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RE: No strings attached domination - 3/30/2008 9:14:45 PM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

I consider it an exciting prospect to be used in such a way - "a piece of meat", as you put it.



:)

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(in reply to hardbodysub)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: No strings attached domination - 3/30/2008 10:39:28 PM   
marsneedswomen


Posts: 98
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		There are always strings attached the question is how many strings.

Mistress Spenser's submissive,
marsneedswomen

(in reply to MistressDolly)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: No strings attached domination - 3/30/2008 10:49:48 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

I consider it an exciting prospect to be used in such a way - "a piece of meat", as you put it.

One possible advantage is that a no-strings situation shouldn't create the pressure of high hopes and expectations. That could really help create a good atmosphere, and nobody need feel any guilt in taking it as a learning experience. And, although a deeper relationship might be more fulfilling, the odds of any one contact yielding such a gold mine aren't terribly high. A no-strings opportunity might be a good place to start.


This has been an interesting thread.  On the one hand, I think that many subs are more attracted to this scenario than they will admit; on some level, I think men enjoy the idea of being seduced, objectified, and used sexually by a woman for her pleasure.  I think core to many submissive fantasies is the idea that a woman would find him attractive and have such intense lust for him that she MUST have him - and she uses him, for her pleasure, very clearly and ruthlessly, in a very hot and exciting way.  And then she goes away.  Now, that does not mean she is CRUEL to him (emotionally) or misleads him, ("Of course I'm going to call you, I want to be your girlfriend now") -- it does not mean she treats him like garbage - she's an intense, passionate lover that eats him up, figuratively, adores him for the moment, but then must go. Perhaps their paths cross again -- maybe not though.  But he is left with the sweet memories of how her lips felt on his, perhaps how her strap on felt in his ass...who knows.  But she does NOT require anything of him.

The other thing that I think is illuminating is that "no strings" does not mean total emotional detachment.  There's so much in between.  There is affection -- pure and simple.  There are men I am VERY fond of and enjoy using very much -- and they make me laugh, they make me smile, and I find them very sweet.  But I don't want a boyfriend.  There's so much more in between -- but the bottom line is this. What if the femdom doesn't want any part of the, "Why don't you email me as much? Why don't you call me?  You know you forgot my birthday?  When am I going to see you again?  Don't you want to know about my new toys?" -- etc.  But it goes both ways.  The femdom is not saying,  "Why aren't you kissing my ass daily? Why aren't you sending me presents?  Why aren't you fawning over me and pining for me? How dare you DATE, you are supposed to be staying lonely and single as you wait for my call" -- etc. -- now, THAT's the unreasonable expectation I think subs don't want to see -- yet many femdoms want it this way - they get all the control and the sub gets NONE. That's so unfair.

What's wrong with the femdom that is ravenous when she uses you, doesn't care what you do during the in between time, and if/when you connect again it's electric?  As long as both people are fine with it, that's all that matters.   Surely it's not for all men, and I think as long as both people are clear about what they seeking, it's good. Subs have the option to say " no thanks."

Akasha


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(in reply to hardbodysub)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: No strings attached domination - 3/31/2008 12:57:44 AM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
Personally, I don't actually see it as there being no emotional connection. Often, an emotional bond can exist for the time that the two are doing a session together. Then it severs until the next time they are together, or it may never attach again.


I agree. I don't think casual play or a one night stand is necessarily cold or bad. It depends on how it went, and what intentions the two people had. I keep with me my transitory experiences (be it one time, or be it a few times) as good experiences and good memories, and hold good will towards those with whom I shared these experiences.

I think enjoying a transitory experience is not necessarily mutually exclusive with wanting a long-term relationship. I think it is fine to recognize that there is not potential for a long-term relationship with someone with whom one otherwise feels attraction and chemistry, and to play with that person. As I look for a long-term relationship, I am open to and engage in transitory play.

The idea of being an on-call sub (you get a page and you must make yourself available ASAP) is hot. All that said, there has to be the right attraction and chemistry. For me, it is not simply the play that matters but play with someone with whom the feeling or interest is there.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: No strings attached domination - 3/31/2008 12:58:38 AM   
azjojoba


Posts: 513
Joined: 2/1/2007
Status: offline 		I like these arrangements, because it's the ultimate role reversal. Ya know, most of the time guys want a booty call. I think it's very cool when a woman uses me this way. I also don't have to worry about relationship hassles which tend to get in the way of having fun with multiple partners.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: No strings attached domination - 3/31/2008 2:31:21 AM   
chezzy52


Posts: 220
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline 		Aakasha..extending the proverbial olive branch here.If you were to have asked me this same question as little as five to seven years ago,i more than likely would have jumped at the chance and of course on your terms.Now,age is playing a very vital role into my thinking.You may not consider this to be very subbie-like but now i feel i am entitled to a quality of life that i didn't care much about before.That doesn't mean i want to live in the Taj Mahal nor have everything my way.I may not ever realize my goals in this lifestyle but one of those goals is not casual play only to be sent back to my sandbox when all is said and done,no matter how much or how many times i have my gag fetish incorporated as part of the play.So i seek long term involvement and a live-in situation and in return for the one and only fetish i have,one will own me mind,body,and soul and also have my life insurance policy,because the next move i make if it is indeed out there will be my last move.Anyways,time for breakfast..think i'll make some crepes.

