RE: Do many subs contact Doms?

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flowered -> RE: Do many subs contact Doms? (4/5/2008 11:59:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GothishNomad As a sub all i can say is that we (read as i) can be a little self-doubting sometimes. Am i coming off as pushy or aggressive?? Will S/He read that as me being too assertive?? It sounds a little silly - but here i go anyway - often i will view a Doms profile a few times before getting up the courage to actually send a message. Seriously it's less of a "hey they can see i'm looking at their profile." and much more of a "ok, they sound interesting...now how the heck do i appproach them?" Dom/mes need to appreciate that sometimes You guys are hard to appraoch. I can agree with that. I look at profiles, and may look closer, then go on to something else- many times the people I look at then email me. I understand the not wanting to put much effort in a email- but if someone sends an email saying"hi" and their profile is blank but for a picture... : / Whereas a short reply with a well done profile normally gets a response. I have so far only emailed 2-3 doms, one was one i was subscribing to the journal because it made me laugh long and hard and i wanted more if it came, and the others were ones who had said nothing to me, but I was interested in due to a profile that struck a cord in me... and maybe a pic with lovely big arms and hands. ^^

expedio1 -> RE: Do many subs contact Doms? (4/6/2008 12:20:32 AM)
I don't get a whole lot of contacts, really. I think it's probably because of the restrictions that I mention in my profile (must be local to Me, absolutely no smoking, etc), and that's ok with Me. I'd rather let people know what I expect up front than to have to turn a bunch of people away because I wasn't clear enough. But the really good thing is that since I don't get many, I have the luxury of responding to all of them. If they only say "Hello", I say "Hello. How are you?" If they say things like "hey how r u. I m in TX. will u spank me?", I thank them for the note then politely correct them and ask them not to write to Me like that. If they send Me a form letter, I ask them to read My profile and try again, and to make it More personal next time. (If anyone from either of those groups repeats his poor behavior I simply ignore him from that point on. Those are the only ones who don't get answers.) And if they send Me something that shows an obvious effort to get to know Me, they get a nice reply. Everyone gets at least something at least once. I've been known to make the initial contact too. I enjoy seeking subs out just as much as I enjoy being sought out, and I've had some success with both methods. I realize My way isn't for everyone, and that's totally cool, but I like it. I wouldn't want to do things any other way.

Maya2001 -> RE: Do many subs contact Doms? (4/6/2008 4:41:08 AM)
Okay some realities ...your age ...your young...you state you love whips canes crops and I also know from posts that you are new.. a whip can take a few years to become proficient with so as not to do damage eg tearing open the skin , as a sub I am not will to become an experiment toy for someone wanting to learn to use impact toys . Also being a novice sub I want someone with experience who knows what they are doing as a result most young subs will be looking for Doms several years older than themselves, so you ages is going to work against you, I have no idea what age range you are contacting but I think most women want someone near their own age and older, I know I am not going to be interested in some Dom younger or around the same age than my own child. quote: I'm working on a comic book about monster experiments and ninja girls you do not say a lot about yourself in your profile, so this becomes the focal point which to many will assume low maturity level and living in a fantasy world, not enough there to sugest you may be self supporting and have maturity level beyond your years which is important if you are to be control or in a position of authority over someone else. Using your journal to rant about subs probably is not going to score you any points either as again is shows a level of immaturity better to just hold that thought and use as a screening tool rather that complain publicly about. As others stated most subs especially younger females are going to be recieving a lot of contacts from males so really not necessary for them to be out hunting as a result,, even at my age I don't have to go hunting and can be keep busy enough sorting and filter emails recieve when I state I am searching . If a person reads your reply and you get no response than in fact they have sent a clear message....meaning ...not interested....... those messages that you send that are not read have likely ended up in the subs bulk folder due to having email filters turned on meaning you do not fit the parameters of the Dom they are searching for, therefore you email does not end up in their inbox so they never even see it

FangsNfeet -> RE: Do many subs contact Doms? (4/6/2008 6:27:41 AM)
Rather than subs or doms who do the contacting, it's normally a gender role where it's the male who makes the first move. It's not every case but is the general way these things go.

