RE: "so, are you collared yet?"

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RE: "so, are you collared yet?" - 3/31/2008 6:21:36 PM

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
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quote:

What bothers me, I guess is the black and white view in which some people take with regards to collaring, they seem to feel that if you are not collared, you are a free agent, no transitionary process, no evolution, no gradual growth. In there minds one day you are flitting around free as a bird and the next day you are placed in that gilded cage.

Omega,

Your problem is one generated by the new free wheeling style of D/s
It used to be that when you were with a"D", not necssarily collared but in a relationship you would reflect that by carrying the capital initials of your "D" after your nick / fact is you can still try it, might get the thrend going again.

Thus you nick would read Omega {S)

CP

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: "so, are you collared yet?" - 4/1/2008 1:15:13 AM

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yes but the BEST emails are the ones that simply say 'collared?'. No salutations or any hint they've actually read your profile. I have received one of these 'collared?' messages despite it clearly stating on my profile that I was with someone. Suffice to say, these messages don't get any form of response. Other than a click of the 'block' button.

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RE: "so, are you collared yet?" - 4/1/2008 1:37:18 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetluxe

yes but the BEST emails are the ones that simply say 'collared?'. No salutations or any hint they've actually read your profile. I have received one of these 'collared?' messages despite it clearly stating on my profile that I was with someone. Suffice to say, these messages don't get any form of response. Other than a click of the 'block' button.

While annoying for you, that actually helps me out. The people sending messages indicating a room temperature IQ are weeding themselves out, which can only have a positive impact on my odds in searching for the right one. I'm impressed that anyone bothers sending a message like that in the first place. I might wonder what they were thinking, but then I of course realize that they weren't. Saves me some trouble there, I really don't want to give myself a headache figuring them out. I'm pretty new to CM but at least i had sense enough to read profiles and attempt a coherent conversation when i messaged anyone. "Collared"? Thats just sad.

(in reply to velvetluxe)

RE: "so, are you collared yet?" - 4/1/2008 2:03:04 AM

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Over the course of about 1 1/2 years, i have heard from a particular Dominant a few times . . . He doesn't go as far as to say, "so, are you collared yet." he simply types, "Collared?" i don't know whether He has a very limited vocabulary or whether He thinks i do -- i know that is tacky. If two people have already exchanged at least one message which consists of a full sentence then maybe a one word message would be okay [depending upon the circumstances], but for someone to write "Collared" just leaves me shaking my head.

(in reply to hydranmenace)

RE: "so, are you collared yet?" - 4/1/2008 6:15:15 AM

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I think I'd have to start a new profile to change the letter after my name, and that's a pain. But maybe it would be worth the hassle, I'll have to think about it.

The "G" doesn't have any special significance, probably never has never will. It's an old user name from another life, another board where me and my friend "AlphaF" would play. We got amusement out of being called the Alpha and the Omega.

ETA-- didn't charlotte just change her name to do just this?

< Message edited by OmegaG -- 4/1/2008 6:16:08 AM >

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to CelticPrince)

RE: "so, are you collared yet?" - 4/1/2008 6:38:32 AM

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Mmmm OmegaG start a post where we can rename you.

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: "so, are you collared yet?" - 4/1/2008 7:01:43 AM

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ahhh, but when you open yourself up to others naming you, you are at the mercy of their perspective and pereferrences.

Though it could be fun, I'll save that for when I'm in attention whore mode.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Dnomyar)

RE: "so, are you collared yet?" - 4/1/2008 8:17:54 AM

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You may be at their mercy but it will give you an ideal of how others see you.

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: "so, are you collared yet?" - 4/1/2008 8:20:12 AM

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If someone messages you with "Collard?" he is running less risk of being reported as spamming. Besides, a one-word spam is so much easier to send out.

pip, un-spammed

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There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: "so, are you collared yet?" - 4/1/2008 8:21:58 AM

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Joined: 12/31/2004
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This is very much like my relationship. I am owned, have been for a while but we have just recently decided to be collared. ( it will hppen this summer)

It was never about being commited to each other and the relationship. It was about how seriously we both take the collar, the responsibitities that go with giving and receiving it. .

The relationship has gone through fire and held up, even growing stronger. If we decided that we could not live up to what we feel is the meaning of being collared,we would still have a relationship We intend for the collar to be final and for life, and while we realize there are no gaurantees, we wanted to give it the best chance of success.

This is the second collaring for both of us, and both long ago. We are into the seventh year of our relationship. It has grown to something fine and strong. It's time.

epiphany

quote:

ORIGINAL: metalmiss

This is something that has been bugging me for a long time & i guess will always bug me. There is no black and white to "collaring" as it very much depends on the people involved as to how seriously it is taken and what exactly it is intended to symbolise.
So many people out there seem to take the fact that a submissive within a relationship isn't collared as an indication that the relationship is not a serious one.
i have lived with my Master for 4 months, the fact that i am not collared is down to the way we view such a thing and the seriousness that we both treat it with, personally to me accepting a collar is a huge commitment.. And i would never even consider accepting His collar until i have had the chance at least to experience all aspects that a poly lifestyle with Him means. Does that make our relationship any less serious? i certainly don't think so..
A collar to me is not a symbol of ownership.. He owns me, there is no question of it.. To me it is more about symbolising that i am secure in my relationship and in it for the long term. Which is a large part of the reason why i have never yet accepted one in my life.

