Disclosure of medical issues

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Disclosure of medical issues

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Health and Safety >> Disclosure of medical issues

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Disclosure of medical issues - 4/1/2008 8:01:02 PM

wideeyedgirl

Posts: 56
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

Im not sure if this should be posted here...or under "ask a sub". Mainly I want to see how others feel about when talking with potential Partners..how much you will disclose about a serious illness?

Mainly I am currently having a flare up of Systemic Lupus (an autoimmune disorder) and acute kidney failure.

This means...(and Im still trying to process all this and do my research) being tired all the time, arthritis, bruise easily, sore joints. This limits my ability to be a submissive and serve . extended bondage times are out. extended periods kneeling, caging, all that..without serious rammifications. Kidney failure means the possibility of dialysis. With a perm port near the clavical. That to..then limits what type of play I can do. Really dont want to pull that little bugger out.

So .. Other than saying "I have some stuff that may be a problem"..should I get into the nitty gritty (the above paragraph basically)? Should i not play at all, and find Someone to focus on the more service aspects of Ds and not so much the play.scenes?

Anyone else deal with something similiar - specially dialysis?. Im curious to hear others experiences and feedback. If not this...how much do you reveal, and when in the 'getting to know you' phase should this happen?

_____________________________

~ " Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou are crunchy and go well with ketchup " ~
My opinions are my own. They do not represent my Owner, or past Trainers unless specifically noted. Flame me only, thanks.

Post #: 1

RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 4/1/2008 8:58:34 PM

lighthearted

Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

my issues aren't as substantial as yours, but I'm of the "full disclosure" mindset, meaning, if I'm serious about a person, I disclose asap. Sir is the same way, and we were with each other.

_____________________________

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to wideeyedgirl)

Post #: 2

RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 4/1/2008 9:04:32 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I am on the other side of the coin, I am Dominant. I have severe arthritis in my hips and spine. I have no qualms about telling anyone, since it is just something they have to deal with. If someone is interested in you and not just the playtime, it wont matter to them what sorts of modifications they make to play so they can accomodate you.
My main limitation, I cannot face sit. I cant hold the position longenough or comfortably enough to get anywhere. I have problems with anything requiring squatting and such, but for the most part in everything else that can be avoided easily. I have to be careful straddling someone, since i might need to shift my entire weight onto them at some point. Lots of little caveats. But, if they are interested in playing with me, they have to acept them.
They make for good weeding tools, on the whole.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to lighthearted)

Post #: 3

RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 4/1/2008 9:18:17 PM

wideeyedgirl

Posts: 56
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

To add: Anyone can msg me on the other side if not wanting to post info for all eyes to read.

DiurnalVampire, I should have phrased it better and asked for both sides to answer. Im all about equal oppertunities. With your arthritis and such, how soon did you share this with potential partners? Since from my understanding face-sitting can be a big .. fetish for some? Do you ever face any frustration with your limitations? As in "big bad Dom/me, and showing pain/discomfort might make me look weak?" And thank you for that addition that if someone is truely interested...the modifications will not be seen as a hassle/hurdle. I guess I just needed reminder :)

Lighthearted - TY. I think you and your Sir are right on the money. Earlier is better.

_____________________________

~ " Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou are crunchy and go well with ketchup " ~
My opinions are my own. They do not represent my Owner, or past Trainers unless specifically noted. Flame me only, thanks.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 4

RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 4/2/2008 9:01:39 PM

DreamyLadySnow

Posts: 359
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline

wideeyed, your issues sound serious enough to me, as a Top, that I would be beyond pissed if you did NOT tell me before we played. We would also never play again after I did find out, because the trust would not be there.
I play with a disabled boy. A Top can work around darn near anything, if they know about it. Not telling leads to a possibility of real harm coming to you, and that's something a good Top does not want to have happen. There's nothing at all wrong with telling a potential play partner the paragraph above. It's information that they need to know.

Just my two cents,

LS

(in reply to wideeyedgirl)

Post #: 5

RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 4/2/2008 9:05:13 PM

mzbehavin

Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline

I wouldnt open with a list of health issues, but if there is chemistry and connection, i would disclose sooner rather than later. Sending healing wishes your way and best of luck to you~

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)

Post #: 6

RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 4/2/2008 9:40:37 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wideeyedgirl

Im not sure if this should be posted here...or under "ask a sub". Mainly I want to see how others feel about when talking with potential Partners..how much you will disclose about a serious illness?

