Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visit a sub?

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Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visit a ... - 4/2/2008 7:36:20 AM

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Hey guys. I've been talking to a sub online for about a month now and we get along very well and share a lot of the same interests. Only thing is, she lives in the US, I live in Ireland. I've had a terrible time finding subs locally. Used to attend munches but the munch group fell apart.

So, I have the money and the time to go to the US and visit this girl and see how things go. But my concerns are obvious. 1) How do I know she isn't all talk and won't be completely different in real life? 2) Is it safe to go abroad to a place where no one knows you to meet up with a perfect stranger who could very well be tricking you? 3) The most important thing I'm looking for is a long term relationship, and I don't see that happening with this case unless one of us immigrated.

Do you guys have experiences of going to foreign countries to meet someone you know online? What advice would you have? One other thing, I remember talking to a sub that lived in the same area online, and we got along and after a couple of weeks agreed to meet up. I had her number, set a date and time and place, and she never showed. After that, she wouldn't answer my calls or texts or talk to me online to even explain why she didn't turn up. So going abroad, there's an even greater risk of disappointment.

RE: Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visi... - 4/2/2008 7:43:15 AM

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I have huge experience of international LDR.

I would say that one month is not long enough. If I were you I would wait until at least six months had elapsed before deciding to make the trip. I waited two years.

And don't call me cautious: I'm completely insane (see: the international LDR thing).

< Message edited by kittinSol -- 4/2/2008 7:44:28 AM >

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RE: Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visi... - 4/2/2008 7:50:24 AM

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I would keep looking for someone closer, I normally don't talk with someone unless they are within a few hundard miles.

Mike

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RE: Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visi... - 4/2/2008 7:53:13 AM

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It is the same risk as you faced before but just a greater distance.

What I would suggest is don't go over there just to see her. Make your plans to go over and visit that part of the states, thats is plan A.... if she turns up then follow plan B.... if she does let you down, at least you have had a nice holiday.

I did something similar about 12 years ago with a young lady in St.Louis.... plan A would have had Me at a nice little hotel for a couple of weeks touring the local area with My camera and I had an option on an early flight after 2 weeks. As it was she didn't let Me down and I was over there for 7 weeks (but there proved not to be the potential for anything longer term)

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RE: Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visi... - 4/2/2008 7:55:20 AM

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Trust me, the geographical distance gamble can pay off :-) .

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RE: Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visi... - 4/2/2008 8:18:59 AM

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You have two things going in your favor: 1) You're a man, and 2) You're the dominant. It can be much more frightening for a woman, especially a submissive, to meet a man for the first time. One is simply the strength issue; it is easier for a man to overpower a woman. The second likes in the emotional issue of how submissive to act immediately.

If you decide to do this, for the comfort of both of you, I would suggest that you meet in a public place - say for dinner - first, with no guarantee of a session to immediately follow. That way you can get to know each other better, not immediately assuming your roles, and see if there is any chemistry. If things work out great then there is no problem. If it turns out that she's been using someone else's photo you'll know and not be stuck with someone who appears to be one thing in email but quite another in real life.

I totally agree with the others that have said that you should have other things planned in case it doesn't work out. Choose some local attractions to visit, or do something tied in with a favorite hobby. Plan on enjoying yourself whether she shows up or not, or whether things really click. That way, no matter what happens, you won't feel that your time has been wasted.

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RE: Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visi... - 4/2/2008 8:24:18 AM

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Personally, I'm of this mindset that if you can find someone 10,000 or 3000 miles away.. its likely you can probably do it 30 or 300 -- a bit more manageable for the most part...

that's my take... I know others think differently... its paid off for me...

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RE: Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visi... - 4/2/2008 8:35:40 AM

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Well there just isn't much of a scene here. I've been looking for a while and anything locally ends in disappointment. When I search "Ireland" on the site, not a lot of profiles pop up.

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RE: Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visi... - 4/2/2008 8:39:48 AM

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If this site is the only place you're looking then yes, I can see where you'd not likely find someone.

Get out -- find something, anything locally, even if you have to travel to a bigger city (didn't check where you live) and even London... I go all over the country here for events and such...

if this is your only outlet, then yes, you'll be disappointed... if you were looking for a vanilla partner, you wouldn't stick to just one website, would you?

(in reply to KaineD)

RE: Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visi... - 4/2/2008 8:39:55 AM

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If you're willing and able to Travel to Dublin, there are active munches (also munches in Cork, but they might just be tad too far out for you :) ) and there is a regular fetish/bdsm event in Dublin as well (nimhneach: www.fetish.ie will give you the info)

I know there is a scary shortfall of Male Dominants in Ireland, so I'm sure you'd be more then welcome. Bring all your Male Dominant friends too :)

As for the travel, I would give it a bit longer, also speak on the phone. And if you do travel see if you can combine it with a holiday or something.

Good Luck,

eireann

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RE: Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visi... - 4/2/2008 8:41:29 AM

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while it might only be pros... a search of ireland+bdsm does bring up quite a bit in google, including an event in Dublin... take a look beyond CM.. this is a small pond

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RE: Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visi... - 4/2/2008 8:43:28 AM

MichiganHeadmast

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If you have the resources and feel adventurous, go for it. Just have a "Plan B." There's lots to see here.

