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Is this the norm? - 9/19/2005 6:52:44 AM

Posts: 18
Joined: 9/16/2005
Status: offline

HI all,

First let me tell you that you have made my life!! I have read posts and more posts, listen to advice and it has brought a whole new meaning to this for me, thank you!!

Now, the great advice I have gotten from you here and even some of the Masters/Doms is that you need to get to know the person before you commit, take time to talk.

SO far, I would say 80% of the men (I cannot say Masters) have been married, either their wife knows about his BDSM and just doesn't want to be involved, OR more than likely than not, she knows nothing and he isn't free to pursue permanence. IS this the norm?

I haven't seemed to read any of your posts that sound like this is? Is the Chat Room not the best place to meet and get to know someone?

I have had some of them say first thing off the tip of the fingers "I will be your Master and you will do as I say" or "Do you have any bondage pics?" I am thinking they don't read profiles or they would no I haven't even had a Master yet, LOL

I guess what my biggest concern is that I don't want to be the other woman, I have been the wife of a computer slut and I don't want that for someone else. It seems from many of the posts I have read that just doesn't sound like a Master. Am I wrong? or is it part of the lifestyle?

Beth

_____________________________

She looks around the corner, you know the one, the life she has always known, she sees something that catches her eye, her mind, her soul and she begins to walk towards it...

RE: Is this the norm? - 9/19/2005 6:59:04 AM

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Is the Chat Room not the best place to meet and get to know someone?

No, it is not. I mean, I'm sure that it may work, but your best bet is to get out there and actually meet people in person.
Take a listen to the song Santa Monica by Savage Garden and just switch the words "telephone line" with "internet"or "chat room" and that should give you a good idea why.

(in reply to yesses4u)

RE: Is this the norm? - 9/19/2005 7:01:25 AM

Posts: 185
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline

Absolutely take your time. This is your life here, not a footrace! When you said that:

quote:

either their wife knows about his BDSM and just doesn't want to be involved, OR more than likely than not, she knows nothing and he isn't free to pursue permanence.

I just about fell over. I have often said if one more man online tells me about his marriage and how his wife isn't into BDSM, I will commit a felony!

I doubt if it is the norm, but it IS aggravating. I am at a loss to explain why these guys think that I give a fart in a high wind about the state of their marriage, or would want to be their playmate. Ugh and double ugh.

But the ones that instantly tell you that you will obey, come on, admit it, aren't they hilarious? The ones that want bondage pics, too - aren't they funny? I know I laugh my ass off at them!

(in reply to yesses4u)

RE: Is this the norm? - 9/19/2005 7:11:33 AM

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

LOL, no some dont read a profile. I've been told it's a numbers game.
Contact enough and one of um will swollow the hook. It seems to me
that you already have learned to listen to your gut and discount these
fisherman. Good for you. Sounds like you know what you want, follow
your dreams and dont settle............

Hugs and best wishes
Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to yesses4u)

RE: Is this the norm? - 9/19/2005 7:47:32 AM

obis

Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline

quote:

SO far, I would say 80% of the men (I cannot say Masters) have been married, either their wife knows about his BDSM and just doesn't want to be involved, OR more than likely than not, she knows nothing and he isn't free to pursue permanence. IS this the norm?

I haven't seemed to read any of your posts that sound like this is? Is the Chat Room not the best place to meet and get to know someone?

Disclaimer: I am not a chat room fan for exactly the reason that follows. I always get the sense that chat rooms are for folks looking for a quick/virtual fix. So no, it wouldn't surprise me at all if 80% of the men are married or obnoxiously pushy (as well as completely ignorant about what they're doing).

I would not say at all that it is part of the lifestyle or to be expected anywhere else. But it is a harmless place to play, as that goes, so I can also understand why it would be popular!

(in reply to yesses4u)

RE: Is this the norm? - 9/19/2005 7:47:49 AM

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Obviously it's common enough to be an issue. The good news is, 20% of them aren't married and thus fit into your possible mate category!

Don't expect anyone online to live up to some sort of normal courtesies or intelligence, you will be very disappointed. Just say no thanks to anyone who doesn't fit for you and let you both move on to find your happiness where you can.

(in reply to yesses4u)

RE: Is this the norm? - 9/19/2005 7:50:38 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

i am egaged to be married, but i am still looking for a playparter, somone to use me, or even a Dom to learn from, but i am upfront that i have a Dom and even if a second relationship can be meaningful, it will never be my primary one, for i ahve found my love, and even if there is enough love in my harth for several, the wastly biggest part is reserved for my fiance.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

RE: Is this the norm? - 9/19/2005 8:20:16 AM

perfection20005

Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline

Just take your time and do what you have been doing. Make sure you feel right about that person. No I don't think its the norm to be married and cheating. Some guys say they are a Dom/Master, when all they really want is a good screw!
Just don't do anything that you think isn't right. If it feels wrong in your gut, don't do it.

