Confused Sub

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BikerDom4 -> Confused Sub (1/27/2008 11:11:24 PM)
HI, yes this may be a bit random and a bit unusual, but I d love to hear some opinions from subs and masters alike on this problem I have.. I recently met (online) a sub and after many chats and conversations both online and on the phone , she declared that she had fallen for me , feelings were mutual and I declared my feelings for her, I had totally fallen in love with her..... and we were heading for a real life situation...something we both wanted., however her previous master has got in touch with her after a 6 month abscence and want her back..... When he dissapeared he went without discussion after a big row with her and she felt she was free and wasnt really looking for a new master when suddenly she met me....however since his return she is totally confused as to her feelings and tells me that she can sense both of us with her and just simply cant cope with the intensity of feeling from both of us .... His control of her was total, he dominated every single thing she ever did, from going to the bathroom to going shopping.... she was in effect his total slave......and she wanted this from me also and I was prepared to do this ... I offered her Love , companionship and understanding in a warm loving relationship..... She has now gone away to try and make a decision as to whom she should choose, me or him, she didnt want any contact with either of us... however she has since been texting me on the phone .....and suddenly she has now decided she doesnt want to choose either of us ......my problem is I really dont know how to handle the situation..... I am totally head over heels in love with her ..... and feel I cant just let her go....... any suggestions , Help advice, experiences of confused subs, is greatfully accepted....

MissMagnolia -> RE: Confused Sub (1/27/2008 11:17:23 PM)
You will let go eventually. In the meantime, do you fully understand that this person is not free to love you totally? That she is still in "something", whether it's love or lust or domination or whatever, with another? And while ever she ISN'T over that person, she can't belong to you only? Do you know anything about her past? Has she done this before? And how can you be sure she will make a decision and stick to it? What if she decides on you, then in 3 months changes her mind because she want's the other one back? Or even wants a completely different Master?

BikerDom4 -> RE: Confused Sub (1/27/2008 11:21:17 PM)
She has never done this sort of thing before, her previous master was her first after, living in an unhappy marriage for 17 years. She was with her master for 18 months before he dissapeared.

breatheasone -> RE: Confused Sub (1/27/2008 11:24:29 PM)
I am sorry for your loss...I can really understand where you both are coming from....and I do sympathize. If I were in your shoes I would make VERY sure there was no chance. I would probably not let it go quite that easy.....So if when it was all said and done, you would know you tried your best for it to work. No regrets. I wish you the best...

MissMagnolia -> RE: Confused Sub (1/27/2008 11:26:34 PM)
Well, you've really only got her word on that. And believe me, this kind of thing is neither random or unusual. This is the net, and people do bullshit. She's said that she doesn't want to choose either of you. So whats her option? Keep being with both of you? If it were me, I'd tell her no contact until she can definitely state that she has stopped talking to this other, has no interest in him, etc. No, actually, if it were me, I'd tell her to bugger off, but then I'm harsh and unforgiving.

BikerDom4 -> RE: Confused Sub (1/27/2008 11:26:53 PM)
Thank you for your kind comment, I do not want to let her go...just like that, she has come to mean too much to me .... I have told her I will wait for her and am even prepared just to be there as a friend if this is even possible.....

juliaoceania -> RE: Confused Sub (1/27/2008 11:28:35 PM)
My response, let her go. If she wanted you, she wouldn't be "confused". Her confusion is probably that she does not trust this other dominant to stick around, so she is stringing you along until she knows whether or not it will work out with him... I could be wrong, but it surely sounds like it. I was freshly out of my first Ds relationship when I was with my Daddy, and I did not know if I would ever get over my first dom when my Daddy and I began talking. It took a few months to meet my Daddy, and during those months I was healing. My Daddy and I made no promises to each other until we met. We did not profess love over the internet or the phone. And when I met him we clicked very well, but I still did not know for sure how I would feel if my former dom contacted me... I found out about three months after Daddy and I met real time. My former emailed me, and I emailed him back that I was happy in my situation, and I meant it.... Now if he had contacted me before Daddy and I met, I would have been torn I suppose. I would still want to meet my Daddy, although I might be confused... but I wouldn't string someone along by telling them I loved them one minute, and then pronouncing that I was confused about loving my former dominant that came back in the next minute... to me people who do things like that are more than just confused.... they are players. It just isn't right to string people along because someone is afraid of being alone. In fact it is just plain selfish and cruel.

takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: Confused Sub (1/27/2008 11:30:54 PM)
If she is back with him. when he vanishes again, don't be surprised if You start hearing from her again. i think You deserve better than that.

BikerDom4 -> RE: Confused Sub (1/27/2008 11:31:12 PM)
Thanks for the sage advice,,,,,, made me laugh. Her option of not choosing either of us i felt was a cwoardly one , because its not really a choice, its simply a get out for her....I know shes not bullshiiting..... I know i can trust her, but I like your option of no contact until she stops talking to the other, however she has already decided this , and my attempts to be dominant with her recieve no response at all....unless I treat her badly....

breatheasone -> RE: Confused Sub (1/27/2008 11:32:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BikerDom4 Thank you for your kind comment, I do not want to let her go...just like that, she has come to mean too much to me .... I have told her I will wait for her and am even prepared just to be there as a friend if this is even possible..... I understand you feeling this way right now....just give yourself time to think things through and process all of it.

