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Depression and dominance - 9/9/2005 7:45:57 PM

Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline

Depression can strike anyone, but (and I hate using this phrase), is it "typical" or "normal" for a dominant to feel abnormally submissive during the worst episodes? The desire to completely screw being the one in charge and letting someone else make all the decisions and tell you what to do because it just might help with the fear and tears and thoughts of self-harm. Yes, that's been my recent mood.

Makes me almost happy I'm not looking for relationships because I'm sure I'd confuse the hell out of a sub right now. Mood swings suck.

_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

RE: Depression and dominance - 9/9/2005 8:08:43 PM

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple

Depression can strike anyone, but (and I hate using this phrase), is it "typical" or "normal" for a dominant to feel abnormally submissive during the worst episodes? The desire to completely screw being the one in charge and letting someone else make all the decisions and tell you what to do because it just might help with the fear and tears and thoughts of self-harm. Yes, that's been my recent mood.

Makes me almost happy I'm not looking for relationships because I'm sure I'd confuse the hell out of a sub right now. Mood swings suck.

Depression affects so many of the world. I woudl suggest looking at the whys instead of asking is it normal. Some of us control them others allow them to control us.Sometimes we have to seek help to keepthem in check. Dominate, Master, Top, Subissive, slave, bottom or simply vanilla emotions play a very strong part in our lives.

I was diagnosed as a manic depressent almost 15 years ago. Since then I have been off and on medications. My Master and I have descided to try and stay off them after consulting several doctors. this was notan easy descisision to make for either of us. My emotions are very harsh and come in waves. At the worst points I feel as if I am drowing.

My Master, is faced daily with helping me focus,and helping me maintain control over my emotions. There are days, that my emotions cause him to become harsher with me because frankly I become very dominate.

There were times when we firstwent 24/7 that when I went into my dark place that he would allow my emotions to control him. I contastly state, that I can not control my emotions, I can only control how I let them affect me.

When it comes to self harming. I say seek help. Weither it is talking to your doctor, theropist, or just aclosefriend.Find yourself a type of sponsor, someone to contact when that urge comes to help you get through it. It takes alot not to self harm. Trust me. I do not think it makes you weak or less of a dominate for seeking helping or support.
Let me ask this. Why is a Man any less dominate because he feels emotions aren't you human?

Blessed Be,
Nika{Phoenix}

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."

(in reply to CalliopePurple)

RE: Depression and dominance - 9/9/2005 8:39:55 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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It's not normal to "feel submissive" necessarily, but it is normal to feel "not yourself" and to feel a bit needy and clingy and unsure.

And this happens to doms ALL THE TIME. I attended a great class once on conflict resolution in a M/s situation given by Jim and marsha who were M/s couple (2001 I think) and Jim related a fantastic story in which he went through a sever period of self-doubt and depression and it caused serious problems in the relationship.

Doms are human, and in some ways MORE prone to being depressed.

(in reply to CalliopePurple)

RE: Depression and dominance - 9/9/2005 8:43:56 PM

Posts: 344
Joined: 3/17/2005
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CalliopePurple,

When depression hits, you don't want to do anything, and having someone else in control helps to relieve some of the pressure.

You are very young, and I don't know what your life is like. I do know that when someone is under a great deal of stress and pressure, or even just FEELS like they are, being in control of your own life feels like a struggle.

Forget about being "dominant" and think about the fact that you are a human being who is troubled. Every community has options for affordable counseling. Are there some close friends or family members that you can confide in? You don't have to disclose your desires within the lifestyle, but talk to them about your feelings. If you don't feel you can do that, then sit at your computer or with pen and paper and write. Don't think about what to write, just write everything you are thinking and feeling. It doesn't need to make sense, it doesn't need to "flow", it just needs to come out. "Better in the great big world than trapped in lil ole you" is an old saying and it is very true. Many times just getting it all OUT can help to make you feel better.

Hell, if you don't feel like you can talk to your friends or a counsellor or anyone else, feel free to write me a rambling email about any feelings you are having. If it will help you to fell better, I would be happy to listen, and if I can help, I will.