Slaveless1 -> RE: Do many subs contact Doms? (4/6/2008 6:33:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Would you be hunting if you had ten women a day wanting into YOUR pants? [:@][:@] This lifestyle is not all about sex. Sex is a part of it. It is up to the sub to weed through the bullshi*, just as we Masters have to weed through all the fakes here. It is not a pleasant task but since this site has not seen fit to verify, it will continue. I for one am not looking for just sex, I can get that at the local pub any night.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Do many subs contact Doms? (4/6/2008 9:14:01 AM)
it depends on my mood and if the dominants in question interest me however i do enjoy a good chase

Sundowner -> RE: Do many subs contact Doms? (4/6/2008 10:10:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: johntom571 i've heard it said that there are actually fewer real Dom than subs, but demographics are skewed on a site like this, because of the number of HNG's pretending to be Dom's and cluttering up the sub's mailboxes. yes most of them don't have time to reply to all messages, and genuinely think they can afford to be picky. the majority miss the messages from genuine Doms on account of an overactive Delete button finger, which causes frustration on both sides: subs end up believing there ARE no real Doms, and Doms end up believing all subs are rude whiny spoiled brats who put up profile for no good reason. any one else wants to chyme in? JT [sm=applause.gif] No chyming in, but can I hug you? (In a very gruff manly sort of way of course).

Sundowner -> RE: Do many subs contact Doms? (4/6/2008 10:11:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KaineD What's HNG stand for by the way? Horny Net Geek

81song -> RE: Do many subs contact Doms? (4/6/2008 11:26:06 AM)
Remember, its all how one comes across Dom, Sub, switch, we are all people. Once you have that then the rest comes along. But yea its a guy thing. I would go slow and get to know someone, one step at a time.

CaringandReal -> RE: Do many subs contact Doms? (4/6/2008 11:31:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GothishNomad As a sub all i can say is that we (read as i) can be a little self-doubting sometimes. Am i coming off as pushy or aggressive?? Will S/He read that as me being too assertive?? It sounds a little silly - but here i go anyway - often i will view a Doms profile a few times before getting up the courage to actually send a message. Seriously it's less of a "hey they can see i'm looking at their profile." and much more of a "ok, they sound interesting...now how the heck do i appproach them?" Dom/mes need to appreciate that sometimes You guys are hard to appraoch. Your message hit a chord in me. Thanks for posting it. I feel similar insecurities. These feelings make it very hard to make the first approach. Yet, I have to do it as what I get in my inbox (while not much) is so completely inappropriate. I will view a dom's profile probably 20 times (or more, even) before I get up the courage to send a message. Sometimes not even then, if the man awes me too much or if I'm in an unusually strong self-denigarting mood. I have mixed results from making first contact. Sometimes I don't get replies. Sometimes I get negative mean-spirited replies. A few times it's been extremely nice and positive. But overall, what I get back from my contacting men who interest me, even with rejections, is several orders of magnitude better than what I get if I sit back and just wait for others to contact me first. I strongly recommend other women try this. Even if you're getting 50+ letters, a day, if they're all crap emails, then you stand a lot to gain from contacting someone first who genuinely interests you. And all you lose, in my experience, is a little unnecessary ego. ;) The stuff I get in response to my ad to date, sadly, whether I post a photo or not (I've experimented with this), is uniformly inappropriate, from people who are nothing at all like I am looking for. I take full blame for most of this: it's very hard to describe in words what one is looking for, even you know EXACTLY what it sounds-smells-feels-tastes-looks like. Although I may not be able to communicate this accurately, I think I'm lucky in one respect: I do know what I need and I know from personal experience that it is out there. A great many "dom" men try to get submissives to accept them by claiming that what they want in their ads is a fantasy that doesn't exist. That line doesn't work particularly well on somebody who lived for many years with the very thing they claim so adamantly to be non-existent. In the past, when I relied only on just incoming emails for contacts, I found myself getting increasingly bitter and sensitive and changing my ad in stupid ways (like listing all the sorts of people I don't want to hear from--something that does absolutely no good, as those types still blithely write you while at the same time all the new negative words in your profile discourage potentially decent people from writing). Switching to a more active mode, even though I engage in that mode very cautiously and only occasionally, has done wonders for my mood on here, which in the past has been black with discouragement.

