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New Master is confused.... - 1/30/2008 12:19:51 AM   
EmergingMe


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/29/2008
Status: offline 		Okay, here is the scenario and perhaps you can educate me on what "label" best describes it.. (switch? duality, what)

Me: Master, strong personality, no interest in being sub to anyone.
My soulmate: Strong personality but has choosen to give herself to me, submissive but not a true slave.
Our part time submissive: Very much a sub, could even possibly become someone's slave one day.

I allow and encourage my mate to spend time with the sub. She takes full control and acts in the dominant role. When I am present I take over and am D to both, but even though SM is sub to me, she remains D to the sub. More of a pecking order I suppose..

Is my SM a "switch", or as one poster in another thread put it, she lives a "duality"..

Thanks in advance.

EM
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RE: New Master is confused.... - 1/30/2008 1:16:08 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		Does it really matter?

I only ask because if you choose to define your relationships by other people's definations you are in for a world of hurt. By some definations what you've got is a "real" slave. By others the fact that she takes on a dominant at all means she isn't a submissive.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to EmergingMe)
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RE: New Master is confused.... - 1/30/2008 1:23:19 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		Everyones idea of EVERYTHING in this world is totally different. Every person you ask will have a slightly different flavour. Why do you need a label at all?

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


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RE: New Master is confused.... - 1/30/2008 1:54:29 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		OK ... I will agree that labels aren't essential or necessarily all that important. BUT it is very human for us to categorise things and label them, we do it with just about everything! As someone who has been labelled a Duality ... and decided I definitely prefer that to switch because it's a more accurate description of how I function ... it sounds to Me like the middle person in this triad is one if she truly finds it easy to operate in both modes as I do.

It's just a little different here in that Master isn't really interested in actively Domming My sub ... He's quite happy to leave that to Me, other than being the overall Head of the Household. So I am in control of how My sub behaves, I would be responsible for them in terms of praise or punishment etc. Another way to look at Your number 1 girl is as an alpha sub ... in some cases, they are dominant over other subs in the family. Perhaps there's a distinction there between Dominant and Top? Is she truly controlling the other sub in more aspects than play? Or is it a Topping role?

Labels aside, I think this can be a fantastic dynamic ... I believe it can be easier to manage than 2 subs at the same level where jealousies can become a problem (not saying that's inevitable by the way, but these boards tell Me it's pretty widespread!) ... a clear hierarchy can make the chain of command and expectations easier to delineate and achieve.

Good luck ... and if You want to talk in any more detail, please feel free to continue to email Me on the other side. I can also ask Master if He would correspond with You if You want to chat with Him from the Head Honcho role

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
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RE: New Master is confused.... - 1/30/2008 2:12:06 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Not REAL sure...but wouldn't that be considered the "Alpha girl" in the relationship....not necessarily a switch?

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to MaamJay)
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RE: New Master is confused.... - 1/30/2008 2:41:44 AM   
BiteGirl


Posts: 293
Joined: 4/27/2006
Status: offline 		Why does it really matter? 

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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: New Master is confused.... - 1/30/2008 3:04:39 AM   
NakedGirlScout


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/10/2006
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		It's pretty much a Dom, Switch, Submissive situation. Labels don't really make our reality, they're just tools to help describe it to others. But that's what I'd say if I were keeping it simple and trying to use short-hand to describe it to others.

(in reply to EmergingMe)
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RE: New Master is confused.... - 1/30/2008 3:56:23 PM   
EmergingMe


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedGirlScout

It's pretty much a Dom, Switch, Submissive situation. Labels don't really make our reality, they're just tools to help describe it to others. But that's what I'd say if I were keeping it simple and trying to use short-hand to describe it to others.


Dom here.
I think this captures what I was going for.. A way to easily describe our situation as we make new friends in the lifestyle. Sort of "learning the language" perhaps.

It's all very fasinating for someone new to it..

(in reply to NakedGirlScout)
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RE: New Master is confused.... - 1/30/2008 4:04:02 PM   
EmergingMe


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay
OK ... I will agree that labels aren't essential or necessarily all that important. BUT it is very human for us to categorise things and label them, we do it with just about everything! As someone who has been labelled a Duality ... and decided I definitely prefer that to switch because it's a more accurate description of how I function ... it sounds to Me like the middle person in this triad is one if she truly finds it easy to operate in both modes as I do.

I agree. It helps to know the jargon when communicating. And yes, she does operate very fluidly in both modes.

quote:


It's just a little different here in that Master isn't really interested in actively Domming My sub ... He's quite happy to leave that to Me, other than being the overall Head of the Household. So I am in control of how My sub behaves, I would be responsible for them in terms of praise or punishment etc. Another way to look at Your number 1 girl is as an alpha sub ... in some cases, they are dominant over other subs in the family. Perhaps there's a distinction there between Dominant and Top? Is she truly controlling the other sub in more aspects than play? Or is it a Topping role?

Yes, that is a difference. I introduced them and already had relationships with both of them separately. They've just become great friends and sub really enjoys pleasing switch. I will chat with switch about "alpha" sub.. that might be a pretty good "label" too.

Switch is very smart and is quite the female leader so I would say she is dominate in and out of playtime.

quote:


Labels aside, I think this can be a fantastic dynamic ... I believe it can be easier to manage than 2 subs at the same level where jealousies can become a problem (not saying that's inevitable by the way, but these boards tell Me it's pretty widespread!) ... a clear hierarchy can make the chain of command and expectations easier to delineate and achieve.

