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Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 4:38:36 PM   
FlaMatthew


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/10/2005
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Is it possible for a Dom to train Dom? My personality is dominate but how do you start out?
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RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 5:03:18 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FlaMatthew

Is it possible for a Dom to train Dom? My personality is dominate but how do you start out?


I don't like the word "train," but I've learned from all scene and sexual orientations. Much of my early learning came from a pair of lesbians who hooked up with me. One was a bottom and the other was a switch. Later, because I was with them, I was able to see Old Guard men at play which taught me a lot.

Just recently, I took a course in body stapling and pain pressure-points from FifthAngel who is a male dominant.

In short, you learn from everyone who knows something you don't.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to FlaMatthew)
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RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 5:15:40 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		Actually, this is one of the preferred methods of learning. It is called "mentoring", and is a classic way of being trained in the practices of the lifestyle.

It is important to find a dominant who exhibits the skills that you want to learn, and you may find that working with several dominants who are skilled in different areas will be useful.

I would strongly suggest looking for groups in your area that offer education programs, as well--especially since it will provide you with contacts that you can use as you develop in your training.

Lady Zephyr

(in reply to FlaMatthew)
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RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 5:50:14 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Anyone can teach and learn from anyone. Being dominant isn't about saying words, making moves, it's attitude. I know lots of subs who have a better handle on dominance than the dominants do.

(in reply to FlaMatthew)
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RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 6:26:16 PM   
FlaMatthew


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/10/2005
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Thanks.. this is all helpful and any other comment would be welcome.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 6:31:36 PM   
LadyJC


Posts: 111
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline 		I've actually been in the lifestyle for 3 years now. The first thing I started doing was going to events and observing both at munches and at play parties, it taught me a lot about protocol, safe play and after care, as well how to read a submissive. I spent a year doing that, on occassion doubled with someone and was taught basic techniques.
I also took advantage of my human sexuality class and wrote an essay about BDSM my thesis was based on the myths and legends, trust and communication in the lifestyle. I learned a lot from books, theory does work in the life style at times too.
I've had submissives teach me things, as well as doms, I go to munches and ask other people questions. I learned how to aim at my target using a pillow with a big X on it with a magic marker *smiles all pretty I did it all by myself*.
I don't just have one mentor but a lot of them. I've also learned from here as well.
The one big thing I've learned is I never want to stop learning, when I learn how to do one thing I'd like to learn how to do something else.
For instance my next skill I'd like to learn is wax play...took a while to get the riding crop thing down..damn they can bounce.
The reason why I spent so long in learning before I had a sub was A) I didn't find one that interested me, and
B) I wanted to make sure I understood and knew enough to be safe.
There are lots of different ways you can learn. Making sure you understand it is very important.
LadyJC

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 6:34:53 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Anyone can teach and learn from anyone. Being dominant isn't about saying words, making moves, it's attitude. I know lots of subs who have a better handle on dominance than the dominants do.


Now there is a much more interesting point raised...can dominance be taught? Is dominance a skill, a character trait, or even an inborn way of being?

I have never been anything but dominant...and though I have learned from many over the years, no one has ever taught me anything in terms of how one controls a slave. Technique yes, but not personality...

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 6:40:25 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
I have never been anything but dominant...and though I have learned from many over the years, no one has ever taught me anything in terms of how one controls a slave. Technique yes, but not personality...

Taggard

Argh I dunno. I agree that dominance as an orientation is inborn for the most part. I also think that personality is largely shaped by our experiences.

I think for a dominant to understand their dominance then they have to understand the dominant personality. I also think the best dominants learn HOW to be the best dominants and continue to do so.

Plenty of dominants out there were born to be so in relationships, but have no idea how to actualize it or be so productively.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
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RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 6:46:16 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

I also think the best dominants learn HOW to be the best dominants and continue to do so.


(I am going to use one of your own techniques on you. *smile*)

But wouldn't the best submissives also learn HOW to be the best submissives (and continue to do so)?

Excellence, and its pursuit, is not limted to the dominants. *wink*

But you do raise another issue in my mind...just who should teach a dominant to be the best dominant? Would any argue that a submissive could best learn to submit from another submissive? I think the common wisdom is that subs learn best from dominants...why would dominants best learn dominance from other dominants.

The most valuable lessons I have learned have been at the hands of those I owned or played with.

Perhaps that does not hold for the saftey and technique of the S&M activities...but the dominance...I think that is best learned via trial and error.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 6:48:17 PM   
LadyJC


Posts: 111
Joined: 5/18/2005
Status: offline 		Ok I admit I have no life...
Seriously I have a really crappy track record for dating because I would date guys who were very dom-like telling me what to do, how to do it, where to spend my money etc. The reason those relationships didn't work out for long was because I would do the same thing.
Now I understand why I was like that. I enjoy controlling the things I can because I can't control every aspect of my life. (also my big fantasy was Barbie as Queen Bitch and ken was her little slave but that's the besides the point and I was 12 just to let you know)
It's not so much training to be a Dom, it's training to understand the role of a Dom. A person can be very dom-like and not want to be in the lifestyle. However a person who does should learn the aspects of things like safe play and the difference between a sub and a slave among with larger ideas and aspects of this lifestyle. Yes to me it's human nature to want to take control but it wasn't human nature to understand the protocols that this lifestyle has.
3 years ago when serious discussions were happening I had no idea what people were talking about so I asked questions as people answered. Most people were very happy to help me.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 6:50:30 PM   
FlaMatthew


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/10/2005
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Anyone can teach and learn from anyone. Being dominant isn't about saying words, making moves, it's attitude. I know lots of subs who have a better handle on dominance than the dominants do.


