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Confusedand sad......please help. - 3/8/2008 2:02:17 AM

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/9/2007
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I really need help because I have been thrown into a situation which really has me undone.

Met a wonderful person on here. Been chatting online now for quite sometime. Beautiful growing connection...no other way to say it. Really hopeful......everything about him...more then I could ever ask.

Come to learn the main profile picture he posted is not him....nor a picture that he sent to me directly in support of this picture. Now I am not one to judge ANYONE on what they look like....ever......but I did go into this whole process with this man thinking he looked one way....which I was very attracted to....and now I know that was just an illusion.

Would others of you see this as a lie....somethng that would make you not trust him again.....and impossible to go on with him as a Dom (me being a first time sub)....trust being broken and all?

He says he posted this pict for job anonymity....he says I should like the words not the image. I am feeling guilty and I don't know why...I did nothing wrong. I am not shallow....but attraction does mean something to me...is that wrong?

I am confused but more then this I am SOOOO sad.....that this person disappointed me. I thought I knew him...I thought he would never deceive me.....I thought he held himself and me to a different standard. I know he did not do this on purpose to hurt me......and I want to believe that he did not do this to draw me in because he is ashamed of what he really looks like. I liked all that he was....in words and thoughts and feelings.....and physical looks.....now what do I do?

He has not sent another picture of himself yet........I am afraid to see it when/if he does...he promises he will. I DO not want to lose his friendship.....he has come to be important to me. Help

ps (this is the second time I have become close with a Dom....just to find out he has been hiding something from me.......that really hurts me....don't think I can take it again)

RE: Confusedand sad......please help. - 3/8/2008 2:07:01 AM

PrizedPosession

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In all honestly i believe he should at least post that he that picture is not him for job anonomity but better yet not put one up if he is afraid for his job. Though yes you should pay attention to words it sounds as if you did and he decieved you with the picture and not even claiming that it was not him. What you decide to do is your own thing but he lied and that isn't fair to the relationship because on the internet it is all words and it is nice to have a face to connect with those words, and when you find out the face isn't correct it's hard to believe the words as well.

But that is just what i understand from the OP.

-bobcat

But that's just me.

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(in reply to WithGratitude)

RE: Confusedand sad......please help. - 3/8/2008 2:09:29 AM

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If you're supposed to like the words and not the image, why did he send you a photo at all?

He's a wanker and has lied about the most basic of things. Ditch him off. And no, that isn't shallow.

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RE: Confusedand sad......please help. - 3/8/2008 2:11:13 AM

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Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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Well beauty is skin deep.

If you think he lied then he did. I understand the anonymity but sending a false picture is bullshit.

However you need to ask yourself how important attraction is? to some it is HUGE to Others it is not so huge. I for one perfer the dedication to the looks a Great looking gal who is bratty or bitchy is something I need like I need a hole in my head, however the girl who understands complete devotion and absolute surender no matter the looks is a pretty rare find in my mind.

Yes he Lied. That is a BAD start. But do you like the MAN who he is the lie is common in this world get used to it I only trust a picture when I was the one who took it or I see them on CAM, beyond that I try not to look at the image and see the whole picture because you are trying to be with a PERSON not a PICTURE.

Unless it is comepletey Narsisistic then well you already know the answer..... NO UGGOS!!

As Always

Steel

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(in reply to WithGratitude)

RE: Confusedand sad......please help. - 3/8/2008 2:18:30 AM

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Lies beget more lies. This is not a game. i understand the feeling of nearly instant connection the internet can bring. you find yourself typing things that you wouldnt have said in person at all, or as early. Take a week off of him. Literally, take a vacation. If in a few days of no contact whatsoever, you still feel that strongly, consider this....how many other people in your life lie to you and you let them get away with it. Everyone mentions doormats on here....try like hell not to be one.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

RE: Confusedand sad......please help. - 3/8/2008 2:36:19 AM

G.S.

