BlackPhx
Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006 Status: offline
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Sambamanslilgirl, there are no words to express how all of us who care about you are feeling right now. The desire to hug and protect you is very strong, and while that is partly what you need, it is not all. It is very hard for people to understand why someone with everything before them may attempt suicide. Know that it is nothing you did or didn't do, I doubt very much that you missed any signs (and I KNOW you are thinking you did and blaming yourself for that, as mothers we do that) and that there is nothing you likely could have done to prevent the attempt. Stop blaming yourself. As someone who has made serious attempts in the past I can tell you there is nothing anyone could have done to stop me (bad luck (or good depending on your point of view) foiled my last attempt, and no one even suspected I was going to do it including me (oddly enough (It was the December after my son's murder)). Most who make a serious attempt don't actually want to die. We want to stop hurting, just for a little while..just let the overwhelming pain go that we can't even talk to anyone about. Nothing seems to stop that level of depression not even sleep, we know it has to be stopped and we can see no other way but we never consider that death is permanent and there is no coming back from it refreshed . The pain of not being able to protect my son, of not seeing how serious the situation was that precipitated his death, of his killer walking free, was just too much. I was lucky in that the Psych who saw me after they pumped my stomach (they got back 15 out of 150 ephedrine pills I had swallowed, it was that close) and stabilized my heart, understood the pain and my attempt and did not Baker Act me, but got me the help I needed. Your child is safe and alive. She is where she can get help and I know that you will ensure that she does, but Please remember to take care of yourself as well. You will go through fear, grief, self recriminations for not seeing it coming, and anger at both yourself and her. You WILL need help to deal with it, please reach out and get some for yourself not just for her and her sibling. This will impact your family for a long while and it will take time to trust she won't do it again even after she begins to deal with the problems that precipitated it. My thoughts will remain with you and my heart reaches out to you and yours. You do have something to be very Thankful this Thanksgiving...She is alive and as long as she is, now that you know there is a problem, you can get her help. May the Gods of Music remind her of all that is worth living for... poenkitten
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