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impishlilhellcat -> RE: I hate it when........ (10/15/2009 10:06:36 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sirsholly
quote:
. Panic and fear have set in and I might just be having an emotional break down. Imp...did you think that you are feeling this way because you are going back to let go, to put things to rest? Perhaps what you are feeling is guilt over the betrayal of moving on?
I'd really like to put things to rest. I think that myself and the other person involved have both moved on. Maybe that person more than myself. BUt they have always been good at that sort of thing usually I am too, but in this situation not so much. I'd like to have one more conversation to put things to rest. Things ended extremely bad. I was so wrapped up in my own grief and anger that I couldn't deal with much else (that person didn't understand nor did I try to communicate that at that time) and that other person involved pushed me into having a conversation I just wasn't ready to have. It was almost too much. I jsut about crashed and burned. I gave up everything I had been working for and on and I jsut packed my stuff and left. It's now been a year and a half since we have spoken and while our relationship or friendship I don't think can be repaired we do have the loss of a child in common that should be discussed at least I think. Maybe I feel guilty for leaving, maybe things would be different if I stayed. But I couldn't face seeing that person everyday as it was a constant reminder. One of the last times we spoke that person said "I don't want either one of us to have closure because that means it's the end and I don't want this to end." Except that we haven't spoken in a year and a half, that person is seeing someone else, and we live 1200 miles away from one another. So I guess I don't understand what the problem would be at this point in time. I'm going back to see friends. I don't know if I will run into that person or not. I did send an email asking that person to think about having a conversation for closure's sake (by phone). I don't think I will hear back, but that person also doesn't know that I will be in town either. So there is a little sense of apprehension about possibly seeing that person again.
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