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RE: Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visi... - 4/2/2008 8:45:00 AM

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oh, nearly forgot about the bdsmireland yahoo group (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/bdsmireland) , with local people (also some Belfast) and information on the munches etc.

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RE: Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visi... - 4/2/2008 9:05:00 AM

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3) he probably has a wicked cool Irish accent.

Were I in here shoes I'd want to go to Ireland, but I want to do that anyway.

If I were him and decided to come to the US, I'd check out the sights in the area he's going to, talk to others in that area so that he might meet them on a friendship basis when he's here and plan other things besides just meeting this one woman. That way if she's a no show or if there is no chemistry he can still enjoy himself.

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RE: Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visi... - 4/2/2008 10:22:44 AM

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Kaine,

having been to the olsod many times, I understand the closet D/s in ireland. Not a problem with the visit....... after more then six months or more, do some on line sceneing, phone calls etc, then see if the magic is still there.

CP

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RE: Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visi... - 4/2/2008 12:11:10 PM

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Some suggestions. Stay at a place on your own.. hotel. Rent your own car so you are not dependant upon anyone else (especially if you don't click with her). That also helps with personal safety, if you do get together you can do it in the hotel. Make sure that you have other things to do while visiting, again just in case. Make it a trip to see things as well as meet someone. If you haven't traveled internationally before there are typical safety things. Stuff like making copies of your passport, drivers license, credit cards, itinerary etc. I always keep a paper copy of that in my pocket when traveling, and give a copy to a trusted friend/family member. Set up times that you check in and make sure to update changes in hotels or location. Travelling is a blast and I have had a bunch of people I met online come stay with me for visits, nothing bad ever happened but I'd also been speaking with them for months if not years.

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RE: Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visi... - 4/2/2008 1:56:17 PM

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KaineD,

I don't envy your position.

Here is the deal If you Visit the States, VISIT THE STATES. Get your OWN car, get your OWN Hotel, get your OWN plans. Then Invite her to join you in them. That way if she is a flake you still got to visit the states and have a US Vacation.

I think if you two are serious that you should throw caution to the wind just be prepared for heartache and failure. However if it works Bless your Blarney that you met and Got started early. Some people will disagree but in my opinion you said youu have the money and you have the ability to visit in this is the case .....

TALK TO HER !!!!! Make Plans. ask her if she is comfortable and really wanted this. Hopefully you guys have moved beyond computer screens and talk on the phone or have web cam'd with one another. I hope that you have written PAPER letters to one nother because these things show the amount of commitmenmt the other person has. This Goes for BOTH sides Dom and sub if you get an excuse as to why some of this isn't possible then that is a sign to hold your jets. There is no reason that a commited relationhsip cannot make the sacrafice to do these things. Unless there is a secret you don't know about yet.... like He-She's and Marriage.

I say Jump in head first, Just check for Water before you do. and maybe make sure you know how to swim.

Cheers Bro.

'Éirinn go Brágh'

As Always

Steel (a fellow McC)

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RE: Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visi... - 4/2/2008 2:05:04 PM

obis

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quote:

ORIGINAL: eireann
I know there is a scary shortfall of Male Dominants in Ireland, so I'm sure you'd be more then welcome. Bring all your Male Dominant friends too :)

Wow, really? I think I know where my next vacation will be :) Maybe we could set up some sort of exchange program -- it's a shame there's no place on Earth where an American accent is considered sexy, but you Irish lasses will have no trouble getting some attention!

As for the trip, I agree with the others. In general, you're young and have some time and money, so why not? You could do worse things than waste a couple weeks on vacation in a new place. The dollar sucks right now so this is an ideal time to visit if you ever had the desire. But don't do it just to meet the girl, do it as an adventure and trip to see the states, and if things work out with her that's just a bonus. Have your own lodging and transportation worked out -- if she winds up staying in your bed and you turn in your rental car early, that's a lot easier to deal with than if you're planning on staying with her and have to try and find other arrangements at the last minute because things don't work out.

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RE: Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visi... - 4/2/2008 5:12:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: eireann

I know there is a scary shortfall of Male Dominants in Ireland, so I'm sure you'd be more then welcome. Bring all your Male Dominant friends too :)

Almost enough to make me want to come back to Ireland... if business weren't so good here...

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RE: Would you guys think it's okay to go abroad to visi... - 4/2/2008 5:55:31 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: eireann

If you're willing and able to Travel to Dublin, there are active munches (also munches in Cork, but they might just be tad too far out for you :) ) and there is a regular fetish/bdsm event in Dublin as well (nimhneach: www.fetish.ie will give you the info)

I know there is a scary shortfall of Male Dominants in Ireland, so I'm sure you'd be more then welcome. Bring all your Male Dominant friends too :)

As for the travel, I would give it a bit longer, also speak on the phone. And if you do travel see if you can combine it with a holiday or something.

Good Luck,

eireann

Oh thanks for that! I'll certainly look into that, and I joined that yahoo group. Brilliant! Maybe I'll get to meet some new people then.

(in reply to eireann)

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