RE: Too Real?

RE: Too Real? (Full Version)

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AtlantaMistress -> RE: Too Real? (3/31/2008 4:49:27 PM)
WIITWD: what it is that we do I knew that one, but often, something pops up I don't...google any term you don't recognize with BDSM and walah - a definition!

LadyHathor -> RE: Too Real? (3/31/2008 4:50:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinksissyPA quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor Are you or have you been accused of being too real? Looking too much to reality and the impact of WIITWD when forging a relationship? Dashing too much of the fantasy in an effort to insure that as the dynamic gets embedded and the relationship progresses, lives will grow? That everyone wins? *Has this happened to You? Is this You?* Please forgive my ignorance but what is *WIITWD?* *What it is that we do.*

pinksissyPA -> RE: Too Real? (3/31/2008 5:10:54 PM)
Thank You Ms Sandy and Lady Hathor :)

TNstepsout -> RE: Too Real? (3/31/2008 5:14:13 PM)
The issues of real life are the ones that have usually made me take breaks or stop looking for a while. I know there are men out there that understand, but many seem to think only of the fantasy. I have asked the question of many potential subs, "what is your idea or image of what the relationship will be like" and they are usually stumped. Most have not thought beyond the BDSM aspect, OR they jump into service oriented kinds of things like, I can clean your house or give you a massage etc.... It get's complicated when we start to talk about the realities of engaging in play. I live with my two grown kids so my house is off limits. Many I have met also live with kids, so their house is off limits. And many of the men are shy of playing in a public dungeon. So where are we to play? Hotels? Not with someone I don't know well and certainly not for every "date". If the rapport is right and the relationship natural, none of that really matters. The two people involved can work it out. Maybe the relationship is largely doing vanilla activities together like regular dates, but there can always be an undercurrent of D/s. But I rarely get this far in the conversation. Most of the time when the men realize they won't be meeting me at hotel rooms for regular beatings they fade away.

MistressVnus -> RE: Too Real? (3/31/2008 6:13:14 PM)
quote: "I'd rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special". I agree 100%. I wouldn't have missed it for anything. Although bittersweet, the memory will be etched forever and will always be embraced as a very special event that came at just the right moment. Thanks AtlantaMistress.

MzMia -> RE: Too Real? (3/31/2008 6:42:26 PM)
Let's see if a submissive considers me "too real and too serious" for him? [sm=boohoo.gif] Then that is too bad, and he can beat it. Don't let the doorknob hit ya, where the Good Lord.... I am not a kink/ fetish delivery system/person. [sm=violin.gif] lol

chezzy52 -> RE: Too Real? (4/1/2008 2:42:25 AM)
Hmmmm..interesting question.I think WIITWD maybe at times could be changed to WIITYDD(What it is that you don't do).I am as much a realist as the next person in that the dynamics of a D/s relationship is not about fantasy.It is about absolute trust and a belief that one has in his Domina,that at the end of the day,she loves him more than life itself.To me, it is that positive reinforcement on a daily basis that is the key to all of this and it doesn't have to be reached with play alone.You know,sometimes a darn good cuddle session is all one needs and some tender kisses.That speaks volumes to me and tells me that my Domina regardless of how many things are placed in front of her throughout the day took a mere five minutes with me.I don't know..real life will always be there so it is how both are willing to handle it without going into an emotional tirade.If you truly care about each other then nothing but good can happen.To be fair,i have plenty of real life issues myself and so i must do this this and that before i can do the other.A new slogan if you will should be put on the horizon..IIWII...It is what i it is.

