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'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders - 4/2/2008 7:58:35 PM

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I have chosen "Switch", because that is the best match for how I self-identify.

I am 'outside of' bdsm, but have been drawn here from interest in 'kink'.

I have, from time to time, had my inflated sense of 'unique self' punctured,
upon discovering that I was not so very unique as my ego would have preferred.

I have opened this thread with hopes of diluting
the criticisms aimed at those who opt for "switch" as their self-identification.

Life is for learning :)

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RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders - 4/2/2008 10:19:53 PM

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
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Some people shall form thier own views of people upon a first meeting , the term Switch is easily relatable and a much faster explanation .When i have in the past been asked for example are you a bottom ?i respond to some .Are your a Master ?I say not by self entitlement nor have i ever forced another to call me that .So then your a Top ?I have Topped some i shared positive energy with that wish to explore a path .But then i saw you being a submissive to a Domme Yes again to those i can have that pos energy , and can share a great bdsm exchange with that is true .Then i get ooh so your a Switch .Yes and no i prefer to say i am just me .
Unless i would just like to cut the convo short for a simple explanation then i say Yes i am a Switch .
Although i also say i am always striving to learn and grow daily .
I have Many kinks , bdsm , D/s ,and fetishes which can go into further depths and classification s for even further definitions .Yet depending on who i am speaking with also determines how in depth the dictionary gets used .
Unique and diversity can be a great thing .And what you see as your uniqueness other may agree and still others may see it as normal even tame as they view it . In the end its your path to follow discover and do what calls to you and makes you happy .
best wishes upon your journey .

(in reply to kiyari)

RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders - 4/2/2008 11:12:49 PM

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Thankee for your comments.

What I find myself up against more often than not,
is presumption that I have an interest in 'power exchange', which I do not.

I am in this wise, not a 'twue' switch, apparently.

_____________________________

Black Water Dragon

(in reply to azropedntied)

RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders - 4/3/2008 12:57:59 AM

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
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funny how others presumptions and how they may view or perceive you or others can and do end up wrong .Maybe its wishful thinking on their part which could be flattering though they are wrong .Given the chance to know you removes the guess work .
I always find this is a life long journey and a long path .

(in reply to kiyari)

RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders - 4/3/2008 8:42:40 AM

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Joined: 3/5/2008
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I chose to label myself a switch because I didn't want to lie to anyone. My mother raised me to be honest with myself and others. Some people make me want to submit, others make me want to make them submit. Sometimes it's the day of the week and just how I'm feeling that day, sometimes it's just the way the relationship works.

Right now my partner identifies mostly as a dominate. He's also new to the scene and we're working out the dynamics of our relationship which was a non-BDSM focused one before it came up in discussion. I think in the long run we're going to end up being a switch-switch pairing, with him leaning towards dominance.

I don't think we'd be happy any other way. My view has always been that people should do benefits them and their loved ones instead of worrying about the labels that go along with that.

Your strict D/S doesn't work for me, but that doesn't mean I'm going to like you as a person any less.

Quite sincerely,
Sybil

(in reply to azropedntied)

RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders - 4/3/2008 8:50:26 AM

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Joined: 3/19/2008
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I identify as a switch because well, I tend to want to submit to men and be dominant with women. In fact, I have a couple of men ask me to top them, and while I can lend myself tot he BDSM side of it and wield a flogger or tie up their cocks, I cannot really feel any true power over them. There is no true M/s or D/s element for me, even when they are licking my boots and Im telling them what pathetic little boys they are. For me it is all a perfomance. It just doesn't "mesh" with who I am, if you will. Someone once told me that would make me the perfect pro Domina, but I dont know.

Women however, for some reason I almost always tend to find myself needing the power exchange and flow with me as the dominant being. Dont get me wrong, I can be topped by a woman, especially at Master's command. But I guess the more natural state for me is to want to be the one in control and not vice versa.

I dont think that probablly helps any, but thats where I identify myself.

(in reply to Catilicious)

RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders - 6/5/2008 11:15:50 AM

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I personally think it's all about attitude from the other "party/parties" involved. Certain people make me want to look into their eyes while kneeling in front of me. Others make my knees so weak, I can barely kneel straight, (case in point: Monica Bellucci during Matrix Reloaded). Man, I would've gotten on my knees right there in the theaters if she even slightly hinted to that. But there are many people (especially those new to the scene) who want to know what it's like to be a submissive, and to fulfill their sense of curiosity, I tend to take a more direct/active/dominant role (to those are are interested in learning about the physical/mental aspect).

