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RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 5:21:46 PM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

(smile necessary for some crazy reason on my browser, here of late, to let me effing post. grrr)

With my current owner, I do not have a safe word, per se. I do not simply use 'stop', as some have suggested, because I tend, in certain mind sets, (and not in others - which I will be in on a particular night is unpredictable) to scream and holler and writhe and yell 'please, please, oh god please stop, please don't' ect, ect, a lot. But I don't want him to stop. In fact, when I am in that mind set and he plays me good and hard so that I am screaming the whole time, well - he has to stop eventually, and if I am screaming the whole time, he will eventually stop while I am begging him to, and I instantly regret that I 'made' him stop. Which I can assure you has never happened, it is just my post beating perception of the moment.
Master stops at irregular intervals that have to do with his perceptions of me - sometimes several times, some nights not at all - to come around to where he can get a good clear look at my face, and ask, 'does the girl want to safeword?' Even on nights when my mind set is the begging and screaming kind, the most usual answer is 'Hell No!' OTOH, on nights when I'm flying, and have left the ability to speak far behind, he has another difficulty in determining to his satisfaction that I am indeed okay, when he asks if I'm okay and gets only silence and spaced out eyes that are busy seeing new colors that just don't exist in this world. He figures it out. Couldn't tell you how, fortunately, that is not my problem.
PS

I choose to use colors:

Green is go
Yellow is "I am not ok with the activity but please continue the scene"
Red is "stop everything"

Colors tend to give Me more information about what My sub/slave is experiencing. Also, if I am doing a new activity with them, I can ask, "color?" and get My information immediately.

A couple more colors for you:
Blue traditionally means, "I love what you are doing but I need to communicate a specific immediate need to you" for instance, I need to go pee RIGHT NOW! or, I love that implement but you are hitting me on the coxix instead of the ass, I wonder if you could move down a half inch? or whatever.

And, from the local sub group:
Purple. Which, as defined by the local sub group, means, "Barney Fucking Purple, if you don't his me harder than that I'm going to tell all your little Dom friends on you!" ( I would recomend thinking twice before actually using this one. Trust me on this.)

(in reply to LordShadow)

Post #: 41

RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 5:45:12 PM

masterlink65

Posts: 683
Joined: 11/3/2007
Status: offline

i have safe words for my slaves to use. and during training, i use green, yellow, red, as i get to know the slave, and the slave gets to know me.

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)

Post #: 42

RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 6:27:42 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

There is no 'should'. There is only 'as agreed'.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)

Post #: 43

RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 7:48:22 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TenchiRyokoMuyo

See, I don't want to give her the safe word, if she might use it when she truly doesn't -need- the safeword...If she's just doing it because she doesn't want to do it (As I'm not going to go to her hard limits), then I don't want to stop. But if there's something seriously wrong, then I want to be able to stop. I guess it's trial and error.

And sure Irish, my fiddle is waitin'. lol

Personally, if you don't trust her not to use to correctly (read: as you desire once you have clearly explained it) I think there are other issues at hand.

I know exactly how Valyraen wants me to use the safeword and I wouldn't consider using it in any other situation. To do so would abuse the trust he has placed in me.

Edited to add: Now, as others have point out, you are not inside her head. If Valyraen were to say... trigger memories of past sexual assualt in me, it may not show physically. I may not even be able to talk about it right away. I might just want to end the scene and left alone long enough to get control. Safeword or not, you need to able to trust that if she needs to pause or end the scene, there is a good reason - even if you don't understand it right away.

My .02

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/22/2008 7:51:26 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)

Post #: 44

RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 9:06:15 PM

dusk2012

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/24/2007
Status: offline

well with this girl the word No,stop,ouch,please, have mercy,crying. they don't work for this girls Master for it excites him. plus well this girl uses them to much so we have our safe word never used it mind you. but that is even if it is hurting so much that it kills girl she will not know when to use it for she loves pain for if it is at her limit of pain she will bite her lips and Master will push through it. so there is no point in our life for safe words.lol but safe words are a good thing for those that need them.

_____________________________

Sticks and stone may break my bones,but whips and chains excite me.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 45

RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 9:11:54 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Well that was helpful as all get out.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to dusk2012)

Post #: 46

RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 9:32:13 PM

dusk2012

Posts: 5
Joined: 8/24/2007
Status: offline

lol glad she can be of help.

_____________________________

Sticks and stone may break my bones,but whips and chains excite me.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 47

RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/22/2008 9:54:38 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I love what Darcy and MasterFireMaam had to say and will simply add- five years down the road if your chica starts shrieking "Ankle ankle!" will you ignore her because you have control and there's no safeword involved and you haven't done anything which would be likely to cause a problem?

Or will you take notice of the ankle and start asking questions to see if there's really a problem?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to dusk2012)

Post #: 48

RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/23/2008 12:58:45 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I love what Darcy and MasterFireMaam had to say and will simply add- five years down the road if your chica starts shrieking "Ankle ankle!" will you ignore her because you have control and there's no safeword involved and you haven't done anything which would be likely to cause a problem?

Or will you take notice of the ankle and start asking questions to see if there's really a problem?

Hey now where'd ya get that little analogy?

Personally, I've decided I want an unsafe word.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 49

RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/23/2008 6:27:37 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TenchiRyokoMuyo

Thanks for all the responses guy's, it's interesting to read others opinions.

I guess it takes just getting to know the slave/submissive enough...To know her hard limits.

See, I don't want to give her the safe word, if she might use it when she truly doesn't -need- the safeword...If she's just doing it because she doesn't want to do it (As I'm not going to go to her hard limits), then I don't want to stop. But if there's something seriously wrong, then I want to be able to stop. I guess it's trial and error.

