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RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/24/2008 8:25:22 AM   
IrishMist


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

I will prolly get flamed for this... A dom should know his girl well enuff not to need a safe word if not then the dom should not engage in edge play.  With that being said a slave has no right to a safe word.

BadOne

Well...you were actually doing good up until that last part.

Dayum...and here I thought there was someone who actually GOT IT.......

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RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/24/2008 8:27:15 AM   
Jasmyn


Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TenchiRyokoMuyo

I was talking with a submissive/slave (She's not sure yet), and a though came to me. Should a slave have a safety word? Or, the master, having complete, 100% control, should he not have to worry about the slave interrupting the session, but instead should make sure he doesn't push to hard?

 
quote:

See, I don't want to give her the safe word, if she might use it when she truly doesn't -need- the safeword...If she's just doing it because she doesn't want to do it (As I'm not going to go to her hard limits), then I don't want to stop. But if there's something seriously wrong, then I want to be able to stop. I guess it's trial and error.

 
Pointing out the obvious, regardless of the reasoning behind them using a 'safeword', consensuality does dictate that we toppy types stop. 
 
It could be your style of domination is simply boring her to tears and she's over lying back and thinking about England and would rather be watching footy instead.  
 
It could be you do something within the scene that screams you are unskilled in a technique and she does not want you too continue for her own physical safety and peace of mind.  
 
It could be that something you are doing or saying is tripping her ick button, despite her saying prior she was okay with this type of play/games ... she may have ticked 'fuck me like an animal' in the BDSM checklist but really didn't want you to start barking like a dog or that you would be expect her too.
 
The biggest issue I see you having right now, in this period of your uber domness, is thinking 'safewords' have this mythical power of SIC (Submissive In Control)  ...  it doesn't ...
 
'Safewords' are a tool, as any other in play room  ... and if you open your mind to them you will find a way to make 'safewords' work for you in a scene rather than your current thinking, that having one will work against you. 
 
To that end, anyone I play with has the option of asking for mercy ... it is not in itself a 'safeword' but it does allow for quick communication they are reaching their limit of endurance of whatever I am doing to them while allowing them to remain in scene, in role, in the headspace...which affords me the opportunity of pushing just that little bit further or ceasing the activity all together if I wish ...

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(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/24/2008 9:29:41 AM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		My rule in the past has been that I would not play, casually, with someone, with a safeword, if I did not trust them enough to play with them, without a safeword. If I would trust them enough, and he wants me to have one, then fine.  
  But it is true that as an owned slave, I do not have one. That is not a comment on what other M/s should do, just what works for me. But I fully understand the comment about not wanting them used and 'slaves' not having them, because that also happens to work in my dynamic.

(in reply to LordVelvet)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/24/2008 10:07:58 AM   
Justme696


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Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LordVelvet

What about casual play? When you are playing with someone for the first time. A Safe word may be a good idea. Just food for thought.
LordVelvet


first time is a good idea. In time it might not needed anymore.


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RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/24/2008 10:19:21 AM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline 		Personally, I wouldn't play with anyone who didn't offer a safeword.  Then he's gotta prove he's good enough I wouldn't need it.

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RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/24/2008 10:27:22 AM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear TenchiRyokoMuyo, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I am confident in my skills in S&M and Bondage.  I feel like I have the experience to be a good judge of body languages.  That said, even though I am very confident in my own skills and knowledge, IF I am working with someone brand new, I like to have safe words and non-verbal safety signals as to give the person I am TOPPING a sense of their own safety and security. 
 
Until I become familiar with this bottom/submissive/slave, safety is my major concern.  There are also things I cannot see physically; such as emotional and or mental areas that may become upset and or not in the right space or place.  I have to depend on the bottom/submissive/slave to 'Yellow' and tell me how they are internally dealing with the scene. It may also be a medical condition such as a cramp or the like that I am missing, as it might be away from my vision.
 
I consider safe words/safe signals a tool -- not a crutch. 
 