I summation, I am what I am, Dominant to most, submissive to others. And I sleep very well at night being honest to myself.

P.S. underhisthumb--it could be more of a social reasoning why you feel that way to men and women. Perhaps in some odd way, your need to submit to men has transcended over the to think that women should be "controlled" and thus, you fulfill that position in the absence of a man? Just playing Devil's Advocate. I don't honestly believe that, but it's possible. Which is why D/s relationships are so different from one another in dynamic and rules. We all have different kinks and many of us have been abused in certain ways (in the past) that have lended to the fact that we yearn for such abuse to feel "right" about ourselves.

(in reply to underhisthumb)

RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders - 6/5/2008 2:59:04 PM

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Honestly, I identify as a switch because that is how I was taught. I came up in a community where being a switch was acceptable and a lot of people did. Once I became aware of the world outside of that little community, I started to become aware of a lot of people who seemed to have difficulty with the concept. Then again, I occasionally bump into people who think that only one gender or the other should be dominant. As long as they don't get on my case for doing things differently, it dosen't bother me much. Still, I can't really comprehend being a monosexual. It seems to terribly constrained, being one thing your entire life, never giving yourself room to grow, never opening yourself up to possibilities.

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Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to Celeres)

RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders - 6/5/2008 8:06:30 PM

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I choose switch because sometimes I like to tie someone up and sometimes I like to be the one under the ropes.

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"Science is a lot like sex. Sometimes something useful comes of it, but that's not the reason we're doing it." (Richard Feynman)

Blog: http://antidomme.sensualwriter.com

(in reply to kiyari)

RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders - 6/13/2008 4:01:07 AM

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it would be good if there was an option for "unsure"

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RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders - 6/13/2008 11:00:46 AM

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Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
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Its always best just to be yourself , if the Switch tag works then kewl use it , i guess that is the closest thing that seems to fit with me , besides checking most every box on the questionare ." __X__ Most of the above " best suits it for me ..

(in reply to Asherdelampyr)

RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders - 6/13/2008 11:19:50 AM

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Hey you!

Having ones ego deflated in NOT a bad thing!

Many need to come back to....reality at times. I am included in that...*many*...

The moment I consider myself *unique or...special*, as some do... because of my *preference* as to which box I check...here..I may be in...trouble, in more than one....area.

It is what it is...

Not my problem what others think about...*it*...

Good to see ya still around...

(in reply to kiyari)

RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders - 6/13/2008 11:22:30 AM

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Suleiman, I completely agree with you on that one.................I mean it's cool someone decides thats best for them, but it ain't for me!

btw, Suleiman, you seemed to disapear for a while, how ya doing?

I have on occasion using the times where my ego has taken a blow, as time for some growth. Sometimes ya gotta wonder, How susceptable is my ego to be blown apart?

*smiles* ya'all have a blessed day!

< Message edited by LadyLynx -- 6/13/2008 11:24:59 AM >

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to azropedntied)

RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders - 6/13/2008 11:56:50 AM

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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Unfortunately a lot of times those who opt for switch dont have any idea what is on either side of the whip and want to try it all. I think they are more "kinky" than "switch" becasue they dont enjoy one role or the other, just want to play with whatever happens. That isnt an option, though, nor is unsure. The label of switch, though, encompases so many different perutations of what people like, from fluid transitions withina single relationship to Dom to some and sub to others... that youa re always going to have preconvieved notions based on someones experience.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
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VampiresLair

(in reply to LadyLynx)

RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders - 6/13/2008 1:14:02 PM

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From: Darlington, United Kingdom
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Whilst I see what you're saying DV I don't think that there's anymore a hard and fast answer to why someone identifies as switch than there is any other label.

Each person 'best fit' for their perception of themselves - that's how self-identification works, whether BDSM related or whether it's from other possible identities. The taking up of an identity position is a process that's studied a lot in psychology and there's a lot of argument about whether one selects from the possible identities available and grows into that identity or whether one has an identity and merely utilises the identity position label that most accurately describes the personality traits identified in the individual.

