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ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds

"Power is my fetish not the individual acts and how I relate to them."
I can say I agree with this too. I still consider my leaning more towards a masochism of sorts because it is the intensity of turmoil and conflict that really gets me going. If it was an intensity of happiness I wouldn't feel the same at all. It's the conflict, the agony of breaking through inhibitions that is exciting and results in the end in a sort of freedom feeling. The ending is a relief, but in all honesty it's the turmoil that does it for me, if that could last, I'd probably hang on that cusp as long as humanly possible.
Breaking it down now (I've never given it this much thought indepth) it is a power or lack-there-of fetish I guess. The absolute lack of control, yielding to the Dom's will instead of the inhibitions programmed into me.  It's all very confusing! But very wonderful.
I do need to note however I do focus on the act to a degree, only to heighten the realization and agony of what I'm doing, playing up the discomfort I guess.

Ahh so hard to be clear in words.

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ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

Not confusing at all. For me, the excitement is all about control, and what better way for a dominant to demonstrate control than making the sub do something unenjoyable (for the sub)? It can certainly create some emotional confusion in the sub, and can be embarrassing or humiliating to find oneself somehow being excited and aroused while engaged in an activity you don't like.

People who don't understand this concept, call it "control fetish" or "power fetish", whatever you like, often confuse it with latent desires. They think that if you are aroused during an activity that you say you don't enjoy, then subconsciously you actually do enjoy that activity. What they don't get is that there is more involved than the activity alone.

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ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Charlotte, it is threads like this one that always gives me an "ah ha" moment. It's why I enjoy the forums and why I've always said that I've learned more from submissives/slaves that dominants.

Thank you.

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"Many of the things I enjoy I enjoy because I dont' enjoy them." It makes perfect sense to me but I'm wondering if others enjoy this side of D/s.

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he example being discussed on the other thread was being shared with others but I realize this can be a complicated topic so I'll try to use a much more simple example. He mentioned buying me dog food once. My first thought was eeeewwwwww and then I noticed a shiver running through my whole body. I don't imagine I would ever actually enjoy eating dog kibble but being made to do things that make me scared, or upset or bring me to tears makes me feel somehow deeply content. It reminds me of my place with him and it allows me to fight and struggle and go through all sorts of inner turmoil and experience strong emotions and when I finally relent, let go and revel in his power over me I feel more alive than ever before. I would be very unhappy in a relationship where someone was not willing to make me do things I didn't enjoy.

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I personnally don't see why someone would think they have to be treated this way to be loved or have a devoted relationship....I just don't get it.

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ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

he example being discussed on the other thread was being shared with others but I realize this can be a complicated topic so I'll try to use a much more simple example. He mentioned buying me dog food once. My first thought was eeeewwwwww and then I noticed a shiver running through my whole body. I don't imagine I would ever actually enjoy eating dog kibble but being made to do things that make me scared, or upset or bring me to tears makes me feel somehow deeply content. It reminds me of my place with him and it allows me to fight and struggle and go through all sorts of inner turmoil and experience strong emotions and when I finally relent, let go and revel in his power over me I feel more alive than ever before. I would be very unhappy in a relationship where someone was not willing to make me do things I didn't enjoy.

I personnally don't see why someone would think they have to be treated this way to be loved or have a devoted relationship....I just don't get it.

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ORIGINAL: charlotte12

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ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

he example being discussed on the other thread was being shared with others but I realize this can be a complicated topic so I'll try to use a much more simple example. He mentioned buying me dog food once. My first thought was eeeewwwwww and then I noticed a shiver running through my whole body. I don't imagine I would ever actually enjoy eating dog kibble but being made to do things that make me scared, or upset or bring me to tears makes me feel somehow deeply content. It reminds me of my place with him and it allows me to fight and struggle and go through all sorts of inner turmoil and experience strong emotions and when I finally relent, let go and revel in his power over me I feel more alive than ever before. I would be very unhappy in a relationship where someone was not willing to make me do things I didn't enjoy.

I personnally don't see why someone would think they have to be treated this way to be loved or have a devoted relationship....I just don't get it.