MissLily -> RE: Too Real? (4/1/2008 4:49:24 AM)
Well, I was never accused of it, but I know that some boys and Myself stopped contacting one another because I just would not cater to their needs. What I mean is that I'm not hear to feed their fantasies and I don't allow the boys to call Me Goddess or grandisose things like that. I'm a Domina, not a Goddess. If that is too real for them? well.... chao! I just won't play a game that I could not keep up all the time and in which I'm not comfortable. Miss Lily

LadyHathor -> RE: Too Real? (4/1/2008 5:27:59 AM)
*Nice quote chezz.*

DommeChains -> RE: Too Real? (4/1/2008 5:43:48 AM)
I think you hit the nail on the head Lady Hathor. I have lost count of how many subs have gone poof when I am being my realistic talking self and reviewing safety issues, taking time to get to know one another as human beings, etc. And, heaven forbid I have a work issue that pops up and I must reschedule or cut something short. Being dominant is an essential part of my persona. I adore being involved in the local community and playing at parties, in private, etc. just as much as the next person. But my dominance doesn't stop whenever I remove the leather. Actually I find the acts of surrender and submission to be even more meaningful when they occur outside of the play arena. I seek a dynamic that is fully interwoven with reality and exists in multidimensional splendor. I/we deserve nothing less.

TNstepsout -> RE: Too Real? (4/1/2008 5:54:59 AM)
Reading these responses I am both relieved and chagrined to find out that I'm not the only one who has experienced this. Being a newbie and not having had much luck at finding a sub, I have often doubted my "technique" and wondered what I was doing wrong. I have bounced back and forth with whether I should have laid on the sexual mystique a little thicker earlier on to "hook" 'em so they wouldn't disappear. But I always come back to the concept that if that's the only reason they are hanging around, I don't want them anyway. I think it all comes down to one of the most basic complaints of Dom/mes. This is REAL, it's not a game. It's not fantasy, it's not for play. I have to admit, when I first entered the lifestyle through CM I did not get that at all.

MistressVnus -> RE: Too Real? (4/1/2008 5:59:07 AM)
quote: Being dominant is an essential part of my persona. I adore being involved in the local community and playing at parties, in private, etc. just as much as the next person. But my dominance doesn't stop whenever I remove the leather. Actually I find the acts of surrender and submission to be even more meaningful when they occur outside of the play arena. I seek a dynamic that is fully interwoven with reality and exists in multidimensional splendor. I/we deserve nothing less. I couldn't have said it better!!

MaamJay -> RE: Too Real? (4/1/2008 8:35:05 AM)
Raises hand as another realist! It drives some boys away ... fine, they wouldn't be right for Me anyway. As a sub i live 24/7 with Master in D/s ... that at the moment is very vanilla-flavoured as He is unwell with a prognosis of taking 6 months to a year to get over the nasty viral disease an even nastier mosquito gave Him! Sure it's frustrating, yes i would love to play more ... but real life means that just isn't possible right now. But the love is just as strong. The sub I seek would ultimately live with U/us 24/7 and would have to be just as realistic. I'm talking to one that sounds good ... fingers crossed on that! I want to be a family of 3 ... that shares on multiple levels. As someone else said ... W/we deserve nothing less! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

LaTigresse -> RE: Too Real? (4/1/2008 9:32:19 AM)
That has always been my feeling also. Sure, almost all of them disappear when I refuse to be a kink delivery system. but, that is a GOOD thing! I find out where their head is at right away. Give me 1000 disappearing acts to every serious one that finds my way wonderfully refreshing, any day.

spinntja -> RE: Too Real? (4/1/2008 6:42:59 PM)
Sure, yes, absolutely. I get that on a pretty regular basis. Not that I'm counting, but I've had roughly 47 conversations like this over the past two years: "Oh Goddess, I must serve you absolutely or burst my trousers!!!!!" "OK, tell me how you'd clean the litter boxes; with your tongue?" "Any way you desire, Goddess!" "And with rubber gloves, paper towels, and ajax?" "Surely you jest, oh mistress of my heart!" "Good bye." An insult tends to follow, but I have switched to 'ignore' by then, so I couldn't tell you what they were, exactly. -- SJ

cloudboy -> RE: Too Real? (4/1/2008 10:03:34 PM)
I think the basic ability to connect with another person --- to combine energies, interests, and experiences --- trumps all the BDSM orientation you can have. BDSM, is a just measurement of you sexual compatibility with another --- it is not yardstick for the greater relationship. I think men and women misunderstand things from both ends of the courtship spectrum: guys not understanding that the femdom is really just a woman with all the regular needs a woman has. Women not understanding that the malesub is more than just a plug and play tool into a lifestyle position. A better relationshhip barometer is this: does BDSM excite you both? If yes, check that off. Can each of you discuss a book, song, historical event, or individual past occurance with invested, connected, enthusiasm --- such that when you stop talking --- only then do you realize an hour or two slipped by as if it were just ten minutes.

