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a rant, maybe a rave, or maybe just me being a bitch - 3/18/2008 12:37:24 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

this morning i found out that an acquaintance had killed her self. now she was a troubled soul, but also a conniving<sp> human being. she claimed to have had a complete mastectomy, with no reconstructive surgery because she was so poor and pityful. then i met her and she had more cleavage than me. and lemme tell ya, bewbs as long as mine can do some cleavage....

anyhow, she has a son who has been dragged from pillar to post, uncle to uncle, just really had it difficult in so many ways i cant even begin to list them all.

but what has my ass chapped, and me wishing i could put my foot up her ass is the fact she killed her self in a place she knew her son would be the one to find her. she shot her self in the head. to me that is the most selfish act anyone could do, much less a mother to her child.

a few times i told her to get her head out of her ass, and she wasnt fond of me at all. and im ok with that. but she also knew i was right about the stuff i chewed her out about.

i tried for sympathy or empathy for her. all i can find is anger and the wish to strangle her and say ya dumb ass selfish stupid bitch. drama and all about you to the end.

if it werent for herbal therapy, i might go climb a clocktower and throw water ballons at passing vehicles or something. im so pissed i could bite a 10 penny nail in two(and i really have no idea what a 10 penny nail is, but when dad said that, he wasnt happy at all-lol)

gawd im just so fukn pissed at her, and crying for her poor kid. puberty sucks enough without wondering what did i do to make mom kill her self? what could i have done to make her happy?

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

i think im done now.....thanks for listening

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

Post #: 1

RE: a rant, maybe a rave, or maybe just me being a bitch - 3/18/2008 12:48:03 PM

DomKen

Posts: 19457
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

Deja vu time.

My mother was a drunk and more than a little bit of a drama queen. 2 days after my father left, he'd been caught cheating for at least the third time, my mother killed herself knowing my younger brother, 10 years at the time, would be the one to find her. I loved her despite her faults when she was alive but since then it is hard for me to feel anything but rage about her, strictly because she traumatized my little brother in that way.

Please for this young man's sake make sure he gets professional therapy. My brother still suffers from PTSD and has had rage issues his whole life since that day.

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 2

RE: a rant, maybe a rave, or maybe just me being a bitch - 3/18/2008 1:20:57 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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SeeksOnlyOne,

My heart goes out to you and this young one... The trail of pain that is left from a selfish act you are fully aware of. Go throw some water balloons if it helps. Rage in a safe setting if that is what you need to do.

My son did this but was brought back from death. He did it in a public setting and everyone that was there or close to him suffers. A year and a half later everyone still has their issues.

I do hope that her um will be given a lot of love and structure and that you all find some peace in the darkness of a selfish and destructive final act. I am so sorry.

(in reply to DomKen)

Post #: 3

RE: a rant, maybe a rave, or maybe just me being a bitch - 3/18/2008 1:30:09 PM

kdsub

Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
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People in that state of mind are not reasoning properly. All the points you state or valid but I'll bet did not even occur to her.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 4

RE: a rant, maybe a rave, or maybe just me being a bitch - 3/18/2008 1:37:40 PM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

~FR

My neighbor across the street did the same thing last summer. I too was so pissed off. It was a violent, bloody death and he knew his sons would be the first to find him...

We've taken up with their care--my brother, my kids and I--and I hope they will be okay. I do see effects from what they've been through.

This is the concern for us now. It benefits no one to agonize over the one gone...the ones remaining are the only things we can focus our time, attention and care on now.

I wish you and yours well!

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Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 5

RE: a rant, maybe a rave, or maybe just me being a bitch - 3/18/2008 1:42:40 PM

Real0ne

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline

Sometime things just suk.

I have always questioned if people do that on purpose or are in such a tidal wave that they just dont think.

I have known kids to do the same thing with no apparent reason eihter?

Bad thing about a parent doing it to a kid the kid will always wonder if it was somehting they do, and worse see that as a solution to depression.

Take it slow, sorry to hear....

ps: a 10 penny nail is about 4 inches long a bit bigger than a pencil lead.

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(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 6

RE: a rant, maybe a rave, or maybe just me being a bitch - 3/18/2008 1:47:02 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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My bestfriends father killed himself after a business failed. He was a Pillar of the jewish community and the President of the synogogue. He planned it ahead and even made sure his article to the newslatter was done. Used antifreeze and was pulling the tubes out when they were trying to save him. The kids, wife and the whole community were traumatized. We were all pissed at him and thought he was selfish.

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(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 7

RE: a rant, maybe a rave, or maybe just me being a bitch - 3/18/2008 1:48:10 PM

philosophy

Posts: 5284
Joined: 2/15/2004
Status: offline

.......suicide......the big fuck you.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 8

RE: a rant, maybe a rave, or maybe just me being a bitch - 3/18/2008 2:25:26 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: philosophy

.......suicide......the big fuck you.

yanno....thats it in a nutshell......