(in reply to CalliopePurple)

RE: Depression and dominance - 9/9/2005 8:49:07 PM

Posts: 142
Joined: 1/17/2005
From: Michigan
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalliopePurple

Depression can strike anyone, but (and I hate using this phrase), is it "typical" or "normal" for a dominant to feel abnormally submissive during the worst episodes? The desire to completely screw being the one in charge and letting someone else make all the decisions and tell you what to do because it just might help with the fear and tears and thoughts of self-harm. Yes, that's been my recent mood.

Makes me almost happy I'm not looking for relationships because I'm sure I'd confuse the hell out of a sub right now. Mood swings suck.

Well if you're in a depression that bad, you do need to see a doctor about it, but yes, having been there, it is normal to want to shun the dominant role. When depressed most people have trouble making decisions -- when I was at my worst, I'd freak out if someone even asked me what I wanted to eat -- so the not wanting to be in control of others makes perfect sense.

Do talk to a doctor though, I take Zoloft and that has helped incredibly. I no longer get the incapacitating lows that you describe. It's not a magic happy pill but it does keep you from sinking quite so deep.

Good luck!

_____________________________

Ojedieu

(in reply to CalliopePurple)

RE: Depression and dominance - 9/9/2005 10:21:46 PM

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

Hello CalliopeP,

Yes, I think how you are feeling is "normal" when in a bout with
depression.
It's your mind and body's way are saying "You need to focus and
take care of You right now".
I hope you do just that, take good care of you, get strong again
and then begin and think about the search for a partner to join you.

~Side note....Zoloft can have a huge effect on your ability to orgasm.
If you find yourself needing help with the aid of medicine talk seriously
with you Doc about the sexual side effects of the drugs they suggest as
many anti-depressants will not only effect your orgasmic abilitybut also
your overall sexdrive.

Take Care....Sending Positive Energy your way.....

*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to Ojedieu)

RE: Depression and dominance - 9/9/2005 10:36:33 PM

Posts: 142
Joined: 1/17/2005
From: Michigan
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brightspot

~Side note....Zoloft can have a huge effect on your ability to orgasm.
If you find yourself needing help with the aid of medicine talk seriously
with you Doc about the sexual side effects of the drugs they suggest as
many anti-depressants will not only effect your orgasmic abilitybut also
your overall sexdrive.

Hmm.. that might explain some things -- didn't know about that side effect, thanks! :)

_____________________________

Ojedieu

(in reply to brightspot)

RE: Depression and dominance - 9/9/2005 10:59:37 PM

Posts: 125
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline

I think the thing to remember that depression is a disease. No amount of dominance can change that. Depression has many effects, and I know feeling vulnerable and submissive is completely normal. People can't be "on" all the time...
I don't think if it matters if is mild depression or a deeper depressive case.

Fact is we all need to take care of ourselves and not hide behind the "identifiers" we label ourselves with (dom, sub, etc). Being dominant is not about being in charge all of the time, just as being submissive isn't being a doormat...

If you need help, seek it, if you need meds, take them.

(in reply to CalliopePurple)

RE: Depression and dominance - 9/9/2005 11:35:25 PM

Posts: 309
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Howdy m'dear!

As a former depression patient myself, I can only wish you the best of fortune in finding a reputable
(ither) neurologist or psychiatrist who can give you a prescription for "Zooloft"---

One thing though, You have to give it ~~a week t6o get in your system

_____________________________

If you can LAUGH at it you can live WITH it!

(in reply to mystictryst)

RE: Depression and dominance - 9/9/2005 11:48:53 PM

Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline

I've been on Paxil since December, but just had a serious episode that involved an overdose of Benadryl and a subsequent day and a half stay in a psych ward. Supposed to start seeing a therapist in the next week or so and my dosage needs to be upped. It just sucks to not feel like myself for long periods of time. That's part of the reason I'm not bothering myself with relationships.

Luckily, I'm close to my mom and I have people to talk to. Most of the people are just online and can't give me a hug when I really need one. And it's nice to know that people here seem to care at least a little, though you guys really don't know me too well.

*Yawns* Okay, bed. I haven't been sleeping well, so I take it when it comes.