And sure Irish, my fiddle is waitin'. lol

Subs don't misuse safe words. You should worry more that she won't use it when she should. Because that's what usually happens.

And just because she can take more physically doesn't mean she can take more emotionally. You could cane her until she was bleeding and not have a safe word called, but could slap her lightly across the face and she might need it. If you hit an emotional landmine and won't stop when she needs it, she won't ever trust you again. Rightfully.

Besides, imo, the sheer fact that you wouldn't give me one, would mean you weren't someone I could trust. It's the fact that I know I could stop things if I had to that allows me not to have to. He knows he isn't a mind reader, isn't puffed up in his own opinion, and wants a safety net there in case I fall. The fact that he worries about these things makes him someone who is always careful to prevent me from falling. And therefore I haven't.

And if at 18, you think you know it all and can get by without any back up tells me you had better have gotten 100% on your mind reading final. Have you?

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 1/23/2008 6:29:04 AM >

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)

Post #: 50

RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/23/2008 3:23:59 PM

LaMspeach

Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Personally, I've decided I want an unsafe word.

Owned, I think the perfect "unsafe" words for you would be... "Wacky Waffle wants a chainsaw"

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 51

RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/23/2008 3:36:54 PM

quinnny

Posts: 29
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

First of all, the house where safe words aren't permitted is usually the one where the police want to dig up the backyard and the cellar.

The two of you (or more) can have fun picking out words together. Think of it as a compatiblility exercise.

If you can't come up with one, I believe "Stop you fucker right now. I'll kill you when you let me up. You're killing me" is the same as "red light".

(in reply to LaMspeach)

Post #: 52

RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/23/2008 10:10:58 PM

HardnRuff

Posts: 213
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline

I think of a safe word like car insurance .. Would you drive your car without it ?? Its like something you hope you never have to use, but its always nice to have it when you need it .Seriously I dont think I can be in My subs head at every given moment no matter how close I am watching her . Just My opinion...

_____________________________

" Weapon Of Ass Destruction" † Bitch tested slut approved †

(in reply to LordShadow)

Post #: 53

RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/24/2008 6:07:38 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

I will prolly get flamed for this... A dom should know his girl well enuff not to need a safe word if not then the dom should not engage in edge play. With that being said a slave has no right to a safe word.

BadOne

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)

Post #: 54

RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/24/2008 6:44:49 AM

nightwraith

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/5/2008
Status: offline

*read it and still has eyeballs in place*

As long as we abuse it, never gonna lose it
Everything'll work out right

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 55

RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/24/2008 7:26:23 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

A dom should know his girl well enuff not to need a safe word if not then the dom should not engage in edge play. W
BadOne

I support the first part ( but a safeword never hurts, although I never used one)

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 56

RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/24/2008 7:36:22 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
With that being said a slave has no right to a safe word.

I disagree with this part. A slave should always have some way of letting their Dom know something unforseen has happened. Unless, of course, you also dont believe that a slave should have the right to have a scene stopped for loss of feeling in a limb from a knot that may have shifted and is blocking bloodflow, or something similiar. A safe word doesnt have to be something ridiculous, but especially whe you know your boy or girl really well, Stop or No, please, or things like that are part of the scene for excitement and not actual requests to stop. The idea of making it "nonconsentual" makes it hotter for some and so yelling stop even though you know it is understood that you are feeding a fantasy and not having a problem is exciting. But, now, what do you do when there really IS a problem?
Fox doesnt have a designated safeword, persay. During a scene, his hands started faling asleep on him beasue of the position the ropes had moved into. He said "Please, stop, my hands feel strange" and we did. But, honestly, how many people are capable of that much coherent speach in subspace and in the midst of agony and extacy that comes from a good scene? A single understandable word might be something they can get out, while an entire sentence often is not. For us, now, he knows if a certain part of his body hurts in an non-scene context (obviously if his back hurts becasue I am caning him that doesnt count) all he has to do is say the bodypart. Its outside what he would say or yell for excitement and I know theres a problem. Like LA's example, if my partner starts yelling ANKLE it cant assume thats sone strange way to add to the scene, theres a reason for it. Id be lax as an owner not to at least look into the problem. If you know your pet well, youd know they would not object unless something was seriously wrong, after all.

My 2 cents
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 57

RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/24/2008 7:57:01 AM

sensiia

Posts: 103
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Safe word? Right! I do not have or use a safe word with Sir, I had in the past when and if I played with Tops I knew. I have enough trust in Sir that the use of safe words is unnecessary. If I truly need Him to stop I need to beg and I suck at begging so it is more fun for Him to listen to me attempt begging which doesn't happen often, but I am improving, a little lol

He is more a sadist them I am a maso and I like to play hard, so I am by no means up to where He is but my trust in Him is well established that I know He will never harm me in any way, now hurt me is a different story, yum.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 58

RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/24/2008 7:59:53 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

I will prolly get flamed for this... A dom should know his girl well enuff not to need a safe word if not then the dom should not engage in edge play. With that being said a slave has no right to a safe word.

BadOne

How will you know her well enough to know that what you are going to do will trigger a previously repressed memory of early and horrific abuse that her mind repressed to allow her to function?

How do you know someone well enough to know they are getting nauseous and coming down with the flu?

I've had emotional triggers hit. If I knew they were there I would have told him but since they hadn't been hit before, I couldn't.

And I did have to get suddenly released and dash to the bathroom when I came down with the flu last year. Trust me, I didn't know I was sick when we started. And if I didn't know, then he certainly didn't.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 59

RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/24/2008 8:12:28 AM

LordVelvet

Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

What about casual play? When you are playing with someone for the first time. A Safe word may be a good idea. Just food for thought.
LordVelvet

_____________________________

It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you're not - Van Zant

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 60

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