Both you and a potential partner need to feel comfortable with full disclosure. Within the first two or three emails (or IM conversations.. however you work communication out with them), I would inform anyone that there were serious medical issues with which I have to deal and that will impact play and/or service to them. I would then invite them to ask me about them when they felt comfortable to do so. Some people will ask right away, some will just say no, thanks, they don't want to deal and some folks will ask after they get to know you better. Make the offer to disclose, then let them be the ones to accept it.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to wideeyedgirl)

Post #: 7

RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 4/2/2008 10:04:48 PM

TheGorenSociety

Posts: 116
Joined: 2/13/2005
Status: offline

Hello well keep the faith all is not lost.Being the owner of a poly house with real slaves who have severe medical issues more extreme then you, I can a test that it does tend to turn off allot, but just be real and upfront is far better then a Dom getting blind sided or a slave getting blind sided once they commit their person to a situation.in our case I have owned my slaves for a very long time and these issues came up as a result of life.We deal with it and enjoy our life a little differently.Yes it can still work but take a lot of work on both sides. I always ask any new slaves prior to coming into our house or our group of medical related issues, it does not preclude them from serving but may limit their real use and service.Regards GMRTGS

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 8

RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 4/2/2008 10:31:26 PM

underhisthumb

Posts: 32
Joined: 3/19/2008
Status: offline

I have some pretty serious medical issues myself, including Juvenile Diabetes, kideny issues (not to the point of dialysis, yet), and the resulting nerve damage that results from long term Diabetes. I also have a bulged disc in my neck and tachycardia/hypertension- all at 26.

My Master just has to be a tad more creative when it came to our scene play. A task, thank God, He never seems to mind! Although sometimes I feel a twinge of disapointment at not being able to engage in, say, knife play, because of issues with slow healing and infection, He nevertheless helps me strive to see the beauty in what I CAN do. We also are learning more and more to focus on balancing out the M/s and D/s side of our relationship. He has also had to accept that being with me for the long haul means hospital stays, caring for the kiddos alone, medical debt, and me sometimes being an utter bitch on days I don't feel well. But hey- its what ya do for love, ya know?

I think the other advice given here is sound, especially that of Celeste. Once you sense a real connection with someone, I would simply say "hey I have some pretty serious medical issues". Then let them take the lead. If they want to know more, be honest and upfront. The perfect one for you will not only be able to see past whatever physical ailments you may have, but also help you find ways to accept them and still scene together, in my opinion. A person is about his or her's values beliefs, hopes, dreams mind, heart, and soul- not whether they have 2 arms and 2 legs or half a nose or a disorder such as yours or mine.

Keep faith! If you ever need someone to chat with about all the ins and outs of an autoimmune disorder (which Diabetes is slowly being recognized as), feel free to email me on here.

Best wishes, and blessed be!!!

(in reply to TheGorenSociety)

Post #: 9

RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 4/3/2008 12:37:45 AM

TwistedLeather

Posts: 189
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline

A family member of mine has Lupus, so i understand the affects it can have on your body, and your life. i have my own problems, the least of which starts with optical migraines. i'm very open about them, from the start. i don't exactly say "oh, before we get to know each other, you should know..." i'm just very honest while i'm talking to them from the start. If i start to black out, or the room starts spinning, i will flat out tell them "i need to go lay down for a few and make the world stop spinning." When i return, if they're still around, or want to continue talking, it generally comes up... "feeling better?" Yeah, i just get these optical migraines from time to time... and that sometimes is enough to start an all out conversation on the topic of health and issues. Let's face it, no one's perfect. We all have our problems. i have my inventory, and i have yet to meet someone who didn't have SOMETHING that needed to be taken into consideration.

It's just all a part of that whole open communication thing. W/we make exceptions where they need to be made, and deal with what needs to be dealt with, and my Owner and i have a wonderful, healthy and happy relationship. It's just like one of my daughter's being allergic to milk, and two with asthma problems. Been dealing with them for so long we don't give them a second thought anymore!

_____________________________

Wishing you lots of whacks and giggles!

www.americantwistedleather.com

(in reply to underhisthumb)

Post #: 10

RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 4/3/2008 12:47:12 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

Tis the middle of the night for me (senile cat forgets she eats, so wants food every freaking 2 hours at night) so this will be brief lolI've lupus, fibro, tmj and other stuff. I put it in my profile so it is out there and easy found. If I connect and they don't know, yes I do tell on the first meet otherwise I feel like I'm lying. It has never freaked anyone out but there are times I have to explain it all in detail because they are unfamiliar with what it all means. Ahhh kitty fed, back to sleep.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to wideeyedgirl)

Post #: 11

RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 4/4/2008 4:36:23 AM

Rayne58

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wideeyedgirl

Anyone else deal with something similiar - specially dialysis?. Im curious to hear others experiences and feedback. If not this...how much do you reveal, and when in the 'getting to know you' phase should this happen?

When Sir and I met online nearly 5 years ago, He was on peritoneal dialysis at home. He also has Type 1 diabetes and various other health issues including arthritis and is Hep C positive (but has had no problems with that in over 20 years). He is currently on haemodialysis due to repeated bouts of peritonitis, and we are in the process of waiting for a new fistula to mature so that we may hopefully go back to dialysing at home.