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Well, it seems like the easy thing to say, because we of course do not have any of the feelings you have for him, but I'd say leave him be. Posting a photo of someone else is not to hide who you are, but to appear someone else. Now the photo you found out, but why should you think he was being himself in talking to you, when this indicates he's the type to do otherwise...

I guess the most important thing is HOW you found out. Did you find out on your own? Or did he tell you. And if he told you, did he do this to come clean or because he had no other choice? Try and answer this for yourself, I'd say. Do not ask him, because asking someone if they're trustworthy is kinda self-defeating.

And try not to feel too lost and scared. Trust me, I know the feeling. But yes, you can take it and you'll be alright.

(in reply to persephonee)

RE: Confusedand sad......please help. - 3/8/2008 3:53:17 AM

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From: Quietville
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He decieved you, you were upset when you found out about it...and now he is telling you that you are shallow? He is taking no responsibility for his behavior and instead is blaming it on you. Gee..what a prince.

If i were you i would drop him. My feeling is this behavior will be ongoing.

(in reply to WithGratitude)

RE: Confusedand sad......please help. - 3/8/2008 3:59:00 AM

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From: Tampa, FL
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To me, posting the WRONG picture isn't trying to protect anonymity, it's baiting. He's hoping the picture will attract someone. Posting NO picture is protecting anonymity. Or posting a picture where the face is not clearly recognizable...

But now to the problem. You like this guy and found commonality and saw a possible future. Yes, dear, he is insecure about his looks. And even if he IS a Dominant, it still isn't up to him to decide how much truth you can handle.

If now he still isn't willing to send you an accurate, recent (last week) picture of himself, how in the world would he expect you two to ever meet in person and begin a relationship? i think you need to be right up front with the guy and tell him that integrity is when the actions match the words.

Disappointment is unfortunate but just be careful not to get so cynical that you begin to paint everyone with the same brush. There's a lot of great guys who aren't so pretty but have such beautiful souls that the physical doesn't really matter.

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(in reply to WithGratitude)

RE: Confusedand sad......please help. - 3/8/2008 4:09:29 AM

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~FR~

I don't have a picture posted on my profile for similar reasons. That's what a person can do if they have concerns about being outed for professional or job concerns. My thing would be that he sent you *another* fake picture after you started chatting.

Only you can decide if he is worth another chance. If he is either uncertain enough about his appearance or can't tell you the truth (and isn't able to face up to this) is he the sort of person you want to submit to?

(in reply to eyesopened)

RE: Confusedand sad......please help. - 3/8/2008 4:17:41 AM

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Joined: 2/2/2008
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The posting a picture that is not him is a lie. The job line of crap is another. You don't post one if you need to protect your job. What about the job and personal life of the picture he posted. The relationships of this type are built and depend on trust. If you don't run, not walk, away from him you will regret it. I let a Dom get away with little white lies and paid a physical and mental price. It hurt and I still am hurt about leaving him. And physically attacked.

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(in reply to WithGratitude)

RE: Confusedand sad......please help. - 3/8/2008 4:25:02 AM

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From: S.E. London U.K.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WithGratitude
He says he posted this pict for job anonymity....he says I should like the words not the image. I am feeling guilty and I don't know why...I did nothing wrong. I am not shallow....but attraction does mean something to me...is that wrong?

If that were 100% true the picture would have been of someone that had a face like a dogs backside .

Then he would know for sure you liked his personality.

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RE: Confusedand sad......please help. - 3/8/2008 4:28:12 AM

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There are many pictures on this site of people who ain't, but that is what they wanna be.

The sending you a picture that is not him, pretending it is him, would cancel him out on success in no uncertain terms in my estimation.

Ron

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RE: Confusedand sad......please help. - 3/8/2008 4:32:07 AM

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From: Kentucky
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What he has done is purposely deceive you; he's sent you a photo of someone else in the hopes that you'd become attached to him and his words... enough so that you'll overlook his lie. This is not something that happened "by accident"... this is not something unintentional. This is planned deception.

His is playing on your feelings by implying that you would be shallow to judge him by his appearance. He is banking on the emotions created up to this time being enough to cause you to doubt yourself. He is trying to misdirect the issue away from his lie. He is manipulating you.