Well I compare it to a physical masochist.  There are plenty of people running around telling them they don't need to be hit to be loved and that in fact they could never hit someone they were devoted to.  So is this masochist supposed to assume that something must be wrong with them for wanting to experience a physical sensation thatmakes them feel good? Doesn't sound like a loving relationship if one person has to deny a part of themselves in order for their partner to love them.

I am certainly not saying everyone has to understand the desire to feel emotional pain or how emotional pain can be a fulfilling and intimate experience.  I think a few people on this thread have managed to express it quite nicely so I would point you to the previous posts. 

For me personally it is only when I stopped trying to tell myself that I had to have a man who could never possibly hit me or who would not be willing to explore the depths and complexities of our emotions together that I finally found a loving and devoted relationship, with a man and with myself.  I have very little patience for people who think the only way to love someone is to be gentle. 

charlotte

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ORIGINAL: softness

there is a purity and honesty in the pleasure we can get from the process of struggling ... not the mechanics of that process .. the individual orders ... but from the soul of it ... the striving to please

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ORIGINAL: Kana


Its watching the struggle in her mind as she weighs the care for me and desire to serve against er distaste for whatever it is that I have asked.
Its watching her surender to her submission, knowing that she is going to do as bidden and then mustering the strength to do it gracefully.
Its about reminding her that the act itself is not the point but that the framework of her submission that surrounds it is all important.

Its a sign of my faith in her submission to me and her willingness to please.

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ORIGINAL: phedre81

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ORIGINAL: softness

there is a purity and honesty in the pleasure we can get from the process of struggling ... not the mechanics of that process .. the individual orders ... but from the soul of it ... the striving to please

This is just beautiful. 

Thanks to the OP for starting this thread.  I find it a bit of a...conundrum for myself, and have enjoyed reading the various viewpoints on it.

As others have mentioned, for me, this thing we do is about feeling another person's power and dominance in my life.  There are certain actions that really communicate that to me, personally--spanking and bondage being among them.  There are things I enjoy that my partner does/makes me do and things that...I could do with out (I recently had my mouth washed out with soap--there is nothing enjoyable about this, EXCEPT...) when my partner does things I don't like (or makes ME do things I don't like, it reminds me that she has dominance and power over my life.

She doesn't have to ONLY do things I don't like for me to feel this way.  But the fact that she DOES at times do them...reminds me that her will, regardless of my desires, is what will determine my actions.  Sometimes that's easy, sometimes it's not.  But sometimes, it's better for me having to fight for it.

Dunno if that makes sense, but, yes, the idea of "enjoying things b/c I don't enjoy them" is one that resonates with me.

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ORIGINAL: KatyLied

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I personnally don't see why someone would think they have to be treated this way to be loved or have a devoted relationship....I just don't get it.

Because if someone can accept the lowest part of your person, that's pretty big stuff for some people.  She shivers, it speaks to her on some level.  Because it's pretty cool to request of someone "please hurt me" and he gets it.

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ORIGINAL: toservez

I think what gets lost often when people write about the more non gentle things is the thought that the extreme things constitute a majority of the time with a Master and that is not the case. I do, need and enjoy these types of things done to me because I love and care for him and that is because I believe without question he loves, cares and respects me. If these type of things were what all my life was with my Master I would never be in the relationship in the first place.

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ORIGINAL: AMaster
It makes perfect sense to me.  Doing only things you enjoy is not submission.

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ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
I would disagree with you there, but it's all good. What if the Master decides to only instruct their submissive to only do things they know their submissive type enjoys?  Maybe that's their Master's thang? Submission is submitting to your dominants desires, and if the dominants desires are to inflict infinite pleasure you would enjoy, that is all that matters, not whether one is enjoying or not.

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ORIGINAL: charlotte12

but being made to do things that make me scared, or upset or bring me to tears makes me feel somehow deeply content.  It reminds me of my place with him and it allows me to fight and struggle and go through all sorts of inner turmoil and experience strong emotions and when I finally relent, let go and revel in his power over me I feel more alive than ever before.