DMFParadox -> RE: Do many subs contact Doms? (4/6/2008 12:05:07 PM)
Op, you should be trolling Otakubooty, not here. You'll get exactly what you're looking for. Seriously, most of the kawaii chicks are more submissive than subs are,and they are ALL about the l33t ninjas. Just look out for giant hammers (you know what I mean). That said, mad props to the CollarMe girls here that flipped the switch and contact the men first. The girls who contacted me are the ones who ended up actually meeting me. I'll lay cover that it's true with many here. Women, pay attention: there's too much noise to signal on your inbound ports, you can only really find a good connection through active scanning; passive scanning is too prone to DoS attacks. D

Evility -> RE: Do many subs contact Doms? (4/6/2008 1:35:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KaineD Why do subs not message Doms first more often? They see their peers posting hundreds of so called "dom" threads and they do not want to be the subject of some dominant's so called "sub" thread.

DesFIP -> RE: Do many subs contact Doms? (4/6/2008 3:20:28 PM)
Ever go to a bar? Are the women there sending drinks to the guys or the other way around? Same thing applies here. Plus one hallmark of dominance is confidence. If you're too afraid of rejecting to take a chance, then you aren't appearing very dominant.

littleone35 -> RE: Do many subs contact Doms? (4/6/2008 3:36:24 PM)
Before i met my Master i did not message Doms, because i am one of those people that will answer all mail unless it is offensive. I was so busy replying to mail i had no time to message anyone. I think i might have if i had time, but my wonderful Master found me :). Matt's littleone

KaineD -> RE: Do many subs contact Doms? (4/6/2008 4:57:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Maya2001 Okay some realities ...your age ...your young...you state you love whips canes crops and I also know from posts that you are new.. a whip can take a few years to become proficient with so as not to do damage eg tearing open the skin , as a sub I am not will to become an experiment toy for someone wanting to learn to use impact toys . Why would someone assume I want an experimental whipping post? Point taken though. I think you're correct in that if you're going to list whipping as something you love you should be experienced in it, whereas I simply meant I like the idea of it. I've ammended my interests appropriately. quote: Also being a novice sub I want someone with experience who knows what they are doing as a result most young subs will be looking for Doms several years older than themselves, so you ages is going to work against you, I have no idea what age range you are contacting but I think most women want someone near their own age and older, I know I am not going to be interested in some Dom younger or around the same age than my own child. I always message subs younger than myself. Partly because I prefer younger women, and partly because I recognise that subs are generally looking for someone older. The age range I message is between 18 and 23. I can't unfortunately do anything about my age except sit around and wait to get older. So if I'm messaging an 18 year old and she's thinking "oh, he's FAR too young to Dom me", then that's kinda their problem and not mine. I can't do anything about that at all. quote: I'm working on a comic book about monster experiments and ninja girls quote: you do not say a lot about yourself in your profile, so this becomes the focal point which to many will assume low maturity level and living in a fantasy world, not enough there to sugest you may be self supporting and have maturity level beyond your years which is important if you are to be control or in a position of authority over someone else. I was trying to present myself as someone fun. I don't think a Dom should be serious like some school teacher all the time. quote: Using your journal to rant about subs probably is not going to score you any points either as again is shows a level of immaturity better to just hold that thought and use as a screening tool rather that complain publicly about. I had only added that journal entry very recently and have since deleted it because I don't want to present a negative attitude. But part of me figures, 9 out of 10 sub profiles list the type of people they DON'T want messaging them, why can't I talk about the kind of profiles that won't get my attention? quote: As others stated most subs especially younger females are going to be recieving a lot of contacts from males so really not necessary for them to be out hunting as a result,, even at my age I don't have to go hunting and can be keep busy enough sorting and filter emails recieve when I state I am searching . CaringandReal states that she had more positive experiences when she messaged Doms as opposed to wading through her inbox. But obviously it's different for everyone, the same thing isn't always going to work. quote: If a person reads your reply and you get no response than in fact they have sent a clear message....meaning ...not interested....... those messages that you send that are not read have likely ended up in the subs bulk folder due to having email filters turned on meaning you do not fit the parameters of the Dom they are searching for, therefore you email does not end up in their inbox so they never even see it That's fair enough, I can understand a sub reading a message and not being interested. She isn't obligated to reply at all. I think your post is a little negative. You talk about maturity and such. Search the UK, female subs, 18 to 23. How would you rank the maturity level of about 1/3 of the profiles? And then after that how many even vaguely interesting profiles are there? There isn't a huge amount. I mean, if subs can be bitter, I can be bitter too. Can't I? shrugs If you look around the message boards (in fact there's another topic here with a guy with similar frustrations) you can see I'm not the only one frustrated with lack of replies to well thought out messages. So just because girls won't respond, it has me thinking "why aren't they responding?" Is it because I'm too young? Is it because sometimes my grammar and spelling isn't awalys 100% perfect? Should I therefore put on my profile "I've got dyspraxia and dyslexia so my grammar and spelling isn't always gonna be perfect". Am I overthinking my messages or not putting enough thought in? Or, and I believe this is the most likely, no matter what I have on my profile or what I have in my messages, I'm still going to get round about the same amount of replies. 'Cause a lot of subs have different standards which they don't list on their profiles. It's like, sorta walking on eggshells or something. "If I say this, am I being too personal? Is she gonna huff and thnk how dare he ask that? Is she gonna huff 'cause I'm not trying to Dom her straight away? Does she think I'm ugly?" It's enough to drive ya mad. And what's more frustrating, is a likely reply to that kind of post from a Dom results in the Dom being told he's too negative, or he's not confident enough. I'm a human being. I don't fit into a box of what a Dom should or shouldn't be.