I have not had the majority of scenes I've had--have a safe word or safe code used.  The ones where safe words or the safe signal/code used was mainly for an equipment adjustment and continued on to its conclusion.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

 
 

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/24/2008 11:43:25 AM   
tulitukka


Posts: 95
Joined: 10/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TenchiRyokoMuyo

I was talking with a submissive/slave (She's not sure yet), and a though came to me. Should a slave have a safety word? Or, the master, having complete, 100% control, should he not have to worry about the slave interrupting the session, but instead should make sure he doesn't push to hard?


I either work with a safety word, or without. I do have a preference for no safewords in non-resistance play. In other instances, it should really suffice for the slave to tell how she feels (so no safety word usage for getting out of doing dishes :). We don't use a safe word with my current slave, except for particular and rare play instances, where I want to establish one. I could use one with another slave, and I might even refuse play without a safeword with some people (e.g. if I'm not confident I can read them correctly).

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/24/2008 6:50:11 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

I will prolly get flamed for this... A dom should know his girl well enuff not to need a safe word if not then the dom should not engage in edge play.  With that being said a slave has no right to a safe word.

BadOne


How will you know her well enough to know that what you are going to do will trigger a previously repressed memory of early and horrific abuse that her mind repressed to allow her to function?

When she curls up in the fetal position.  Then we can deal with it.

How do you know someone well enough to know they are getting nauseous and coming down with the flu?

I've had emotional triggers hit. If I knew they were there I would have told him but since they hadn't been hit before, I couldn't.

And I did have to get suddenly released and dash to the bathroom when I came down with the flu last year. Trust me, I didn't know I was sick when we started. And if I didn't know, then he certainly didn't.

A safe word to my mind is for  physical safety like say breath play if she pass out you know you've gone to far.  Sure it's a extreme example.  Tossing your cookies due to the flu is not a safe word issue.  Tossing your cookies due to a beating would be a safety issue.  I hope I have cleared up my point.



In respones to vamp yea pretty much she can't stop a scene.  I have been known to say hush up and take it.

BadOne

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/24/2008 6:55:23 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

I will prolly get flamed for this... A dom should know his girl well enuff not to need a safe word if not then the dom should not engage in edge play.  With that being said a slave has no right to a safe word.

BadOne

Well...you were actually doing good up until that last part.

Dayum...and here I thought there was someone who actually GOT IT.......


I got it we just happen to disagree.  Not a big deal

BadOne

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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/24/2008 7:20:41 PM   
lilredny


Posts: 33
Joined: 11/11/2007
Status: offline 		I agree. A sub who trusts her master shouldn't have the need for a safe word, although I wished I had one last time he decided to tickle me

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Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/24/2008 9:09:11 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilredny

I agree. A sub who trusts her master shouldn't have the need for a safe word, although I wished I had one last time he decided to tickle me


I hear laffing is a huge safety issue.. tho it's hard to utter the safe word cuz your laffing and squirmng  hard

BadOne

(in reply to lilredny)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/25/2008 5:16:41 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Sailing Bum,
Throwing up from the flu is not a reason to be able to say stop? I don't get that. Here a safe gesture, used when gagged, can mean stop for a second and adjust the rope, or untie me totally, I can't deal with this. It's just a quick way to show that there's a problem. My car has warning lights that tell me I'm low on oil, I heed it, I don't decide to keep driving until the engine seizes up.

Ignoring my warnings and continuing until I seize up would tell me he can't be trusted to  keep me in good condition. And why would I be with someone I can't trust?

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Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/25/2008 6:05:48 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Sailing Bum,
Throwing up from the flu is not a reason to be able to say stop? I don't get that. Here a safe gesture, used when gagged, can mean stop for a second and adjust the rope, or untie me totally, I can't deal with this. It's just a quick way to show that there's a problem. My car has warning lights that tell me I'm low on oil, I heed it, I don't decide to keep driving until the engine seizes up.

Ignoring my warnings and continuing until I seize up would tell me he can't be trusted to  keep me in good condition. And why would I be with someone I can't trust?


