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Needs - 10/6/2005 2:36:17 AM   
subversiveone


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
Status: offline 		How do Y/you communicate that needs are not getting met in the relationship?
Do you play games like leaving notes or dropping hints? Do you (for sexual needs) try to make yourself more desirable? How aggressive do you pursue it? Do you have some elaborate meeting or do you find it easier to just chat over coffee? over the knee/bench? ;)

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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 2:39:48 AM   
ElektraUkM


Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline 		I tell him I need to talk, and when he's ready to talk, I tell him how I'm feeling. He's very receptive, which is just as well, since I have always found it difficult to express my needs. But we've built up some trust between us now which means that it really is as simple as it sounds.

~ Elektra

< Message edited by ElektraUkM -- 10/6/2005 2:40:46 AM >

(in reply to subversiveone)
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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 2:41:53 AM   
ownedjulia


Posts: 218
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ElektraUkM

I tell him I need to talk, and when he's ready to talk, I tell him how I'm feeling. He's very receptive, which is just as well, since I have always found it difficult to express my needs. W
But we've built up some trust between us now which means that it really is as simple as it sounds.

~ Elektra


Quiet similiar for me.

My Master is very good at listening, the hard part for me is that sometimes he is not so great at talking but if I have something I wish to express I know I can always sit down with him for a little while and express my concerns.
Most of the time I may only get a quite 'ok...' but more often than not he will give that which I need.




_____________________________

~julia
owned slave and proud of it!

(in reply to ElektraUkM)
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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 4:21:12 AM   
MasterRobert1


Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline 		Don't play games. If you have needs not being met, then you need to communicate that fact. Be honest and factual. Ask him what you can do to help. But, most of all, try and communicate. It's the foundation of a BDSM relationship, communication.

(in reply to subversiveone)
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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 4:58:22 AM   
ChereeAmoor


Posts: 185
Joined: 8/1/2005
Status: offline 		Leaving a note to me does not seem like a game, it seems more like an alternate form of communication. We are pretty open here, but there have been times that the act of writing something down helps clarify the mind. Hints do not work well, because there can be so much difference between what One says and what the Other hears.

(in reply to subversiveone)
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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 7:40:56 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Either of us can bring up a need or a desire.

If it is a serious problem then we have signals that indicate we need to drop out of the scene space and into a more egalitarian space to speak -- the signal is my name or his birthname.

We also sit at the dining room table to have these serious discussions.

Less serious needs or desires (like I want to try these sexual activity or I'd like t be wrapped up/tied up) can just be mentioned casually.

Honestly those it is still hard for Fox to ask for things (some idea that slaves shouldn't -- which I never, ever taught him) but I find that if I ask if he's interested in anything or if he's been itchy to do something that he'll speak up (I did train him that any question I ask must be answered honestly).

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to subversiveone)
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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 8:05:19 AM   
perfection20005


Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline 		I find that talking is hard for me to do, but I'm finding it easier the longer I'm with Master. Game playing isn't the way to do it, and don't try to talk about your sexual needs during a scene. Talking and communicating your needs and wants need to be done when both people are relaxed and no distractions. Hope this helps, and this is just my opinions. Good luck.

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perfection

"I took one look at Him, and I knew He was my Master."

(in reply to subversiveone)
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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 8:10:35 AM   
hawk58


Posts: 51
Joined: 9/23/2005
Status: offline 		Whether it be a need or a want, Sir prefers the direct aproach, when it comes to communicating, so long as its done in a respectful manner.

Ex:
Master, i need to pick up XYZ at the market so as to have dinner on the table.
Master, when you have a chance, i would like to pick up my prescriptions.
Master, do you think we could go to bed early tonight for some r & r (romping and recreation)

Dominats are not mind readers, so they dont always know what we want or need. Master Hawk doesnt like to play guessing games, so prefers those wants and needs to be vocalized, respectfully.

-dove

(in reply to subversiveone)
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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 8:48:30 AM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

How do Y/you communicate that needs are not getting met in the relationship?
Do you play games like leaving notes or dropping hints? Do you (for sexual needs) try to make yourself more desirable? How aggressive do you pursue it? Do you have some elaborate meeting or do you find it easier to just chat over coffee? over the knee/bench? ;)


I tell Him I need to talk and ask if now is a good time. Then I tell Him exactly what's on my mind. I've always been very direct in expressing my thoughts and needs, and if I had to drop Him a hint, He'd NEVER figure out there was anything wrong, because the man simply does not "get" hints.

Nope... simple, direct communication works best for us.

Denise
the Kaptin's wench

(in reply to subversiveone)
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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 8:52:08 AM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		Trust me i tried, oh i got my most sexy jelwlery on and snuggeld next to my Master in bed, his reply: Do you want to play that horror game you like on playstation? Men can be werry, werry slow at getting the signs one so subtle or less suble lay out somtimes.