_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to MasterBenedict)

RE: Depression and dominance - 9/10/2005 12:15:31 AM

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

I know a lot of us don't know each other in person, but
I don't think that stops some of us from bonding in friendship.

I am glad to hear you are taking the steps necessary to take
care of yourself.

*Brightspot

Attachment (1)

< Message edited by brightspot -- 9/10/2005 12:16:51 AM >

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to CalliopePurple)

RE: Depression and dominance - 9/10/2005 1:21:57 AM

obis

Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline

quote:

is it "typical" or "normal" for a dominant to feel abnormally submissive during the worst episodes? The desire to completely screw being the one in charge and letting someone else make all the decisions and tell you what to do because it just might help with the fear and tears and thoughts of self-harm. Yes, that's been my recent mood.

It is completely normal for someone suffering from depression to feel a great deal of apathy towards EVERYTHING. Apathy is one of the major symptoms of depression, as well as one of the most harmful things about it if it goes untreated. It has nothing to do with dominance or submission, you just don't really care, much less want to spend time and energy planning and controlling a scene.

Definitely talk to a doctor about it if it has been going on for more than a few weeks and/or hasn't been caused by some specific event (in other words, it's perfectly normal to be depressed for a month if your best friend dies, by the time the antidepressants took effect you'd likely be normal on your own anyways). Be aware that SSRIs can cause anorgasmia, but often times that side effect gets lessened or disappears once your body gets used to the drug. Significantly lowered libido more often requires switching drugs or supplementing with a non-SSRI antidepressant like Wellbutrin.

(in reply to CalliopePurple)

RE: Depression and dominance - 9/10/2005 9:30:18 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

Random:

When I am severly depressed I find myself feeling more dominant. As in, totally out of character.

I think that, for me, it's just that depression throws my psyche so far out of wack it doesn't know which end is up.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to obis)

RE: Depression and dominance - 9/10/2005 9:54:08 AM

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Joined: 7/8/2005
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Lexapro can also cause very delayed orgasims not that I'm complaining.

(in reply to Ojedieu)

RE: Depression and dominance - 9/10/2005 10:13:49 AM

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

imho, i don't think that, whether due to depression, sickness, or what ever else life has throw you, the thoughts You describe make You less a dominant or more a submissive. i can understand not wanting to be in charge all of the time -- most people i know don't want to be all one thing or another 100% of the time anyway. i'm a sub -- but i have a high stress job that puts me in charge for 35-40 hours a week, so away from my job i'd love to give over the control i long to give to someone else the rest of the time. However, if my partner wasn't in the right place, emotionally or mentally, to be that for me just then, i don't see any reason in the world we can't be strong for each other.

Good luck and bunches of hugs...

jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to CalliopePurple)

RE: Depression and dominance - 9/10/2005 10:41:53 AM

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic

Random:

When I am severly depressed I find myself feeling more dominant. As in, totally out of character.

I think that, for me, it's just that depression throws my psyche so far out of wack it doesn't know which end is up.

Thank you posting this. That is exactly what I am faced with every time I fall into depression. I become very dominate and it catches everyone off gaurd.

Nika{Phoenix}
His gothic slave

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."

(in reply to perverseangelic)

RE: Depression and dominance - 9/10/2005 11:00:08 AM

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

When deciding weather or not to stay on my anti-depressant meds or to maintain without them. I did extensive research into other options as far as medications. The reality is these medications alter our chemical make up and any time we do that we are at risk of side effects. I know many including myself who have suffered extreme side effects and truthfully became addicted to the meds. Thus the tapering off rather than going cold turkey.

I am not saying they do not work for some people. However, in my opinion it is a hit and miss. The dosages vary person to person; the side effects vary, as well as the end result. Do research; consult a physician or more than 1 if possible.

There are other herbal remedies to balance out your bodies. Sometimes mediation, journaling, yoga, finding a focus, and many other things work and do less damage to your system.

I am not doctor, nor am I discouraging you from seeking medical advice, however; I think with that you should be aware of all your options.