(in reply to hardbodysub)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: No strings attached domination - 3/31/2008 11:03:55 AM   
PleasingShell


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/28/2007
Status: offline 		I couldn't do it, I would not be able to submit to someone that I have no feelings for.  I would be able to play, have some fun, but I would not be submitting inside.  I would not be in that special place inside my mind where the bliss resides. 

But, if she possesses those special qualities that I adore, those exquisite attributes that I find irresistible in a select few women, then I would do anything for her, no matter the consequence.

Well as long as the consequence doesn't hurt someone else in the process.

(in reply to chezzy52)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: No strings attached domination - 3/31/2008 12:52:36 PM   
Unrepentant1


Posts: 283
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


Subs, when a femdom says she wants 'no strings attached' kink, what does that mean to you?

(I am not talking about 'no strings service' - I am talking about bdsm - bottoming, etc.)

Is it unattractive because you feel like you will feel emotionally empty?  Is it attractive because it's a chance to get some experience without seeking a serious relationship?  If you are seeking more (a girlfriend or long term relationship) do you shy away from this kind of a situation -- or, do you take advantage of it, since you are not involved yet?

Is the femdom "booty call" -- so to speak -- attractive on some level as the sub, or do you feel like a piece of meat to be used?  Or, do you find that kind of hot?

Have any subs been in a relationship where they were just that -- a booty call basically, a no-strings kinky relationship, where she'd call you up and ask to hook up, but never wanted to be your girlfriend? 

How do you handle jeaslousy if there are other men she sees the same way?  Is it hot to be one of many, does that appeal on some level?

Akasha




I have tried subbing no strings, but its not for me. I can not truely submit unless I feel something for the person I serve. I find it cold and in return would make a pure play partner I am sure.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: No strings attached domination - 3/31/2008 1:30:55 PM   
DragonLady5


Posts: 183
Joined: 3/19/2008
From: Upstate NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

The other thing that I think is illuminating is that "no strings" does not mean total emotional detachment.  There's so much in between.  There is affection -- pure and simple.  There are men I am VERY fond of and enjoy using very much -- and they make me laugh, they make me smile, and I find them very sweet.  But I don't want a boyfriend.  There's so much more in between -- but the bottom line is this. What if the femdom doesn't want any part of the, "Why don't you email me as much? Why don't you call me?  You know you forgot my birthday?  When am I going to see you again?  Don't you want to know about my new toys?" -- etc.  But it goes both ways.  The femdom is not saying,  "Why aren't you kissing my ass daily? Why aren't you sending me presents?  Why aren't you fawning over me and pining for me? How dare you DATE, you are supposed to be staying lonely and single as you wait for my call" -- etc. -- now, THAT's the unreasonable expectation I think subs don't want to see -- yet many femdoms want it this way - they get all the control and the sub gets NONE. That's so unfair.

What's wrong with the femdom that is ravenous when she uses you, doesn't care what you do during the in between time, and if/when you connect again it's electric?  As long as both people are fine with it, that's all that matters.   Surely it's not for all men, and I think as long as both people are clear about what they seeking, it's good. Subs have the option to say " no thanks."

Akasha



For me, that would be ideal. I tend to get bored fairly quickly. I don't have a lot of time to put into a sub. I also agree that NSA does not mean you don't care. Just that there's no long-term committment. Men have done it for eons, why can't we?

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: No strings attached domination - 3/31/2008 2:22:40 PM   
solvr70


Posts: 425
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Subs, when a femdom says she wants 'no strings attached' kink, what does that mean to you?

(I am not talking about 'no strings service' - I am talking about bdsm - bottoming, etc.)

Is it unattractive because you feel like you will feel emotionally empty?  Is it attractive because it's a chance to get some experience without seeking a serious relationship?  If you are seeking more (a girlfriend or long term relationship) do you shy away from this kind of a situation -- or, do you take advantage of it, since you are not involved yet?

Is the femdom "booty call" -- so to speak -- attractive on some level as the sub, or do you feel like a piece of meat to be used?  Or, do you find that kind of hot?

Have any subs been in a relationship where they were just that -- a booty call basically, a no-strings kinky relationship, where she'd call you up and ask to hook up, but never wanted to be your girlfriend? 

How do you handle jeaslousy if there are other men she sees the same way?  Is it hot to be one of many, does that appeal on some level?

Akasha



for myself, there needs to be some sort of  vanilla connection there. a meeting of M/minds and getting to know One and be friends for it to really work. that's pretty key for me to be totally open. so, no so much a no strings attached domination. but more of a friends with benefits D/s style perhaps?