_____________________________

perfection

"I took one look at Him, and I knew He was my Master."

(in reply to yesses4u)

RE: Is this the norm? - 9/19/2005 8:42:43 AM

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello There,
If you want a Dom to be with only you then I think you should hold out for your Master right. I know the majority are attached, but there are still a lot of men Doms in here looking to share their life with only one. If that's what you'll be comfortable with than go for it in my opinion.

I on the other hand am in an open relationship as a live in slave to my Master. I prefer to play with men who are married or attached that play with permission. I will only play privately if I can talk to their woman face to face to be sure she's granted that permission. As far as playing in my local dungeon where sex is not permitted, scenes to me are a lot like dancing with someone. I would play with a cheater as I don't consider scenes the same as sexual encounters. For me to have someone who's not going to want to be exclusive or try to think they can talk me into leaving my Master works best for me so I actually prefer attached guys.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to yesses4u)

RE: Is this the norm? - 9/20/2005 12:07:50 PM

Posts: 78
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

i hear from many submissives that many "Dominants" are married or cheating. i'm sure that is extremely frustrating when looking for a true Dominant to submit to. i'm always amazed that a real Dominant would stay married to someone who wasn't making them happy. my Master is naturally very Dominant, and very honest. i hear sometimes the married man's excuse is that he doesn't want to hurt his wife, or can't leave her for some reason or another. But, it seems a real man who is dominant enough to accept a true submissive's submission would be dominant enough to release a relationship he was unhappy with.

Even in the vanilla world it is often difficult to find a man who is a good pair, so adding lifestyle things to the search can make it more difficult. Don't even bother responding to the 80% of married or cheating men who contact you...search through profiles yourself to seek out potentials. And be confident that you deserve a true Dominant...don't settle!

-c

(in reply to plantlady64)

RE: Is this the norm? - 9/20/2005 1:18:24 PM

Posts: 32
Joined: 3/7/2005
Status: offline

Well I can say from our point of view. My Husband/Master has another submissive. I however Have another Dom. We have a totally open and honest relationship and will not allow the lying to come up. We belive that everyone needs to be honest. I physically can't do some of the things my Husband/Master wants a submissive to do. So His other Submissive does those as well as what he likes her to do. I on the other had prefer vulnerablility and I have another Dom that I play with that gives me what I need. this pleases us both.

I have found that our situation is not unique.

careful

(in reply to yesses4u)

RE: Is this the norm? - 9/21/2005 9:30:48 AM

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

quote:

just about fell over. I have often said if one more man online tells me about his marriage and how his wife isn't into BDSM, I will commit a felony!

ChereeAmoor

Annoying as it is to listen to men whine about their unfulfilling marriages and equally annoying to listen to their excuses for not divorcing the allegedly witholding wife, it is supremely annoying to be lied to and have a married man claim to be single. i wish to Gawd what goes around comes around, but no, i do not think so...but eventually they will have to answer for lying.

pinkpleasures

_____________________________

(in reply to ChereeAmoor)

RE: Is this the norm? - 9/21/2005 9:34:45 AM

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

quote:

Disclaimer: I am not a chat room fan for exactly the reason that follows. I always get the sense that chat rooms are for folks looking for a quick/virtual fix. So no, it wouldn't surprise me at all if 80% of the men are married or obnoxiously pushy (as well as completely ignorant about what they're doing).

obis

i don't like TheLobby; for various reasons; but i do enjoy the user-created room D/s safehaven and some of the other user rooms. The number of people in the room is much smaller, and the Ops are generally much more vigilant about harrassment, etc.

pinkpleasures

_____________________________

(in reply to obis)

RE: Is this the norm? - 9/21/2005 2:14:50 PM

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

SO far, I would say 80% of the men (I cannot say Masters) have been married, either their wife knows about his BDSM and just doesn't want to be involved, OR more than likely than not, she knows nothing and he isn't free to pursue permanence. IS this the norm?

I haven't seemed to read any of your posts that sound like this is? Is the Chat Room not the best place to meet and get to know someone?

I think it is the norm within a certain segment of the population. Most who tell you their significant other's know really they do not know.

I do however know 2 men and 3 females in real life whose signifcant other's do indeed know. They are vanilla. They come to munches with them and they even supervise the play. Yet they have no interest in the lifestyle.

Most importantly though if this is not what you are seeking then don't fall for it. Seek out what you want. You are too important to just take what life throws you, sometimes you have to go out and get it yourself.