Now there is a much more interesting point raised...can dominance be taught? Is dominance a skill, a character trait, or even an inborn way of being?

I have never been anything but dominant...and though I have learned from many over the years, no one has ever taught me anything in terms of how one controls a slave. Technique yes, but not personality...

Taggard


I agree, I am think more of Technique and safety. But then the D & S would have to agree on thing before hand correct? I am visual.. I understand by watching or being shown.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 6:57:06 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FlaMatthew
I am visual.. I understand by watching or being shown.


If that is the case, get thee to something like Black Rose as soon as possible. BDSM "conventions" are an amazing way to pick up the safety and technique pointers without having to find someone to "mentor" you.

In addition, get yourself out to a local munch and play party.

The simple truth is that this stuff isn't rocket science. A bit of common sense, and a lot of "don't do that to your (figurative) bottom unless you have done it (or had it done) to your (literal) bottom" will get you by in the vast majority of situations.

Communication, attentiveness, and a willingness to admit you don't know everything also help...trust your instincts and you will be just fine.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to FlaMatthew)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 6:57:57 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
But wouldn't the best submissives also learn HOW to be the best submissives (and continue to do so)?

Absolutely.

quote:


But you do raise another issue in my mind...just who should teach a dominant to be the best dominant?

I stick with what I first said- anyone and everyone CAN be a good teacher, either as a shining example or a horrifying warning (I've been both).

quote:

Would any argue that a submissive could best learn to submit from another submissive? I think the common wisdom is that subs learn best from dominants...why would dominants best learn dominance from other dominants.

Actually I've heard it said tons of times by people that "subs should mentor subs, doms should mentor doms"

I stick with my original statement- wisdom, experience, growth, should all be persued wherever possible with whoever possible. Limiting it to orientation just limits your growth.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 7:04:23 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Actually I've heard it said tons of times by people that "subs should mentor subs, doms should mentor doms"


So have I...I guess I am beginning to question this wisdom. When I think of the dominants I have learned the most from, what I have learned from them pales in comparrison to what I learned from the submissives I have played with over the years. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that I have spent so much more time with submissives (as it was them I was learning for, right?).

I completely agree with you that knowledge is everywhere, and everyone has something to teach. I am just starting to question the true worth of "mentors" in this day and age. Once upon a time, the knowledge that is freely availble on websites and in books, simply wasn't out there, and could only be learned via someone with more experience. Those days are long gone...

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 7:08:50 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

I completely agree with you that knowledge is everywhere, and everyone has something to teach. I am just starting to question the true worth of "mentors" in this day and age. Once upon a time, the knowledge that is freely availble on websites and in books, simply wasn't out there, and could only be learned via someone with more experience. Those days are long gone...

Taggard

Check out the threads on mentors since I've been here, you'll see clearly where I stand on that issue...and it's generally not positive.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 7:28:16 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
of "mentors" in this day and age. Once upon a time, the knowledge that is freely availble on websites and in books, simply wasn't out there, and could only be learned via someone with more experience. Those days are long gone...

Taggard


Oh, not so damned long. SM101 was the first nonfiction BDSM how-to for heterosexuals and that came out in 1992 (Jay beat me to print by about six month). Before that, you were pretty much on your own. Even the first public heterosexual group, Eulenspiegel, appeared only in 1970.

This world we live in is a pretty new thing.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 7:35:37 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		Greetings,

quote:

Now there is a much more interesting point raised...can dominance be taught? Is dominance a skill, a character trait, or even an inborn way of being?


I personally do not think dominace can be taught. However, you can learn or be taught ways to maintain your dominace without being domineering. You can learn to read the slave or submissive. You can learn about how to do scenes safely, about yourself, about legal issues.

Nika, Phoenix's Gothic Slave

*Honor is not in our actions but in living with the consequences of our actions*


_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 7:43:34 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

Oh, not so damned long. SM101 was the first nonfiction BDSM how-to for heterosexuals and that came out in 1992 (Jay beat me to print by about six month). Before that, you were pretty much on your own. Even the first public heterosexual group, Eulenspiegel, appeared only in 1970.

This world we live in is a pretty new thing.


Yet, I came out in 1996, and SM101 was already 4 years old. Your book, The Loving Dominant was my mentor during my early days, and I doubt I could have found a better one in Rochester NY.

In terms of the information age, 10 years is a lifetime. I think the world, although new, is indeed a very different place, and some of the old ideas need to be looked at in the light of the new dawn.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 8:03:36 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
Yet, I came out in 1996, and SM101 was already 4 years old. Your book, The Loving Dominant was my mentor during my early days, and I doubt I could have found a better one in Rochester NY.


Thank you

quote:


In terms of the information age, 10 years is a lifetime.


But some of us date back to the stone age; to us, 10 years is but a hummingbird's wing stroke.



_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Dom train Dom? - 9/9/2005 8:46:48 PM   
perfection20005


Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline 		We all learn something from everyone. I asked my Master, and it is possible for a Dom to train another wanting to be a Dom. You could also learn from going to play parties.

_____________________________

perfection

"I took one look at Him, and I knew He was my Master."

(in reply to FlaMatthew)
Profile   Post #: 20
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