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I lack empathy. - 3/24/2008 10:28:15 PM

abrown28

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I thought that might be a plus when dealing with subs by I'm beginning to suspect I was wrong. Without empathy it's hard to even start a conversation. What can I do about this shortcomming? Surely one of you has faced this problem.

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RE: I lack empathy. - 3/24/2008 10:35:38 PM

marieToo

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You don't really need empathy, you just need to have some understanding. And what better way to start a conversation than to ask someone to explain their submission to you so that you can gain an understanding of that person.

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RE: I lack empathy. - 3/24/2008 10:57:20 PM

Real_Trouble

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I confess I am not a terribly empathic person. In fact, it would be accurate to say that more than one of my friends has referred to me as a hard son of a bitch, or words to that effect.

Even so, that doesn't mean you either need to be cold or inconsiderate. Taking an interest in others doesn't need to start with an intimate connection to their feelings; observe their interests and ask about them, or simply try to figure out what is on their mind. People are, at least to me, fascinating creatures, so if you look for why you were interested in them in the first place, then you should never lack for ways to open a conversation.

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RE: I lack empathy. - 3/24/2008 11:04:22 PM

Kana

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Empathy has zero to do with social skills.

Sheesh, enlightened self interest alone should force you to develop some of them.
As is I don't think I would ask someone about their submission, but pick something out of their profile that looks interesting or that is something that you like-find commonalities, build from there.

Hell, collarme is about the only place I know you can find a list that goes something like:
Likes

Kittens
macrame
sniffing daisies
being whipped and tormented
mom
watersports
apple pie
leashes

If you can't find something there, just comment on the strangeness of it all

< Message edited by Kana -- 3/24/2008 11:10:17 PM >

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RE: I lack empathy. - 3/24/2008 11:08:05 PM

SailingBum

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Not sure I can help. I was called a usless prick recently. I'm thinking either of shooting myself, crying in my beer. Viewing it as a shortcoming determining if he was flirting with me or moving on with my life. My coping skills just are not what they used to be. I'm in the same boat. I can't seem to get laid either.

BadOne

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RE: I lack empathy. - 3/24/2008 11:55:53 PM

Leatherist

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I can be a hard headed asshole. But I balance that with a keen desire to understand what makes people tick.

It gives me power.

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RE: I lack empathy. - 3/25/2008 1:30:53 AM

MasterFireMaam

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From: Charleston, WV
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Empathy is the ability to put yourself in "someone else's shoes". I don't think this is your problem. Check out this site...it might help.
http://www.wikihow.com/Have-a-Great-Conversation

Master Fire

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RE: I lack empathy. - 3/25/2008 4:11:16 AM

Dnomyar

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I just don't give a shit. Does that mean I lack empathy. Is empathy a sign of caring or a sign of pity. Either way get over it.

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RE: I lack empathy. - 3/25/2008 7:06:56 AM

CelticPrince

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quote:

I thought that might be a plus when dealing with subs by I'm beginning to suspect I was wrong. Without empathy it's hard to even start a conversation. What can I do about this shortcomming? Surely one of you has faced this problem.

brown,

methinks you have used the wrong word to describe this condition that you perceive.

CP

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RE: I lack empathy. - 3/25/2008 8:01:02 AM

akisha

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I think you mean you lack sympathy.

I know I am very unsympathetic towards most situations. Because most bad situations are results or poor planning and basic lack of judgement. I can definately empathize with a bad situation, especially the random ones that sneek up and bite you in the ass unexpectedly no matter how well you planned things.

I have sympathy for those that have lost a loved one, that always try their best but still have to struggle, and similar situations.

Empathy means you can understand what they feel. Sympathy means you actually give a damn about how they feel.

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RE: I lack empathy. - 3/25/2008 5:24:04 PM

windchymes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Not sure I can help. I was called a usless prick recently. I'm thinking either of shooting myself, crying in my beer. Viewing it as a shortcoming determining if he was flirting with me or moving on with my life. My coping skills just are not what they used to be. I'm in the same boat. I can't seem to get laid either.

