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NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette - 1/28/2008 4:24:38 PM   
thedavezone


Posts: 113
Joined: 12/11/2007
From: South Korea
Status: offline 		I'm new to all this, and I want to know - what is the etiquette and protocol when contacting a potential slave.

Should I be friendly - like in a dating service?  Demanding?  Make the letter long, short, or what?  I really don't know, I just want to find someone, and I'm not sure if the rules are different or not.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette - 1/28/2008 4:27:49 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		You find, just as in vanilla land (crazy huh?), that everyone is different. Some want a demanding approach, but it seems (to me) that many want to be approached with respect. I prefer to be called my name and demands are a turn-off, I'm not an insta-sub. It doesn't need to a thesis on why you think the two of you would work out, but something long enough to know that you read the profile and have given some thought beyond "Damn I'd like to see you naked" would probably be nice.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to thedavezone)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette - 1/28/2008 4:36:48 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		my advice

be less domly and demanding or you'll find yourself  "ignored. blocked and deleted" by many submissives. 

merely be your friendly and more importantly respectful self towards the potential slave/submissive. 

also read the entire profile before messaging - nothing like a guy messaging who didn't read the profile.


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to thedavezone)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette - 1/28/2008 5:06:53 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		What would give you the right to be demanding? <shrugs>
 
I seldom contact anyone, just my ways...if someone has any kind of interest they will eventually make contact..maybe =L=
 
You have to understand what kind of site your on...I think many ladies get some real goofy emails here...
 
Good luck, however in your *hunt*...
 
<grins>

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette - 1/28/2008 5:14:31 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		Be polite. Be interesting, offer courtesy instead of demands or titles. You don't need to try and 'domly' just be yourself. Being genuine will likely net you a more genuine sub.

(in reply to ThundersCry)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette - 1/28/2008 5:24:12 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Everyone above me has given you excellent advice. If you follow this, and do it with sincerity, you have a much better chance to succeed in your quest.

~Christina

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette - 1/28/2008 5:29:43 PM   
KyttynTheMynx


Posts: 4880
Joined: 5/10/2006
From: Moosecrotch, Va
Status: offline 		Never, ever get demanding from the word go, unless you KNOW the person will like it.  Dont make the first message so short that it doesnt say enough, or so long that it just rambles on and on.  Just be you.  Tell her what you liked about her profile, what youre curious about, and a bit about you.

_____________________________

Hibbie's Hottie

The next time you think I give a fuck, remember the 3 F's... Unless you are Feeding me, Financing me, or Fucking me, I don't give a fuck!!

"Kyttyn: The Other White Meat!" - DRH

10 Miles of Hot Chocolate Lovin'.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette - 1/28/2008 5:46:04 PM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		Oh, these are such good answers. Speaking as a sub who is new to this site, pressuring is not pleasent when recieving a email. I've already recieved one such response and it makes me slighty nervous and a bit offened. I  will call you Sir and be respectful, however please understand when I don't say "Master" from the get go. That will be for the One who deserves the title.   Good luck and best of wishes to you in your search.

(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette - 1/28/2008 6:38:12 PM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		That's exactly what made me respond back to ,y Owner. You have to be a person first.

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette - 1/28/2008 6:47:59 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Dos:

Do read the s-types profile and comment on the content

Do state what you feel you have in common with her based upon her profile

Do make it light hearted and friendly and free from any expectation of a response

Do be yourself

Don'ts:

Don't expect a response

Don't demand anything

Don't send a form letter out, canned emails get no response, most submissives can spot these a mile away

Don't read a submissive's profile and disregard her desires...  for example if she says she only dates local and has polyamory as a hard limit and you live 2000 miles away and want a harem,  it is kinda disrespectful to act as though her hard limits don't matter and you try to pursue her anyways.

