RE: Subs: what do you ask a prospective dom/top?

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RE: Subs: what do you ask a prospective dom/top? - 3/29/2008 4:49:29 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Thanks for your responses, everyone!

Merc, I am with you, I do ask early on what submission means to him (or her) and what he gets out of it. Actually, I ask all sorts of things, and try to steer the conversation with open-ended questions. (my work comes in really handy sometimes!)

It's ridiculous to think that you can learn everything about a person in one meeting, and I would never expect that to happen. I am looking for more patterns of behavior to interpret, and see if I can find any new trends that will make screening easier. I shouldn't be surprised that so few ask what they will have to do with/for me, if anything, outside a scene... but lately, I am!

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RE: Subs: what do you ask a prospective dom/top? - 3/29/2008 5:39:13 PM

childofpain

Posts: 44
Joined: 1/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

I ask them about the impact of Caesar crossing the Rubicon ....no seriously ... tells me a lot about them how they react to that question

This is what I'd say....
THE RUBICON (for the historically challenged), is a small river that flows into the Adriatic Sea, and in Roman times it marked the boundary between Cisalpine Gaul and ancient Italy. In 49 B.C., after some hesitation, Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon to march against General Pompey in defiance of the senate's orders. In doing so, he committed himself to conquer Rome or to perish trying. Hence the phrase "to cross the Rubicon" has come to mean risking all, taking an irrevocable step.

on to the subject...

When I have talked with doms I find that before any meeting they are telling me what they are going to expect. What to wear to the meeting...etc. So maybe thier waiting on you to just tell them what it is your wanting them to do or expecting them to do. When is the time right to bring it up? That is up to you and when you feel it is right. Lots of subs are shy....i guess...

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RE: Subs: what do you ask a prospective dom/top? - 3/29/2008 6:56:09 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

I ask them about the impact of Caesar crossing the Rubicon ....no seriously ... tells me a lot about them how they react to that question

The die is cast-there is no turning back, now we do-or die.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 3/29/2008 6:59:06 PM >

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RE: Subs: what do you ask a prospective dom/top? - 4/10/2008 9:50:00 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
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when i met with M'Lady the first time i asked some of the basic questions like STD and safety after that i just go with the ebb and flow of the conversation, since I'm a submissive i don't tend to control the conversation.

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RE: Subs: what do you ask a prospective dom/top? - 4/10/2008 10:43:53 PM

Othie

Posts: 30
Joined: 3/8/2005
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well for me the most important thing I look for is someone I can learn from. So when I first started talking to my Dom I started by asking what He was interested in, both in the bedroom and out. The other thing I asked is how much pain He likes to give, as I dont like more then light pain on the whole. After I have gotten to know Him better, thats when I would start asking what would be expected of me, and honestly when it comes to that point I told Him what I am looking for, and the hard limits I knew of (respectfully of course), just so I knew we were on the same page.

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RE: Subs: what do you ask a prospective dom/top? - 4/14/2008 11:12:22 AM

Dnomyar

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az no wonder your still looking. When I meet for the first time it is just for casual chat. If you can't carry on a casual conversation then move on.

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RE: Subs: what do you ask a prospective dom/top? - 4/14/2008 2:33:28 PM

SltlyBrokenAngel

Posts: 38
Joined: 3/24/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

After some time on Planet Caregiver, I am looking for a personal submissive again. I've run through a bunch of prospective men, and I am seeing some interesting trends. The one that interests me most---NONE of them has asked me what serving me will entail. We might talk about our lives, the scene, cars, what we had for dinner, and who knows what all else, but no one asks me "What's my job going to be?"

Is this odd? What do you ask a potential dominant once you've gotten past the first compatibility stuff? Do you wait awhile before getting all practical?

I've been thinking about this question a lot myself the last few days - albeit from the opposite perspective. I want to ask my Dom what he would like from me and what "my job would be" - but, and maybe because this is pretty new for me, it never seems like it just flows into the conversation. I have to agree with the others as well that I enjoy the "getting to know you" conversation and discussions of ordinary every day matters - its a good start, and for the most part I think he lets me know what he expects of me. After reading your post though I'm wondering again if maybe i need to be more direct and ask what his expectations of me are. On the other hand - would he prefer to guide and lead in his own way w/o my questioning?

hmm... I'll have to think about this more.

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