RE: Long distance & subdrop (Full Version)

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DesFIP -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 7:54:01 AM)

Be glad. Tops drop less than subs but they can hit it occasionally.

There's a lot of chemicals used up during scening, and they simply take time to get back to normal. Blood sugar, endorphins, serotonin levels et al. Everything drops.



Justme696 -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 7:55:14 AM)

NEver noticed in any of my girls. Perhaps I should be some rougher :P



chamberqueen -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 8:02:26 AM)

It is common to have many negative emotions when you are away from your Dom/me, especially if communication is limited for any reason.  The dynamic of the relationship leads to a style of closeness which may not be love but is close.  Sadness is common - your life starts to revolve around serving this person and you feel unable to find fulfillent.  Anger can often follow, either from various circumstances or sometimes directed at your One.  (I fell into that this weekend when I was contacted by another Dom with the permission of my Master.  This second Dom started to disrespect my Master, and made it clear that he felt that I belonged with him instead.  I unfairly became angry with my Master for allowing this wolf to come after me, even though the fault was at the feet of the new Dom.)

It is ok to feel sad and angry.  Where we need to be careful is in our expression of it, especially to our Dom/me.  It is one thing to tell them that you hurt without them, another to sound like you are blaming them for that.  It is hard, and we are here to help you.



softness -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 8:10:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

hence ldrs never work we are touchy feely people  just live in alaska for seven months with out sun light you will get the idea


hmmms ...well I must be imagining things then... because I am sure that I am involved with a perfectly secure and happy LDR ...obviously it would be just lovely to be able to fuck like mink whenever we wanted .. but well... if life was easy where would the challenge be?



Justme696 -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 8:19:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

It is ok to feel sad and angry.  Where we need to be careful is in our expression of it, especially to our Dom/me.  It is one thing to tell them that you hurt without them, another to sound like you are blaming them for that.  It is hard, and we are here to help you.


BE sure that feleing is not just from the subs/slave side...we do miss our girls too. If not..then I wonder why we have them .



LadyPact -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 9:18:41 AM)

I may be misunderstanding the original comment.  I'm led to believe that a couple of others may have had the same thought pattern as I did, so I'm going to throw a few coins in the fountain.

Just My personal definition of the term, of course, but I'm not sure that sub drop is especially the right fit.  Sub drop, just as Top drop, is particularly associated with emotional changes specifically related to the 'drop' that happens after 'space'.  It isn't a catch all phrase for sadness, lonliness, etc., just because a person happens to be a sub.  The rush of endorphins during play bringing space.  The balance of the brain chemisty going back to normal brings drop.

What you might be experiencing, instead, is just the normal feelings of sadness in being separated from your Dom.  Not a thing wrong with that.  Perfectly understandable.  It could be a combination of the two, so just remember to rest well, and balance your diet and fluid intake.



LadyPact -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 9:26:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

we live by the choice we make   that is how we are judged not by our selves and by our peers.  hence ldrs never work we are touchy feely people  just live in alaska for seven months with out sun light you will get the idea


I saw this after I posted a reply and it was worth coming back to comment on.

What you are referring to are two entirely different things.  There are those of us who specifically become depressed due to a lack of sunlight.  Seasonal Affective Disorder has absolutely nothing to do with long distance relationships, unless you are specifically speaking to the particular distance away from the sun. 



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 9:32:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThistleDown
For those submissives who are or have been in a long distance relationship, how often do you experience subdrop as a result of separation from your Dom? Has it ever begun before you or s/he left? (Doms, have you ever had a sub who experienced this?)
Have you ever heard of anger being a part of subdrop?
Do Doms experience any kind of drop after a scene or separation?

Angel and I were LD for a long while before I managed to move here. Subdrop wsa a bit of a problem after every one of my realtime visits. The first time it was so bad he asked to be released and told me he wasnt sure he could be part of this lifestyle anymore. The seond time wasnt AS bad, but it was still extremely rough on both of us.  I drop as well, when he and I are apart or when we go through major downtimes when neitehr of us can see one another. With 2 boys, I can go through it almost twice as often.
Thankfully, the subdrop did not destroy us, but it was pretty close for a bit. It is not unusual, and LDRs are definately harder, but if the person is worth it then they arent the worst thing in the world. Like I told Angel when I met him. Id rather put the extra effort into finding a way to make us work, than leaving him to find someone closer, and looking for someone I can settle with where I was who would never make me feel the way he did.

