Stephann
Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TearCollector
I was thinking about some of the things Stephann said as well as some of the replies. I would like to add something that I consider of some importance to my own profile. A photo or lack of one. I will contradict myself in the up coming sentences because I have opinions on both sides of the fence. Here it goes in my best layman’s terms. Although I agree 100% with Stephanns advise on posting a photo because many people shop profiles with "photo only" filters on, thereby increasing your odds of contact, my concern is this. Do I (we) want more contact with someone who cares about looks, financial means or political power? I have purposely left no photo for the same reason I do not declare my income or my status in society. If my looks matter to a woman, what will it mean when my looks change in years to come? And sadly, we all change. Well, not sad for some. (IE: The ugly duckling scenario). But if you hook a mate with your looks, aren’t you betting your future with that mate against your sustainability with those looks? Similar with financial status. Many women may find a wealthy man attractive. Do I want women contacting me because I say I have money on my profile? Is the increased contact a good thing or bad thing? Does the person who seeks a mate really want to sort through the gold diggers? What if I were to say I had tremendous political status? Wouldn’t I then have to weed out the women who are interested in moving up in status or the Barbies who wish to trade up from what they already have?
A picture is worth a 1000 words. I dont argue that. And I also wont argue it increases contact which mathematically should increase your odds of success. But doesn’t it do more than just increase your odds of contact? Doesn’t it also jeopardize the foundation of the relationship? Am I over exaggerating the impact of a photo and what it means to profile shoppers? If I am, then how do we explain the increased replies to people with a photo? Why cant my personality be faceless and make contact that way. My personality will out last my looks. Isnt that what we say we want? A great personality? So why the heavy dependence on a photo for increased contact?
Hiya TC,
Great questions. First off, it inded up about an hour & twenty minutes, and I didn't have a spell checker (I used to teach English, and type 80 wpm; it's pure dumb luck that I didn't have any spelling errors.) I did want to go back and revise (and somewhat shorten) the essay, but I didn't have time. Second, I don't think there's anything hypocritical about searching 'photos only' without a photo. In the dating jungle (as suggested) there's no need to apologize for what you want, expect, or enjoy. I long ago realized there needn't be any 'quid pro quo.' My slave doesn't want a man who does the same things she does.
Back to photos: while I completely understand your logic, it doesn't hold up in reality. Meeting face to face, she'll (probably) learn what you look like, assess your financial situation, and determine your social status. If she's 'fallen for you' based on how you only presented yourself through text, she's probably a lot more desperate than you'd actually want her to be.
Some women care about these things. I know I care about these things; they're three elements amongst many. I wouldn't likely own a hideously disgusting, bankrupt, homeless slave, would you? But I don't expect her to be a rich supermodel either. I consider the whole package, amongst which appearence and financial stability count. In short, if she didn't care if you were 5'0", 390lbs, and missing an eye, wouldn't you wonder about her?
Your appearence is an asset. If you choose not to use that asset to gain an advantage, you're falling behind guys who can. In a foot race, would you hop on one foot, when everyone else uses both feet? Once you've actually met the girl in person, you can do the same sort of filtering and observing that you should be doing with anyone you meet. Is she materialistic? Does she expect to be pampered? Does she constantly fiddle with her makeup kit, lipstick, and won't let you touch her hair? Does she coo on and on about how handsome you are, but lack in the capacity for real depth of feeling and warmth? It's much easier to spot a materialistic, vain woman in person than it is online.
In short, if you've got it, flaunt it! It puts you in a position to be picky about the kind of woman you want. I was 25 before I'd been in a position where I had more than one woman to choose from (in a real life dating situation.) It was a bizzare experience, I gotta tell you. But that's a topic for another thread.
Regards,
Stephan
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