Here is a site that I used to research many of the anti depressants and their side effects.

http://www.antidepressantsfacts.com/

Nika{Phoenix}
His gothic Slave

< Message edited by Phoenixandnika -- 9/10/2005 11:03:17 AM >

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

RE: Depression and dominance - 9/10/2005 12:04:41 PM

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Joined: 8/4/2004
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As a professional in the field I have to say ALWAYS ask your prescribing clinician about sexual side effects. Oftentimes this gets left out or dismissed as a minor issue next to the bigger issue of controling crippling mental illness. Doctors and nurses are often hesitant (or outright refuse) to explain just how serious the side effects can be. This is understandable since it's hard enough to get people to take their meds anyway. Adding this fear to the mix is often seen as more harm than good.

On the other hand, if your here on this board it's likely your sex life is an important part of who and what you are and it's good to be informed.

Wellbutrin is known for having far less sexual side effects. Sometimes it will increase libido, though most anti-depressants have the opposite effect. It can be embarassing to ask and seem silly, but it's not silly.

VERY rarely a medication (Zoloft in particular) can severely damage one's libido permanently, even when the medication is discontinued. I emphasize this is very rare, but it's a possibility with certain drugs.

Be active and informed regarding your own treatment.

Leto

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

RE: Depression and dominance - 9/10/2005 12:26:12 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika
I am not saying they do not work for some people. However, in my opinion it is a hit and miss. The dosages vary person to person; the side effects vary, as well as the end result. Do research; consult a physician or more than 1 if possible.

I need to add something here.

Sometimes, some of us NEED medication. Severe depression is, for some, a disease. There are also tons of other mental illnesses that are just that--illnesses.

I am sick. I'm like a diabetic person--I am dependant on my medication to remain functional. To try to get by without medication would be to ignore all the benifits of modern medicine and try to survive like I did for most of my adolencence, poorly.

I'm not saying that Nika was giving bad advice, just needed to add this. Too often, mental illness comes with such stigma that we'd rather ignore it than accept it's just plain something wrong with our neurochemistry.

I think one of the hardest things for me to accept in this life has been the fact that I will be on medication for the rest of my life. To me, it felt like weakness. I'm trying to work on helping myself and others accept this is an -illness- just as physical as any other bodily illness.

Blah.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

RE: Depression and dominance - 9/10/2005 12:43:45 PM

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika
I am not saying they do not work for some people. However, in my opinion it is a hit and miss. The dosages vary person to person; the side effects vary, as well as the end result. Do research; consult a physician or more than 1 if possible.

I need to add something here.

Sometimes, some of us NEED medication. Severe depression is, for some, a disease. There are also tons of other mental illnesses that are just that--illnesses.

I am sick. I'm like a diabetic person--I am dependant on my medication to remain functional. To try to get by without medication would be to ignore all the benifits of modern medicine and try to survive like I did for most of my adolencence, poorly.

I'm not saying that Nika was giving bad advice, just needed to add this. Too often, mental illness comes with such stigma that we'd rather ignore it than accept it's just plain something wrong with our neurochemistry.

I think one of the hardest things for me to accept in this life has been the fact that I will be on medication for the rest of my life. To me, it felt like weakness. I'm trying to work on helping myself and others accept this is an -illness- just as physical as any other bodily illness.

Blah.

Trust me I know the stigma that comes with mental illness.However, the understanding of this this illiness and others are much greater now than they have been in the past.

As I said in my orginal post I was diagnosed as a manic depressant almost 15 years ago and I did more than my share of anit-depressant medicatins. I also was silly and went cold turkey once and ended up in the hospital from with drawls. I could not sleep for days on end and then when I did it was restless. I had no appetite, and forget about a sexual drive. This was not 1 medication but several over a 15 year period.

They do work for some. Again it is often time a hit and miss from "my" experience. Just because one person reacts well does not mean someone else will have the samereactions. Dosages change, meds change, that is what I meant by hit and miss. It is trail by error to find what works for each person taking them.

I was not suggesting by any means that a doctor should not be consulted, in fact I think I stated more than once tha they should be. However. we are responsible for knowing the risks we take with these medications or any medications for that matter.

Nika{Phoenix}
His Gothic Slave

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."

(in reply to perverseangelic)

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