DV



ThistleDown -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 3:06:39 PM)

I want to thank everyone for their comments and apologize for my absence in the discussion (I've had a lot to do since I posted the topic).
Also I'd like to apologize for the misunderstanding about the term. I was mistakenly under the impression that the term subdrop was fairly more common than I now suppose it is. 
I want to add that there seems (to me) to be two prevailing ideas about what subspace & subdrop refer to, one is the physical state of the sub (referring especially to all the wonderful chemicals our bodies produce but also to our state of hydration and nutritional needs, etc). The other thought is that those terms refer to emotional/mental states of being.
And of course there are those people who include both ideas in their personal definitions/understanding of the words.

In any case, I haven't decided for myself how all of these things come together but I have the idea that possibly the two are actually one thing simply experienced differently by different people. It might be that the emotional/mental affects of the lifestyle are more pronounced in some people during very intense periods and for other people, their physical state is more affected (or at least one of these is more noticeable to the person than the other). I always keep in mind that a person's emotional/mental state has an effect on their physical state and vice versa.
Anywho, I meant to include in my original post, that for me, depression includes a lot of physical symptoms and extreme thoughts/emotions which is what makes me think I might be experiencing subdrop. However, I'm also of the thought that maybe I just don't handle well the very difficult emotions people experience when separated from loved ones.

In any case, I was looking more to hear about other peoples experiences to see how all us peoples relate than anything else but I think I've done some learning, which is always a good thing, imo. So, I greatly appreciate all the suggestions and comments. Any other comments or thoughts are still welcome. ^_^

(if I've mixed up the words affect and effect, I apologize, I can never keep them straight).
~puppy



lronitulstahp -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 3:43:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

we live by the choice we make   that is how we are judged not by our selves and by our peers.  hence ldrs never work we are touchy feely people  just live in alaska for seven months with out sun light you will get the idea
never say never...



kiwisub12 -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 4:04:21 PM)

OP - regarding your comment about supressing your anger - supressed anger surfaces as depression. A very revered therapist once told me to get my anger out in the open - screaming in the car when alone, swearing when alone, using a swim noodle to beat the cr#p out of a bed or door frame or (my favorite!) using Incredible Hulk" hands to hit the wall. (They are like great big green fists , with a bar inside to hold so you don't hurt your hands when you hit. )

The point is to find a physical activity to get your anger out of your body. I can see the anger at the situation and the dom/sub for not being there when you want/need them would get overwhelming at times, and even though it may not be realistic, it is your anger and should be acknowledged as such. And just because you are angry at someone doesn't mean that you don't love or like them. You can even think it is a silly way to react to anger, but it works!



camille65 -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 4:09:25 PM)

Sometimes it is really hard to deal with, I get angry too. I concentrate on doing something when I feel that way, something to get my body and mind moving. Even something as simple as making a batch of fudge (mmm chocolate) will make me concentrate on something else instead of letting it overwhelm me.I call him too when it happens, I call him and tell him whats going on. I've learned it will pass and that I am strong enough to ride it out.  
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

we live by the choice we make   that is how we are judged not by our selves and by our peers.  hence ldrs never work we are touchy feely people  just live in alaska for seven months with out sun light you will get the idea
 Why are you so judgemental?It is more than obvious that you have some issues. LDRs, open marriages etc.  Just because it doesn't work in YOUR world doesn't mean it won't work in someone elses world LatexBaby. In fact we just passed our 8 year mark, which is longer than a lot of marriages. Maybe, just maybe instead of spouting your contrary view you could simply read and learn that other views are valid.



lronitulstahp -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 4:21:06 PM)

[sm=whoa.gif]  i guess you TOOOOOOLLLLD him!!!  Feisty gal you....well done.



camille65 -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 4:30:50 PM)

Eeeep [&o].It just kind of burst out of me. Like the way when you drink a carbonated beverage too fast and you belch before you realise you even needed to belch!



Celeste43 -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 7:53:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

NEver noticed in any of my girls. Perhaps I should be some rougher :P


Less likely to happen if you live together because you'll make sure she eats, get her something to drink, warm her up. Plus there won't be the emotional  to deal with on top of the physical since you'll be there cuddling her.