The above is just my opinion



< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 1/28/2008 6:48:34 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to thedavezone)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette - 1/28/2008 7:47:52 PM   
pettingdragons


Posts: 421
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

my advice

be less domly and demanding or you'll find yourself  "ignored. blocked and deleted" by many submissives. 

merely be your friendly and more importantly respectful self towards the potential slave/submissive. 

also read the entire profile before messaging - nothing like a guy messaging who didn't read the profile.



**does the happy dance** thanks for that wonderfully insitful post..its sooo true....one must learn to read before they write.:)
Pamela

_____________________________

pettingdragons
"may the moon bless you with her light.......so you dont pee on your feet"

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette - 1/28/2008 7:49:35 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		First, realize that there is no universally recognized BDSM etiquette "Mistress Emily Post" has not been invented yet-
but also realize that just as in a vanilla site, women receive about 100 plus emails a day, most of which follow the following format-
They consist of a cock pic;  Demand that she get on her knees, even to simply read the miserable thing; use the word "bitch" often, but with various misspellings and give off the odor of being written by a nosepicking loser from his mom's basement.

Just like in vanilla sites, understand that you are the pursuer, she the object of your desire; So you still have to court her just like in any other relationship, and use the same rules of common sense and charm that any vanilla man does. Yes, the usual things apply- honesty, sincerity, patience ( yes,even the most randy of sluts wants to be a slut on her terms, when she wants).
Dominant is not the same as domineering, and firm self assurance is not the same as boorishness.



(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette - 1/28/2008 8:20:10 PM   
liminalRapture


Posts: 181
Joined: 9/6/2007
Status: offline 		I must be doing something wrong (or maybe right)--I only get an average of maybe 1 e-mail a day, and most of them are actually pretty good.  I've never had anyone send me a cock shot (thank god) on this site.

I second what Julia said. 

Someone who responds to something in my profile (and, for me, something non-sexual--my profile isn't very sexual, so you would probably pick up from the tone that I don't like talking about sex with strangers) always gets a reply.

If you haven't opened up my profile, I know it and I keep that in mind.  My profile is way too long (I know--I should hire an editor) but someone who has actually waded through the dissertation, well I appreciate that.  It indicates that they are interested in me and not sex with some generic chick.

Ask me a question!  Make it good, not like "what's your bra size" but "what did you love so much about Beethoven's 9th?"  Or even "have you made up your mind for next Tuesday?"  or anything that shows me that you will relate to me as a human being first.  If you've read my profile, you'll figure it out.

Personally, I think it is nice when a gentleman uses his first name and/or sends a pic if his profile doesn't have one.  I will usually send a pic if I'm interested, but if he doesn't then send a pic in return, something just feels off to me.  Also, if I give my first name, I really like it if he responds in kind.

I won't give my phone number out (I had a horrible experience) and I won't ask for yours.  But if things are going well, after a few e-mails, you might consider sending it to me.

I'm looking to see if you can take charge of a conversation.  If you do it with elegance and you take me someplace that is interesting, I will be interested.   Assuming you aren't married. 

_____________________________

"Ring the bells that can still ring. Forget your perfect offering. There's a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." Leonard Cohen.

(in reply to AnimusRex)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette - 1/28/2008 8:25:00 PM   
PrizedPosession


Posts: 1209
Joined: 11/2/2007
Status: offline 		Third what Julia said.
Just be courteous and if they respond it should be as well. Remember that honey attracts more flys then vinegar...no one wants to be commanded or demeaned as a first impression, it let's on you aren't considerate to them and they will disregard you quickly.
Good luck on your search.
-bobcat

(in reply to liminalRapture)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: NEWBIE: Messaging etiquette - 1/29/2008 12:44:35 AM   
briska


Posts: 126
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline 		For me, when a man (sub or Dom, though i'm not looking for a Dom) approaches me, I personally dislike being approached with exactly what your fetishes are. I don't care.  I want to get to know you first, before i even think about touching your naughty bits.  Maybe treat me like a person before you solicit me merely because we may or may not have the same kinks in common. 

_____________________________

Mmm... briska!

(in reply to PrizedPosession)
Profile   Post #: 15
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