BadOne

That's crazy, you're not useless!

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RE: I lack empathy. - 3/25/2008 5:55:51 PM

DesFIP

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I think you just are self centered. You aren't interested in them as people, just as warm bodies. Because if you really were interested in someone, you would enjoy learning about her, what she's passionate about - pro and con, what she finds funny, who she's close to and why, etc. Most people can sense when someone's pretending at best to take an interest and know that it's just done to manipulate.

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RE: I lack empathy. - 3/25/2008 6:15:26 PM

lusciouslips19

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Er, if you dont have empathy then why would I want to know you? i think I can feel whether you have heart or not or compassion. If you cant feel for me why should I feel for you/;

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RE: I lack empathy. - 3/25/2008 6:54:03 PM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Empathy has zero to do with social skills.

Sheesh, enlightened self interest alone should force you to develop some of them.
As is I don't think I would ask someone about their submission, but pick something out of their profile that looks interesting or that is something that you like-find commonalities, build from there.

Hell, collarme is about the only place I know you can find a list that goes something like:
Likes

Kittens
macrame
sniffing daisies
being whipped and tormented
mom
watersports
apple pie
leashes

If you can't find something there, just comment on the strangeness of it all

Jolly well said old chap.... Forget all about empethy you either have it or you don't. Empethy is not something you vcan learn nor I believe develop. Empethy does't allow you to read a sub/slave's mind, knowing that person inside out like a Master knows his slave and appears to read her every thought is based on self knowledge and knowing the other person in a spoecial way. Empethy can be a complete pain in the rear at times especia;lly if you pick up on hurts illness and injury . You've been given some jolly good advise so do yourself a favour and follow it. I suspect you may suffer from shyness and if so that is a whole different ball game depending of course how serious it may be from mild shyness to gut renching chronic shyness,,

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

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RE: I lack empathy. - 3/25/2008 7:52:26 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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I would be willing to guess I have less empathy than about 90% of the people around here. I also happen to have more intuition and awareness than 90% of people as well as a fabulous partner who is MORE empathetic than most creatures on earth should ever be. I still can't fathom it very much. But I make do.

Lack of empathy isn't the problem, knowing how to use other methods is.

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RE: I lack empathy. - 3/25/2008 8:35:21 PM

IronBear

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It is one of those delightful and indeed rare occasions that I find myself in agreement with you LA. Teaching and helping people find their "gifts" for want of a better word is something that I do. Each ability we have has it's advantages and disadvantages. helping people to make the most out of what they have is most rewarding.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

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RE: I lack empathy. - 3/25/2008 10:27:56 PM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Not sure I can help. I was called a usless prick recently. I'm thinking either of shooting myself, crying in my beer. Viewing it as a shortcoming determining if he was flirting with me or moving on with my life. My coping skills just are not what they used to be. I'm in the same boat. I can't seem to get laid either.

BadOne

That's crazy, you're not useless!

I had the same thought.

BadOne

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: I lack empathy. - 3/25/2008 11:46:39 PM

abrown28

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You all must be bored if you're still keeping this thread alive ;)

The reason I used the word empathy is because I've been saddled with idiots. These idiots are supposed to be some of the brightest in my company. I don't want to believe they are idiots so for an hour or so I indulged in the fantasy that maybe the problem lay with me and I let that bubble over into this forum. I've since nailed down what the real problem is, gathered my data together and am prepared to, metaphorically speaking, bash their f'ing skulls in this morning.

Thanks for kind or insulting words... both motivate me.

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RE: I lack empathy. - 3/26/2008 1:02:19 AM

IronBear

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If that is the case then a 20 mile route march in double time will bring them down to size surely.. Anyway good luck to you and the solution you choose.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester) .

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