(in reply to metalmiss)

RE: "so, are you collared yet?" - 4/1/2008 8:24:48 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

You may be at their mercy but it will give you an ideal of how others see you.

You mean not everyone just loves me unconditionally?

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Dnomyar)

RE: "so, are you collared yet?" - 4/1/2008 8:59:53 AM

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I am not collared but I am with someone. Rather then put "collar of consideration" why not just say you are in a relationship and not looking for anything or anyone else? Would totally take away the whole misunderstanding thing.

In my case I will be collared when the time comes that we feel we are going to be together for the long haul. Right now we are still learning each other and figuring things out. We are exclusive to each other.

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(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: "so, are you collared yet?" - 4/1/2008 10:13:29 AM

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I never had a collar of condiseration he knew he wanted me right from the fist moment he saw me (his words not mine) there was nothing to condiser. You could just say thanks for your mail but i am not interested i am with someone. Short, polite and to the point.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to akisha)

RE: "so, are you collared yet?" - 4/1/2008 11:04:09 AM

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Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
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had a "so ...you collared yet?" email last week from someone I speak to regularly.... and honestly .. it stopped me in my tracks .. in the same way I do when my Grandmother rather bluntly asks over Christmas lunch .. "so ...married yet?"

I have actually been very pleasantly surprised...Imade some changes recently to my profile that reflect I am no longer looking (at no point do I say I am owned/collared/considered etc) and I have had practically no emails from Doms telling me to "kneel bitch" .. its great ... I can now open my mailbox without having to cover my eyes to hide from the cock pics .... long may it continue!

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to littleone35)

RE: "so, are you collared yet?" - 4/1/2008 12:06:52 PM

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Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
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I don't think it's exclusively the opinion of people who believe in collaring that if you're not collared you're fair game. It goes on in the vanilla world all the time. For example, you and your friends are in a bar having a ladies' night out to celebrate your birthday, and some asshole who won't take the hint that you're not interested will invariably ask you where your man is and point out that he doesn't see a wedding ring on your finger. There is rudeness everywhere you go. However, in a lifestyle supposedly built on trust and respect, I can't figure out why a dom would want a sub who is able to be wooed from her current relationship since she's showing herself to be unable to commit as well as why a sub would be interested in a dom who is essentially a poacher and showing himself to be disrespectful of others and untrustworthy.

If you and your master agree on having 3 collars before you're done, i.e. consideration, training and slave, that's all that matters. Many aren't even aware of such practices as it's an old school thing. I don't think you need to change your profile to suit the ignorant unless you want to write about it in your journal to try to educate them on what it all means.

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I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
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When you're loving me

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: "so, are you collared yet?" - 4/1/2008 12:16:15 PM

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that is the course I decided to take as what is written in my profile is what he decided I should put there.

And you are right, I've heard the "I don't see a ring on your finger" line when I've been out with friends, but I think that in person it's much easier to give them "the look" that makes them run away fast then it is on-line.

And that does remind me of an exceptionally pushy guy that I encountered not long ago when I was out playing pool who had me completely in stitches when he kept telling me that he could give me what I wanted so much better then "my boyfriend". The girl friend that was with me kept looking at him very seriously and telling him that she completely doubted it.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to FlamingRedhead)

RE: "so, are you collared yet?" - 4/1/2008 4:17:06 PM

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Joined: 3/30/2008
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I have never really taken the time to think about what collar mean, or that I am owned. I am not, and still seeking, but now that I have read some of the post's. Find that what the meaning rather then what you have to called. I am still going to say I am uncollar, or unowned, but think what that means, and the symbolism it brings. Thinking about would rather have a collar, then a ring on my finger, funny they ar both round? Does that mean anything!!!!!. Maybe a ring on my nipples, but we are not talking about that, or are we?

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: "so, are you collared yet?" - 4/2/2008 7:54:36 AM

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CelticPrince--

Just had a thought-- one of his names begins with the letter G-- so in a way I inevertently did just what you suggest.

< Message edited by OmegaG -- 4/2/2008 7:55:25 AM >

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to slaveintraning)

RE: "so, are you collared yet?" - 4/2/2008 8:04:04 AM

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Sometimes I just want to type in, Yes, Im Collared, and its cemented on, now leave me the Hell alone!

But, alas, I suppose that would be abrasive and a bit rude.

Its funny, I get hit on in the vanilla wolrd ten times more now that I wear an engagement ring than I ever did before. Is it some primitive, ingrained need of man to steal one man's property from another. (and by man I do not mean male- women do it too)

It almost seems like a game of validation or some such. Look, I took you, Im better. I personally would rather catch a free fish than have to fight for one already on a hook!

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: "so, are you collared yet?" - 4/2/2008 9:16:39 AM

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From: Portland, OR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: underhisthumb

Sometimes I just want to type in, Yes, Im Collared, and its cemented on, now leave me the Hell alone!

But, alas, I suppose that would be abrasive and a bit rude.

Its funny, I get hit on in the vanilla wolrd ten times more now that I wear an engagement ring than I ever did before. Is it some primitive, ingrained need of man to steal one man's property from another. (and by man I do not mean male- women do it too)

It almost seems like a game of validation or some such. Look, I took you, Im better. I personally would rather catch a free fish than have to fight for one already on a hook!

Or, knowing that you're already engaged, maybe they feel relieved that you won't expect them to call you in the morning?

Stephan

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Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to underhisthumb)

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