I hope this clears up any ambiguity in my earlier post.

"As a slave" notice the quaifiler tossing your cookies is not a reason for you to tell your owner to stop.   One would think that your owner would stop.  I know I would hence as I said earlier you don't need a safeword as your owner in a perfect world would always be looking out for your best interest. 

I never said ignore the warning signs.  The owner watchs very close for signs that she is in distress and remedies the situation.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/25/2008 6:23:04 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Sailing Bum,
Throwing up from the flu is not a reason to be able to say stop? I don't get that. Here a safe gesture, used when gagged, can mean stop for a second and adjust the rope, or untie me totally, I can't deal with this. It's just a quick way to show that there's a problem. My car has warning lights that tell me I'm low on oil, I heed it, I don't decide to keep driving until the engine seizes up.

Ignoring my warnings and continuing until I seize up would tell me he can't be trusted to  keep me in good condition. And why would I be with someone I can't trust?


I hope this clears up any ambiguity in my earlier post.

"As a slave" notice the quaifiler tossing your cookies is not a reason for you to tell your owner to stop.   One would think that your owner would stop.  I know I would hence as I said earlier you don't need a safeword as your owner in a perfect world would always be looking out for your best interest. 

I never said ignore the warning signs.  The owner watchs very close for signs that she is in distress and remedies the situation.


As I've stated before, we don't see this matter as either X or Y. We don't follow the school of thought that he will never make a mistake, never miss the signal, never fail to notice. Someday, as he is only human, he will fuck up.

That's the day we have the safeword for (that and rape play). In the meantime, he continues to watch and stops when something is wrong.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

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(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/25/2008 7:15:00 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		This is a great discussion.  Who is "we"?  Sure I've made mistakes but a utfuckingOH mistake nope.   When I am playing hard with a girl. I will stop and check their wetness level.  When it starts drying up it's time to slow down a tad.  So far it has worked for me. 

BadOne

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Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/25/2008 8:39:52 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

When I am playing hard with a girl. I will stop and check their wetness level.  When it starts drying up it's time to slow down a tad.  So far it has worked for me. 


Wetness level... isn't that what your dipstick is for? Checking the wetness level?

Seriously though Bad (yes, I know, but stay with me here for a minute), do you agree that the OP on this thread does not have the experience/knowledge/whatever that you do to play safely without a safe word?  Can we encourage the freshies to err on the side of safety?

Cali


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(in reply to SailingBum)
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RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/25/2008 8:47:17 AM   
Voyager46


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/10/2007
Status: offline 		Com'on people... doesn't common sense ever surface? Use your head. Both of them.

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Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/25/2008 8:49:06 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I never let go of safewords, we just learn to rely on them less.

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RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/25/2008 10:06:03 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

When I am playing hard with a girl. I will stop and check their wetness level.  When it starts drying up it's time to slow down a tad.  So far it has worked for me. 


Wetness level... isn't that what your dipstick is for? Checking the wetness level?

Seriously though Bad (yes, I know, but stay with me here for a minute), do you agree that the OP on this thread does not have the experience/knowledge/whatever that you do to play safely without a safe word?  Can we encourage the freshies to err on the side of safety?

Cali



Yes I agree with you...I said something like that in my first post.  If I remember right... word to the effect that until you get to know the other person stay away from the edge.  Personally I used a tongue depressor for my ... well never mind

BadOne

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Slave Safety words? - 1/25/2008 12:16:15 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

This is a great discussion.  Who is "we"?  Sure I've made mistakes but a utfuckingOH mistake nope.   When I am playing hard with a girl. I will stop and check their wetness level.  When it starts drying up it's time to slow down a tad.  So far it has worked for me. 

BadOne


We would be me and my owner.

I don't know about how you play, but for us there is a lot more to check and lot more that could go wrong than simply wetness level. There was always the amusing time an insertable caught some of my vaginal lining, something he couldn't see or feel and I had to communicate to him.

Makes for a great story but damn it hurt like a bitch.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 80
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