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to philosophy)

Post #: 9

RE: a rant, maybe a rave, or maybe just me being a bitch - 3/18/2008 2:28:14 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

thanks to all who made me feel not as much like a heartless bitch for feeling this anger. i hope her son somehow survives this in body and mind.

sighs

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 10

RE: a rant, maybe a rave, or maybe just me being a bitch - 3/18/2008 2:47:26 PM

chatondamore

Posts: 86
Joined: 12/22/2007
Status: offline

I'm probably going to go against the concensus here and say that She probably thought out every bit of her suicide, and did think about her son finding her. To her though, that was probably the motivation for doing it in such a messy way. People that crave attention like that will damage everyone in their lives just to get people to give them sympathy. The son is lucky she didn't use him as a tool for her mental game. Munchausen by proxy is very real and an insanely dangerous game that people play with their loved ones.

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(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 11

RE: a rant, maybe a rave, or maybe just me being a bitch - 3/18/2008 2:58:40 PM

Kirren

Posts: 580
Joined: 9/5/2007
Status: offline

Anger is a very natural part of grief. In all honesty its even more so justified at those that kill themselves.

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Everything has been said before
There's nothing left to say anymore
When it's all the same
You can ask for it by name

Did I fail to mention...I am a BITCH?

(in reply to chatondamore)

Post #: 12

RE: a rant, maybe a rave, or maybe just me being a bitch - 3/18/2008 3:13:54 PM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

selfish indeed.    A buddy of my brother was flashing a gun and acting all world. I am convinced he would have taken him with. He too [the buddy] shot himself in the head.

-the thing is- no matter how much you WANT to help someone- you might not have the capacity to.   it simply may not exist anywhere.

It is a selfish thing to do. Hate her all you want-- [ but] when the son confides in you, be an example of a gentlemen, and let him know he is an example. [life isnt guarnteed to be fair- but ,] being a gentleman is something he must do.

I could not talk a guy named Ken out of it a few years ago. Long story. His best friend thought he did,but did not. ken simply humoured him. He carbon monoxided   himself -- in his car, used a plastic tube, rigged to the muffler- parked overnight at a lovers lane area. With Ken, he... well did not solve much.    A bad situation became- exponential -tho for those around him.

I have a booklet on ways to suicide. Did you know you can paint your entire body ?

A new nieghbor is the "drama queen" type. After 5 minutes of being socialable- I excuse myself.   [as I do not want into it]

(in reply to chatondamore)

Post #: 13

RE: a rant, maybe a rave, or maybe just me being a bitch - 3/18/2008 3:57:19 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

I just read the ode by Lady Ellen and consequently when I read your rant or bitch to me it sounded like a poem.

Suicides usually are accompanied by suicide notes. If none are present it may have been a murder. Was there a suicide note?

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 14

RE: a rant, maybe a rave, or maybe just me being a bitch - 3/18/2008 5:44:54 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

My son left many notes on previous attempts, but none were that serious. The night he actually did it... no note. Of course the police step in and make sure of things before they rule it suicide and at least in our area, had a group of officers that walked us all through the situation, making sure everyone got what they needed. They were amazing.

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 15

RE: a rant, maybe a rave, or maybe just me being a bitch - 3/18/2008 5:52:17 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Rule, where did you get that idea from. I never left a note when I attempted it. My first cousin once removed didn't leave a note. My greatuncle didn't leave a note. And normally we are a very literate family.

Having had several bouts of suicidal ideation, let me assure you that in none of those times did it even occur to me to think about who would find me.

And brain scans of suicides show marked differences from normal brains. Honestly, she wasn't in her right mind. Probably, considering the behavior you described, she suffered from untreated mental illness for years. And yes, children of suicides have a much higher rate of suicides than children of nonsuicides. Of course that isn't in the least surprising since they have a much higher rate of severe clinical depression. It's a genetic illness folks. In your family there may be a predisposition to cardiac problems, in mine there's a very high rate of mood disorders; ADHD, severe anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, sensory integration disorder and so on.

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(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 16

RE: a rant, maybe a rave, or maybe just me being a bitch - 3/18/2008 6:19:19 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

I am sorry for your loss, Lockit.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 17

RE: a rant, maybe a rave, or maybe just me being a bitch - 3/18/2008 6:26:06 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule
Suicides usually are accompanied by suicide notes. If none are present it may have been a murder. Was there a suicide note?

Statistics show that the majority of people who successfully commit suicide do not leave notes.

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 18

RE: a rant, maybe a rave, or maybe just me being a bitch - 3/18/2008 7:20:02 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

I completely agree. I once had a (failed) relationship with a woman whose father shot himself in the head, right in front of her, when she was four years old. She was snuggling against his dead body as they waited for the police to arrive. It became obvious, as I got to know her, that she never overcame that, and probably never will. She'll probably never have a lasting relationship in her life.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne

but what has my ass chapped, and me wishing i could put my foot up her ass is the fact she killed her self in a place she knew her son would be the one to find her. she shot her self in the head. to me that is the most selfish act anyone could do, much less a mother to her child.

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 19

RE: a rant, maybe a rave, or maybe just me being a bitch - 3/18/2008 7:44:57 PM

dcnovice

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
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quote:

Suicides usually are accompanied by suicide notes. If none are present it may have been a murder. Was there a suicide note?

"Only one in five or six suicides actually leaves a note."

-- George Howe Colt, The Enigma of Suicide (Touchstone, 1991)

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 20

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