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: Too Real? (4/1/2008 10:16:45 PM)
Ooof. This thread is so, so spot on for me. After quite a while of being on this and other sites, I felt a cumulative sense of disillusionment. I've backed the fuck off of D/s because I don't seem to find what I want -- friendship and D/s that has room to become a relationship. I wonder to myself if relationship and D/s are compatible when D/s comes first. I wonder if talking about sex/D/s/intimacy before getting to know someone makes someone's brain go to cock and not come back. And I've decided that if I have to choose between seeking a relationship and seeking D/s, that I will go for the former. And then I think, "my god, can I really go without ever having my feet licked again?" I want to know a LOT about the "vanilla" (i.e. the rest of a person) part of someone's life. I adore the richness of getting to know someone. I pretty much don't want to talk about D/s at all for quite a while. Of course, once a submissive man, who has had to spend a loooooooot of attention just to get a domme's attention, starts chatting with me, he wants to talk D/s. That makes sense. I get it. I just don't want to do it right now. Goodness (or maybe badness) knows how I am going to connect with someone this way. At this point, I am way too much reality! (smiling impishly) With most lickable feet, MSS

Pyrrsefanie -> RE: Too Real? (4/1/2008 10:26:23 PM)
I pop people's little dream bubbles on a daily basis. Subby boys (and hey, some girls too) that contact me all too often seem to be living in that fantasy world of "twue submission" that we all hear so much about. I see it as my duty to set them straight about how things would be with me. Miss Lily, I'm with you on the aversion to some of those titles... it just doesn't work for me. Always seems to surprise and upset a lot of submissives, too. Usually I request to be called by my first name instead of Mistress or, heaven forbid, Goddess, and they always seem so unhappy with it! Kind of hurts my feelings, I like my name. [:(] Fantasy worlds can be fun, but not when people are attempting to build their relationships on them.

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Too Real? (4/1/2008 10:32:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor Are you or have you been accused of being too real? Looking too much to reality and the impact of WIITWD when forging a relationship? Dashing too much of the fantasy in an effort to insure that as the dynamic gets embedded and the relationship progresses, lives will grow? That everyone wins? *Has this happened to You? Is this You?* [/quote] It is Me. I don't think I have ever actually been accused of this, but I am sure it is thought of often, and probably one of the things that causes many potentials to go poof. It is one of the reasons I ask for information regarding how they would view a day as a slave to Me. I request this in My profile to be included in a letter of introduction. I have had some very interesting takes on that. [;)] Or it is ignored completely (along with the rest of My requests)! I am always Dominant. I am not Dominant because I am wearing high heels and holding a flogger. I am simply who I am. I look for someone who needs to be submissive to Me whether he is bent over and hanging on or helping Me rearrange the linen closet. We will, in all honestly, be rearranging that linen closet far more than we will be engaged in a BDSM scene. Most of them can't get to that point, which is why I think it is difficult to find good slaves. It is probably easy to be submissive when s/he is getting a fantasy delivered...not so easy when I want to play cards or watch tv. Ya know?

thetammyjo -> RE: Too Real? (4/2/2008 8:16:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHathor Are you or have you been accused of being too real? Looking too much to reality and the impact of WIITWD when forging a relationship? Dashing too much of the fantasy in an effort to insure that as the dynamic gets embedded and the relationship progresses, lives will grow? That everyone wins? *Has this happened to You? Is this You?* Usually that is why someone is scared off of me. This is me, 24/7, I am dominant, I am Fox's owner, we live that 24/7 and it doesn't resemble very many porn or erotica pieces out there. Fantasies are fun and exciting. Living life, that's damned scary.

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