RE: I hate it when........

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Daddysredhead -> RE: I hate it when........ (6/29/2008 9:49:43 AM)
I hate it when my dad says he thinks he would be better off in a nursing home.

NumberSix -> RE: I hate it when........ (6/29/2008 9:53:06 AM)
Have your father read the book 'Blue Zones'. Tell him to get off his whine and his ass and contribute to the family. Wisdom, tradition, all these things that come with age..... Plenty enough time for laying around AFTER you're dead. 6

GreedyTop -> RE: I hate it when........ (6/29/2008 9:53:54 AM)
oh, honey :( hugs (does he really believe it, or is he just sayin', for you?)

Daddysredhead -> RE: I hate it when........ (6/29/2008 10:03:05 AM)
I'm not sure. He's 83 and has been living with me for 6 years. He has been the biggest supporter and cheerleader I have had my entire life. He helps me with the Things, with a couple of the bills that I need help with, and all the rest. I know that his health isn't the best and he is having a hard time remembering things of late, which is very disconcerting to him. He has recently started using a walker that used to be my mother's after her stroke, because he is having a lot of pain. His doctors are doing a lot to work with him, but it is really taking its toll, just age and all that goes with living 80+ years. I asked him if he thought he was helping me by wanting to get out of here, and he said, "No, but I really am starting to feel my age, and I just think it might be best, if not for you, then for me." He is pretty active, all things considered. He plays the piano at his church, he drives, he helps get groceries and all, but he says that he is getting weary and he hurts a lot. I just don't know what to do. My other siblings aren't as clued in to the everyday stuff, and half of them are more than an hour away. I am at a loss.

odioustoad -> RE: I hate it when........ (6/29/2008 10:07:08 AM)
Red, there's a market for antique type items on e-bay. That might give you a few extra bucks to help out with stuff.

GreedyTop -> RE: I hate it when........ (6/29/2008 10:10:04 AM)
god, DRH... I don't know what to say..I wish like hell I could help...

Level -> RE: I hate it when........ (6/29/2008 10:22:31 AM)
Good morning, red warm hugssssssssssss I'm just guessing, of course, but it sounds like he's doing it for you. Just my opinion, very well could be wrong.

SweetNika -> RE: I hate it when........ (6/29/2008 10:35:22 AM)
(DRH) From what you have told me this sounds like he is being what he is, your biggest supporter thus trying to take some stress off you. When my gramps was living with me the year before he died, he told me the same thing so I showed him an invoice of what I would be paying if someone else kept an eye on my things while I worked. I told him you are helping me, plus if I have a crappy day your always here to make me smile and offer me a tootsie role. Sometimes people just need to be reminded of how much they contribute even when they think they aren't.

Daddysredhead -> RE: I hate it when........ (6/29/2008 10:35:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: odioustoad Red, there's a market for antique type items on e-bay. That might give you a few extra bucks to help out with stuff. Toad, This just goes to show you what a clusterphuk it is to live in my brain right now. I read this as, "He wants me to sell my dad on ebay?" giggles after reading it appropriately GT, it'll all be good... it's the damn process of getting there that sucks. How many times have I had to grin and bear it? This, too, shall pass. But geez, couldn't it just pass by a little faster? Levelicious, you could very well be right. I talked to him a little more and he said that he wishes he could do more for me and that he feels helpless in being able to do things for his youngest kid. I told him that I am an adult, and that I am doing what I need to because I want to, not out of some grudging obligation. I hope he heard me. I know that nursing homes are an option if his health really tanks, but I just don't think he's there yet. (Or, like me, he puts on a brave face for me, like I do for him...) [:)] eta: Nika, funny you should mention your gramps. I told my dad a few minutes ago that he helps me in ways that I couldn't dream of with anyone else. I told him that Thing-care alone would kill me even though my oldest is able to be alone for several hours after school. I also said, "If you go to a nursing home and I've had a rotten day, they won't like it if I sit on the floor, put my head on your chair, and just cry. It'll upset everybody else." I also told him that the cat needs a buddy and a safe place to go when the Things get too rowdy.