Things that help are to plan an easy day for the next day, lots of naps and  dark chocolate. Orgasms help. If you have the energy for it, going to the gym can jump start the chemicals in the brain to get back to a normal level. But very intense play is not the thing to do when you have a major presentation the next day or an 8 hour drive.



ThistleDown -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/24/2008 9:38:06 PM)

We have a tendency to lose track of time and take things way too long so that we don't have time for aftercare. Usually that's only a problem on days he has to go to work, but we haven't really taken much of a break towards the end of my visits either. I started to get the idea we should take it easy towards the end though, I've decided to make more of an effort to take at least a day off before I leave. I think it would do us both some good. (We're both very new to the actual practice of this lifestyle so we're still figuring things out).
Master's been having some trouble feeling down too, but talking helps. At least it helps me, I can't tell if it's helping him, he's really good at hiding it when he's not perfectly happy and he doesn't like to talk about it either.

I'm having a problem that I don't remember if I had at the end of my other visit, my blood sugar keeps dropping really low so that I get all sorts of shaky and dizzy and it happens really quickly.. or i'm just not noticing the early signs. Is this a recurring problem for anyone else?
It might just be me, I have so many health & diet/nutrition related difficulties it might just be a phase I'm going through, but I thought it might be related to this whole thing too, so any thoughts?



Lucylastic -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/25/2008 4:34:04 AM)

When I get back from a visit, I know its gonna hit..the "top/bottom drop" the separation, anger,anxiety, the whole body chemisty goin out of whack,  whatever the proper term is, it is real. Ive been getting it for seven years now, I sure as hell dont have all the answers, but what I found for me was to pamper myself, long hot soak, candles, wine, chocolate, some zoney music..rinse and repeat as neccessary oh and lots of fruits and veggies( I love carrots and broccoli and grapes and nannas) .
If I get angry I write out the feelings, Im having, and then save it and dont look at it for a few days....getting it down on the computer lessesn the impact for me...I tend to sleep a bit more for a few days, but excercise helps oh and planning for another trip is always a good idea, also discussing the drop itself, he gets it tooo, so theres cam and phone, etc.
I likened it to christmas as a kid, you spend ages getting your hopes built up, plans, anticipation, excitement, .......then you leave and its an anti climactic drop..the presents are opened, ....dinner is over the parental units are tired and ...now what. Luckily.... his visits are more than once a year :)
LDRs arent perfect, but hell yes they can work, if thats what you want out of the relationship.
YMMV
Lucy



mistoferin -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (3/25/2008 6:50:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
It isn't a catch all phrase for sadness, lonliness, etc., just because a person happens to be a sub. 


I agree, although I think that as time goes on I tend to see it used that way more and more.



EmergingMe -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (5/31/2008 9:16:53 PM)

There have been several times in the past year that I have felt what you are referring to as "Sub Drop".  My Sir and I live 1100 miles apart.  In he begining, I was sad, and sort of detached after our visit together, but I just chalked it up to "going home without him".  Now that our connection has deepend significantly, I find that I experience this drop much more profoundly.

The day that we are scheduled to part  I withdraw a bit.  My emotional side comes forward, and I start to think about what I could have done to make our time together go slower.  Irrational thoughts.. I know, but I don't want to leave him... (probably no less than he wants me to leave).  I can not testify for him, and what he goes through, but I will spend time on my flight, or drive home just trying to be distracted. (and usually I am so exhausted, that I fall asleep...*when I fly) 

After a day or so has passed, I start to feel a bit down.  I wouldn't say it is depression, as that is an unmanageable state that can cause one to focus on negative energy.  I am constantly trying to focus on positive energy. When I am in this "down" state and I try to remind myself that we will be together again very soon, or I try to think of the wonderful times that we will spend in each others company, , my mind returns to one phrase "I long to be near him" and "He completes me."

To answer your question about "how often do you experinece sub drop"?  If that is in fact what I am felling,  I experience it everytime that we have to return to our home towns and deal with the physical part of our lives seperately.  Is it fun... NO, do I want to do it...NO, do I get ANGRY.....of course I do.  Especially if we are both busy, and our communication falls off.  I dont like the fact that I allow this emotions to control my state of mind at any given point... but the reality is.... If I did not love him.....NONE of this would happen anyway.




lubegirl -> RE: Long distance & subdrop (6/1/2008 12:32:02 AM)

i start crying before the parting, then fill my spare time with as much meaningless sex as possible, and my Daddy is okay with that.
Licks,
lubegirl



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