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My eyes have been opened....there is nothing on this earth as sexy as a Woman wearing a strapon cock and smile as She looks at me

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: No strings attached domination - 3/31/2008 5:25:14 PM   
hairslave


Posts: 114
Joined: 11/11/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry for sounding dum here but,... can someone plase inlighten me as to what "Booty" means?

quote:

ORIGINAL: azjojoba

I like these arrangements, because it's the ultimate role reversal. Ya know, most of the time guys want a booty call. I think it's very cool when a woman uses me this way. I also don't have to worry about relationship hassles which tend to get in the way of having fun with multiple partners.


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Ture Love Is; Giving 110% with out expicting anything in return, yet,... gratfull for what little that comes back your way.

(in reply to azjojoba)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: No strings attached domination - 3/31/2008 10:36:34 PM   
needDomme


Posts: 115
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		If the term simply means no other relationship, but the Domme can be trusted, I'm very turned on by it. My problem would be that I need some assurance that I won't be injured in some way. That would be very hard if I didn't know the Domme.

al

(in reply to hairslave)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: No strings attached domination - 4/1/2008 1:54:53 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I hesitated a bit putting in My two cents here.  I do participate in what I term as casual play, but I'm thinking it's not the same definition as the OP.  For Me, it isn't about a booty call. 

Even with what I term as casual play, I don't especially consider it a no strings attached situation.  I do feel connected with those I play with.  I have some specific friend bottoms that are wonderful, but I tend to think the play is good for the communication and the link is so good outside of the scene as well.


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(in reply to needDomme)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: No strings attached domination - 4/1/2008 8:07:45 AM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline
quote:

solvr70:
for myself, there needs to be some sort of  vanilla connection there.  a meeting of M/minds and getting to know One and be friends for it to really work.  that's pretty key for me to be totally open.  so, no so much a no strings attached domination.


The times I have played with someone non-romantically, this has been the context.  (Note, I omitted the "friends with benefits" aspect of your post because this doesn't apply to me.)

quote:

LadyPact:
I hesitated a bit putting in My two cents here.  I do participate in what I term as casual play, but I'm thinking it's not the same definition as the OP.  For Me, it isn't about a booty call.

Even with what I term as casual play, I don't especially consider it a no strings attached situation.  I do feel connected with those I play with.  I have some specific friend bottoms that are wonderful, but I tend to think the play is good for the communication and the link is so good outside of the scene as well.


Again, this summarizes the context of my own non-romantic, play experiences quite well.  While my goal is ultimately to find a long-term, romantic partner, play with a human, spiritual connection of deep friendship can be very fun and is a great way to learn and share mutually.

Elan.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: No strings attached domination - 4/1/2008 9:39:30 AM   
slaveintraning


Posts: 17
Joined: 3/30/2008
Status: offline 		would think that there would be strings attach for the most part, one does have to know what is going on before play starts. but as far as being in a realationship, that would be up to the people who are with each other.

(in reply to ElanSubdued)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: No strings attached domination - 4/1/2008 10:10:17 AM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hairslave
Sorry for sounding dum here but,... can someone plase inlighten me as to what "Booty" means?


It's a slang term for "ass."

Literally, "booty call" is an "ass call" which you make to someone for a one-night stand if you're just horny.

(in reply to hairslave)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: No strings attached domination - 4/2/2008 3:54:03 AM   
edgepassion


Posts: 67
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline 		Until the right one comes, no strings works just fine for me. 

Akasha:
“This has been an interesting thread.  On the one hand, I think that many subs are more attracted to this scenario than they will admit; on some level, I think men enjoy the idea of being seduced, objectified, and used sexually by a woman for her pleasure.” 

I know that I do.  I posted somewhere else that if it turns her on it generally turns me on.  Power exchange leaves me uh, weak kneed….<g>…

“What's wrong with the femdom that is ravenous when she uses you, doesn't care what you do during the in between time, and if/when you connect again it's electric?  As long as both people are fine with it, that's all that matters.”

I agree.  If for whatever reason (location, orientation, etc) a LTR is not an option, then for me, it’s simply about two people who like each other having fun.

Now the risk comes from having too much fun:
Damn…..fell for her!….Ah well…..maybe just kind of an emotional  variation of edge play.

And of course there’s always the possibility that what started out as no strings evolves…..

(in reply to hardbodysub)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: No strings attached domination - 4/2/2008 12:43:04 PM   
SlaveSubtoserve


Posts: 282
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline 		...wonderful insight Aakasha into our male sub psyche -- at least for some of us!

(in reply to edgepassion)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: No strings attached domination - 4/2/2008 3:32:46 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

quote:

ORIGINAL: khem

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

i've had my slutty period where i went to the sleasiest public dungeon in the world; it's in SOMA, San Francisco and i'm sure others could give you the name. 


Hahaha, yeah, we've all been there.  Although most don't admit to going more than once.  It's funny, I don't even think of it as a dungeon - it's a sex club to me.



Well, i loved the spider-web and the cell on the ground floor.  Once i went on an off day with one of the women who worked there.  The boxing ring upstairs was really interesting.


are you talking about the Power Exchange?

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A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 39
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