curve people have with each other. if having a safeword will allow you to relax and play as hard as you can, knowing that should something happen, you know you can safeword, then why not have one ?  but safewording out of simple play seems pointless - it should be for immediate danger.. ie RED cos i think i am about to puke/pass out etc or Yellow for too much too fast, i want this but slow a little...

i personally think it depends on the dynamic and the situation. before pregnancy, we didnt have a safe word becuase He knows me very well but also becuase we communicate very well and Ke know my limits and also when those limits are close to my hard limits.



RCdc -> RE: Safe Word (1/17/2008 5:25:33 PM)

I know PTH - You have pretty much shown you are open to peoples thoughts.  If I didn't believe that, I wouldn't be posting to you my thoughts.
 
Darcy and I do not use safe words.  Yes we are in a LTR.  But we never used them at all.  It was a decision taken right from the first time we were together, which occured on the first day we met.  And I fell into quite a heady space as well that meeting.  Something that Darcy is open in telling people he had no experience of before hand.  However as a person, I was well aware that I trusted his instincts and his actions and responsiblities he held in everyday life meant I had reason to believe he could and was to be trusted.
 
Now if a safeword is something you want to use.  And I am not a person who says either way is right - its down to personal choice -  my best advice is to think about exactly what I said before-
"if I had a safeword, would it be respected and if I failed to use it, would I still be safe with that dominant. "
 
the.dark.



MercTech -> RE: Safe Word (1/17/2008 5:33:17 PM)

Played with a sub once using the traffic light system.  Green. (gimme more)   Yellow (this is getting to be on the edge) and Red (stop it NOW)

Then, blindfolded and bound started experimenting with a wharenburg wheel and she starts screamin "Pink, Pink, Pink" at the top of her lungs.

I stopped, took off her blindfold, and asked what the hell was that about.  ... "I wanted you to stop but not until I was done witht he orgasm."

Stefan



Statepalace -> RE: Safe Word (1/17/2008 5:59:31 PM)

The only time I've used a safe word is with my ex-husband. Not a D/s relationship, but he used to tickle me to the point of violence (as in I would reach a point where I would suddenly get violent and make him stop, lol). I instituted a safe word that let him know I had reached my limit and would shortly be pinching and kicking to have him stop. It cracked my cousin up the first time he heard me use it - "Omg, your safe word is the cat's name?!"


My Dom did give me a safe word the very first time we played together, but that was probably because I looked so nervous. Since then we don't normally use one, because "Hey I have a cramp in my foot" or "I'm getting dizzy" work just as well as some randomly chosen word. If I'm supposed to be struggling and saying "no" however, then we do have an alternate word for no.



AquaticSub -> RE: Safe Word (1/17/2008 6:03:40 PM)

quote:


Subs/slaves:  How far do you have to go before you cry out the safe word?


The point at which I've been instructed to speak out. It varies in different situations, however it's rarely needed and we often have to reassign the word simply because we've forgotten what it is. As for him, he trusts me to not abuse it as a safety system or he wouldn't allow it.



Bound2One -> RE: Safe Word (1/17/2008 6:08:08 PM)

quote:

"if I had a safeword, would it be respected and if I failed to use it, would I still be safe with that dominant. "


Fantastic advice.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Safe Word (1/17/2008 6:47:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty

Masters/Mistresses:  When your girl/boy cries out that one word that should make everything stop, do you ever stop, look at the girl/boy and decide he/she can take more?  That he/she's just being a wus? You've done more in the past and you know he/she can take more. 

No. If I've agreed to a safeword, then the safeword is honored.

quote:

  Or does the flogger hit the floor/you step back w/your hands up?

Why would I back away if there is a problem to attend to?

Master Fire



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