For me personally identifying as a switch came out of the realisation after my first ever BDSM relationship that when I was with my subsequent partner I didn't want to be on the bottom and that we'd naturally formed a relationship where I was on top before we'd even discussed playing. From the first time we played together it was clear that not only was it comfortable for me to dominate in that relationship I really wouldn't have felt comfortable in the same role as I'd had in my first. A bit of head scratching, reading, talking to other people later (as I had no idea that there even was the concept of switch at that point - I was a know nothing 19 yr old at the time) I adopted the label switch and felt much more comfortable than trying to explain I was submissive and dominant......

Oh hell- who the heck knows.... the only thing that really gets me is having to defend the way I am because some other people perceive being switch as not yet decided or somehow conflicted or no being honest with myself. In common with being bisexual being dismissed as not confident enough to be gay (yes people have said that to me!) or greedy or a fashion statement. I like all sorts of things, I like doing all sorts of things with all sorts of people..... I don't actually see any of that as bad.....

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders - 6/17/2008 6:38:57 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr

it would be good if there was an option for "unsure"

I wholeheartedly agree.

I choose switch because, well, I am and do and love every moment of it.

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D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to Asherdelampyr)

RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders - 6/17/2008 10:42:00 PM

Posts: 631
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr

it would be good if there was an option for "unsure"

I am thinking, that it might be useful,
for 'Switch' to have sub-qualifiers,
along the lines of ~

> Inclined towards: Sub/Bottom

> Inclined towards: Top/Domly

> Genuinely Libertine...err, Neutral.

Yanno, like in D&D:

Good-neutral, Pure-neutral, Chaotic-neutral

I often chose Druid *grins*

_____________________________

Black Water Dragon

(in reply to Asherdelampyr)

RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders - 6/20/2008 10:36:31 PM

WhisperSupremacy

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Joined: 4/7/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Deliena

Each person 'best fit' for their perception of themselves - that's how self-identification works, whether BDSM related or whether it's from other possible identities. The taking up of an identity position is a process that's studied a lot in psychology and there's a lot of argument about whether one selects from the possible identities available and grows into that identity or whether one has an identity and merely utilises the identity position label that most accurately describes the personality traits identified in the individual.

For me personally identifying as a switch came out of the realisation after my first ever BDSM relationship that when I was with my subsequent partner I didn't want to be on the bottom and that we'd naturally formed a relationship where I was on top before we'd even discussed playing. From the first time we played together it was clear that not only was it comfortable for me to dominate in that relationship I really wouldn't have felt comfortable in the same role as I'd had in my first. A bit of head scratching, reading, talking to other people later (as I had no idea that there even was the concept of switch at that point - I was a know nothing 19 yr old at the time) I adopted the label switch and felt much more comfortable than trying to explain I was submissive and dominant......

My thoughts exactly. For me, leading the switch role under many situations is almost like a split personality to me. The fullfillment of certain emotions is important for me, and in many ways, naturally makes up who I am. I don't know how or why. All I can say is, I am who I am. But when I became involved in bdsm,...I saw sides of myself I never really tapped into, and found that there are so many emotions that make up myself as a person. Within this multitude of passion I yearned for both sides...that's how I realized I was a switch.

(in reply to Deliena)

RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders - 6/28/2008 9:24:55 AM

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I'm used to being considered "easy", "a poser", and all of the other negatives that people associate with us Switchy people.

I don't switch because it gives me a higher chance of participating in the lifestyle- the negative opinions towards switches would seem to negate that from happening.

I don't switch because I like being able to brag that I can do it all- I can't. I'm a very good submissive, and I'm learning more in the dominant role, but I'm expert at neither- this seems to also hinder finding someone.

I don't switch because it's easier than choosing a committed role. It's not- it's harder. I once believed I was submissive only. I got it. It was lovely, and uncomplicated... and then someone put herself at my feet- saw in me the strength to govern her.. and through her submission to me, and my own explorations into the side of me that can dominate, I discovered a love for the Domme role as well. It's confusing. It's frustrating. It can cause meltdowns from time to time. It hinders relationships that want monogamy- because both sides of my nature want to be fulfilled.

I switch because it is who I am. That's it.

(in reply to kiyari)

RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders - 6/28/2008 12:59:04 PM

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Joined: 2/15/2008
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Generally, if someone will make such assumptions about you, you don't really want them around anyway. ;-)

(in reply to JadeGeisha)

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