Just how good do you think a relationship would be based on manipulation and lies?

(in reply to WithGratitude)

RE: Confusedand sad......please help. - 3/8/2008 4:53:54 AM

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So, WithGratitude, are you seeing a pattern in the responses here?

Anyone who would send you a fake pic is a total loser, and deserves to lose you RIGHT NOW.

When situations like this "confuse" you, ask yourself this question: What would be the right thing to feel if we weren't kinky? It's not as though you check your mind at the door when you log into this site. Except.... a lot of people do, thinking it's not subbly to actually be clever and wise.

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(in reply to TreasureKY)

RE: Confusedand sad......please help. - 3/8/2008 4:53:55 AM

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Talking from my own personal experience I chattet once online with a guy (2-3 years ago) who send me a pic, which gave me the impression he is similar age with up to 5 years older. Short before we were about to meet he has sent me a recent one (who knows, maybe it was only "more recent" and still not the actual one...) and I was shocked. I was 27 or 28 and expected him to be in the beginning of his 30s. The picture he did send then was like being in his 50s. And also I do know, that age is not everything, but that was not how it seemed to be over weeks whilst chatting with him and did put me off. So we never met.

If he wants something serious with me, then he will have to play serious, with genuine pics and not with crap,as I have not to put up with this nonsense. My pic also is 2.5 years old, as yes, this page is also about not getting into trouble at work, but this pic is still me! and I am not recognisable with that one at work for a variety of reasons.

However, I dont think it is a good start to start any meeting with lies like that and thats also why I am fairly serious in my profile, that if he doesnt has a pic on his profile and can't be bothered to attach one, then dont think that I will be bothered to reply (same occurs when someone writes and it is obvious he did not read my profile, as we won't be able to be a match when I read his lines). And if it gets clear that it is not him, then good bye and good luck with fooling others in the future if thats all what he wants to do and all he is looking for in his life. Regarding my actual pic I send it to guys fairly soon in the beginning of chats, when I know we might meet, or to people I enjoy chatting with, so they know then how I look precisely at the moment.

I am a sub and happy about, yes, but that does not mean I have to put up with such nonsense games like "hide and seek."

< Message edited by subbygirly -- 3/8/2008 4:56:53 AM >

(in reply to TreasureKY)

RE: Confusedand sad......please help. - 3/8/2008 4:54:11 AM

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From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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Dump him.

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RE: Confusedand sad......please help. - 3/8/2008 4:54:14 AM

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Healthy relationship are built on a solid foundation of trust and integrity of both people.A structure built on that will be sturdy. A weak foundation , will have a house that cannot withstand a hurricane or tornado.

Ditch the jerk. He's not a Dom. Dom's earn your trust and are confident people that dont need to start a relationship based on secrecy and lies. I would never be able to trust him. I would always wonder what else he lied about or was willing to lie about.

Again, ditch that zero and go find yourself a hero.

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(in reply to TreasureKY)

RE: Confusedand sad......please help. - 3/8/2008 5:01:01 AM

RCdc

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He has lied. No lie is justifiable.
Using a fake picture is not only a lie, but is theft and fraud.
Beauty is only skin deep, but he has shown ugliness that has nothing to do with what he looks like, but his disregard for others feelings and property show he is not worth taking the risk.
Point him to this thread and let him have his say. Let him read what we all wrote and let him see how stupid he has acted and that this not only touches you, but the person who's image and persona he stole.

the.dark.

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RE: Confusedand sad......please help. - 3/8/2008 5:12:32 AM

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You did not meet a wonderful person...you met a person who does not value truth or honor....it happens...consider yourself lucky that you found out so soon....my suggestion...block him...and run not walk away...

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RE: Confusedand sad......please help. - 3/8/2008 5:25:39 AM

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From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

I am feeling guilty and I don't know why...

I don't know why you are feeling guilty. He told a lie and he did it intentionally. How can you believe anything he tells you? Why would you? I'd slam the door on him without an explanation. He doesn't deserve one.

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