NumberSix -> RE: I hate it when........ (6/29/2008 10:44:16 AM)
supporter and cheerleader I have had my entire life...He helps me...He is pretty active, all things considered he is having a hard time remembering things of late...because he is having a lot of pain...but he says that he is getting weary and he hurts a lot.... Couple of things, does he get time in the park, or invite a few friends his own age over to reminisce, to support, to de-stress? going to the old folks home aint gonna lessen the pain. That's his lot in life right now. If he goes to the ofh, he doesn't get to see the Things, and it is massively important to a Thing (whether they admit it or not) to have a wise old guy hang around and tell them stories, show them a little sumpin' sumpin'. By god if he don't remember what happened last week, he remembers what happened when you were in diapers and the thirties and fourties and fifties, and those stories are valuable, just priceless. My Great Uncle Leslie, who had a tree fall on him and whack his leg (laid in the woods for two days) got a WD45 tractors weight rapped on his head thru the handle of a farm jack....and all the other things (when a youth his twin brother patted him dead square on the top of his head with a stove poker)...once said..... (sets stage, old english farm people) Chicken, fish, pork, and beef for supper, several kinda vegetables, deserts, several loaves of fresh baked bread (half a loaf speared with a fork, and shoved in the mouth for hungry folk) dessert up the ass, coffee, tea (english green only been that way since great-grandfathers time) And my little brother Hobie (richard) was crying because when dad dished up his plate he put peas on it (my GG used to eat them with a table knife) Hobie detested peas, my father was saying it is on your plate, and you will eat it. Starving children and China/Africa and the whatnot diatribe....(by the way Hobie was Richard Charles Melby's nickname for most and it is to this day.......) Whereupon UncleLeslie (who since his accident did not talk quietly (no sotto voce in the first place in any case) said, and I quote----- Uh...Uh...Uh......Chuckie....around here, if we see something on this here table we don't like....uh....uh...uh, well then; by God; Chuckie....uh...uh...uh.... we just don't eat it....... So, if he is weary of something, see if he can explain it, and see if you can take him off it. But, I think the socializing with peers is the issue. Think real hard on how you can fix that. Ron

Daddysredhead -> RE: I hate it when........ (6/29/2008 10:56:00 AM)
love ya bunches, my dear Ron I think lots of things are bothering him, not least of which, my brother dying earlier this month, and then 2 of his oldest buddies from way back in the day passed away this week. I think it starts to make a person think of his own mortality. I love listening to him tell his cool stories of WW2 and being a little kid, running amok through our hometown - kinda reminds me of Little Rascals. The Things wouldn't know what to do, that's for sure. When their dad went overseas for personal reasons, he was all the male influence they had. When their dad came back, they still enjoyed Grandaddy time the most. I wouldn't know what to do without him here. I heard him say once, "I don't know why I'm still around." I looked at him and smiled and said, "Because I need you here." He may not realize how resoundingly true that is.

NumberSix -> RE: I hate it when........ (6/29/2008 11:29:45 AM)
Ja, thats a bitch. Parents shouldn't have to see their kids take the big hike. It ain't natural. 'All great men are dying, and I don't feel so well myself.' Who said that? Can you get him to some places where his peers are? Just cause an ol feller cain't take the pussy no more, don't mean they ain't willin' to sit there and smell it and reminisce. Gotta think about having holidays, and doing the get together thing more, getting around and visiting, that sort of thing. Make him the center of attention ever so often. It ain't like you are going to have to do it for the next 20 years. Can he play cards, boardgames, crosswords and such? Remember, these folk didn't grow up with TV, XBOX, fast paced life that we did, and in fact they punched out their last time on the old timeclock, some time ago, and we are still punching it. They are like deer......... Have the old fashioned family night ever so often, Grampa gets out the cards, the kids sit and talk, you know, no tv, no radio, no whatever, did you know there is a war in Iraq right now? Where was he in WW2, did he do the middle east? Asia? Europe?.........That leads to some pretty involved discussions, where people gotta shut up and listen............cause they know they are outclassed.