He disclosed everything to me when we first began chatting, so that I could make an informed choice about whether or not to develop a relationship. I googled, I asked questions (and was actively encouraged to do so), so that when we met face to face I wasn't upset or fazed by the catheter in His tummy or the machine that kept Him alive. He actually had a hypo three days in to my visit that I had to call an ambulance for (and several that I managed to treat myself) - talk about a crash course in diabetic management!

Our play is adapted to how He is feeling from day to day. You will have to do more research to see how your problems will affect your ability to be involved in certain aspects of the lifestyle, but there are many things that you WILL be able to do, so focus on those rather than those you can't do. "Play scenes" are not all that's involved in a D/s lifestyle. A clever and resourceful Dominant will be able to challenge you mentally if not physically

If you click on my profile, you will see a pic of Sir (nevershyau) attached to His machine (affectionately called The Mistress

)

(in reply to wideeyedgirl)

Post #: 12

RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 4/4/2008 7:22:04 AM

Phoenix2raven

Posts: 347
Joined: 10/14/2006
Status: offline

Any partner I've ever dated or had a committed relationship with really needed to know about my whole person. Not including that I have issues that affect play would be dishonest and dangerous. Even though I'm a dominant I have a foot fetish that is insatiable. With out letting the person know that my back is injured I would never be able to enjoy those lovely toes lol. So honesty for me is a critical factor simply because if you were to not tell me and we had a good connection then say something went wrong during a scene I would call that a potential deal breaker. The only exemption to this rule is in the very early stages of getting to know a person. I'm not going to just dump all of it all at once. That would be tactless and foolish

< Message edited by Phoenix2raven -- 4/4/2008 7:31:19 AM >

_____________________________

If you're a Dominate, are you looking for a sublimate?

(in reply to Rayne58)

Post #: 13

RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 4/5/2008 5:48:37 AM

MadameXTC

Posts: 96
Joined: 9/30/2004
Status: offline

I think that I am a very health conscious person. I would want to know anything that could potentially cause harm to the person that I am playing with. I believe everyone has a health issue to some extent and it is much easier and safer for everyone if both parties knew about health related stuff before play took place. I always throw in health questions with limit questions when I talk to someone about play. "What are your limits?" "Do you have any worries or concerns about any type of play and the effects of your health in that scenerio?" Take me for example.. I think I am a pretty healthy individual but I have asthma. I have had several asthma attacks during scenes within the 10 years I have been in the lifestyle. When my Dominant and I are discussing scenes with other people we always throw in the safety with hoods and gags because of my asthma. The fact that intense play sometimes triggers an attack and safety words or cues to stop the scene if we need to. We also make sure we know where an inhaler is located at all times.. Although sometimes I have been the bad one and could not find where I laid it last. Things happen and it's best if those who are around you know how to react to treat what is going on at that moment. You just have to make sure the person you are playing with/ telling is trustworthy and looking out for your best interest not theirs. Hopefully you run into a Dominant who takes into account a partners health is as important as ones own.Some may shy away, It can not only be scary for the person who has the medical problem, but for the people around them as well. Education is the best thing for talking to people. If they are not willing to learn about how to treat you within a scene based on medical problems then they are not worth your time in the long run. It is hard to find someone willing to adjust to health problems, but it is not a good situation to be in to play with someone who is in the dark about what is going on.
Good Luck..
ps.. there are people who are medical professionals in the lifestyle as well who may be more comfortable playing with someone in your situation- I think if a person feels they can respond to a problem they are not so hesitant about being in a situation where they have to work around medical issues

(in reply to Phoenix2raven)

Post #: 14

RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 12/6/2008 5:34:03 AM

Dralorsgirl

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/14/2008
Status: offline

i made the mistake before of trying to hide my health and mental health issues, it DOESNT work. ever since it's been my strict polocy to make sure they are informed as to what they are getting into. my Master still insisted he wanted me as his girl, lol go figure.
i do want to say, the reason i had hidden things to begin with was i felt guilty i might not be able to serve 100%
Dralorsgirl
piecesofhisgirl

_____________________________

A riding crop and a blindfold doesn't make it BDSM. There is a big difference between being kinky and being in the scene. It's not a sexual thing to me, it's a very spiritual thing.
~ DominaBlue

(in reply to MadameXTC)

Post #: 15

RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 12/13/2008 6:21:21 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Excuse me, but you do NOT have to do bondage or be caged at all or for any length of time, nor do you have to kneel, to be a submissive or serve your dominant.