MissMagnolia -> RE: Confused Sub (1/27/2008 11:35:09 PM)
The thing is in this case, you CAN'T treat her badly or dom her, because SHE'S the one in control.

BikerDom4 -> RE: Confused Sub (1/27/2008 11:36:48 PM)
Wow thanks for your insight.....I never thought she was stringing me along , or acting as a player, she didnt seem to be the type...I think partof the problem is that we did click, and it was extremely intense, ...to the point that we can sense each other, we know when we need each other and what we need.....I can feel her all around me , and she has the same feeling s with me ...the problem is, is that he came back into her life just as we were about to meet...and has moved very close to where she lives, and i think she fears this....I feel that she is being very selfish, but her cruelty is as a result of her confusion and not deliberate.....

GoddessTeaze -> RE: Confused Sub (1/27/2008 11:44:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BikerDom4 . I am totally head over heels in love with her ..... and feel I cant just let her go....... any suggestions , Help advice, experiences of confused subs, is greatfully accepted.... When You love someone set them free If they don't come back to You? Then it wasn't ment to be in the first place.. I wish You strength ! Warm Greetingz GoddezzT`

juliaoceania -> RE: Confused Sub (1/27/2008 11:51:03 PM)
Have you ever heard the term "He/she just isn't that into you"? I am not saying that she definitely isn't into you, just that she seems to be more into the other guy. Otherwise she would at least meet you to see what was there. She owes this former dom no explanations if it is as she said... 6 months no contact means a submissive is released by any measure I have heard of. Why would any thinking person turn away a possible love connection for someone who blew them off for 6 months... I wouldn't. My next question is this, why don't you feel you are worth being the first choice? Why would you settle for being a "friend"? Why would a submissive want a dominant that would settle for being second choice.. which is what she has made you... otherwise she would be cementing plans to meet you. I mean this constructively.. so please do not take offense to what I am about to write, many submissives wouldn't respect a dominant that allowed them to do what she is doing. You need and want her more than she needs and wants you... she has the power. Many submissives lose interest rather quickly when they have the upperhand... in fact many submissives will try to get the upperhand just to check and see if they can when the relationship is new. I can't really give you advice on this one, other than do not let her be in control over the situation, which means controlling your own emotions regarding her and not allowing her to put you in the position of settling for less than you want.. there are other fish in the sea... fish that do not live in confusion. I would tell her that she should do what makes her happy and that you were exercising your options too... if you are free when she gets unconfused then you may consider her.. and then make it so. But that is just me, and I could be wrong

peppermint -> RE: Confused Sub (1/27/2008 11:58:21 PM)
Have you ever thought that she has brought this past Master back into the picture because she is not ready to meet you? Be sensible...if she needs to make a choice between you two, it's best to actually meet you face to face. May i ask if she ever met the other Master or was it an online/phone domination type thing? I've chatted with people online and phone and there seemed to be tons of chemistry. However, when we met we just didn't click as we did at a distance. Once i met someone and there was tons of chemistry, but for some reason it was gone by the second meeting. What i'm tell you is to be sensible and be careful with your feelings. You've fallen deeply in love and even though you've never met her those feelings you have are very very real. You do need to use some common sense. I personally think this other Master thing doesn't sound right.

MissMagnolia -> RE: Confused Sub (1/28/2008 12:03:11 AM)
I think it's kind of sad that you asked for opinions, help, advice and suggestions, yet back up every post with a "it's not her fault" and a "but I love her and believe her" post. I don't know you actually WANT advice or help, maybe you just wanted to talk about your feelings?

BikerDom4 -> RE: Confused Sub (1/28/2008 12:09:14 AM)
Again wow, thanks for you insights... they have really made me think....I do not feel like I am second choice, my reason for offering to be a friend to her was out of love....not because of my dominant feelings....she hasnt made me second choice , she just hasnt made a choice ( should she really have a chice ? ) What do I need to do to stop her if she will not submit to me in the first place ....I persume I cannot do anything if she will not submit....I have told her to do what makes her happy....because if she is happy then so am I .. I must note hear that I am fairly new to all of this and it was her that awoke my feelings of dominance.

BikerDom4 -> RE: Confused Sub (1/28/2008 12:11:45 AM)
Yes I want advice, and Help... I do not wish to treat this as a talking point about my feelings, I am explaining things as they are and simply explaining the situations as I see it .

juliaoceania -> RE: Confused Sub (1/28/2008 12:33:33 AM)
Sorry, I was under the impression that telling someone you love them means you are making a choice to pursue a relationship with them, and that it should not be conditional on someone else from the past deciding that they want to toss their hat into the ring... but some people do not mean those words in the same way I do (hint: I take them extremely serious)

BikerDom4 -> RE: Confused Sub (1/28/2008 12:36:24 AM)
You impressions are correct, and I do not use those three words lightly at all, apparently she does....

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