Daddysredhead -> RE: I hate it when........ (6/29/2008 11:59:10 AM)
quote: That leads to some pretty involved discussions, where people gotta shut up and listen............cause they know they are outclassed. I love this line, Ron. So damn right. He was state-side, took care of German POW's, among other things. Was a DI, to boot. (I tell people all the time who come unglued at my ability to yell like a phukkin' banshee that I get it honest.) [;)] I'm going to see about a senior center that is nearby, where he might have some old folks that he knew back in the day, to hang out with. Folks just gather, talk, hang out, and all that good stuff. If he's not willing to go, by God, I'm gonna drag him out and take him there myself. I'm also making it a priority to take him to the WW2 memorial in DC soon. He has wanted to go and we just haven't done it yet, but it's gonna happen in the next couple of weeks, that's for damn sure. Most of my gal pals on here and elsewhere know what a sweet man he is, and what a treasure of information, too. I'm not going to let him just waste that stuff, cuz once it's gone, it's gone. There's a lady who does personal histories and writes them in her books about local people and places. She's wanted to interview my dad for ages, and I'm going to ask her to do just that. The stories he tells about our hometown are just amazing. I love listening to them. We're one of the "old families" where I live, in that, when people say, "I've lived here for a long time, must be 25 years now," we just laugh and say, "We got you beat... try 10 generations." [:)]

NumberSix -> RE: I hate it when........ (6/29/2008 12:11:07 PM)
This is gonna sound wierd, but you can get away with shit with him now. Start making a list of all the stories you should have from him, get out the old photos, all of em, from every where they are.......record it, who the fuck is this? get the story......task your kids to help, so YOUR grandchildren and THIER grandchildren, can get a flavor of where you came from and the stories YOU ALL tell, we are all interconnected.......thats the main thing, get him hooked back up. When he dies, he dies, not from being useless.........he ain't half wore out, people do their best work in the harness.

Daddysredhead -> RE: I hate it when........ (6/29/2008 12:16:12 PM)
Gonna start on that this week. I bet I can scrounge up pix from all over. Will have to make him sit here and tell me everything he can remember, which is a helluva lot - bc as you said, he can remember all the dances he went to and all that stuff from the 40's, earlier, and later.

LadyRainfire -> RE: I hate it when........ (6/29/2008 12:25:46 PM)
{{{hugs}}} Red, for pete's sake, please, please, PLEASE get that family info and stories from him. I've lost most of my family and the few who remain are my aunt and uncle who have no clue who's who, who's where (and they don't really care either) and don't know any of the old stories from my grandparents. If you need to talk, you know how to reach me... smooches

Daddysredhead -> RE: I hate it when........ (6/29/2008 12:29:03 PM)
Yes indeedy, Rain. Can't let that kinda history go caput. great big hugs back

NumberSix -> RE: I hate it when........ (6/29/2008 12:50:09 PM)
I'm going to see about a senior center that is nearby, where he might have some old folks that he knew back in the day, to hang out with. Folks just gather, talk, hang out, and all that good stuff. If he's not willing to go, by God, I'm gonna drag him out and take him there myself. I'm also making it a priority to take him to the WW2 memorial in DC soon. He has wanted to go and we just haven't done it yet, but it's gonna happen in the next couple of weeks, that's for damn sure. Bring a notebook and pencil......... I remember my sisters friend, who was probably 16 at the time or so, had tits as big as your head, dad was the type to lay in bed sundays, read the sunday paper and grouse and complain how hurtful shit was and she come running in there and gave him a big smooch and said, How you doin', Morrie? and layed in bed next to him, and they were justa yabbering and I believe that man got a hardon. if he is the shy type, look at people who gather around him, you say.........why you here old timer.............? Listen lady, I used to swab the decks on the battleship yadda yadda yadda, and all of a sudden your old mans ears will perk up.....oh, did you know.............I was in the Phillipines myself, just get a phone number and a name....see can you hook him up............... Just like now...........HE IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not alone. 6

Daddysredhead -> RE: I hate it when........ (6/29/2008 12:58:19 PM)
Thank you... you're the best. [:)] hugs and squishes to you, Ron I appreciate your very wonderful advice, and I will use it. Promise. ~ Red

NumberSix -> RE: I hate it when........ (6/29/2008 12:59:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead Gonna start on that this week. I bet I can scrounge up pix from all over. Will have to make him sit here and tell me everything he can remember, which is a helluva lot - bc as you said, he can remember all the dances he went to and all that stuff from the 40's, earlier, and later. So, it is wrong to say he can't remember, he just doesn't bother to remember what ain't iomportant. That's all

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