As for your other question I would lay it all out up front on your profile, just accept the fact it may rule you out from some doms finding you a possible criteria to them, but that's their right to exclude someone with health issues from their search.

quote:

ORIGINAL: wideeyedgirl

Im not sure if this should be posted here...or under "ask a sub". Mainly I want to see how others feel about when talking with potential Partners..how much you will disclose about a serious illness?

Mainly I am currently having a flare up of Systemic Lupus (an autoimmune disorder) and acute kidney failure.

This means...(and Im still trying to process all this and do my research) being tired all the time, arthritis, bruise easily, sore joints. This limits my ability to be a submissive and serve . extended bondage times are out. extended periods kneeling, caging, all that..without serious rammifications. Kidney failure means the possibility of dialysis. With a perm port near the clavical. That to..then limits what type of play I can do. Really dont want to pull that little bugger out.

So .. Other than saying "I have some stuff that may be a problem"..should I get into the nitty gritty (the above paragraph basically)? Should i not play at all, and find Someone to focus on the more service aspects of Ds and not so much the play.scenes?

Anyone else deal with something similiar - specially dialysis?. Im curious to hear others experiences and feedback. If not this...how much do you reveal, and when in the 'getting to know you' phase should this happen?

(in reply to wideeyedgirl)

Post #: 16

RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 12/15/2008 4:46:45 AM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

Personally I think it is better to get any kind of physical limitation out right a way because some Doms have certain interest they may want in a relationship .. for example if they are a sadist ..then they are likely seeking a partner who can handle impact play.. if you wait 2 weeks before divulging or after a couple meets.. then you have just wasted their time that they could have spent searching for someone more compatible for them.. Also serious illnesses make some people very ill at ease..it makes them very uncomfortable they worry they may say or do the wrong so they want to avoid people who have serious illnesses

I have very severe issues ... lung cancer, heart problems and a severe arthritis and I had included in my profile in my journal .. though had listed i was not searching ... a particular dom ended up reading my profile.. he had went thru open heart surgery a few years ago.. so knows from his owns experiences a bit of what I am about to go thru..and he was also alone when he went thru it .. he contacted me letting me know that he was interested in a possible relationship but was willing to accept nothing more than friendship if that was what I wanted ... so I have dicussed the nature of my illnesses including what the cancer survival are and the fact that i may be left with only one lung... at the time the arthritis dx was one of the more severe types ..but since then the DX type has changed, and is not going to be as severe ...but even when we thought is was to be the worst type he is willing to accept me as is as his sub.. knowing we would have a lot of issues to work around ..as well he knows I have a very long recovery ahead of me and to him it is not an issue he is willing to wait... we have been involved now getting to know each other for a month.

I would not want to let someone get emotionally interested first and then spring all these health issues on them.. because to me that is being dishonest.. and not everyone can handle being involved with someone that has serious health issue I would rather they have all the bad upfront and let them decide if the want to proceed

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 17

RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 12/15/2008 4:53:57 AM

MissIsis

Posts: 473
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline

I am all for disclosure early on. Some people aren't comfortable with certain issues. Other's won't be bothered with them. I think it is important no matter whether you are submissive or dominant. It is always good to let people know before either of you gets invested in the other, so neither of you are disappointed later on. Play can always be adjusted. No matter what your disability is, most of the time, you & your dominant can figure out a way for you to serve.

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 18

RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 12/15/2008 7:40:18 AM

bdaile

Posts: 69
Joined: 12/8/2008
Status: offline

I think it's important to disclose your health issues before getting into a relationship with anyone, even just a vanilla one. Though I don't have physical problems, I do have some mental health issues. In the past I've been very secretive about them, not even telling my family and close friends, because I felt that admitting my depression was like admitting that I was a failure. However, this made my relationships very strained and they never lasted long. The men I was with couldn't understand what was wrong with me, and I wasn't willing to tell them, and so they felt that it was something to do with them. This made us both miserable. I am now much more open about my problems and my desire to overcome them, and believe that this will lead to happier relationships in the future.

While I understand that your problems are very serious, you will find someone who is willing to accept that and be with you. And if the person you're interested in doesn't....well, they weren't really the right person for you after all, now where they?

_____________________________

~brittany~

(in reply to MissIsis)

Post #: 19

RE: Disclosure of medical issues - 12/15/2008 11:45:20 AM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

i have to disclose. i have nerve damage in (among other places) my back. one miscalculation on where the flogger is gonna hit and i'm in muscle spasm and hysterical tears. and it doesnt matter *how* hard the hit is, some days i can barely stand my clothes touching me!

i have some emotional issues due to past abuse. no fun in flashbacks. its kinder to *both* of us for me to say "these are things i struggle with daily" and let him decide if i'm still worth pursuing than to let him find out the hard way. the ones that decide not to pursue me? i wish them well, honestly. i *know* i'm a handful to deal with.

kitten

(in reply to bdaile)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Health and Safety >> Disclosure of medical issues

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094