I'd stray from chat rooms but then again that is my personal preference. Go to munches to meet people. There is less of a chance a man has disappeared from his wife and family for a few hour's each month, without someone knowing about it.
Disappearing onto the computer is much easier for us all to do.
Make sense?

(in reply to yesses4u)

RE: Is this the norm? - 9/21/2005 4:29:25 PM

HentaiGamerKitty

Posts: 131
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

Finding a good dominant online is tough...I advise staying away from chat rooms. An experienced, talented dominant doesn't need to resort to chat rooms to find a sub/slave.

That said, I met my new Dom in an bdsm internet forum but oddly enough the content of the original conversation was not about the lifestyle. He had read some comments I had made and already decided I was not the right kind of sub for him...He messaged me to discuss my video game hobby and through a platonic chat found out that I'm actually quite different from the online persona I was putting forth at the time. The relationship progressed from there.

Anytime you meet a man online, the possiblity of him being married is there. Just use your common sense and try not to get duped...A good sign is if he gives you both his home/cell/work number, calls you often and at varied times during the day, seems able to stay on the phone for long periods of time, has no problem with you calling him at any time, etc.

Good luck meeting a good dominant..its a hard search but when you find the one you think is Master Right it will all be worth it.

(in reply to sub4hire)

RE: Is this the norm? - 9/21/2005 4:38:01 PM

Posts: 18
Joined: 9/16/2005
Status: offline

Thanks to all, hope springs eternal, LOL

I like the idea of instant contact or at least the ability to call at any time!! That makes sense!! Good idea!!! IF he only gives the cell number that could be a sign of non-availability or "oh no she will get half of everything!" So I will use that, thank you.

beth

_____________________________

She looks around the corner, you know the one, the life she has always known, she sees something that catches her eye, her mind, her soul and she begins to walk towards it...

(in reply to yesses4u)

RE: Is this the norm? - 9/21/2005 4:51:29 PM

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Beth,
First off, good luck and I think it is awesome that you found yourself.
The internet is kinda like wading in a sewer, you have to sift through a lot of shiat, but ocassionally you find the diamond ring that someone flushed.
Don't fall for "send me bondage pics and I want you to do this Bullshit."
Converse, email, and get to know each other, before you move to the next step.....just my .02, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to yesses4u)

RE: Is this the norm? - 9/21/2005 4:51:47 PM

Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline

quote:

SO far, I would say 80% of the men (I cannot say Masters) have been married, either their wife knows about his BDSM and just doesn't want to be involved, OR more than likely than not, she knows nothing and he isn't free to pursue permanence. IS this the norm?

80% huh? Astonishing. Maybe that's why I havent found anyone yet... I am too single! Should I run out and get married and cheat to get attention? lol

Seriously... I had no idea infidelity was that rampant. I have heard it said once a cheat, always a cheat. There's nothing less attractive to Me than dishonesty.

Wonder if this would be the time to shamelessly advertise how single I am?

(in reply to yesses4u)

RE: Is this the norm? - 9/21/2005 6:08:43 PM

Posts: 18
Joined: 9/16/2005
Status: offline

Thanks Kevin,

I am really getting good at sifting out the sewage, one Master wannabe told me that he would be my Master and I would obey him, and then proceeded to give me some tasks.

He was married but his wife didn't like the lifestyle so he had to be discreet !!

Of course, being the newbie that I am, I rushed to do his bidding!!! Got arrested at the adult store!! Had to make bail!! IT was the most humiliating thing and I am sure somewhere in all of this is the lesson this wannabe was hoping I would learn!! LIKE I WOULD HAVE DONE THAT!!! I am a sub, I am NOT a moron!! LOL

But the truth be told I have met some very wonderful men, that exude what I call Mastership! I am totally impressed with their candor, their elegance, their ability to not only laugh at themselves but the understanding, patience and care that most of them have shown in their posts and what their sub/slaves say about them. I truly believe I have come home~! and I know HE will find me!!

beth

_____________________________

She looks around the corner, you know the one, the life she has always known, she sees something that catches her eye, her mind, her soul and she begins to walk towards it...

(in reply to fastlane)

RE: Is this the norm? - 9/21/2005 9:16:21 PM

MasterChainsSub

Posts: 9
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

I think that is a wonderful attitude to have and I wish you the best of luck. I know that I found my Master completely by accident. We started out as friends and through the course of conversation, we discovered that we had the same desires for relationships. The funny thing is that I brought up submissiveness first. I think it shocked him. LOL
But then, we progressed from there as we both discovered we each had what the other was looking for. Apart from the D/s portion of our relationship, he is my best friend and we share all the same interests. :)
In short, it is true what they say. When you stop looking, you will find it. Good luck and best wishes to you.

(in reply to yesses4u)

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