Completely agree! I can not imagine another person being remotely near the same level as switch. I won't rule out a sub in the future that switch does not Dom, but that's certainly not in the cards anytime soon.

quote:


Good luck ... and if You want to talk in any more detail, please feel free to continue to email Me on the other side. I can also ask Master if He would correspond with You if You want to chat with Him from the Head Honcho role

Thanks a bunch, and I am likely to take you up on that over time. I will drop you a PM with more info.

Thanks all!

Dom

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: New Master is confused.... - 1/30/2008 6:22:19 PM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
quote:

Another way to look at Your number 1 girl is as an alpha sub ... in some cases, they are dominant over other subs in the family. Perhaps there's a distinction there between Dominant and Top? Is she truly controlling the other sub in more aspects than play? Or is it a Topping role?



Or, perhaps, she is just being an "extension" of the Dominant's hand.  Food for thought.


_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: New Master is confused.... - 1/30/2008 7:00:47 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		Oh, how I hate labels.  Yet, they do tend to make it easier to explain things to others at times and, as such, I would say your relationship sounds very much like Master/Alpha/beta.  You could probably swap out Alpha for Switch and it would still mean the same thing (in my mind, anyway).
 
My own situation is very similar to yours, only I am the "Switch" in the middle.  The only difference between myself and yours is that I am not submissive at all.  I submit to and serve the Kaptin, but my nature is to be dominant and I *will* take control if He lets up on the reins.  

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to MistressVnus)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: New Master is confused.... - 1/30/2008 10:21:48 PM   
EmergingMe


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

Oh, how I hate labels. Yet, they do tend to make it easier to explain things to others at times and, as such, I would say your relationship sounds very much like Master/Alpha/beta. You could probably swap out Alpha for Switch and it would still mean the same thing (in my mind, anyway).

My own situation is very similar to yours, only I am the "Switch" in the middle. The only difference between myself and yours is that I am not submissive at all. I submit to and serve the Kaptin, but my nature is to be dominant and I *will* take control if He lets up on the reins.


For now she shall be known as "switch".. We have a lot to learn, but like you, her nature is not submissive. And like you, she too will take any slack in the leash, and pull for more.. I have to watch it closely..

To make the challenge even more fun we are developing many aspects of our relationship that include things such as child rearing (we have kids from previous marriages), work/business, etc.. Much fun to be had.

Thanks for the post.

D

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: New Master is confused.... - 1/31/2008 4:35:19 AM   
EmergingMe


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

Oh, how I hate labels. Yet, they do tend to make it easier to explain things to others at times and, as such, I would say your relationship sounds very much like Master/Alpha/beta. You could probably swap out Alpha for Switch and it would still mean the same thing (in my mind, anyway).

My own situation is very similar to yours, only I am the "Switch" in the middle. The only difference between myself and yours is that I am not submissive at all. I submit to and serve the Kaptin, but my nature is to be dominant and I *will* take control if He lets up on the reins.


Hi there!  Emerging Me's Switch here.
As I to am not fond of "labels" I understand the need for them in the community to facilitate better communication.  Master has chosen "Switch" for me, as it most closely portrays my views and attitudes.

Like you I am not submissive to all, and given the opportunity i WOULD take control of Master if he allowed it!

Thank you for sharing. I am glad to know that there are more of "ME" out there.

(in reply to EmergingMe)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: New Master is confused.... - 2/1/2008 8:01:03 AM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Thank you for sharing. I am glad to know that there are more of "ME" out there.


Trust me... there are many, many more of "you" out here.  In my own small circle of friends, I've got three that will own up to being dominant types in slave positions.  And I know of a few others who ARE, but won't admit it.


_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to EmergingMe)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: New Master is confused.... - 2/2/2008 3:14:20 AM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Not REAL sure...but wouldn't that be considered the "Alpha girl" in the relationship....not necessarily a switch?


That was my thought, I agree with you.

I just had a thought (in the wee hours of the morning ) For those of you that say "what does it matter" in response to the OP's post... Apparently it matters to the OP. Just because it doesn't matter to you doesn't negate the subject at hand. OK, so I'm rambling, but if labels/titles aren't important, then why is it a requirement (for some) a desire for others to address their SO by a title?

girly (I am in sooooo much trouble when He sees how late I stayed up)

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: New Master is confused.... - 2/2/2008 4:27:44 PM   
Biwesttnswitch


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmergingMe

Okay, here is the scenario and perhaps you can educate me on what "label" best describes it.. (switch? duality, what)

Me: Master, strong personality, no interest in being sub to anyone.
My soulmate: Strong personality but has choosen to give herself to me, submissive but not a true slave.
Our part time submissive: Very much a sub, could even possibly become someone's slave one day.

I allow and encourage my mate to spend time with the sub. She takes full control and acts in the dominant role. When I am present I take over and am D to both, but even though SM is sub to me, she remains D to the sub. More of a pecking order I suppose..

Is my SM a "switch", or as one poster in another thread put it, she lives a "duality"..

Thanks in advance.

EM


I agree with previous posters, why does it matter?!? If you are getting what You want, and you are happy....and she is getting what she wants/needs and everyone is happy/fufilled why does it matter?

(in reply to EmergingMe)
Profile   Post #: 16
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