(in reply to Evanesce)
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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 8:59:28 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Master and I were platonic friends for years before we ever dated. That friendship is reflected in our relationship, so sitting down and talking is quite easy.

Sometimes getting the point across is sometimes but that's just the whole male/female communication style raising it's ugly little head.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 9:37:48 AM   
Hallittlelolita


Posts: 253
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline 		If my needs were not being met i would tell my Master and he would fix the problem. I have been with my Master for 4 years and He knows if somthing is bothering me or if somthing is wrong. So communication with my Master is easy, if somthing is bugging me He knows. He knows me more than i know myself so that is no problem which is good

Sincerely andie and her Master Hal

(in reply to subversiveone)
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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 10:36:41 AM   
firefighteremt


Posts: 24
Joined: 7/5/2005
From: Buffalo NY (AREA)
Status: offline 		This like so many other things is a see what works for you type of thing. Every relationship is different and the best way to work through something like this changes with each relationship. I wouldn't think that playing games would work though, but just experiment and see what gives you the best results

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It's your life...You live it

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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 10:58:56 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

How do Y/you communicate that needs are not getting met in the relationship?


without anything more specific, this slave thought about her "needs" and the things that Master provides for her.....
If something was wrong with the plumbing and this slave had no water to drink?
call the plumber.
If we ran out of food and the cupboards were bare?
go to the store.
If the house burned down without us in it?
get another one.
If this slave ran out of medicine?
go buy it.
the only other need this slave has is to serve, and Master gives her ample opportunity for that.

pretty much everything else can be considered a want and expendable.

quote:

Do you (for sexual needs) try to make yourself more desirable?

the only sexual need this slave has is to be used by Master for His pleasure, which is completely dependent on HIS desires.

(in reply to subversiveone)
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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 11:30:30 AM   
sub4mistressnsir


Posts: 89
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subversiveone

How do Y/you communicate that needs are not getting met in the relationship?
Do you play games like leaving notes or dropping hints? Do you (for sexual needs) try to make yourself more desirable? How aggressive do you pursue it? Do you have some elaborate meeting or do you find it easier to just chat over coffee? over the knee/bench? ;)


Straight up tell it like it is... 'Hun... I need my sexual needs met, I feel that they have not been lately' or some such statement. To my way of thinking it is best to be honest!!!

(in reply to subversiveone)
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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 11:41:36 AM   
merrymasochist


Posts: 156
Joined: 9/2/2004
Status: offline 		I've found having a t-box (trouble box) is a nice thing. Basically it's a safe zone where I can write down my troubles, needs, concerns, things I'd like to try, etc. and have them heard with an open mind without interrupting the basic dynamic of the relationship. It allows me to have a voice and my Dom can address and discuss them with me as he as sees fit.

Perhaps this would be a viable solution. Good luck!

Sincerely,

merry

(in reply to sub4mistressnsir)
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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 12:13:34 PM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		A trubble books, what a wonderful idea, perhaps more pepole should have them.

(in reply to merrymasochist)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 12:55:00 PM   
obis


Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline
quote:

Do you play games like leaving notes or dropping hints? Do you (for sexual needs) try to make yourself more desirable?


I don't think written communication is a game -- I tell my subs right up front that I expect them to tell me if they want/need something different, and if it is too embarassing or will ruin the moment for them to say it out loud, then send me an email when we're done. You can say a lot more when it doesn't seem personal or you don't have to look someone in the eye, as the proliferation of obnoxious behavior online can attest :)

One thing I can guarantee you is a BAD idea is trying to have your sexual needs met by making yourself "more desirable". The idea that someone is supposed to meet your needs simply by being turned on doesn't even make sense, unless your only problem is lack of frequency.

(in reply to subversiveone)
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RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 12:55:17 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I've found having a t-box (trouble box) is a nice thing. Basically it's a safe zone where I can write down my troubles, needs, concerns, things I'd like to try, etc. and have them heard with an open mind without interrupting the basic dynamic of the relationship. It allows me to have a voice and my Dom can address and discuss them with me as he as sees fit.


I agree with you it is a good idea. Any decent dom is going to listen to their submissive if they have any respect whatsoever for them anyway.
Of course I know decent is hard to come by anymore.

(in reply to merrymasochist)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Needs - 10/6/2005 1:58:37 PM   
JustaTop


Posts: 511
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline 		Breathing is a need.

Those fancy shoes are a WANT.

So sort out the difference-first.

Then summon up the courage to ask about things if an actual NEED is not being met-but try not to make a big drama out of the WANTS.

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 20
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