junecleaver -> RE: Do many subs contact Doms? (4/6/2008 5:37:55 PM)
Women are encouraged to be persued and men are encouraged to persue. I think it has more to do with social programming than anything.

trueshadow -> RE: Do many subs contact Doms? (4/6/2008 5:58:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: greyarcher315 All i can say is, as a male seeking a Domme, i do send out emails, but don't get back many replys. It can be really frustrating to put all that effort into writing an intelligent intro, and have it never read. But i do contact the Dommes, i see no point in waiting to be found. Exactly. It is thus, pretty much always. The men are the pursuers, the women, the pursued.

Poetryinpain -> RE: Do many subs contact Doms? (4/6/2008 6:20:36 PM)
~fr~ I don't get much mail - probably because I don't fit the 'standard' definition of sub. I'm a little too independent. And I don't message doms because I've been shot down by doms calling me fake and untrue. I know it's just their opinion, and I am what I am. But a person can only take so much rejection. I'm getting the same lack of response from the resumes I have sent out since I began job-searching. Getting rejected on two fronts just isn't on for me. I have perused profiles, and I get bogged down with so many that assume any woman is going to kneel at their feet at first blush, the ones that detail how they are going to humiliate and (dare I say it) abuse their 'property,' or wanting two or three (or up to five or more) slaves in their household. That's discounting the married ones, the ones who are not looking for anything but casual play, and on and on and on. In fact, I haven't found a Dom I want to contact as a result of reading his profile. And those Doms who post all those wonderful things in the forums? Well, darn it, they're already taken. Some other sub saw their sterling qualities before I got here. pip, brushing cobwebs out of my inbox

KaineD -> RE: Do many subs contact Doms? (4/7/2008 3:24:10 AM)
I feel your pain! Hah, I think both sides are feeling the frustration. It's annoying to think how many Doms are trying to demand something right off the bat. I think it's just common sense that you should be a gentleman first, get to know the person. I think there are Doms on this site that only want online play or casual sex. And the good single Doms that are here are frustrated because the single subs are probably too busy dealing with the bad Doms!

RavenMuse -> RE: Do many subs contact Doms? (4/7/2008 3:46:02 AM)
Many reasons. Firstly a society where Males are expected to make the first move and that views a foman who does so in a negative light... most of us where raised with that as the percieved norm, some have gotten over that, others it still effects. Secondly, in totaly generic terms who is percieved to be more forward, more direct, more confident and more adept at taking the lead in any situation... the arcetypal Dom or the arcetypal sub? Thirdly, as blushes said... many of the girls (I've Owned a couple on here and seen the content of those mailboxes, from both before and during Ownership) are simply swampped with mail. Those three asside, saying they never contact would be a misnomer. I have had many aproaches on this site. Nothing like the numbers the girls recieve but they DO send out intros occassionaly.

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